Chapter 13
Chapter
Thirteen
VIKTORIYA
I rush to Mila’s room first thing when I wake up, just so I don’t have to look Aleksander in the eye. I let him put his mouth on me last night.
And I enjoyed it.
I shudder at the thought. I never should have allowed it to happen. Now, he’ll think he has some power over me.
The part I hated the most was how free it made my mind. When he was pleasuring me, I didn’t have any other thought in the world. It was amazing, but that’s what makes it so terrifying. I need to hold onto my control. Without it, I don’t know who I am.
Mila is awake when I enter her room. “How are you doing?” I ask.
“Glad you rescued me in time. Thank you so much, Vik.” She runs over to me, pulling me into a hug. “Thank you.”
“Of course. I would never let you get hurt. It’s just a shame we didn’t find Gleb. I can’t believe he did that to you.”
“He kidnapped me and said he wanted to marry me. So, why sell me?”
“He’s greedy. A man like him is desperate for money, and he’ll do anything to get it. We were the collateral damage. I’m just happy we found you in time so you didn’t have to go through what I did.”
“I can’t imagine. I called Sofiya last night and told her I was ok. She wants me back at her house, where she and Mikhail can keep me safe from Gleb.”
I bristle a little. “She thinks I can’t take care of you?”
“I think she just wants to help keep me safe.”
“Well, it’s your choice. You can stay with Sofiya or me.”
Mila looks at me more closely. “Do you actually want me to stay here with you? I’ve always felt a little like an inconvenience to you.”
Hearing Mila say that hurts more than it should. But it’s because I know she’s right. I’ve treated my baby sister like she doesn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was ballet.
But after almost losing her, I’m starting to see things a little differently.
“You can stay here,” I repeat. “If you want.” Because I want you to. Because I’m scared to be alone with Aleksander. Because I’m scared I might let myself care for him, and who knows what he’d do to me if I opened my heart?
“I think I want to see Sofiya,” she says. “I’ll call her to come pick me up.”
A flash of pain hits my heart, but I try not to show it. “All right. You do that.”
Once Mila is gone—and without so much as a ‘thank you’ from Sofiya—I’m left alone in Aleksander’s large house with only him.
“How are you this morning?” he asks over breakfast.
“Fine.” I quickly take a bite of my omelet.
Aleksander smirks like he knows what I’m thinking about. “Seeing what you did last night—how you charged into action to save your sister—helped me see you for the first time. Really see you.”
“How nice.”
He sighs and grabs my hand, forcing me to look at him. “I think it’s time I show you the man I really am. All my desires. I want you to come with me to a BDSM club tonight.”
I rip my hand away from his. “What? Why?”
“Because I think you’d enjoy it. Your sister is all right. But I can tell last night left you shaken. I want to help ease your mind, Viktoriya. I truly believe you need to be dominated to learn freedom.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” A lie. I know exactly what he means. How I’ve felt better since he ordered me to eat more. How my mind knows how to let go when he’s in charge of my body.
“Give it a try. We’ll go tonight.”
“I don’t have a say?”
His eyes soften. “Of course you do. But I don’t want you suffering. You need this. Give in to me, Viktoriya.”
Give in to me .
It would be surprisingly easy to do it. Aleksander has shown himself capable by saving Mila. By saving me. And though I don’t want to admit it, I find him extremely handsome. My body lit up when he touched me last night.
I’m finding it harder and harder to keep my walls up around him.
But I can’t submit to him. I have too much pride.
“I’ll check it out,” I say. “But nothing more. I’m not going to get on my knees for you, understood?”
His only reply is a smug grin.
“You will wear this.” Aleksander hands me a dress that’s black and slinky. I know I would look good in it. Naturally, I want to snap at him for telling me what to do.
But I also kind of like that he’s taking the choice away from me.
When I was single, I would agonize for hours about what to wear. Now, I can just wear what he tells me without thinking about it.
I take the dress and head for the bathroom when he stops me. “I want you to change into it before me,” he instructs.
I meet his eyes. His striking, blue eyes that somehow know what goes on in my mind. That’s what makes Aleksander so dangerous.
I would rather die than show him I’m afraid to change before him. If he wants to see me naked, then I’m going to blow his mind.
I slip my current dress off, letting it pool around my feet. He takes in my bra and underwear, his eyes darkening. It reminds me of what he did last night, and a sudden arousal shoots itself through my body. I’m tingling. I’m more awake than I’ve ever been before.
“Your bra and panties, too.”
I suck in a sharp breath. He wants me to go without my undergarments for the night. I’ll be exposed. I’ll be vulnerable.
I’ve worked hard to never be vulnerable again.
“Viktoriya,” he says.
For some reason, my hands move to my bra clasp, and I undo it, letting it fall to the ground. Next, I remove my underwear. Aleksander looks me over like he could eat me again. I think I want him to.
I slip the black dress on.
“Here.” He hands me a pair of black heels, and I put them, knowing they make my legs look great. I always did have the best legs out of my sisters. It’s what made me such a good ballet dancer.
I’ll be one again someday. I promise myself that.
But the pain of not dancing doesn’t hit me as hard as it usually does.
Aleksander smiles. “We’re ready to go.”
The BDSM club is hidden within another building, almost like a speakeasy. As I step inside, my breath catches in my throat at the sight before me. Men and women controlling other men and women. People crawling on their hands and knees. Some people have gags in their mouths. Others are blindfolded. There are people in half-undress, letting themselves get groped by other people.
A woman walks by wearing a tight leather outfit and winks at me. I keep my head held high even though all I want to do is avert my gaze. This isn’t the life I’m used to. I’m used to glamor. To riches. To elegance.
Not to raunchiness. To forbidden things. To sex .
There’s a hallway that Aleksander leads me down with windows that look into bedrooms where people are having sex. A woman is getting spanked, and I’m reminded of when Aleksander did that to me.
I remember hating him for it.
But I also remember strangely liking it.
In another room, a man crawls along the floor to a woman standing over him. She jams her heel into his back, making him cry out—in pain or pleasure, though, I can’t tell.
“I never knew places like this existed,” I admit.
“You were sheltered. I would be more surprised if you did know.”
“Aleksander, what are we doing here?”
“I wanted to show you part of my life.”
I glance back at the woman being spanked and quickly look away again. “Do you want to hurt me? Because after what Gleb did and Akim and …” I trail off, fighting the urge to cry.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Viktoriya. I want to help set you free. And I think to do that, you should let me discipline you.”
I balk at the idea. “Discipline me how?”
“Come with me.” He takes me into a private bedroom with no window. At least no one will be watching.
A large bed is in the room, and along the wall are all different kinds of … things. Whips, canes, paddles, floggers. Ball gags. Dildos.
“Those better be clean,” I say, pointing at them. “I won’t allow you to give me an STD.”
“Don’t worry. I don’t intend to use any of that on you tonight. I wanted to make you feel better.”
“How?” I ask warily.
“By spanking you again.”
I swallow hard. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I want your mind free and clear to focus on what’s important in life. Yourself.”
“I think you just want me to kneel before you so you can feel better about yourself.”
He traces his fingertips along my temple. “Get out of your head, Viktoriya. Lay over the bed and lift your dress. I will spank you, and once it’s over, I’ll show you the kind of pleasure I can give you.”
It’s getting hotter in the room. My face is flushed, and I swear, I can hear my heart beating.
Never in a million years would I want to lie on a bed and let a man spank me.
But I want what Aleksander is promising me—peace of mind. I want to quiet my thoughts for once.
“Lay on the bed,” he repeats in a softer tone.
With one last look at him, I lie down. The mattress is soft under my stomach. “These sheets better be clean.”
“They are. I requested this room for tonight. Now, stop thinking and just feel. Lift your dress for me.”
I try to keep my fingers from shaking as I grab the hem of my dress and pull it up around my hips. I know Aleksander put his mouth on me last night, but being in this position makes me feel more vulnerable and on display like nothing before.
I gasp when he touches my backside. His fingers skim over my skin, tracing circles. I want to ask him to get on with it while also never wanting it to end.
And then the smack comes.
He doesn’t hold back as he brings his hand down harshly onto my ass. I gasp loudly as I try to move my body away.
“Stay still,” he commands, pulling me back into place. “You’ll feel better once this is done.” He spanks me in quick succession three times.
Each time hurts more than the last.
“Alek,” I cry out.
He growls low in his throat before smacking his hand across my ass again. “Just let go, Viktoriya. Just feel.” Spank. Spank. Spank.
I feel my body fighting it. My natural instinct is to fight and regain my control.
But instead, I let my body slump onto the mattress. I let myself just feel as Aleksander wants me to.
He’s relentless with his hand. Every smack stings and brings my mind right back to the moment. It’s impossible to think about anything else.
I arch my back, raising my ass closer to his hand. I’m not even sure why I do it. Pure instinct.
“Tell me you like this,” Aleksander commands.
I can’t. If I say it, all of this becomes real. I need to keep this in a secret compartment—one I only allow myself to open when it’s just Aleksander and me.
“Tell me.” He spanks me harder.
The cry that escapes me is loud and quick. “I can’t,” I practically sob.
“Tell me you like this, Viktoriya. I won’t stop until you do.”
“Please,” I beg. “I can’t.”
“Tell me.” Spank. “I know you like this.” Spank. “I know you need this.” Spank. “So, tell me you like it.”
“Alek, please.”
“I’m showing you what you need, Viktoriya. Give in to me. Now .”
“I like it!” I shout.
He pulls his hand away. It’s so sudden I let out a breath of relief and sink into the mattress. “I’m proud of you.”
The tears come before I can stop them. I curl into a ball and cry for everything and nothing.
Aleksander stares down at me, a hardness in his eyes.
“How could you do that to me?” I sob. “How?”
“Because you needed it. And look at you now. You’re releasing it all.”
I stand up and shove my dress back down, wincing at how much it stings. “I hate you.”
“Why do you hate me?”
His question draws me up short. “What?”
“You claim you hate me so much. So … why?” He crosses his arms, staring me down with his piercing blue eyes.
I wipe my tears away. “Because you’re full of yourself. You think you can control me.”
“That’s not the reason. Next.”
I huff. “Because you spanked me.”
“Nope. Try again.”
My breath comes out ragged. “Because I hate how you make me feel!”
“Better. You’re so close.”
“I hate you because—” I stop short, realizing the full truth.
“Tell me,” he urges softly.
I lock my gaze with his as I answer. “I hate you because I’ve had to fight my entire life, and you’re showing me I don’t have to any longer.”
“You’re scared.”
“I’m scared,” I admit.
“You’re not alone anymore, Viktoriya. You don’t have to take the world on your shoulders. You’re safe with me. Let yourself go with me.”
But what if I can’t? What if I’m stuck inside my hard shell forever?
I can’t tell Aleksander that. He’ll just tell me I don’t have to be stuck there at all, and I’m not ready to hear it.
What I am ready for is for him to stop talking and getting in my head.
“Who gave you the authority over me?” I ask.
He rocks back on his heels as his eyes narrow. “Back to your old self.”
“Stop telling me who I am.”
“I will once you accept who you truly are.”
“And what’s that?”
“Submissive. In need of care.”
“Shut up,” I growl.
“You don’t get to tell me that,” he growls in response, grabbing my hips.
“I’m Viktoriya Morozova. I get to do anything I damn well please.”
“When will you ever learn to watch your mouth?” He captures my lips into an intense kiss. I let myself sink into it.
My hands cling to his shirt, drawing him in closer. Aleksander holds onto my hips like he’s holding on for dear life.
I moan when he lifts me, and I have no choice but to wrap my legs around his waist. He lays me down on the bed, his hands roaming up and down my thighs. I gasp when his fingers move between my legs and brush my folds. My body has never known this kind of pleasure before.
Sitting back, Aleksander grips the end of my dress and rips it off me. His eyes rake over my naked body. I try not to squirm. I know I’m beautiful, but I also know I’m not perfect.
He lets out a dark sound from the back of his throat and brings his lips down to my upper chest. His lips move down to my breasts. I moan as he wraps his lips around one of my nipples. A flash of arousal hits my core, making me press my legs together.
I should push Aleksander away. I shouldn’t be about to have sex in a BDSM club with a man who drives me insane.
But I’m going to because it feels too good to stop.
He stands back up and spreads my legs wide. “You have the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen.”
“What are you going to do to me?” I need to hear him say it.
“I’m going to fuck you like I’ve wanted to ever since I first laid eyes on you.”
“Then what are you waiting for?”
He unzips his pants and pulls his length out. It’s erect and … huge. Granted, I have nothing to compare it to, but it seems large.
“You’re going to take all of me,” he says, lining his erection up to my entrance.
“You should be treating me like a queen. Not like some cheap whore.”
He leans down and grabs my jaw, making me look right at him. “If I want to treat you like a cheap whore, then I can. You won’t stop me.”
I gasp. How dare he?
I’m so turned on, though. A deep, sick, twisted part of me wants Aleksander to treat me horribly. To punish me for how terribly I’ve acted in the past.
I need to be punished. I need to be forgiven. I need to know I’m taken care of.
He smirks as he stands up. “I’m going to make you scream my name.”
Then he grabs my hips and thrusts his length inside me.
I cry out, arching my back and squeezing my eyes shut. It hurts. A good hurt that makes me forget everything else.
Aleksander growls deeply, sending shivers over my body as he roughly pulls my hips to the edge of the bed and starts thrusting into me. Back and forth. In and out.
I reopen my eyes. The lust and darkness in his gaze set me on fire.
I wrap my legs around his waist and draw him in deeper. I need to hurt. I need to be consumed.
He leans over me and grabs my wrists, bringing them above my head. I can’t move my arms, even if I want to, and right now, I only want Aleksander in control. It’s the only way I can allow myself to enjoy this.
I can’t admit to myself I’m dying for more. My pride won't allow it.
Every time he thrusts into me, a jolt of pleasure strikes through my body. It’s unlike anything else I’ve felt. It’s much more aching and consuming than when he went down on me.
The fabric of his shirt brushes my nipples, sending shivers over me. My breath is ragged and panting. The only sound in the room is our bodies moving together. It’s a little vulgar.
I think I love it.
“Tell me you like this,” he says, grinding his hips against mine. I arch my back from the pleasure.
“Make me,” I challenge him.
He smirks. The danger in his eyes only heats me more.
He leans down and gently bites my throat. I moan, dropping my head back. My thighs are trembling from the effort to hold them around his waist, but I never want to let go.
“Let go for me, Viktoriya. You need this. Scream my name.”
“You’ll have to force it out of me.” I moan when his erection presses against a super pleasurable spot within me.
Aleksander wraps one hand around my throat. He doesn’t press down on me. Just having him touch me like this makes the pleasure build inside my body. “You will come for me,” he growls. “And you will scream my name as you do.”
He’s giving me the permission I need. It sends me over the edge.
“Alek!” I gasp as my orgasm rips through my body.
He sits up and grabs my thighs, thrusting into me with wild abandon until he groans and his own release hits him. I can feel his seed inside me. It’s a good thing I’m on birth control. I’m not sure I want children. I’m not exactly motherly in nature.
He remains seated inside me even after he finishes. We lock eyes as we both breathe hard. Without a word, he pulls out of me and puts his cock away. I watch him walk over to a water basin and dip a towel into it before returning to me and rubbing it between my legs.
I hold still until he’s done.
I can’t believe I let him have me. I should feel ashamed. I should be running to the bathroom to vomit. To find the release I’ve grown accustomed to.
But Aleksander showed me a different kind of release. One that clears my mind and makes me feel a million times better.
That’s the power he has over me.
I just don’t know what I’m going to do about it yet.
He takes me home. “How was it for you?” he asks once we’re back in our bedroom.
The truth is that having sex with him was the most explosive, intense experience I’ve ever had. All I could think about was him.
And that’s exactly why I can’t tell him that. Aleksander said he wanted me for the challenge I am.
“It was fine.” I fluff my pillows and lay down.
“Just fine?” He pauses. “Well, I guess next time, I’ll have to do better.”
I’m already excited for the next time.
Sofiya calls me in the morning. “I wanted to say thank you for saving Mila.”
“Of course. How’s she doing?” Aleksander is at work, so I’m left to my own devices today.
“Shaken up still but grateful to be unharmed.”
“Good.” I’m still a little jealous Mila decided to move back in with Sofiya and Mikhail, even though she was kidnapped at their home. She chose that over living with me.
“So, I was thinking. I know things have been weird between us.”
“Haven’t they always been?”
“Is that a joke?”
I sigh, tossing my hair over my shoulder. “I can make jokes.”
“I was thinking the three of us could do something fun together, so I got us tickets to the ballet.”
My stomach drops to my feet. “The … ballet?”
“I thought you would enjoy it. Since you can’t dance right now, I thought this would be the next best thing. You need something to pick you up.”
“I haven’t watched anyone else dance since …” Since I had to stop when I broke my ankle.
“I know,” she says softly. “But I think it would be good for you. Ballet is something we’ve always shared. We could share it again, but instead of doing it, we’ll be watching it.”
The urge to vomit hits me again. All my fears come rushing back. I might never be able to dance again, and I don’t know what I’m going to do to survive that.
“So, are you in?” Sofiya asks, drawing me back to the present.
“I’m not sure.”
“Come on, Vik. It’ll be fun. Let’s do something as sisters. Come on.”
If I say no, then I’ll just look like a bitch to both Sofiya and Mila. I’m used to being the reason they never got to have fun growing up.
I don’t want to be the reason for it again.
“Ok,” I say.
“Great. The tickets were last minute, so they’re for tonight. See you then.”
“See you.” Numbly, I set my phone down.
And then I race to the bathroom and throw up everything inside my stomach.