16. Zora
ZORA
I've had Kazimir's tux jacket hanging on the back of my bedroom door for a week and every morning, I walk past it and catch the scent of his cologne on the fabric.
I told him I'd bring it back today because I haven't seen him since the wedding and I miss him.
I shouldn't be missing him, and I want to be out of this arrangement as quickly as possible, but he's been too busy with work to meet with me.
This impromptu visit should be my chance to break it off—before my brothers get a chance to stop me.
God knows I need to. It already hurts every time Alisa texts me and asks why I'm forgetting about her to spend all my time with Kaz.
The truth is I'm avoiding her over guilt. I know what I’m doing is wrong.
I may have started out thinking it was justifiable because he's a competitor, but nothing about this is good.
And my stomach's been off all morning. It's not nausea, exactly, more of a low churning that comes and goes and makes food sound like a terrible idea.
I chalked it up to nerves at first, but it's been three days now and nerves don't usually last three days.
Though, it has definitely been building as this meeting approaches, so I can't say it's not nerves either.
When I get to his house, the windows are dark like no one's home.
The Uber driver waits for me, though I could always call a different one if I need to, but who knows how long Kaz has to spend?
I wait a few minutes before ringing the bell again, and this time the door swings open to reveal a very beat-up man.
The left side of his face is swollen and purple from his cheekbone to his jaw.
His right eye is ringed in dark yellow where a bruise is fading from black to green.
There's a cut above his eyebrow held together with butterfly strips, and when he steps back to let me in he moves stiffly, favoring his left side like his ribs are hurting too.
"Hey," he says and tries to smile. The smile makes him wince, which makes me feel bad.
"Kaz." I set the jacket on the nearest chair and reach for his face with both hands, turning it gently toward the light from the window. "What happened to you?" I can see why his lights are out. He was probably resting. It looks like he got in the ring and lost, but I know what really happened.
I'm not stupid. Makar and Bogdan did this. They had to have used the intel about Kaz picking up that American and they ambushed him.
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine. You look like someone hit you with a car." I brush my thumb along the edge of the bruise on his cheekbone and he flinches. "Who did this?"
"It's handled."
"Kazimir, please…" The guilt is so bad, just looking at him, I almost break down crying. I can't believe they took it this far. We were supposed to make him look unreliable, not harm him. I am so angry with them, I'm shaking.
He takes my hands off his face and holds them between his, squeezing. "I don't want to talk about it. I'm glad you're here. That's what I want to focus on."
I can't stand this torture. My brothers crossed a line they never told me was a possibility. Had I known this was what the outcome of sharing that intel would be, I'd never have given it to them. I'd have kept it my little secret.
He leads me to the couch and sits cautiously, gritting his teeth to hide the pain.
But I read him like an open book. They didn’t just fuck up his face.
They hurt him bad. I sit beside him and pull his arm over my shoulder, settling against his side, and he lets out a long breath that turns into a grunt when I press against his ribs.
"Sorry," I say, pulling back. "Oh, my God, I'm so sorry."
"Don't." He pulls me back in. "It's worth it."
"Was it a sparring match?" I ask, hoping maybe I'm just overthinking this. I mean, Kazimir is a fighter. He runs a gym, for fuck's sake. This could've happened in a ring, though the padding they wear makes it less likely.
"Zora, I asked you not to push this."
"I'm worried about you," I whisper, and he sighs.
"Some assholes jumped me in a parking lot. Just a mugging, okay? They didn’t get much, just a few bucks, really."
My heart sinks because I know the truth, that it was my brothers, and it was no mugging. He's lying to protect me so I'm not afraid. And that only makes my nausea and my guilt worse.
I press my lips against his jaw below the bruise, and he turns his head and finds my mouth. The kiss is soft because his lip is split. I can feel him holding back, and when I push for more and slide my hand down his chest, he catches my wrist.
"Zora." He pulls back and his gray eyes are apologetic. "I can't."
"Can't what?"
He lifts his shirt. The left side of his torso is a map of purple and black bruising that stretches from his hip to his armpit. Two of his ribs are taped and the skin around the tape is swollen and dark.
"Oh, my God, Kaz." Tears crest in my eyes and slip down my cheeks instantly. I can't believe they did this. I have to turn away at the sight. It's too painful.
"Hey," he says, catching my jaw and making me look back at him. "It looks worse than it feels." He drops his shirt and coughs, then smirks. "That's a lie, actually. It feels exactly as bad as it looks."
I put my hand on his thigh and keep it there because I need to touch him and it's the only place that doesn't seem damaged. The bruises on his face and his body and the cuts on his knuckles make my chest burn with righteous indignation. Makar is gonna hear about this. I am so fucking done. I won’t be their pawn anymore.
"Will you at least let me get you some ice?" I ask.
"There's a bag in the freezer. I've been rotating it between my face and my ribs for three days now." He closes his eyes. "The ribs are winning."
I get up and go to the kitchen and find the ice pack in the freezer. I wrap it in a dish towel and bring it back and press it against his side. He hisses through his teeth and then settles into it, his hand covering mine on top of the towel.
"I'm sorry we can't spend more time. I have a meeting with my uncle soon…" He winces as I pull my hand back and I swipe at my eyes. This is all my fault. I bet that meeting with his uncle is to find out what punishment he'll get. I wonder what the American looks like if Kaz looks this bad.
"You should be in bed resting. I'll call him right now and tell him." I shake my head, annoyed that anyone would make this man get up and work when he's in this shape.
"Tell that to the people who depend on me." He opens his eyes and looks at me. "Come back in a few days. I like the idea of you playing nurse." Now a dumb smirk crosses his face and I note the dot of blood on his lip where it splits open from the stretch.
"I'm not playing anything." I adjust the ice pack and he winces. "I'm coming back tomorrow."
"A few days, Zora. I need to get some things sorted and I'm not great company right now. Besides, with Ro gone, I have too much to do. You know that."
"You're always great company." He's pushing me away, likely because he's so busy, but there's nothing I can do about it.
As much as it pains me to know when he's hurting he doesn’t want me around, it's gonna hurt worse when he finds out all of this is my fault.
It's better for me to take his gentle rejection and go.
"I haven't showered in two days and I can't lift my left arm above my shoulder." He gives me a crooked smile that only works on the right side of his face. "Let me have a little dignity."
"Fine. Two days."
"Three."
"Two."
He laughs and then grabs his ribs and groans. "Don't make me laugh. It's the worst thing you can do to me right now."
I lean in and kiss his forehead to avoid the blood on his lip, and he puts his good hand on the back of my neck and holds me there for a second. "Thank you for coming," he says.
"Of course," I say, kissing him one more time.
He walks me to the door, moving stiffly and slowly, and I make him promise to ice his ribs and eat something before his meeting. He promises, and I kiss him one more time at the door before heading out to the Uber, which I'm grateful has hung around instead of taking off like I said.
I park in the back seat and give him directions home and my phone starts ringing. I pull it out to see Yefim's name on the screen and my stomach flips. All that anger I felt staring into Kazimir's broken face surges in my chest and I swipe to answer.
"How is he?" Yefim asks without bothering to greet me.
"How do you think he is?" I hiss, keeping my voice low. "His face looks like a painting and he can barely breathe because his ribs are cracked. What the fuck did you do to him, Yefim?"
"We didn't do anything to him. We sent a message to the Kuzin operation." He sounds so cold and sterile, not at all like my favorite brother.
"You almost killed him!" The driver flicks a glance up at me and I turn away. This conversation would be better behind closed doors. But I don’t have a choice.
"We sent men to disrupt the American deal. Kazimir wasn't the target."
"He's beaten half to death."
"He got in the way." Yefim's voice only gets more intense and angry. "That's what happens when you're standing between our people and the objective."
"This is really bad… What were you thinking?" The anger is fizzling as I realize this was their plan all along. They just never told me because they knew I'd never have gone along with it.
"That was the point." I hear him exhale. "The American deal is finished. Roman's international program is finished. That's one less revenue stream for the Kuzins and one more crack in their foundation. This is what we set out to do, Zora. You knew this."
"I didn't sign up to get him killed." Now I'm crying again, and I don’t even care if he accuses me of caring too much. I love Kazimir. I don’t want him injured or dead.
"Nobody got him killed. He's alive and complaining, which seems to be working out well for our intelligence gathering.
" His words land hard. I can't believe what an ass he is.
He's been around Makar and Bogdan too long.
"Zora, I need you to remember who you are and what you're doing.
You're not his nurse. You're not his girlfriend.
You're a Volyn, and you have a job to finish. "
"I know who I am," I spit.
"Well, the tone in your voice tells me you're getting confused about which side of this you belong on." He pauses.
"I'm done with this, Yefim. I'm done being your puppet. I want out now. I'm gonna break it off with–"
"No, you're fucking not." Now he's angry, ready to shout at me.
"You are gonna see this through. We told you not to get hung up on this bastard and you're not quitting.
You do what we tell you and you do it well…
" then his voice drops to a lower register and he calms. "And we'll give you that fight club you want.
Alright?" He's breathing heavily, struggling to stay in control of his temper, and I refuse to dignify that with a response.
So he hangs up.
The line goes dead and my phone screen goes black. I lean back and let the tears flow freely. I have a fifteen-minute drive to let it all out before I have to go back to my apartment and face the silence alone.
This wasn't supposed to go this way. I know how families like ours work, and I knew going into this that I would be forced to lie and sneak around. I just never expected to honestly fall in love with the man and worry about his welfare. Kazimir doesn't deserve this. Alisa is going to hate me.
And I don't know how much longer I can keep pretending.