Chapter 67
LIVE FROM THE TIRE SLASHER VS. FLAT-TIRE VICTIM GROUP CHAT
AXEL
I eyed the name of the group chat, wondering why none of them had changed it back yet. But then I understood. This wasn’t just about a name anymore. It was about officially putting this nightmare behind us. And that honor belonged to me.
Me: I need a favor.
Jace: Need another kitten mobile? I’m on it. [Sends GIF of a man running.]
Jace: Wait. I almost forgot. Made something for you:
Jace sent a picture of me in that cat convertible. He’d Photoshopped it into a romance book cover with the title: Duke of the Dashboard Whiskers. Book one in the Big Boys, Tiny Cars Series.
I smiled, grateful my friends were back to goading me. If they treated Dakota and me like victims, it would have bothered me extensively.
Me: Original. Do I need to pull up that picture of you on horseback again? I can make 50 romance covers and blast it online.
Blake: I just got home from my honeymoon. Don’t give me a minute to catch my breath or anything. But sure, what can I do for you, lover boy?
Me: The favor’s not for me, jackasses.
Blake: Care to be more cryptic? *bored emoji* Use your words like a big boy.
Jace: Let me guess. Dakota needs something?
Blake: Our fake boyfriend is officially whipped. Shocking development.
Ryker: “It’s not for me” is code for “Dakota has me wrapped around her finger.”
Me: Are you free on Saturday?
Jace: I’m not helping anyone move again. Drawing the line. My back has a restraining order against cardboard boxes.
Me: Relax, you pretentious billionaire. It’s not moving. But it is manual labor …
Jace: Pass.
Me: [Sends a picture of Jace on a horse with the title The Cowboy Who Couldn’t Get His Fingernails Dirty, book one in The CEO Who Cried Ew While Pretending to Be Rugged Series.]
Jace: You’re a jackass.
Me: [Sends a picture of Jace on a horse with the title From Boardroom to Barn: A Coward’s Journey.]
Blake: Tessa would buy that in a heartbeat.
Me: I got twenty more ready to go. I’ll send them to your office. Again.
Jace: You suck.
Ryker: So, what’s the manual labor? Building Dakota a gazebo? Planting her a garden?
Blake: Installing a swing set for future fake babies? Scarlett let it slip that you changed your mind about future children, by the way.
Jace: Should we get matching I Survived Axel’s Fake Relationship T-shirts?
Me: I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll send the address. See you Saturday. Bring work gloves. And your dignity, if you can find it.
Me: [Renames the group chat to Sinners and Saints.]