Chapter 43
Forty-Three
ALLETTE
Memories dance like shadows at the edge of my vision. Panic and fear. Murder. Pain.
So much pain.
Blood on my hands. My face. My back.
And yet I know I’m safe, surrounded by Senan’s warmth and scent. When I open my eyes, darkness remains from Senan’s wing draped over me, cocooning us from the world like a shield of black feathers.
My prince’s even breaths sing to me in the silence, our hands locked tight. Even in sleep, we cling to one another. If only daylight would be replaced by eternal night, so the two of us could remain together.
But a new day has dawned, and it’s only a matter of time before someone comes in and finds me in his bed. I need to get up and return to the caverns, but the thought of going back down those stairs fills me with such dread, it feels like an entire tower has been built upon my chest, crushing me.
So instead of rising, I lay here, watching the dawn peek through those inky feathers, playing like mischievous sprites on my love’s golden-brown skin. His impossibly long lashes rest above the sharp rise of his cheekbones. Faint lines bracket the corners of his eyes. From laughter, I hope. Our time apart has been hard on us both, but the thought of the world being deprived of his laughter makes me impossibly sad.
I settle deeper into the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in. It’s like being enveloped in a cloud.
Did he spend the whole night like this? Sleeping with one’s wings out is dreadfully uncomfortable. It’s a wonder he is resting at all.
Eventually, I try to slip my fingers from his. Senan’s hold tightens, and one silver eye pops open, followed by a second.
His deep voice is a silken caress. “Good morning.”
“Good morning. I’m sorry for disturbing you.”
His wings vanish, and the cooler air outside our sanctuary rushes straight in. He props himself on his elbow while rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “I wasn’t asleep.”
“Then whose snores did I hear?”
“Probably your own.”
“Excuse me. I do not snore.”
He starts making loud, obnoxious noises like a bloody pig, but when I go to shove his arm, I’m too stiff to move.
“You’re still hurting,” he says with a wince, as if he can feel each and every ache and pain in my body. “I’ll bring you straight to the royal physician.”
“You will do no such thing. I must go to work.”
“You’re not going back down there. I never should’ve let you return to the caverns in the first place.”
“You didn’t ‘let’ me do anything. I chose to return to work.” I chose to leave Braith’s room in the middle of the night. I chose to engage in conversation with that blackguard instead of screaming for help the moment he cornered me.
“Allette, please.”
He can say “please” all he wants; on this, I cannot sway. “I need a way to support myself, Senan.” I cannot go back to living in inns and working for a pittance down at the factory.
“I will give you whatever you need. Just say the word, and it will be yours.”
“For how long? You are to be married in thirteen days. What then? I highly doubt your wife will be quite as accommodating.”
His eyes harden as he brushes my hair back from my face. “Let’s not worry about that today. For now, your job is to rest and heal,” he says in that voice that allows for no argument.
Too bad I’m in the mood to argue. I’m about to give him a piece of my mind when someone pounds on the door.
“Senan!” a young voice calls. “We have training today, remember?”
“I’ll meet you there, Kyff!” Senan shouts back. “Bollocks.” He kicks the duvet aside and climbs out of the bed. “Of all the fucking days…” His trousers have slipped low, revealing the deep cut of his hips leading down to a very obvious bulge. “My eyes are up here, minx.” Senan taps the corner of his smiling eyes before adjusting himself.
It’s not my fault he is so irresistible when he is all bed-rumpled and grumpy. How important is training? If he needs a workout, I’d be more than happy to give him one this morning.
“Braith should arrive shortly with breakfast,” he says. “Eat, have a long, hot soak in my tub, and relax.”
Like that, all the wicked thoughts running through my mind vanish.
I cannot let my only friend wait on me like I’m some high and mighty princess when she knows the truth.
Still, arguing with him seems futile. Once he goes, I will make my own plans.
He drags what looks like a roll of black bandages from his bedside drawer. “Promise me you will not return to the caverns.”
I nod to appease him.
“I mean it, Allette. I’m not above binding you to the bed.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Test me. I dare you.” My breath catches when he eases forward, his soft, luxurious mouth trailing kisses down my jaw to my neck. “Those wrists of yours would look glorious tied to my headboard.” The sheet slips, revealing the tops of my breasts. He captures one stiff peak between his lips, flicking with his tongue. “I really need to go…” he groans, pulling back to stare at my damp flesh.
“Or you could stay and let me help you with this.” Smirking, I grip him over his trousers.
His head falls forward, a growl of frustration rumbling against my naked flesh. “Walking away from you naked and in my bed is hard enough.”
I stroke him nice and slow. “Very, very hard.”
“If you don’t stop, I won’t be able to walk.”
With a heavy sigh, I let him go and fall back onto the pillow. But because I’m feeling cheeky, I tuck my hands behind my head and let him drink his fill of my naked form. “You are no fun.”
He covers his face with his hands but still takes a peek through his fingers before retreating a step. “I despise the king.”
My smile fades as he turns and walks away. “So do I.”
Lounging aimlessly in bed gives reality a chance for vengeance, and once the questions begin, they don’t stop.
What am I going to do when Senan leaves?
More urgent than that, what am I going to do today ? If I do not return to those caverns, my position will likely be filled by the end of the day, and I’ll not have another chance. It’s not that I don’t trust Senan to take care of me. I believe that he has the best of intentions, but intentions don’t always matter. Look at what happened four years ago.
I kick away the sheets and right myself, feeling guilty all over again when I find bloody red smears all over the pristine white fabric. They need changed and replaced, and there is no sense in waiting for someone else to do it when I am perfectly capable of handling the task on my own.
So I strip the soiled linens, setting them next to the servants’ entrance. On my way back to the bed, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror next to the armoire. I look as if I’ve been in a bloody war. Not only is there blood smeared across my chest, but the smudges beneath my eyes have never been as dark. Of course, it doesn’t help that my hair is matted to the side of my head.
Before I can bring these sheets downstairs, I will need a bath. When I step into the bathing room, I nearly expire. Stars above, this room is nearly as large as my chambers back in my aunt’s tower. The tub doesn’t rise from the floor but sinks down into it. I kneel next to the tap to run the water, watching it fill with my knees to my chest, telling myself not to get used to this.
When I’m on my own again, I won’t be able to afford such luxuries. I really shouldn’t indulge now, but I must make myself look presentable in case anyone sees me.
Decision made, I step into the water, letting the heat soak my weary limbs. I could live in this tub, make it my home. I’m certain the king wouldn’t mind.
The thought makes me laugh. Imagine the king himself learning his brother is housing his mate in the tub. What a scandal that would be.
Movement from the doorway startles me out of my reverie. A masked maid stands beneath the arched opening, a stack of towels clutched to her chest.
I jolt upright, embarrassment spreading like flames across my face. Is it my friend, or has some other maid come to clean the room? If it is someone else, does she recognize me?
Wordlessly, the woman drapes the towel over a hook, leaving me to my own devices.
Perhaps it isn’t Braith at all.
Remember your place, Allette . You were never meant to be here.
I focus on washing myself using Senan’s luxurious soaps, lathering my hair, and rinsing clean. When I emerge from the bathing room, the maid has the sheets and duvet changed.
“The prince had me bring your things from the caverns,” she announces. I recognize Braith’s voice, but her tone is as cool as the water left in the tub. “They’re in a room one level down, along with more dresses than you could wear in a year.” She picks up one of the pillows and fluffs it with sharp, jerking movements.
“And he sacked the House Master for beating you,” she goes on, pulling and dragging at the duvet to get it to lay just right. “Jeston has taken his place for the time being.”
So much has happened in the last few hours. What else have I missed? “Braith, stop for a few minutes and talk to me.”
She breezes past to let the water out of the tub.
“I can do that,” I call.
“There is no need.”
“Braith. Please. Take off your mask and look at me.”
She freezes but makes no move to unfasten her mask. I catch her gloved hands, but her fingers remain stiff in mine. “How is your back?” I ask.
“It’s fine.”
Even without seeing her face, I know she isn’t being truthful. “Please don’t lie to me.”
She rips her hands away, her humorless chuckle crunching like broken glass. “You wish to speak of lies? Shall we start with yours, Wynn . Or should I call you Allette?”
She must know everything then. Part of me is relieved to have the secret out. “Yes, I lied about my name, but that doesn’t change anything.”
“It changes everything,” she snaps, whirling and stalking out the servant’s door without so much as a glance back in my direction.
Perhaps I should let her go, leave her to her anger. When she calms down, hopefully she will realize that I had no choice but to lie.
You know what? No. She needs to hear the truth from me. If she still chooses to hate me afterward, then that’s on her.
Still wrapped in my towel, I follow her into the servants’ stairwell, ignoring the way the dampness on this side of the wards invades everything. I stalk down the stairs, not caring who sees me or if they think I’ve lost my mind. Braith throws open the door to the room below Senan’s.
It’s not as large or as opulent as his, but is still beautiful in its simple elegance. There will be plenty of time to explore, but right now, my friend needs me. “Why, Braith?” I demand. “Why must this change everything?”
“Look at this place. Look at it!” She throws her hands wide. “Not only are you living in a bloody castle, you had wings, Allette. You’re not one of us. You’re one of them.”
The venom in her tone hits like a slap to the face. “I’m sorry, Braith. It was foolish of me to believe you liked me for who I am, not what I am.”
Her hands fall to her sides, but she has no response.
“And I am sorry for lying to you, but I needed this job.”
“No, I need this job. You have a prince to look after you, to sweep in and whisk you away. Some of us have to fend for ourselves.”
I only fended for myself for a handful of days, and it did not go well. I cannot fathom how it must be to live with that sort of fear day in, day out, with no end in sight.
How could I think this wouldn’t change things? Even knowing she might end up hating me more, I continue on, committed to trading lies for the truth.
“Wynn was the name of my best friend. She was a servant in my aunt’s tower. Four years ago, I convinced her to come through the portal with me.” I drag a finger beneath my lashes, clearing the dampness there.
“Senan came too, but he wanted us to stay in the human realm, to escape together. Humans killed her. They killed my best friend.” I try not to think about her because it hurts so much. But the grief is always there, a heavy shadow dragging behind me every step of the way. “And then they broke my glamour, held me down, and sawed off my wings. I may have been born Scathian, but now I am neither Scathian nor Tuath. I am nothing.”
And it is only a matter of time before I lose everything all over again. I am terrified of returning to the caverns, and after what has happened, there is a good chance I wouldn’t be allowed back anyway. After all, it’s my fault Jeston’s uncle was sacked. I may be in this castle now, but the day my prince marries the princess, this will all be over.
Braith finally lifts her mask, and I see tears glistening in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Wynn.” She takes a hesitant step forward. “I mean, Allette. What I said was awful. I didn’t mean any of it. I am only jealous of your good fortune when I should be happy for you.”
Good fortune? The thought is laughable. “You’re right to be angry. I never should have gotten the job over a Tuath.”
“Who are we to question fate? After all, without this position, you never would have met me.”
A reluctant chuckle escapes. “And what a tragedy that would’ve been.”
“Exactly.” She offers me a watery smile. “And if you weren’t here, you might not have reconnected with your long-lost love.” Her shoulders rise and fall with a heavy sigh. “So, all’s well that ends well. Jeston has already filled your spot with another Tuath, and you have a chance to live the life that was stolen from you.”
A life that will end the day Senan marries the princess.
Her shoulder nudges mine. “Do you think you’ll move to Nimbiss with your prince?”
Considering a future without Senan leaves my heart in ribbons, but I fear watching him marry someone else will leave me even more broken. “I don’t know.” Senan hasn’t asked me to move with him. He has only ever spoken of here and now. “At the moment, we’re pretending the wedding isn’t happening.”
Braith’s dark eyebrows come together. “But it’s going to happen.”
“Unfortunately.”
“So you intend to be his mistress?”
“Of course not.” Although, that is what I’ll be, isn’t it? A prince’s mistress. The other woman.
Sighing, Braith crosses to the armoire and withdraws a cornflower-blue silk gown from a hanger. “After my grandfather passed, my grandmother had an affair with a Scathian lord. He wasn’t a prince, but he was wealthy. When his wife found out…” Her head shakes
My throat feels as if I’ve swallowed a load of stones.
“She was miserable until the day she left him,” Braith goes on, her eyes swimming with sympathy as she extends the garment toward me. “She deserved better than a man who could only give her a piece of his heart. A man who could only love her in private. And so do you. Don’t settle for shadows, Allette. Everyone deserves to be loved in the light.”
When Senan and I were younger, sneaking around had added to the excitement of our forbidden romance.
Would I be content with all the secrets now? Even if I move to Nimbiss, I will always live in the shadow of Senan’s wife. If she finds out about me, there is no telling what she’ll do. He’ll be living with her, presumably sleeping with her as well. And if they have any offspring, I know for a fact that he would never abandon them. His first responsibility will forever be to his wife and their children.
Whereas if Senan and I were ever blessed with little ones, our offspring would be scorned by society, outcasts among their own kind. If Senan suddenly decided he was finished with me, where would I live? How would I support myself?
“There is no happiness to be found in such a relationship.” Braith tugs a corset and pair of undergarments from a drawer. “Keep that in mind when making your decision. I understand why you love him; I see the depth of your feelings for one another. I just don’t want you to get hurt again.”