Chapter 23
Chapter
Twenty-Three
SIERRA
It’s been twelve days, two hours and fifty-one minutes since I last set eyes on Gray, Erik and Cain as they drove away after leaving me at Wildwood Retreat, but who’s counting?
Me, that’s who.
Despite calling them three days ago, I haven’t had the nerve to try again, but the idea mocks me. It whispers through my mind when I should be concentrating on other things.
And now it’s Friday evening. Work is done, the weekend looms ahead of me, and the thoughts that threaten to consume me are ten times worse now I don’t have my job as a business analyst to divert them.
I begged off going out clubbing tonight, telling my friends I must have picked up a chill while I was camping. Since I’ve been quiet and distracted all week, my work colleagues believed the excuse.
I should have gone. Now I’m alone with my thoughts, I find I don’t want to consider them. Why the hell didn’t I ring them back?
Well, it’s too late now. It’s the weekend, so I’m pretty sure their logistics firm is closed. Sure as hell, no one will be answering the phone at seven pm in the evening, anyway.
What the heck am I doing, sitting here moping like I’m mourning over the end of a relationship? I knew them for like five minutes, and we didn’t even exchange pleasantries.
Just a shit ton of bodily fluids.
“Argh!” I muffle the scream in my hands as I cover my face, trying to shake off this stupidity, so when my doorbell chimes, I’m honestly glad of the distraction.
Maybe my friends decided to call by and drag me out after all.
I should go, I decide. Get back on the proverbial horse, so to speak, and reclaim my life.
I pull open the door without checking, a quip ready on my tongue. One which dries up and steals all my saliva as I come face to face with the same three men who have haunted my dreams. Both sleeping and waking.
My throat is too dry to get any words out. Just as well, since my mind’s a complete blank.
“Sierra…” Gray says with uncharacteristic uncertainty. “May we come in?”
“I - Of course,” I croak hoarsely, as I step back and pull the door open so they can pass.
Am I dreaming again?
I could almost believe it, except my dreams of them are never so mundane.
“Um… have a seat,” I murmur, gesturing to my lounge. “I’ll put some coffee on.” With that, I escape to the kitchen and busy myself with the expresso machine while I attempt to pull myself together.
What are they doing here?
How did they find me?
What do they want?
I guess I’m about to find out.
Assembling a tray with mugs, sugar and creamer, I walk unsteadily back to the living room, my nerves causing the contents to rattle until Cain approaches and takes it from me, setting it on the coffee table.
“Thanks,” I murmur, still wanting to pinch myself to see if this is real.
I might have been daydreaming about them, but now they’re here, what the hell am I supposed to say?
In fact, considering they’ve sought me out, presumably with a purpose in mind, this all feels a bit stilted.
“Sierra,” Gray begins - it seems like he’s the spokesperson for the trio. I’d gotten that same impression when we were together. “I, ah… that is your name, yeah?” he asks, oddly unsure of himself.
“It is,” I confirm, perching on the edge of an armchair and clasping my hands together while I wait to hear what they have to say.
“Shit, of course it is, I know that. What a stupid thing to say,” he mutters, almost to himself.
God, this is awkward. Why did I ever think it was a good idea to try and get in touch? Oh yeah, because I couldn’t get them out of my mind… but this? This is excruciating.
I busy myself doctoring my coffee to give myself something to do, then bring the mug to my mouth with both hands in an attempt to calm the jitters I still have.
Gray, Erik and Cain follow suit, and finally, with a glance at his friends, Gray continues.
“Look,” he sighs. “I guess there’s no easy way to say this except to just spit it out… ”
I put down my coffee, instinctively feeling the need to set it aside so I don’t spill it. It was a good call.
“Sierra - fuck! - I don’t know what to say.”
I think he’s still talking to himself with that comment.
My heart races as I watch Gray struggle for words. The tension in the room is palpable, thick enough to cut with a knife. Erik and Cain sit silently, their eyes darting between Gray and me.
Finally, Erik leans forward, his deep voice breaking the awkward silence. "What Gray is trying to say is that we made a terrible mistake."
Cain nods, his piercing gaze meeting mine. "We thought you were... someone else. Someone we had... arranged to meet."
I swallow hard, my throat suddenly dry. I don’t know why, but it feels like they just shot an arrow into my chest, even though I know I was never supposed to be there, and I feel a mix of emotions wash over me.
Because, what we’d shared, however unexpected and illicit, had been explosive. It had left its mark on me, more than simply physically. To hear it called a mistake somehow hurts my heart more than anything they did to me.
Gray runs a hand through his hair, looking pained. "And we cannot apologize enough for what happened. It was completely unacceptable."
Cain reaches forward and takes my shaking hand. "We're so sorry, Sierra. We fucked up really bad and we know it. What we did to you was assault, plain and simple. We came here to apologize and to make things right, whatever that means to you."
I clear my throat, still unable to look any of them in the eye.
“I… understood what had happened. What you believed and how the scenario was set up in a way that didn’t allow me to explain myself.
I couldn’t stop things because I didn’t know the safe words, and it became clear whatever framework the person you were supposed to meet devised, my objections simply seemed like part of the expected narrative. ”
I sucked in a breath. “That wasn’t your fault.”
Erik leans forward, his eyes intense. "It wasn’t deliberate, no. But we should have verified your identity, gotten explicit consent. We were reckless and careless with your safety and wellbeing."
I nod slowly, processing their words. Part of me wants to absolve them, to brush it off as a misunderstanding since they were just following the brief given by the company they paid.
But another part recognizes the gravity of what occurred.
Except, this really wasn’t their fault. The business analyst in me knows this is an oversight on the part of Primal Fantasies.
“And how would you have done that?” I ask.
“You mentioned the name of the site, so I looked them up when I got home. Their privacy policies mean you had no personal information about who you were meeting, and the same for the woman you were actually supposed to meet. I’m…
aware someone else may have had severe issues with what happened.
Fortunately for all of us, I’m not that person. ”
There’s a marked lightening of the atmosphere, like the room itself has breathed a sigh of relief.
"But I do appreciate your apology," I say carefully. "And also, your honesty in coming here. I... I've struggled to make sense of everything that happened."
Gray's jaw clenches. "We want to make this right, Sierra. Whatever you need - therapy, compensation, legal action against us. Name it and it's yours."
I bite my lip, considering. "I don't want to press charges, certainly not against the three of you. Not even against Primal Fantasies, because I honestly don’t want that kind of stress in my life, although I do feel they need to be aware of how badly this could have gone wrong. Had it been someone else, someone who hadn’t been able to accept and assimilate what happened, it would have been catastrophic to everyone involved.
And that could have ruined a lot of people. ”
“Ain’t that the truth!” Erik mutters, rubbing hands over his face, and I can see the stress this has already caused the three of them.