Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
HEATHER
After Hector undid my restraints, he pulled me into his arms and walked with me to the bed. He laid me on his chest and gently drew his fingers through my hair, the rhythmic movement so soothing.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
Okay, I whispered, suddenly overcome with so much emotion.
“Okay?” he asked.
Tears trembled in my eyes, and I let out a low sob. I placed a hand over my mouth in a weak attempt to muffle it and curled my knees to my chest. I didn’t know why I was crying, and I didn’t know how to stop it.
“Come here,” Hector murmured, drawing me closer with an arm around my shoulders.
I m sorry.
“There’s nothing to apologize for.”
“But I’m crying.” I sniffled. “And I can’t stop it.”
He rubbed circles on my bare hip with his opposite hand. “It was an intense scene.”
Is that what this was to him? All just a sex scene?
The thought made my stomach curl and the tears burn even hotter.
Of course it was to him. He had been a dominant for probably close to twenty years. This was all normal and usual for him. There was nothing special about me or between us.
Stop being stupid, Heather .
Yet to me, it seemed like so much more than that.
Another sob escaped my mouth, and I wrapped my arms tightly around his torso, my head on his chest as I listened to his steady heartbeat. I pressed my trembling lips together and whimpered against him.
“I’m so stupid,” I mumbled.
He stiffened and stopped rubbing his fingers against me. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“Heather, I know you didn’t just say you were stupid again.”
My chin quivered even harder, and I tightened my embrace. But I am .
Even after I had seen that BDSM contract and read it over about ten times since last night, I d still thought that the relationship I had with Hector was more than sexual and more than just a contract.
“Heather,” Hector said, sitting up.
Instead of sitting up with him, I slouched against his abdomen, keeping my face facing away so he couldn’t see my pain. I had never had this deep of a connection with someone, but maybe that was just because he had taken my virginity.
That had to be it. I wasn t falling for my father s best friend already.
“Look at me,” he ordered.
I quickly wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and turned around so my head lay in his lap. He stared down at me, his expression soft yet strong, sweet but stern, and then he tucked some hair behind my ear.
“Stop saying that,” he said. “It’s not true.”
My chest tightened, and my lips trembled again.
“Don’t do that.” He drew his thumb over my lips, his eyes softening more than I had seen them and his brows knotted together. “You can cry. You can be vulnerable. But please don’t call yourself stupid.”
“But I am.”
For thinking that anything more could happen between us.
After a long pause and what looked to be Hector struggling with something internally-or maybe I was just seeing things through my tears again-Hector tilted his head a couple of centimeters to the side and brushed his thumb across my cheek.
“Why do you think that?” he asked.
I pressed my lips together.
“Heather,” he said, “why do you think that?”
Tingles ran up and down my arms. The thought of saying something like that out loud to my father s best friend, knowing that this could never be anything more than just sex because he was my father’s best friend, made bile rise in my throat.
“Please, don’t make me say it out loud,” I whispered.
Hector stared down at me and waited with so much patience.
More patience than Dad had for me. More patience than Eric had for me. And even more patience than Aaron had for me. Most days, I thought too slowly for them. I couldn t keep up or get my words out right.
But Hector made me feel like I could take all the time I needed.
Which only made this hurt worse.
“Hector …”
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asked.
Fuck, why is he so nice to me? Why can’t he be a dick so I don’t catch feelings?!
“Why do you think that about yourself?”
“Because I failed that stupid test.”
It was a great excuse. A perfect excuse.
I had broken down in front of him before for that. He’d believe me this time too.
Stiffening again, Hector pulled me up into his lap so we sat face-to-face.
“If we’re going to make this work, then you can’t lie to me,” he said.
“What do you mean, this ?” I asked.
“Us.”
“Us as in …” I gestured around the room. “As in this us?”
Hector paused. “Yes.”
With my lips pressed together, I stared at him through eyes filled with tears. I wanted him to take it all back and to tell me that he didn’t mean it, that he was just messing around, and that he really meant the us that was more than just sex.
I m not lying, I said quietly when he didn t take it back.
His gaze dropped. “So, you were thinking about your professor during our scene?”
My skin crawled. “No.”
He grasped my chin. “Then, what is it?”
“Nothing.” I rested my forehead against his and closed my eyes. “It’s nothing, Hector.”
Did I do something to make you think that? he asked suddenly, grasping me tightly. Because I apologize if I did. I I know what it feels like for someone to put you down, and He paused. And I never want to make you feel that way.
My eyes widened slightly, and I stared into his shallow gaze.
He looked to be distant from me right now, lost in his thoughts … or his worries.
I gently cupped his face in my hands. “Who made you feel stupid?”
Because I was going to give them a piece of my mind.
After swallowing back what I assumed were memories, Hector shook his head. “That doesn’t matter, Heather.” He pulled me tighter to him and stared into my eyes like I meant the fucking world to him. “How can I make you feel better about yourself?”
How could I tell him that the only way to do that was to be more with me?
All he wanted was a sexual relationship.
“You can’t,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and hugging him. “It’s something that I need to fix myself.”