Chapter Twenty #2
He’s got the resolve in his eyes that I love, the kind I want to drown in.
But it feels like everything is falling apart, and I’m standing in the middle of the debris with blood on my hands.
All those disruptions, and all those lives lost, no matter what Mason says, are at least partly my fault. While I don’t regret staying with Mason, I know he’s right about one thing.
Keeping it physical would’ve made it a hell of a lot simpler for both of us.
Mason wouldn’t have enemies beating down his door, and I wouldn’t be cooped up and afraid for the lives of the people I love.
We’ve let it go too far, but I don’t know if realizing that now makes any difference.
I can’t turn back time.
Despite my earlier protests, I know Mason is right about what they’ll do if they get their hands on me.
Serving myself up to them isn’t the answer if Mason has any hope of winning this.
That’s assuming they don’t gut you on the spot. That’ll be a lot more merciful than what they could do. People like the ones who kidnapped you won’t have any qualms about carving you up like a turkey and bleeding you dry for information and secrets.
There’s no room for error here, and I know it.
My sacrifice would only make things worse, but I keep circling back to it as if the answer will magically present itself.
As if I think about it hard enough, I’ll be able to bring this war to a screeching halt.
There’s nothing you can do, London. You’re just a girl who was helping her father and fell in love with his jailer in the process. You’re not the first woman to lose her heart like this, but you need to tread lightly.
“I don’t have any regrets,” Mason says slowly. “Fuck all of them. Fuck everything. I wouldn’t do any of it differently.”
My heart swells to twice its size. “Not a single thing?”
“I wouldn’t have wasted so much time fighting it, but that’s about it.”
A half-smile lifts the corners of my mouth. “I know what you mean.”
I’m cold all over, and Mason’s expression turns serious. “It’s better if I get to Noah first. My father suspects he might be involved.”
Terror floods my veins. “You told him?”
When it comes to the good of the empire, I know Mason has to put those interests first, but it still stings to know he didn’t come to me.
“It wouldn’t have mattered if I had. My father likes to stay in the loop. He had you checked out, but he did a more thorough background check. Learning about Noah’s father probably tipped him off.”
I furrow my brows. “What does his father have to do with anything?”
Mason straightens his back. “Nothing or everything. We’ll see.”
“Send someone else to take care of it,” I respond. I reach for him, but Mason steps out of my reach, and his expression turns stony. “It would be better. Noah is more likely to fess up if it’s someone he doesn’t know.”
Mason’s eyes sweep over my face, tight and calculating. “You don’t trust me to be objective?”
“Honestly? No.”
Mason nods and turns away. “I see.”
I place a hand on his arm and wait for him to look at me. “It’s an impossible thing to expect given the circumstances. I wouldn’t be objective if it were one of your exes.”
He pries my fingers away and strides out of the room.
I stare at the space he occupied for a long time, the tightness in my chest only growing worse.
Then I take the stairs two at a time until I’m standing in the doorway to his room.
I wrench open the nightstand drawer, my fingers trembling as I take out the phone.
My mom’s number rings a few times, and I leave her a message.
I leave my father a similar message and ignore the bile rising in my throat.
Panic creeps in as I frown at Noah’s number. A few moments pass when I wrestle with the idea before I dial. Noah’s voice is thick with sleep when he answers. I clutch the phone tightly, but the words won’t come.
I can’t warn Noah without losing Mason’s trust.
You’re not just going to leave him unprepared, are you? No matter what’s happened between you, you still care about him.
I will not let his life be derailed any further than it already has.
Not on my account.
But I can’t bring myself to say anything, with Mason’s face in my mind and his words reverberating inside my head.
After a long pause, I press my lips together and listen to Noah’s confused murmurs.
When he hangs up, I lower my head and blow out a breath.
Why couldn’t I have told him the truth?
You’re trying to build trust with Mason, and no matter how well-intentioned this is, he’ll view it as a betrayal, and you won’t be able to blame him.
Offering Noah the chance to cover his tracks won’t help anyone.
I have to trust that he’s not involved.
I throw the burner back into the drawer.
I pace the room a few times as an idea takes root in my head.
After shoving my feet into a pair of sneakers, I grab my jacket off the hooks on the back of the door and find Katia outside.
We exchange a glance as I push the door open the rest of the way and clear my throat.
Then, I make my way down to the library.
Using the pale light of the moon, I pretend to peruse the books.
My heart is in my throat, and there’s a niggling sensation in the back of my skull.
I see Katia turn away and move behind the nearest bookcase.
I flatten myself against the wall and hold my breath.
A few seconds later, I inch closer to the back, in the direction of the secret door I stumbled across a few weeks ago.
I try to keep my breathing as quiet as possible as I creep around the library.
As I reach the farthest corner, I pause and glance over my shoulders.
Then, I crouch and pat around for the lever I saw Mathew pull, hidden behind an old portrait.
The kernel of hope inside my chest blossoms as my fingers close around it.
It soars when the portrait slides to reveal a hidden door.
“Did you honestly think that would work?”
I sigh and refuse to look behind me. “I made it this far.”
“Your adventure is over, Blondie. Let’s go.”
I whip around and find Katia leaning against the bookcase.
“We can’t let him go like this.”
Katia frowns. “You don’t have a lot of faith in him, do you?”
I clench my hands into fists. “I have plenty of faith in him, but there are too many variables. Too many odds stacked against him.”
Katia throws her head back and laughs. “He’s going to interrogate your ex. I know you don’t think Nolan can take him.”
“It’s not about whether or not Noah can take him,” I snap. “It’s about the fact that he shouldn’t have to. This is my mess. I should be the one to clean it up.”
Katia looks directly at me and raises an eyebrow. “I don’t disagree.”
“I should be the one to question Noah,” I add. “I can get him to tell me the truth.”
“And how, exactly, do you plan to do that?”
I blink. “I’m going to talk to him. I’ll reason with him and—”
Katia cuts me off with another laugh. “So, you planned to sneak off and—in the unlikely event you don’t get caught in the crosshairs—just have a little chat? Spill your hearts over tea and candy?”
Color creeps up my neck and onto my cheeks.
Katia makes it sound ridiculous.
She doesn’t know Noah the way I do. Nor does she know how many nights we stayed up pouring out our hearts to each other, or how many parts of myself I’ve shared with him.
Noah knew me better than I knew myself, and I refuse to believe he would throw it all away so easily.
Katia’s expression turns cold. “And what were you going to do if Mason saw you, huh? Were you going to braid his hair, too?”
I glower at her. “I hadn’t gotten to that part of the plan yet.”
Katia shakes her head. “I have no fucking clue how you haven’t gotten killed yet. I thought you had a good head on your shoulders.”
“I do,” I protest hotly. “Just because I don’t operate the way you do doesn’t mean I’m any less smart.”
“You’re going to get yourself killed,” Katia tells me flatly. “Or worse. You’ll get other people killed.”
“Come and keep an eye on me then,” I say. “We both know you’d rather be going with Mason anyway.”
Katia tilts her head to look at me. “I’m beginning to think you have a death wish.”
I keep my eyes on her face. “What’s your point?”
Katia sighs. “My skills are wasted on you; you’re right about that. He could be walking into a trap.”
My heart jumps into my throat. “So, you’ll come with me?”
“Let’s get a few things straight, Blondie. I’m not doing this for you; I’m doing this for him, and you will do as you’re fucking told, or I’ll take care of you myself. I hate liabilities. Is that understood?”
I nod. “Yes.”
This isn’t the girl who was forced into this life, and it’s not the one who fell in love with Mason when she knew better.
None of those versions of her exist as she studies me.
The woman in front of me is all business and pure lethal precision, the gears in her mind turning as she considers her options.
Without Katia, I’m not going anywhere.
She darts out her hand and snatches my wrist. “I could just leave you here.”
I ignore the thudding in my chest. “You could.”
Katia’s eyes narrow into slits. “It would be easier.”
I force myself to hold still. “Until you get to Mason. What happens after that?”
Katia inches close enough that I can feel her breath on my face. “Are you threatening me?”
Bile rises in my throat. “Just stating facts. We both know Mason won’t be happy if you go after him and leave me.”
Katia draws her lips back into a snarl. “I don’t like threats, Blondie.”
“I know.”
Katia releases my hand, and I let it fall to my side. “Seems like we’ve rubbed off on you after all.”
I shrug.
A muscle ticks in Katia’s jaw as she turns away from me. A heartbeat later, she whips a phone out of her jacket and presses it to her ear. A low pounding starts in my ears as I inch away from her and rub my wrist. She speaks in a guttural language I can’t place. I study her face and wait.
Have I overplayed my hand?
The next few minutes are agonizingly slow.