Chapter 15
Fifteen
Riot
Aweek. I've been here for a fucking week. It's been days since I gave up keeping my distance from Vivian, but I'm still holding back.
Silas' warning not to push her weighs on me. It's so hard being around her all the time without peppering her with questions. I doubt she'd answer me, but fucking hell I need to know what's going on between us.
My alpha is losing his shit about not claiming the omega. She's mine, and I'm not fighting it. Not necessarily, but I've been told so many damn times to be careful with her.
There's something going on here, and I need to know what it is.
Is this some kind of friendship bond? I've never heard of such a thing, and I'd hate it if it fucking was because nothing I feel for her feels just friendly.
I'm struggling to be gentle with Vivian. I understand why her mates tell me to be, considering she seems really sad and tired all the time. Each night she comes downstairs at like two in the morning to hang out with me for a while. I don't mind. We keep our distance and silence for the most part.
I don't think I can be completely on board with this tiptoeing thing we're doing anymore.
Fucking hell, I watched this woman get beaten over and over again just to stand back up and sass me.
She's not fragile. Her mind might be, but I don't think they're giving her the opportunity to show them she's a damn fighter.
I can't judge. They're her mates. Of course they know her better than anyone in the entire fucking world. I've known her for almost three weeks, so I should listen to them. I just don't think I can for much longer. This isn't in my nature. I'm at the end of my rope here.
Her pack is off doing other things. Jarek's in the office catching up on work, and Kade is in town with Silas. Vivian didn't like that they left, but I came upstairs at the right time to calm her down. All I did was usher her into the kitchen and ask her to help me make some food.
Just that slight attention and direction helped her relax.
She's actually eaten a quarter of her panini.
I learned a few days ago that they're her favorites.
The guys have been giving me pointers here and there to help me get her out of her shell.
I'm almost confident I can guide this conversation the way she needs me to.
So after the tenth glance she gives me across the table, I shove my plate to the side. "Alright, Firefly, I think it's time we have a talk," I say, my voice a little deeper than normal.
Her attention shoots up to me, and I almost curse because I made her stop eating. We're supposed to be helping her appetite not hindering it. At least that's what Kade said.
She doesn't say anything, so I just go right for the money shot. The one thing, without a shadow of a doubt, I must know.
"Silas said you felt something before we met. What did you feel?"
To my complete and utter fucking surprise, she lights up. Her eyes glow, and she straightens her shoulders. "You!"
"Me? Baby, what do you mean you felt me?"
She sighs and drops a chip back onto her plate. When she speaks this time, her tone is a bit tighter and her hands begin to shake. "Nobody else felt it. But it was you."
I need more information than that. Worried pushing too hard will make her clam up, I reach a hand across the table and grab her hand. "I'm listening."
It's as if those two words unleash a whole new side of Vivian. The shackles on her voice box and the anxiety stuffing her words inside release her from their clutches. "I could see the red tether off in the distance. It was agitated and didn't belong in my pack bond."
"What do you mean you could see it?" I'm already confused and we've barely even scratched the surface. At the same time, I want to shout from the fucking rooftops that she's talking to me!
Unfortunately, my line of questioning was the wrong one. She shuts down and drops her gaze. Her lips press together, and the hand I'm holding becomes sweaty.
Jarek chooses that moment to stride into the kitchen. His face holds empathy and understanding as he goes to stand beside his mate. Did he sense the distress I caused? With his hand on the back of her neck, he bends and murmurs something in her ear. She nods, and Jarek addresses me next.
"Vivian experiences the bond differently. She can close her eyes and literally sink into a subspace or her soul. We each have our own color and ways we present in the pack bond. Does that make sense?"
No. "Sure. So colors?"
Jarek nods and gives me a small smile. "I'm gold. Kade is silver. Silas is blue. The space around her is filled with butterflies and a green/blue hue. That's how she describes it."
What the fuck is he talking about? "I'm sorry. Maybe I’m being completely dense, but I've never known anything about bonds. I basically ignored that in college because it was never on my to do list. But what you're saying doesn't make any sense."
Vivian stiffens, but before I can apologize, she sighs. "It's hard to explain. I just—the pack bond is very vivid to me. A whole other world of comfort and reassurance."
Jarek picks up the explanation when her voice drifts off. "We never fully understood it either, but the deeper our bonds have grown, the more we can feel her in there. It's real and something that grounds our omega. Is that enough for you?"
I hear the warning in his voice, but I'm not done. "What color did you say I am, Vivian?"
"What?" Jarek whispers.
"Red," Vivian answers at the same time.
Another piece of the puzzle slips into place. They said something changed, and she was off a few days or so before she was kidnapped. "It sounds like you started feeling me there when I got close to town."
Jarek swallows. "It was proximity for us too. When she started feeling our tethers, I mean. She told us our tethers began by orbiting around her, but we never fully sunk in and touched her until we were fully bonded."
Vivian nods and smiles, her eyes glazing over a bit. "Jay's around my chest. Kade is around my throat and head. Silas flies around, teasing and checking on everything."
Another question pops into my mind. "Before being fully bonded you could feel all that!?"
"We've found some omegas are able to begin forming bonds before an actual mating mark. Our friends who've delved deeper into some of the research think it's due to uncommon life experiences. Trauma and neurodivergence." Jarek's tone is so clinical it almost annoys me.
I take a deep breath so I don't hurt Vivian when I say this next part. Leaning forward, I steeple my fingers and stare the alpha down. "I'm sorry. So, you're telling me Vivian probably bonded me without my knowledge just by being near me?"
"I'm telling you it's possible," Jarek says impatiently, like he's not completely exploding my brain.
I try to get a read on his expression. He looks a little sick, as if this conversation has thrown him off kilter. His eyes, though, look like Vivian's: open and warm.
Hope and fear battle for dominance in my body.
My mind wars with my heart more than it ever has in my entire life.
I don't know what this all means, especially considering she doesn't bear my mark, but I know one thing is for certain.
If I'm in her pack bond, I am pack... "And where am I, Firefly? Where do you see me in this subspace?"
The silence is fucking deafening.
To my utter surprise, it's Jarek who answers. "Wrapped around her left bicep."
Vivian gasps and twists in her seat. With her eyes and mouth wide, she gapes at her alpha. "You see?!"
Staring down at her with so much love and exhaustion, Jarek runs his hand through her hair. "We have a lot to talk about, Butterfly."
"Not possible. We're not mates," I murmur, mostly to myself while they're having their moment, but she catches it, rocking back like I've hit her. Fucking hell, I hurt her again.
"I thought—" She swallows. "You said you would listen."
Before I can assure her I am listening but that this is nothing like I've ever heard of, she pushes her chair back, dislodging Jarek. I do the same, jumping to my feet. "Firefly, wait!" But she's already rushing up the stairs.
I'm ready to run after her, but Jarek's low growl stops me in my tracks.
"There's a lot going on in this fucking house.
You want to help? Maybe you should use the information you just got to figure out why the hell you don't feel Vivian in your soul?
What walls do you have up that make it so fucking hard for you to recognize your own scent match? "
"What did you just say?" I feel like I can't breathe. Scent match. Obviously I like the way she smells and there's a connection, but?—
"You're blind to what's right in front of you," he growls.
"I'm right here! I'm trying and I want her!" I snap back, pissed he thinks I'm intentionally being an asshole.
Jarek shakes his head. "Do you need her?
Does your skin itch when you're more than five feet away from her?
Is your mind on a constant loop, wondering how she's doing, what you can do to make her happy?
What about your teeth? Do they fucking ache to sink into her soft flesh and bind her to you for all eternity? "
All the above. My throat convulses with the emotions I've tried to bury, and I swear my eyes burn with a wave of tears. This isn't like me. None of this is. I live life alone, never staying still, always rushing into danger.
Jarek steps closer, his lavender and cedar scent wrapping around me. He's calming and strong, two things that confuse my alpha tendencies to fight and dominate.
He comes close enough that I can feel the heat radiating off his body.
"How's your cock doing, Riot? Are you aching and desperate for your omega to take you so deep in her tight hole?
Do you fuck your fist at night wondering what she might feel like?
Maybe your canines sink into your lip as you imagine solidifying your bond.
Is that what makes you come? Tell me, Riot.
..How the absolute fuck do you not recognize your scent match when she's standing right in front of you, begging for your love and devotion? "
I have no words. Jarek's right about everything. "How do you know for sure?" I find myself whispering, needing someone to be completely honest and blunt with me.
His eyes soften a smidge, and before he leaves me to think about the walls I've built up around myself, he drops the final bomb that sets my tears free. "Because you're my scent match too."