Chapter 34
MATTEO
Gianna is shaking in my arms, Ferro is yelling like he was the one shot and not Chiara, and Codelli now has even more reason not to surrender to Ferro’s rule.
All in all, a failed fucking mission.
And watching the empty, wide-eyed look of utter disbelief and sadness on Gianna’s face is giving me the worst kind of PTSD on top of it all. My hands are shaking uncontrollably and I’m back on that sunny afternoon in March eight years ago, watching my brother take three bullets to the chest.
The shock in Gianna’s eyes reminds me of the look on my face when I finally fully realized that I have no family left. But she’s not at that stage yet. And I survived my brother’s death.
Ferro puts Chiara in the back seat of one of the town cars, Lorenzo gets in with her and Ferro gets behind the wheel, peeling across the meadow like he’s driving a rocket and not a clumsy old sedan.
“Where is he taking her?” Gianna asks, proving to me that her mind has put her in denial of what she just saw. It’ll be bad when that defensive mechanism fails. I know. I’ve been there. “I want to go with her.”
“We will,” I tell her and put her in the passenger seat of the nearest car. Luckily the driver left the keys in the ignition, and I take off after Ferro.
He’s on the highway, zigzagging between cars. He better be the luckiest man alive, because that’s the only way he’s gonna survive this mad car ride.
“She needs to go to the hospital,” Gianna says. “She needs a surgeon and a blood transfusion and… and… “
She sounds like she’s half asleep. It’s the shock. I really should’ve thought of wrapping her in something warm before putting her in the car because she’s about to get very cold.
“She’ll get the best care we can get her,” I tell her, struggling to take my jacket off, while driving fast enough to keep Ferro in sight. I’m very far from being the luckiest man in the world, so I shouldn’t really be attempting this maneuver, but Goldie’s teeth are already chattering.
I manage to do it without crashing and she gives me a surprised look as I place the jacket in her lap.
“Put it on, you need to stay warm.”
She makes no move to do it. “What for?”
“Because you’re in shock and I don’t want you to die too.”
“Like my sister?” her voice shakes and it’s not just because her teeth are chattering so hard. “And my dad?”
That’s not what I meant.
“I don’t want you to die like the rest of my family did,” I tell her and place my hand on her thigh. Her skin feels ice cold even through the thick fabric of her black pants. “Because I love you as much as I loved them. More than some of them. And I can’t lose you too.”
She gives me that shocked look again and she’s right too. I have no idea why that came out of my mouth. But it did and it’s the truth.
Not the best time to say it, though, the look on her face is plainly telling me that. Though maybe her eyes aren’t quite so scared, and her teeth aren’t chattering so badly anymore.
“And what? That’s supposed to make me feel better?” she asks. “You got a funny way of showing your love… keeping me locked up… killing my family…” her voice breaks and I’m sure she’s about to start crying. But she’s stronger than that.
She visibly steels herself, pulls my jacket over herself and sits up straighter. “There was a time when I thought I loved you too. When I wanted you to be my family. But that’s all gone now.”
I could say that I think she’s lying—which I hope she is—but Ferro has just pulled off the highway and I have to concentrate hard not to crash as I follow.
We’re about halfway back to his mansion, so I have no idea where he’s going. Until he pulls into the vast parking lot of a huge hospital just off the highway. St. Peters.
We’re gonna need that guy’s help to get out of this.
To send Chiara away from Heaven’s gate, and to keep us from getting locked up for bringing in a woman who’d been shot.
We’ve stirred up a lot of police attention with everything we’ve already done to secure Ferro’s dream of becoming capo dei tutti capi.
That might just remain an unfulfilled dream after today.
I should keep driving, get as far from Ferro as I can if I want to hold on to my own dream and any hope that it’ll one day come true. But I park right at the entrance through which Ferro, Lorenzo and Chiara just disappeared.
Gianna is out of the car before it even stops, running full speed to the hospital door.
I follow more slowly. Like a man walking to the gallows.
Which this very much feels like. My last walk as a man with dreams. Because I think my curse got tired of waiting for me to get everything I want back before cutting me down.
Or maybe this is Goldie’s curse striking me down.
Either way, nothing good waits for me beyond those sliding doors of St. Peter’s hospital.
But I do hope something good waits there for Goldie. And that seems like enough for me too right now.
She doesn’t want anything from me, but I can give her this. A chance to be with her wounded sister. A chance to say her final goodbye.
I’m hoping that’s not all she’ll get. But the concrete leading to the hospital doors is slick with Chiara’s blood.