Chapter 25
The streets of London were even more enjoyable with her dearest friend. There was something about Hyacinth’s laughter that made it carry above everything else.
“Mercy, Aurelia,” she said between giggles, her gloved hand pressed against her chest. “If you keep telling that story about the governess and the wardrobe, I swear I will faint right here.”
“But it is true,” Aurelia insisted, her eyes almost watering from laughing so hard. “Sophia was stuck inside, shouting orders as though the wood itself would obey her.”
“And how did you get her out?” Hyacinth snorted.
“The footmen had to pry the door off. When she emerged…” Aurelia’s lips twitched. “She gave me such a look that I nearly died of shame. And yet I could not stop laughing even then.”
Hyacinth shook her head, her golden curls bouncing under her bonnet. “Only you, Aurelia. Only you would manage to anger a governess and turn it into the most delightful tale.”
Aurelia beamed. She could feel the warmth spreading through her chest. It had been so long since she had laughed like this—girlish, free.
She would put the blame on Hyacinth. Her friend had that effect on her, coaxing her out of her shell so easily.
They slowed their steps, pausing to admire a bookstall near the corner.
Touching the spines, Hyacinth hummed under her breath. “Tell me…” She lowered her voice in mock seriousness. “How is it, being the great Duchess of Whitmore? Do you give orders now, or do you still trip over your skirts as always?”
Aurelia rolled her eyes and then nudged her playfully with her elbow. “I have not changed so much, Hyacinth.”
“Mm,” Hyacinth murmured, tilting her head. “And yet you speak of estates and governesses as though you were born to it.”
Aurelia hesitated. Her lips parted, then curled into a thoughtful smile. “It is different, yes,” she admitted. “The estate is vast, Hyacinth, larger than anything I could have imagined. Many halls, many gardens that never seem to end.”
Hyacinth paused, as she could sense her friend was trying to make a point.
“But at times, I feel quite lost in it all,” Aurelia sighed.
Hyacinth leaned closer, the gleam in her eyes turning into gentle concern. “And it terrifies you, I gather?”
“Terrifies me, indeed,” Aurelia confirmed, then laughed. “But Lottie makes it better in some way. That precious little girl.”
“Lottie,” Hyacinth echoed, her lips curving gently. “I must meet this little girl who has captured your heart so.”
“You will,” Aurelia promised, her chest warming with affection. “She is clever and spirited. Sometimes I think she sees more than she ought to.”
They resumed walking, their skirts swishing against the cobblestones, their arms entwined. When they passed a tearoom they both stopped and exchanged knowing looks.
“Are you thinking exactly what I am thinking?” Aurelia couldn’t contain her smile.
A more playful one crossed Hyacinth’s face, and she wiggled her eyebrows. “Indeed. What’s an outing without a feast?” She laughed.
Without hesitation, they stepped into the small but elegant establishment. The air was fragrant with spiced tea and sugared pastries, the atmosphere buzzing with soft conversations.
A maid led them to a corner table near the window, where sunlight streamed in and caught the edges of their bonnets.
As they removed their gloves and settled in, Hyacinth leaned forward eagerly. “Now, tell me about the ball. I want every detail—the gowns, the jewels, the scandal.”
Aurelia laughed, shaking her head. “You have not changed, Hyacinth.”
“Never,” her friend declared proudly. “Now, speak.”
“It was glittering. The finest I have ever seen.” Aurelia didn’t waste any time because she was as excited to share the story.
They giggled over gossip, stopping only to admire the gowns and feathers of the passersby.
Yet, throughout it all, Aurelia did her best to push the most intimate part of the ball to the back of her mind. However, when the maid brought their tea and small cakes, she found herself drifting. She stirred her spoon absentmindedly, and her gaze turned distant.
Percival…
Hyacinth paused, her cake hanging in midair. “Percival?” An amused smile curved her lips.
Aurelia blinked repeatedly, realizing that she had voiced her thought. She took a sip of her tea, ignoring the teasing gleam in her friend’s eyes.
“Don’t look at me that way,” she muttered against the ceramic in her hands as she tried to hide her blush.
But Hyacinth did just the opposite. She leaned back, her expression sly, although her eyes had softened. “Well, well. I have never seen you so lost in thought, Aurelia. Dreaming over a man.”
The words made Aurelia falter once again. She lowered her gaze and set her cup on the table.
That was a bitter truth, and the only thing that made it bitter was that Percival confused her so.
She was ready to let whatever was unfolding between them grow. But every time they grew closer, he took a step back.
“What is it?” Hyacinth broke the silence, studying her closely. “Is something wrong?”
Aurelia shook her head quickly.
But her friend was no fool. Hyacinth saw the way her brown eyes betrayed her unease, the way her fingers trembled slightly. Her question, gentle and teasing, hung in the air.
Aurelia could not bring herself to answer. Her heart lurched, and her breathing grew shallow.
What would she say? That her body trembled at the memory of his touch? That she was scared he regretted every time his mouth fiercely claimed hers? That he acted like a man with a dark secret?
She wanted to know. Needed to know what exactly was holding him back. Because she was already into him.
Even now, seated in a respectable establishment, she felt her heart and body whisper for more.
That realization was nothing but a great reminder of how much trouble she was in. Great trouble.
“Aurelia?” Hyacinth’s voice interrupted her thoughts once again. When Aurelia looked up, her friend was staring back at her with an amused smile. “Are you still here with me, or has the great Duke of Whitmore stolen your thoughts entirely?”
Aurelia exhaled shakily, then managed a rueful smile, though her heart was hammering. “I am here.” She sighed and then paused. “But… you are not wrong, Hyacinth. He has stolen my thoughts, completely.”
Hyacinth’s brows rose with intrigue, saying everything she couldn’t. Her expression shifted, as if she were watching someone willingly step into the trap of love.
“I think…” Aurelia trailed off. She sat up straighter and dragged air into her lungs, as if bracing herself for a dangerous admission. “I have fallen deeply for him. Too deeply.”
“Deeply.” Hyacinth’s lips parted in delight, her brows almost touching her hairline now. “Falling, Aurelia? You? Oh, this is delicious!”
“I couldn’t help it.” Aurelia’s eyes dropped to her lap.
“The ton thinks him distant, cold, even a beast.” A bitter chuckle escaped her lips.
“Yet with me… with me, I catch glimpses of a softness. Of a man who listens, even when he pretends not to. A man who guards more than he lets on. Sometimes he looks at me as though he cannot stop himself.”
Hyacinth leaned forward and rested her chin in her hand, her eyes twinkling with interest. “And this makes you… happy?”
“Yes,” Aurelia murmured, unable to stop her voice from trembling slightly. “Happy… and yet frightened. For I never expected to feel so much. To want so much.”
“Frightened?” Hyacinth echoed, furrowing her brow. “Why are you frightened, if your heart is so full?”
Aurelia pressed her lips together. She wasn’t sure how to proceed. She searched for the right words, looking out the window at the bustling streets.
How was she going to explain that the man she loved so dearly did not want to lie with her?
“Because I want to give him what he deserves. I don’t want to be his wife in name only. I want to be closer to him. I… I feel we are already getting there, to be frank.”
Hyacinth frowned, puzzled. “What do you mean??”
Aurelia took a deep breath and clasped her hands tightly in her lap. “A child.”
“And why does that bother you so?” Hyacinth asked carefully.
“He is against the notion,” Aurelia answered. Although her words were brief, they tasted bitter in her mouth. “But I want to give him that because—because it is my duty as his duchess.”
“Just because of that?” Hyacinth folded her arms slowly.
Aurelia knew her friend could read her. So, with a sigh, she shook her head. “And maybe… maybe because I long for it. For him.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I want to lie with my husband. I want his body, his touch. I want him to claim me.”
Silence fell between them.
Hyacinth’s lips parted as she processed her words. “But he hides. That is the problem,” she concluded.
Aurelia could only nod before she picked up her teacup. The tea had turned cold now, but she didn’t mind. She had more things to worry about.
“Aurelia,” her friend spoke again, softly, carefully. “You sound… certain. You speak like a woman in love.” Her lips quirked into a small smile despite the seriousness of her tone.
Aurelia hid her face briefly behind her teacup, sipping to mask her breathlessness. The liquid did nothing to soothe the ache inside her.
Hyacinth tilted her head, her curiosity plain. “Then why are there shadows in your eyes? If you want him, if you love him, why don’t you tell him? Why don’t you tell him how you feel?”
“He knows I desire him but….” Aurelia’s throat tightened. “He still doesn’t touch me. Not truly. It’s been months now. He stops himself, as though he fears something. As though wanting me is wrong.”
Understanding dawned in her friend’s gaze. Her lips parted, but she said nothing, waiting.
In a much softer voice, Aurelia spoke again. “And yet I do not care if it is wrong. I want him. I want it, too. Not because it is expected of me, but because my body craves it.” She looked up, her brown eyes meeting her friend’s green ones. “Because I crave him.”
Her chest rose and fell with shaky breaths, and in her eyes, there was a glint beneath the longing.
Across from her, Hyacinth sat back, stunned into silence. Her smile, tender and knowing, spread slowly like honey.