Chapter 32
Thirty-Two
ALLETTE
He found me.
Not once did it cross my mind that Senan and I might run into each other tonight. Yes, I’d seen him stumble out of the infamous bar the night I returned from the human realm, but I’d hoped that wasn’t a regular occurrence. Now I’ve seen him, and he has seen me and… Stars. I don’t know how I had the strength to walk away. I make it to the other side of the square and down the next street before this invisible tether that binds me to my prince refuses to let me take another step.
What have I done?
You’ve protected yourself .
I already lost Senan. Grieved and mourned him. Moved on.
I almost laugh. “Moved on” is a bit of a stretch, but I have found a semblance of peace and learned how to live with a broken heart. If I’d thrown myself at him the way I longed to do, I would’ve been right back where I started four years ago.
Because loving Senan Vale doesn’t equate to keeping him. He is destined for Nimbiss, and there isn’t a damn thing either of us can do about it.
Still, his words in that alcove course through my mind.
“The king’s men came for me …”
My mate didn’t leave me by choice. He was stolen away.
“For a year, I waited in agony to get to you …”
I’d believed him dead from the very beginning, so I can’t imagine the anguish he must’ve felt holding on to hope for an entire year and then being faced with such a terrible truth.
Only, it wasn’t the truth.
I wasn’t dead.
“I found a body. A body with blue wings.”
Whose body had he stumbled upon?
The moment the question enters my mind, I know the answer. He’d found Wynn. And the wings hadn’t been hers. They’d been mine.
But who had burned them? The men who had attacked me were killed by Eason.
Eason .
“I was the first person through the following Samhain, but you weren’t there.”
I had been there, but no one came through.
Either Senan had just lied to my face or…
Eason had been lying to me for the last four years.
I don’t want to think the worst of the man I lived with for so long, but the more I let myself consider it, the harder it is to believe that Eason had gotten the wrong date by accident. If he lied once, who is to say he didn’t lie the other times too? Eason is the only other person who knew about Wynn and my wings. I’d passed out from trauma and loss of blood, and by the time I woke, we were inside a room at the inn. Eason told me that he’d buried Wynn.
Stars… Had he thrown her body and my wings into the fire instead?
Warm hands land on my shoulders, tearing me out of my spinning thoughts.
Braith watches me with a wary expression. “Are you all right?”
All I can do is shake my head.
If Eason lied about the date and Wynn’s body…he could’ve lied about Senan too. Did he know the king’s men had come for my prince? He had been a member of the royal guard, after all. And those men who’d attacked me—they knew exactly how to break my glamour. They knew about my wings. They knew everything…
It’s like the fog has lifted; the puzzle pieces have clicked into place.
I never questioned anything Eason told me. Why would I? He kept me safe and took care of me for years. He wasted the last of his magic healing me— Stars, is that even the truth?
Where do the lies end?
Braith says my name again, wide eyes searching mine. “What just happened, Wynn?”
Nothing. Everything .
“That is the second time the prince has cornered you. What did he want?”
It’s a case of mistaken identity.
He was drunk and didn’t realize what he was doing.
What is the point of hiding this truth? I’m tired of lies. So damn tired. Tears spill down my cheeks, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do to stop them. “I love him, Braith.”
Her quiet gasp echoes in the silence. “You’re in love with the prince?”
All I can do is nod.
“Heavens above, Wynn. How did this happen? You’ve only been at the castle for a few days.”
“Senan and I met before I worked at the castle.” Once the words find their way to my lips, I can’t keep the truth from breaking free. “We were desperately in love, but then fate stole him from me. Now he is to marry another, and it feels as if my heart has been ripped from my chest. I’ve tried to stop loving him, but I can’t.” Even after all this time, Senan Vale is more precious to me than the sun.
Someone calls Braith’s name.
I scrub at these infernal tears, wishing for a mask to hide my shameful feelings. It’s one thing to break down in front of someone I’ve come to trust and another thing entirely to let the others see how broken I really am.
Mari’s dark skirts sway and swish with each hurried step she takes. “Thank the stars I found you,” she gasps, her freckled cheeks flushed from exertion.
Braith catches the woman’s shoulders. “Why? What is wrong?”
“It’s Jeston,” Mari says. “Prince Senan ordered him sent to the pit.”
No… Not the pit.
“...he put his hands on you.”
Is this my fault?
Mari swipes her sleeve across her glistening brow. “Can you run back to the caverns and ask Jeston’s uncle to help? Del and I have our hands full trying to talk the lads down. They’re picking fights with every blasted Scathian they see. They’re going to start a bloody riot.”
Are they mad? They’ll all end up in the pit. We must put an end to this before it gets any worse. “I thought Jeston’s uncle owned the bar?”
Braith’s lips press flat. “She means his other uncle. The House Master.”
Talk about connections… Does the House Master have that sort of sway? Perhaps I can speak to Senan on Jeston’s behalf. Convince him to see reason. Would he deny me out of spite because I walked away?
This is such a bloody disaster.
Braith darts a glance at me before agreeing. “Of course. We’ll go straight away.”
Mari thanks her and races back around the corner.
Braith’s hand finds mine. “If Jeston has been sent to the pit, the House Master won’t be able to do a damned thing. Do you think you can use your relationship with the prince to help Jeston?”
“I can try.” The man certainly doesn’t deserve to pay for my mistakes.
By the time we reach the cavern gates, we’re both drenched in sweat and gasping for breath. The guards must recognize us because they let us straight through. I have no idea when Senan will return to the castle but decide to go to his room straight away, before I lose my nerve.
First, I’ll need to change into my uniform to keep from rousing suspicion.
Braith follows me into my room and sinks onto the edge of my bed, her puffy eyes fixed on the floor. Despite running all the way here, her cheeks aren’t flushed but pale as the dress I drag from the drawer. “I think I’m going to be sick…” She bends forward, resting her head on her knees.
If only I could reassure her. But there is no telling what Senan is going to say when I go to him. I quickly untie the laces and slip out of the dress she let me borrow, trading the black garment for my white uniform. “Lay down on my bed. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” My sleeves catch on my shift, pulling the undergarment down with it. With my useless hands trembling, it takes far too long to get the material to lay right. “I don’t suppose you know which room is Senan’s?”
“Central tower. Twentieth floor, room one. But it’s warded, so you’ll need permission from the House Master. His apartments are in the back of his office, off the canteen.”
I leave my friend in my room and hurry to the dim canteen to pound on what I hope is the House Master’s door, but no one answers. It’s the middle of the night, so he is probably sleeping. I pound harder.
Come on.
Come on .
I raise my fist a third time when the door swings aside.
The House Master’s fierce scowl sends me back a step. The hem of his white shirt is half tucked into a pair of dark trousers, and his black hair sticks straight up on one side. “What the hell do you want?”
Here goes nothing … “Your nephew was in an altercation with Prince Senan. They’ve brought Jeston to the pit.”
His eyes widen, and he dashes his hands through his hair, making it stick up even more. “ Shit .”
“I’ve come to request access to the family’s tower so that I might plead with the prince on Jeston’s behalf.”
Uncertainty flickers across his face. “What makes you think that fucking addict will listen to a word you say?”
Heat blazes through my chest. Don’t call him that . Senan is so much more than whatever addiction he may be struggling with. “The prince and I…” I wipe my clammy palms on my skirts. “What I mean to say is, we have a rapport.” A rapport? Really, Allette? “The point is, I believe he will take my request into consideration. Jeston is my friend.” Sort of, anyway. “If this doesn’t work, he’ll be no worse off. But if it does, then your nephew will be free.”
The House Master’s thick mustache twitches when his lips purse. After a few tense moments of scowling, he motions for me to follow him into his dark office. With a quick tap on the corner of his desk, fae lights flicker to life. From the top drawer, he withdraws the same gold dagger he used the day I arrived. All it takes is one drop of blood added to the correct page in his notebook for the wards to allow me access.
He looks at me with such seriousness, I find myself holding my breath. “Good luck, Wynn,” he says.
“Thank you.” I’m going to need it.
Two guards wait at the base of the staircase leading to the family’s central tower. When they see me, they exchange confused glances but allow me past without a word. Stepping through the ward feels a bit like walking through cobwebs. When my slipper meets the first stair without resistance, a fortifying breath blows through my lips as I pull on my mask and begin to climb.
By the time I reach the twentieth floor, a strange steadiness has filled my veins. All those other times I’ve run into Senan have been outside my control. But this meeting is all my doing. I’m prepared for his stunning silver eyes to meet mine. I’m ready to speak to him, to control the conversation.
I can do this.
When I grip the cold knob, my hand does not tremble. When I push the door aside, my steps do not falter. When I step into the quiet room, my heart does not break.
But then I see my prince slumped against the wall, staring blankly toward the ceiling with light pulsing through his veins, and I shatter.
“Senan?” He doesn’t turn my way. Doesn’t blink. Doesn’t move . “Senan!” My knees slam against the hard marble. Tell me he is okay. Tell me he isn’t gone.
I tear off my mask and clutch my mate’s shoulders. Even through his thin shirt, I can feel how cold his body is. “Senan, wake up. Please. Please wake up.” My thumbs smooth over his rough five o’clock shadow. Nothing . I press two fingers to the base of his strong jaw. His pulse flickers against my fingertips, but it’s too faint.
“Senan, please.” How do I bring him back to himself?
My lips find his, but they’re so bloody cold. I whisper his name over and over as tears stream down my cheeks. I can’t lose him again. Even though he is meant for another, at least I’ll know that somewhere in this realm, his laughter will still grace the air. That his smile will brighten the darkness.
But if he is gone…
Something presses against the small of my back.
Senan’s hands.
I open my eyes only to find a pair of star-kissed eyes staring back.
“You’re alive,” I whisper.
When I try to pull away, he urges me closers until our lips graze once more. “No… I’ve died. This is heaven,” he murmurs, his lips slowly warming as they brush over my own.
If he is dead, then I am too. And if we’ve both passed beyond the veil, then nothing matters but this moment.
Losing him.
Finding him.
Almost losing him again…
It’s all too much.
The stars have ripped us asunder, wedged worlds and years and other people between us, and yet here we sit, embracing each other.
Resisting this bond from afar has been torture. Now that I’m in his arms once more—now that he is holding onto me as tightly as I cling to him—I know I’m about to do the one thing I swore I wouldn’t.
Senan’s hand slips to the back of my head, those eyes I’ve dreamed of for so long searching mine. “Allette?”
Hearing the way his lips caress each syllable shatters my resolve, and I give in, letting my mouth claim what will never truly be mine.
For too long I’ve been dead inside, but his kiss brings me life. The way his tongue tangles with mine is so much better than in my memories. Because this…this is real.
His possessive hands lost in my hair. Real . The heat of our bodies molding as I climb onto my mate’s lap and my knees fall to either side of his trim hips. Real .
He isn’t yours.
He tastes like mine. Feels like mine.
You can’t keep him .
I want to. Stars, do I want to.
“We can’t,” I protest, even as my tongue searches for his, stroking and tasting.
Senan’s fingertips dig into my scalp, his lips punishing yet reverent, claiming me once more. “We can.”
“You’re betrothed.”
“I’ve been betrothed since I turned ten,” he whispers, his harsh breaths matching my own.
That may be true, but this isn’t like the first time we were together. I’ve seen him with his princess. Recognized the adoration shining in her eyes and the love in her perfect smile.
Senan deserves someone like her. Someone better. Someone whole.
For that reason alone, I find the strength to pull back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t come here for this.”
Senan’s hands fall to his sides. That is when I see the blood coating his swollen knuckles and remember…
“You sent my friend to the pit.”
His mirthless chuckle puffs against my cheek. He falls onto his back, giving me a glorious view of his taut abdomen peeking from beneath the hem of his shirt. “Fucking brilliant. You’re only here because you need my help.” Sighing wearily, he drags his palm over his face. “I should’ve known this was too good to be true.”
“Senan, please. If you want to punish someone, punish me. I’m the one who kept my presence a secret from you. Me. No one else. Jeston has done nothing wrong.”
His jaw flexes beneath his stubble. “He hit me.”
“You hit him first.”
“Because he touched what is mine!”
Rage and regret collide in my chest, sparking a fire I haven’t felt in years. Yes, Jeston caught my hand. But Senan kissed her . Held her . Is marrying her.
“And I saw you kiss her!”
Senan jerks back as if I’d struck him, his eyes growing more guarded with each blink. The starlight dancing beneath his skin flickers, becoming fainter. It’s like watching a star burn out and die.
“What you saw was a lie,” he says softly as his tattooed hand glides over his chest, his breaths coming quicker than before. “When I kiss her, I have to pretend she is you. Every moment I am forced to spend with that woman, I can feel myself fracturing. And when I try to put these broken pieces back together, none of them fit.
“If I’d never met you, maybe I would’ve been able to accept this fate. But I did meet you, Allette. I met you, and now your memory haunts the very air I breathe.” His throat bobs when he swallows. Still holding my gaze, he says, “I may have kissed her, but I love you.”
Words can be truth, but they can also be lies.
I’ve been lied to before. Who is to say that Senan isn’t lying to me now? After what happened with Eason, I would be a fool to trust a man at his word even though I wish with all my heart that what he says is true.
“How can you expect me to take your word for it? To believe that you came back for me when I waited at those stones on four different occasions and saw not one fae fly through the portal?” That is the truth I know. The truth I can trust.
Senan stumbles to his feet and over to his bed. From his bedside drawer, he withdraws something, holding whatever it is in the palm of his hand as if it were made of glass.
Only, it’s not glass.
It’s a handful of cerulean blue feathers with the tips of the vanes singed and black.
“Is this enough proof for you?” He drops my own feathers into my hand and sinks down next to me.
He isn’t lying.
He came back for me…
And I wasn’t there.
I should’ve been. I would have been if not for having blindly trusted someone I thought I knew.
Senan’s fingertip drags along my cheek, tracing my tears before tucking a strand of dyed hair behind my ear. “There hasn’t been a day since we met that I haven’t loved you. My soul aches for yours. This pain in my heart never goes away. I still love you.”
And I love you .
But sometimes, love isn’t enough.
Secret confessions in the dead of night cannot change what comes at dawn.
Tomorrow, I’ll wake in the bowels of the castle, homeless, destitute, and bound by gravity, while my prince does his duty to his family and to his kingdom.
“I am sorry for the pain my absence has caused you,” I say, dropping my feathers back into his scarred palm. Something to remember me by when he weds his princess. “I beg you, please do not make an innocent man pay for my mistakes.”
Senan pulls back and looks away. My feathers flutter to the floor between us.
I leave him there, not knowing if I’ve made things better…
Or made them worse.