Chapter 28
Jax
The sound of her screams as the door closes behind them has my shadows once again pouring from my fingers with every intention of murdering every man who laid a fucking finger on her. But I grind my teeth and keep them from sliding under the crack of the door and doing exactly that.
There will be time for that later.
Turning my attention back to my father, the man who has countless guards at his disposal to carry out his every order. He’s the one I need to deal with, and I know exactly what I need to say, what I need to do, to make sure Serafina lives.
Make him an offer he can’t refuse.
“Do not,” Ajja’s words creep into my mind. “It goes against everything we’ve been working toward.”
But it doesn’t matter what he says.
Nothing matters except her.
Not anymore, and I will gladly let this entire world crumble, disappear into oblivion, if it means she gets to live.
“There must be another way.” But even as he says it, I know there isn’t, and so does he.
“Speak, boy. For I know that look on your face all too well.” My father settles into his chair.
His fingers massage the muscles in his neck before gripping my mother’s hand.
I don’t miss the way she flinches at the contact.
Fucking bastard. “Didn’t matter how many times I tried beating it off you. So why don’t you just spit it out.”
He watches me with a grin that makes me want to drown him in shadows.
See how brave he feels when he enters the darkness I’ve been forced to live in constantly because of him.
“You will not kill her.”
“Is that so?” He clicks his tongue, angling his head in a way that lets me know he’s just a breath away from losing it entirely. “And why would I ever listen to this demand of yours?”
“Because,” I say, stepping toward him. “I’ll do what you have been asking of me for the last three years.
Allow the girl to live, and I will wed Helena.
I will unite our kingdom with Bragunda, and you will have access to their army, just as you’ve always wished.
Just allow me until my twenty-fourth birthday to make the announcement. ”
I glance at my mother, but as always, her mind is anywhere but here. I can tell by the way her eyes wander around the room, stopping on each soldier, every tapestry, but never on me. Her son, the one she abandoned the day her husband first raised a hand to me.
Looking back at my father, the king, his eyes have gone wide. So much desire for the offer I’ve presented.
For Serafina, I will do this.
For her, I would do anything.
Even the one thing I swore I’d never do, allow an alliance between Velegoria and Bragunda—the nation with savage rulers I would rather eradicate from this planet than become one with—to form.
It’s something my father has been after for a while now, and I don’t fully understand why. He says he wants control of their soldiers, and since their country is triple the size of ours, their army is much larger, but I know that’s not it. Not entirely.
There’s something else. Something he’ll gain that he refuses to reveal.
He’s planning something.
“And we’re close to figuring out what it is,” Ajja says.
Not close enough.
Besides, I don’t have a choice. There’s never a choice where she’s concerned.
“She truly doesn’t know? The little Pyroflame you’ve been keeping locked away?” my father asks.
“She doesn’t know,” I say, and it’s the truth, although hours ago, when my lips had been so close to hers, when I almost gave into my selfish desires and did what I’d been dreaming of for weeks, I almost told her. But that didn’t happen.
It can never happen.
None of it can.
“Very well, she can live, but if she were to learn the truth—”
“I know,” I snap, hating that I didn’t only inherit his royal blood but also his vicious temper.
I head for the door.
“Wait,” he says, and even without looking, I know he’s smiling. I can hear it in his voice. “One more thing.”
The wood beneath him creaks, and the sound of his footsteps fill the space. But he’s not walking in my direction. He’s heading for the chest at the back of the room, and my veins run cold as my entire body freezes.
There’s only one thing he keeps in that chest.
It’s as if I’m twelve years old all over again.
I heave in a deep breath, my chest rising slowly. Clenching my jaw, I turn to face him.
He’s holding the whip in his hands. The same one he’s slashed across my back countless times.
It’s been over a decade since I’ve felt its sting. He stopped the beatings when we learned I was an Essentari, and for the first time, it was him that feared me.
But even so, I still remember every lash, every relentless stroke against my skin.
The nightmares never fail to visit me when I sleep.
The last time—the only time—I wasn’t plagued by the memories was the night I fell asleep in Serafina’s room. With her hand in mine, the nightmares never came.
Holding my head high, I move to stand before him, knowing I have no choice, knowing if I don’t submit, Serafina will die.
He would kill her if only to torment me, to punish me, but if he’ll settle for this form of torture instead, I’ll gladly take it ten times over.
He points his chin, motioning for the spot where he wants me to kneel, and without saying a word, I do.
My teeth lock together as I watch my mother flee the room, not even bothering to glance back.
Theo stands in the doorway, taking a step toward me, but I shake my head at him. Interfering will do no good. His face falls, but he nods because he understands.
I brace myself for impact.
And then it comes, the crack of the whip followed by blinding heat, heat that travels down the length of my spine, burning in a way that lets me know the flesh has torn, ripped wide open, and the pain is all-consuming, but I hold back the scream, swallowing it down.
He doesn’t deserve the satisfaction.
It comes again, the sound slicing through the air, hitting flesh, then bone.
The room spins, my vision blurs, and for a moment, I think I might lose consciousness. But her face flashes in my mind. Her laugh, her fierceness, the way the darkness seems to disappear whenever she’s near.
I focus on her and nothing else.
“You’re pathetic,” my father sneers, his voice venomous.
The whip cracks again, but I hardly register the pain this time. The heat, the blood trickling down my back, the sound of his satisfied grunts—none of it matters as he continues his assault.
By the time he’s done, I don’t know how much time has passed. I don’t know how many lashings I endured.
Dropping to my hands, I suck in one shaky breath after another. He’s standing right in front of me now, and I know he’s waiting for me to look at him.
Sweat drips from my forehead, the pain in my back still raw and searing, but the wounds he inflicted should begin to heal soon, much to his dismay.
He smiles when my eyes meet his. “Now get the fuck out of my sight.”
Pushing myself from the ground with a barely audible groan, I do exactly that. Ignoring the pain the best I can, I storm out of the throne room.
Theo’s right behind me as I make my way to where they’re holding Serafina.
The dungeons.
“I’d ask if you’re okay, but I already know how you’ll respond, so let’s just skip the conversation about how you don’t want to talk about it and go straight to what you know is coming next.
” His words are harsh at my back, his footsteps heavy as he follows me down the narrow corridor, but I’m glad he knows me well enough to realize I have no desire to discuss what just happened back there. “Did you know?”
“Did I know what?” I grind out, the pain from the lashings making it nearly impossible to breathe let alone speak.
“Did you know who she was when you brought her here?”
My pace slows.
“Fuck, Ryjax, you fucking knew.” His voice is so raw that I’m forced to halt.
I turn. “I didn’t know, all right?” And it’s the truth. I didn’t know. Not at first. “It was a coincidence.”
“A coincidence?” He chokes on a laugh, his eyes narrowing. “Gods damn you, Jax. You should have told me when you found out. And you definitely should have told me before you left for Bragunda.”
“Why?” I snap, stepping toward him, seconds away from losing control, and I can’t lose control because I truly don’t know what will happen if I ever do. “So I could disappoint you both? Not sure if you noticed, but I came back empty handed.”
And hell, I wish I hadn’t. I wish I’d found her. For him, and for her.
But I spent days scouring that country. Moving at the speed of light to search every inch of it. But she was nowhere. I couldn’t find a single hint of her. I checked every mine, every field, and slave bunker.
It’s as if she just…disappeared.
“Like I wouldn’t notice something like that.” Tears form in his eyes, one dripping down his cheek, and I curse myself.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Theo has every right to be pissed. He fucking loves her, and I never fully understood what that meant. Not until…no. Fuck. Do not go there. I can’t go there.
“When did you realize it? Who she was?” I ask, because up until this moment, I didn’t know he’d made the connection.
“She said her name. When I escorted her to the ball. She said her fucking name, and my heart stopped. I thought I might die right there. Damn, Jax, a little warning would have been nice.”
I release a sigh, long and full of regret. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Theo. Really, I am.”
“I know you are.” He turns from me then, surely trying to hide his tears, not that it’d matter.
All of his emotions can be heard in his voice.
And besides, just as he knows me, I also know him.
He’s my cousin by blood but best friend by choice.
Always has been. “You can’t let anything happen to her,” he says.
“I’m going to get Telfi back, and I’m not going to be the one to explain to her that something happened to her little sister.
Do you hear me?” He faces me again, so much pain and rage in his expression.
“I hear you.” My jaw clenches, annoyed that he even thinks I’d let any harm befall her, especially after what he just witnessed in that throne room. As if I wouldn’t destroy this entire fucking palace if it meant saving her.
He doesn’t say anything, and neither do I.
But then my mind pins on the moment they dragged Serafina from the room, when my heart nearly gods-damned shattered into a million pieces.
“Did you see it?” I ask.
“Did I see what?” He breathes out slowly, as if he’s still processing everything. Or at the very least, trying to.
“The shadows,” I say, my words harsh because I need to know if he saw it, too. “When they took her away, did you see the shadows on the walls move?”
“Of course, I saw it.” He shakes his head. “Kind of hard to miss.”
My heart stops.
“Wait,” Theo says, cocking his head to the side. “Are you saying that wasn’t you?”
Fuck.
“I don’t know what I’m saying,” I spit because what I’m thinking…it’s not possible.
My nails dig into my palms, so deep, I’m surprised I haven’t drawn blood.
It wasn’t fucking me.
So then, who the hell was it?
“Are you going to tell her?” Theo asks, pulling at his hair. “Are you going to tell her the truth?”
“I can’t.” Even though she deserves it.
“They all do,” whispers Ajja.
But if she learns the truth, my father will kill her. He won’t hesitate.
“She’ll never forgive you. You know that, right? If she finds out…she’ll never forgive you.”
“I know.” I turn away from him, my fists tightening as rage seeps its way into every part of me.
But maybe that’d be good for her.
To hate me.
It’s better than her feeling anything else.
Not with who I am, what I’ve done.
I don’t deserve anything but her hate.
But even that I’d welcome because at least it would mean she feels something for me. And my heart couldn’t handle it if she felt nothing at all.