Chapter 13
SINNERS AND SAINTS GROUP CHAT
AXEL
Ryker: Axel, care to explain this masterpiece? [Sends image of Axel face-to-face with Mathew.]
Jace: For someone faking a relationship, you look REALLY possessive. That vein in your forehead is doing overtime, dude.
Blake: Tessa has explained to me that possessive, jealous heroes are—and I quote—“hot as hell.” She also said you look like you’re about to commit a homicide, which is apparently “peak book-boyfriend energy.”
Me: Will you jackasses shut up? That assclown was harassing Dakota.
Blake: Assclown. *eye roll emoji* I see college really refined your vocabulary.
Ryker: Define “harassing” because it looks like he has hearts over his eyes, looking at her. Meanwhile, you look like you’re calculating where to hide his body.
Jace: But wait, there’s more. I assume this is your handiwork? Found her ex tagged in this: [Sends image someone took of Mathew, looking furiously at his four flat tires, under a meme of “Does your car ride low? Does it flatten to and fro?”]
Me: Ryker told me not to put confessions in writing.
Blake: Jace, you owe me $50. I told you it was him.
Jace: Thanks a lot, Axel. I bet against your jealous spiraling.
Me: I’m not jealous.
Ryker: [Sends screenshot of legal definition of jealousy with Axel’s photo attached.]
Blake: [Resends images of flat tires.] What was that? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of her ex-boyfriend’s tires deflating.
Ryker: Fun fact: fake fiancés don’t typically vandalize their fake girlfriend’s ex’s property. Just a legal observation.
Blake: Same. I’ve seen less dramatic meltdowns in the ER. And I once had a guy who superglued his hand to his ex’s car.
Ryker: [Renames the group chat to Tire Slasher Support Group.]
Blake: Tessa says jealous heroes who slash tires are romance-novel gold. You’re basically a walking book boyfriend now.
Me: For the last time, this engagement is FAKE. F-A-K-E.
Jace: Fake fiancés don’t risk felony charges over some random guy talking to their fake girlfriend. Just a business observation.
Ryker: Careful, brother. Your worst nightmare might be coming true: catching actual feelings.
Me: Are you three done psychoanalyzing my life?
Ryker: Oh, we’re just getting started. This fake relationship drama is better than Netflix.
Blake: Knox is going to lose his shit when he finds out his sister turned our playboy into a tire-slashing Romeo.
Ryker: [Sends GIF of man eating popcorn with huge grin.] This is me watching your “fake” relationship unfold.
Jace: Should we start a betting pool on when he admits he’s falling for her?
Blake: I give it two weeks.
Ryker: One week, tops. Did you SEE his murder face in that photo?
Jace: Three days. He’s already shopping for more tire-slashing equipment on .
Me: I hate all of you.
Blake: Love you too, tire slasher. *kissing emoji*