Chapter 9 #3
“We do,” he says. “And what qualities might I share with the shadows?” His voice is smooth, calm in a way that’s almost addictive, and I curse myself for liking the sound of it as much as I do.
“You hide things,” I say, but other than that, I’m really not sure. I don’t know him well enough to be sure of anything.
“People fear what they don’t understand,” he says, his tone even.
“And their prince commanding the shadows, connecting with darkness in such an intimate way…” He trails off, his lips tilting downward.
“That is not something they will understand. And they certainly won’t want to understand the reason for why it’s there to begin with. ”
He cocks his head slightly, his golden eyes darkening, his expression pulling into something I can’t quite read. Sadness? Pain?
My chest tightens, my defenses cracking under the weight of his words and the ache in his voice. What happened to him to make him feel this way?
“And what if I tell people?” I ask, although I don’t know why I did because I won’t. I’ll never tell a single soul, and I can’t say I understand exactly why that is, but I know it’s the truth, and with the way he’s looking at me, I know he knows it, too.
“If you feel that’s something you must do.
” He says the words so plainly, as if he truly means them, but how could he when it would alter the way his future subjects will view him?
When it’s something he himself has chosen to conceal?
“So you know the different types of Essentari that exist, but let’s go back to my original question.
Do you know where the power comes from?”
I shake my head.
“It comes from the Ether.”
The Ether. He means…
“The core? You’re saying it comes from the core of the planet?”
He nods. “Eons ago, the six elements of the universe crashed together, forming the Ether—the core of Eleclestial—and producing an entire world around it. But the energies of those six elements don’t only exist in the Ether, they seeped into the land, the air, the water, and for some,” he gives me that stare again, the one that makes me feel like he’s seeing into me, through me, and I can feel my face heat, “the living beings of Eleclestial, granting them the ability to wield the elements themselves.”
“Seeped into the land?” I repeat, having more than a little trouble following him. “Into me?”
He nods.
“Why me?” Surely, I can’t be the only one out there with a temper, with a fire that constantly lives within me, always burning, raging, and begging to be set free.
“You’d have to ask the Ether.” He raises a shoulder, and I scoff.
“You say that as if it’s alive.”
“Of course, it is. And so are the elements. They’re constantly in a state of flux. Even when we can’t see them, they’re there. But only the Essentari can control them and bend them to our will.”
I stare at him as if he’s lost his mind, and when he looks at the ceiling, I start to think that maybe he has.
“There’s magic in the universe, Serafina. How else would entire galaxies exist? How else would we exist? Magic is in everything, but most can’t tap into it.”
“But we can,” I state, staring down at my hands, unsure how it’s possible that the Ether chose me—allowed me—to tap into its fire. “You said not to use anger to control it. So then, what do I use?” I ask, a newfound sense of determination flowing through me.
He moves to stand behind me. “You need to form a connection with your element.”
“I thought I already had that.” I resist the urge to roll my eyes. He wouldn’t see it anyway so what would be the point?
“You need to form a stronger connection,” he emphasizes. “Think of it like an invisible tether. You can’t see it, but you should always be able to feel it, and over time, you can strengthen it.”
“How?”
“Close your eyes.” I do as he says. “Relax your arms.”
I allow them to fall limply by my sides.
I can hear him step closer. He’s standing just behind me now, and I can feel his breath on the back of my neck. There’s something soothing about his proximity—and although he can be infuriating, as I’m sure I am in return, he’s still willing to help me—and I find myself taking a small step back.
My arm brushes his, and his breath hitches, but he doesn’t move.
“Quiet your mind,” he says, his voice sounding more strained than before. “Concentrate on the element. Feel the fire that flows through your veins, the fire that’s always been inside you, ready and waiting. Feel the heat. Visualize it, and the ability to wield it will be there.”
Feel the fire. Feel the heat. Visualize it.
I see orange, then red. The two colors coming together, moving behind my eyelids.
Ebbing and flowing in a perfect dance. I can see it.
I can see the fire. And suddenly, I can feel it, too.
The heat in my veins, from my toes to my fingertips.
I focus on just my right hand. Pushing all of that warmth, all of that energy, to one location.
I open my eyes.
And my hand is on fire.
But just like before, I do not burn.
I want to smile, I want to laugh at this small victory, but the pain overwhelms me before I can. An all-consuming, raw, piercing kind of pain that makes my knees buckle and my temples throb. I bite my lip, trying to hold the flame, but holy fuck, it hurts.
“Breathe, Serafina, you can do this.” His voice is steady, in a way that makes my heart want to listen, but I can barely hear him, barely think straight, and I scream.
The fire disappears, and not long after, the pain starts to subside.
How did I do this the first time my abilities emerged? How did I not succumb to this pain sooner? I was able to hold the flame until Norin and his crew were fleeing down the alley. Long enough to make sure Char was safe, that Norin didn’t kill him.
Maybe that’s what I need.
Char.
My one constant, the one person who knows me like no other.
It hasn’t even been two days, and I already miss him so much.
Char knows my limits. He knows what I can and cannot do. And this? This is something I cannot do.
“Serafina, listen to me. Only me,” Ryjax says, his words battling so violently with the thoughts inside my head. “You can do this.”
The ache still lingers, a whisper of a promise of what it can do if I were to try again.
“I can’t,” I tell him, and he knows it, too. Hell, he’s seen it. He was there that night. He was there when Norin beat the shit out of me. He watched my fire go out. He knows. And still, he thinks I can? He thinks I could have continued to fight?
“Then, why are you doing it?”
What? I stare down at my fingers, and once again, they’re on fire.
I look at Ryjax over my shoulder, my eyes bouncing between his, and his mouth parts.
“I think that’s enough for today,” he says, clearing his throat and pulling his gaze from mine.
“I have some duties that need tending to.” He steps around me, heading for the door, but just before he reaches the knob, he angles his head in my direction.
“It gets easier, you know. The fact that you can already call upon the flames this soon after forming your connection…” His voice trails off.
“I meant what I said before. It’s not something many can do. ” And then he’s gone.
My eyes find my hand, trying hard to absorb his words, to let them sink in, and really feel them.
The fire is still there, along with the ache, but the anger is gone, and the flame still lingers because I’m the one in control.
My lips tug up.
I can do this. I can become strong enough to wield this magic. I can survive the third trial.
The ball of fire grows.
No one will ever call me weak again.