Chapter 18 #2
“It helps calm me,” he finally says. “Focus me. I would have come to you sooner when I returned this morning.” His admission causes my eyes to widen, but he’s still looking at the ground between us, so he doesn’t see it.
“But first, I…I needed to release some…tension. Some frustration. And for me, the best way to do that is through using my hands, wielding a sword. Not the elements. It’s almost like I need to prove to myself that I’d still be strong, still be dangerous, even if I wasn’t an Essentari. ”
I blink. From what I saw, he’s more than dangerous. He’s downright lethal.
I can understand him wanting that, needing that. And now…I want it, too.
“Could you teach me?” I ask, my pulse skyrocketing because I want to hear him say yes so badly. “How to use a sword?”
He looks at me then. It’s a look I could drown in. A look that tells me he likes that I asked.
“I can.”
I swallow, nodding at him, trying not to appear overly eager, overly pleased, although inside, my heart is humming at the mere thought alone.
“And the decorations?” I ask before I forget. “I saw them being put up. What are they for?”
His face scrunches, and I know that whatever it is, I won’t like his answer.
“The ball,” he says, his hand finding its way to his hair. “There’s going to be a ball to commemorate the beginning of the third trials. The final trial for those living in Village 1 will occur the next day.”
And the final trial for my village, Village 28, will happen exactly four weeks after that. It’s how it’s always been. I knew that, but I’m once again sickened by the thought that those living in the Imperial City celebrate such a thing.
In Village 28, parents go hungry so their children can eat. Teenagers spill blood in the streets. And when the drought gets so bad and fresh water seems like it’ll never come again, no one leaves their homes, and everything is quiet.
Deathly quiet.
But it’s the trials that are the worst of it. The most dreaded and the feared. Life would be difficult enough without them looming over us.
And they celebrate our pain. Our suffering. Our despair.
Sickened isn’t a good enough word to describe what I feel.
Repulsed?
Horrified?
Or maybe I’ll settle on bloodthirsty. They wouldn’t survive even a taste of what we’re forced to endure.
“Would you like to come?”
His question takes me by surprise. Complete surprise. Especially after how furious he had just been because I’d left this room.
“But I thought—”
“It’s a masquerade ball. Most will have trouble recognizing their closest friends, especially with the amount of drink that is typically poured. With a proper mask, you should be able to attend without raising any alarms.”
“Yes,” I blurt out but not because I want to.
I don’t want to actually take part in the celebration. Far from it. I’d simply like to witness the Elite up close, something I haven’t been able to do since my arrival.
I want to see how they celebrate with food, drinks, and dancing, while so many suffer. I want to watch as they smile and laugh, if only to fuel my hatred for them even more.
But maybe it would also be nice to take part in a dance or two. I’ve never been to a celebration before. And me wanting to go certainly has nothing to do with him.
“Keep telling yourself that.” There’s that voice again. The feminine tone that seems to curl around my mind.
“Good.” Ryjax smiles, the real one, and I smile back. “Is there…anything else you want to ask?” He tilts his head down, his eyes cutting straight into mine.
“I think…I think that’s enough for now,” I say because he’s already told me more than I thought he would, and my heart swells with that knowledge.
“I should be going. I have some things I’ve been putting off, but I won’t disappear again.”
I nod, knowing he means it, and I wait until he’s gone.
I wait a little longer.
And then I wait even more. I need him to be out of earshot before I say what I’m about to say. Because if he were to hear me, I’m sure he’d think I’ve gone crazy, at least, crazier than I already must seem to him.
“Who are you?” I shout into the abyss, beckoning the owner of that gentle voice to respond. But she doesn’t. “Nothing to say, now?” I throw out, and I’m fairly certain that I truly have lost my mind.
“Hello, Fire Wielder.”
And there it is. There she is. Followed by a soft, melodic chuckle.
She’s in my head.
“Who are you?” This time my words are a whisper. Not that it matters. I think she might be able to hear me no matter how loud I am because maybe, just maybe, I’m in her head, too.
“It’s about time you responded.” She chuckles again. “I’ve been trying to communicate with you for a while now.”
A while. A while. When did I first hear her?
“The night I was attacked.” Which means that night, without realizing it, I must have opened the mental pathway, like Jax had done with Ajja. “You told me to fight.”
“I did.”
“Who…who are you?”
“Same as you. I am one who can command the flames.”
I assumed as much.
“I meant, what’s your name? What do I call you?”
“Nyxa. My name is Nyxa, and you are Serafina.”
She knows my name. What else does she know about me? Ryjax had said he keeps up a shield to prevent communication between other Luminaries and Umbrax. He said if he didn’t, they’d be able to take more than what he was willing to give.
“Do not worry. I have not pried.” I can feel her laughter vibrating inside me. It’s an odd feeling. “Too much.”
Define too much? I only think the words, testing whether or not she can hear me inside my own head.
“Enough to know who you are. Where you come from. And where you are now.”
“Oh, is that all?” I tap my foot on the ground, feeling more than aggravated by this invasion of privacy, an invasion I didn’t even realize was happening.
“And that, maybe, you’re not all too honest with yourself about your feelings where the prince is concerned.”
“It’s rude to spy.” I cross my arms, my teeth grinding at the knowledge that Theo had just said the very same thing to me.
“Says the girl who ogled the prince while hidden behind a vent.”
My fists clench, mainly because she has a point, but also because I was not ogling him.
“You have nothing to fear from me, Fire Wielder. I have simply been trying to communicate with you. I did not mean to see things you did not wish for me to see, and I can teach you how to shield your mind so that others cannot do the same. My only request is that you do not lock me out. At least, not entirely.”
“Why?”
“To be truthful, I’ve never actually communicated with a Pyroflame before, and I find myself quite curious about this connection we’ve formed.”
“Really?” I ask, a bit surprised. Essentari may be rare, but I still expect to meet others who are like me, or at the very least, communicate telepathically with them. “Where are you from?”
“It doesn’t matter where I’m from. It only matters where I am.” She hums, and it’s truly a beautiful sound.
“Okay,” I say, my voice growing more annoyed by the second. “Where are you?”
“On my way to you.”