Chapter 26
Twenty-Six
ALLETTE
THEN
I’m not nervous.
I’m resolute. Steadfast. Unwavering.
Like the towers of Kumulus Castle or the spires of Polaris temple.
Oh, who am I kidding? I’m a bloody wreck. But as I catch a glimpse of myself in my mirror’s reflection, I decide there is no going back. I’ve had weeks to think this over.
Suitors keep calling to our tower despite my attempts to keep them at bay, and this life I’ve built for myself feels as if it’s slipping through my fingers. I’m losing control, and it’s only a matter of time before what little I still possess is stripped away as well.
Because my aunt has informed me that I have until Yule to find a husband. And since the man I yearn for is eternally unavailable, I have decided to do something reckless.
My fingers tremble as I cinch the belt on my silk robe a little tighter, waiting with eager anticipation for my prince to arrive.
My hair and makeup are as close to perfect as I can get them. The silver silk robe feels like liquid luxury against my skin. Candles flicker from my bedside tables, and incense fills the air with jasmine.
The stage is set. All I need is the final piece.
A shadow sweeps over my balcony. Senan lands silently, the silhouette of his mammoth black wings vanishing with his glamour. He parts the curtains with a smile on his face.
A smile that vanishes the moment he sees me waiting at the foot of my bed.
His widening eyes reflect the flickering flames on either side of me. He twists toward the balcony, then back again. “Is this a dream?” He gestures to where I stand, my heart slamming in my breast so hard, I wonder if he can hear it. “Because this feels like a dream.”
This does feel like a dream. A beautiful, wonderful, terrifying dream where I am confident and free to take what I want. Which is what I plan to do. “Shut the door and pull the curtains.”
He does so without hesitation, but when he turns back around, he makes no attempt to cross the room. The heat in his gaze as it trails along my silk-clad form down to where the hem grazes my knee ignites a fire within me that only he can stoke.
His right hand flexes into a fist, but in his left, I see an object glinting.
“What’s that in your hand?” I ask.
He inclines his head toward the candles. “Explain what’s happening here, and I’ll tell you.”
Now that he is standing within arm’s reach, all the things I had planned on saying seem so insufficient. Silly. Foolish even. What had I been thinking? I wrench my hands in front of me, wishing one of those candles would fall over and this whole tower would go up in flames. “You first. Please.”
He seems to understand my hesitation, and his expression softens. “When I left last week, I realized that I never gave you the present I promised.”
In light of losing his father and his brother’s ascension to the throne, I hardly expected him to remember some silly promise he made to me half in jest. Yet he did.
His boots make no sound as he crosses the room and catches my hand, placing the object in the center of my palm. A fluted white bloom suspended in glass.
“It’s a moonflower,” he says, as if I don’t already know exactly what it is. “You said they were your favorite, so I had one made that will stay open just for you, whether the moon shines or not.” The corners of his starlit eyes crinkle when he smiles. “Do you like it?”
A handsome prince just gave me the most thoughtful, beautiful gift I have ever received in my life. How could I not like it? “I love it.” Every time I look at this flower, I will be reminded of the moments I’ve had with him, however fleeting they may be.
His grin widens. “I believe it’s your turn now.”
Right. I suppose it is.
No turning back now.
I place the flower on my bedside table next to one of the flickering candles. My empty hands want to twist together, but I force them to my sides and meet Senan’s questioning gaze. “I want you to fuck me.”
The prince goes rigid, frozen like the beautiful flower he gave me. “I’m sorry?” His voice comes out all squeaky and strained. He coughs, clearing his throat. “What did you just say?”
It took all my courage to say it out loud once, and now he expects me to repeat it? “Never mind.” I whirl back to those damn candles and blow them out. Smoke twists and curls like the disappointment in my chest. First thing tomorrow, I’m moving to Stratiss and changing my name.
“Allette, stop.” Senan takes me by the shoulders, keeping me from blowing out the rest of those infernal flames. “Just… stop.” He drags his hands through his hair, leaving them there as if holding his head in place. “Shouldn’t you… Fuck… I don’t know… Don’t you want to wait for your husband?”
The frustration in his tone snaps me out of my spiral, replacing the flood of embarrassment with the heat of anger. “Why? Have you waited for your wife?”
A wince. “Well, no, but…”
“Exactly. You might not have chosen your betrothed, but you have chosen who to take to your bed. Don’t you think I deserve the same choice?” At one point, I had considered taking a lover, but the suitors who used to appeal to me no longer do. The worst part is, I knew this would happen the moment I met Senan. That all the other men in my life would pale in comparison. Now, it feels as if it doesn’t even matter which one I pick because none of them are him .
His hands slide down the back of his head, catching on his neck. “I’ve never slept with a virgin.”
“Good.”
“How is that good?” he scoffs.
“That means we can be each other’s firsts.” I catch the end of my belt and pull. The silk slides free, and a whisper of cool air dances across my bare skin through the gap in the lapels. When I shed the robe entirely, Senan lets out a choked curse.
Instead of averting his gaze like a gentlemen might, his eyes turn molten, drinking me in as if memorizing every inch of my naked form.
“Turn around,” he grits out.
I am powerless to do anything except his bidding, turning in a slow circle. When we’re facing one another once more, he is biting his knuckle, leaving tiny indentations on his index finger.
How is he able to hold back? Does he not like what he sees? Shouldn’t he be overcome with lust by now?
His hand drops, and he splays his fingers over his thighs. “I’m not going to fuck you, Allette.”
That isn’t what he’s supposed to say. Not at all.
“Why not?” My pride is too wounded for me to care if I sound like a petulant child. I will never be able to look him in the eye ever again. Might as well know what makes me so repulsive that he doesn’t even want to touch me.
His tanned throat bobs when he swallows. “Because I love you.”
Stars above…
Did he say he loves me?
“What are you doing? Why would you say that to me?” My words are barely a whisper because there is no longer air in my lungs. Clearly, I am more than willing to sleep with him without some false profession of love.
Senan’s brow furrows. “Because if I tell you afterward, you’ll think it’s only because we slept together.”
So we are going to sleep together? Didn’t he just refuse me? “You don’t love me.”
“Yes, I do.”
“ Why ?” I mean, I’ve loved him since the day he flew to my tower after his father passed. Senan Vale is impossible not to love. I dare any woman to spend any amount of time in his presence and not fall in love with him. But for him to love me, and to profess it so simply, as if we were discussing the color of the sky.
I am barely a lord’s daughter, and certainly nothing special. Why would he love me?
His hands slide down his toned thighs. “Because…”
I wait and wait, but that is where the explanation dies. “ Because? ” That’s the best he can come up with? One bloody word?
“There is a beguiling woman standing naked in front of me. Give me a moment to collect my thoughts.”
For the first time since I dropped my robe, a smile tugs at my lips. No one has ever called me beguiling before. Beautiful, sure. Pretty, of course. But beguiling?
I suppose I can wait for his explanation.
I sink onto the edge of the bed and fold my arms over my bare chest, feeling a little silly being the only one without my clothes on. How long is this going to take? If my nakedness is what is delaying him, perhaps I should put my clothes back on.
When I reach for my robe, Senan steps on the material, dragging it out of reach. “Did I say you could put that back on?”
The command in his tone sets me on fire, and I have to press my thighs together to stem the ache building in my core.
He squats down to collect the garment, rubbing the silk between his fingers. “For most of my life, I have been told how to behave, how to act, where to go, what to wear. I have fought against every edict, every rule, and yet they always manage to find some way to force me back into their cage.”
He drapes the robe on the back of the chair at my dressing table.
“The people in the castle play incessant games, always thinking three steps ahead, every move calculated, a pretty performance for their own personal gain. But you…” He erases the distance in three long strides, dropping to one knee in front of me. “You do not measure your tongue. You tell me exactly what you think without trying to spare my feelings. You do not go along with what I say simply because I am the one who says it.” His hands slide up my legs to my knees, but his eyes never leave mine. “You challenge me. You consume me. I dream of you far more often than I probably should considering the dumbfounded look you’re giving me right now. Dream of the life we could have if we were different people. If I weren’t a prince.”
This thing between us was never meant to be serious. My heart was never meant to be involved.
But a foolish heart wants what it cannot have.
And mine is the most foolish of them all.
I place my hands atop his where they rest on my knees and give Senan a confession of my own. “I love you too.”