TWENTY-FOUR
Kaylan
“How have you been feeling, physically?” Gabriella asked gently, breaking the silence.
“Better,” I admitted. “The surgery went well. The doctors said my body responded better than they expected.”
“And how do you feel about that?” she prompted.
I hesitated, my chest tightening as I searched for the words. “Relieved,” I said finally. “I mean, I know it’s not a guarantee or anything, but at least… at least the option for kids isn’t completely gone. It’s still there.”
Dr. Mendoza nodded, her expression encouraging. “That’s a big step, Kaylan. You’ve been through so much physically, and yet you’re still here, still pushing forward. How’s the training going?”
I straightened slightly, a flicker of pride breaking through the usual weight on my shoulders. “It’s going well. I’m gathering strength every day. I know I’m not back to full capacity yet, but I’m getting closer. I just need more time.”
She tilted her head, her gaze steady. “Are you sure you’re ready? Physically, it sounds like you’re making progress. But what about mentally?”
“I’m working on it. The nightmares haven’t stopped, but they’ve gotten… quieter, I guess. Less frequent.”
“And Logan?” she asked.
I hesitated, my throat tightening. “We talk sometimes. Or he talks. After he learned the truth about Ravenrock, about what really happened… he’s been calmer. Sweeter, even. I get why he reacted the way he did before. I don’t blame him.”
“But?” she prompted gently, sensing the weight behind my words.
“But I feel guilty,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “I can see how broken he is, and I can’t fix it. I can’t get him out of that state.”
Dr. Mendoza’s brow furrowed slightly, her tone curious. “Why do you think it’s your responsibility to fix him?”
The question hit me like a punch, and a memory surfaced unbidden. Logan’s voice, raw and filled with conviction, echoed in my mind.
‘You’re not my tormentor, baby. You’re my savior.’
I blinked rapidly, my jaw tightening as the realization settled over me like a suffocating weight. “Because,” I said quietly, “he thinks I saved him. But now… now I feel like I am his tormentor again. Like I’m failing him all over again. The things I said to him…”
Dr. Mendoza’s silence was patient, letting me process the emotions twisting inside me.
“And he keeps apologizing,” I said, my voice rising in frustration. “For everything. For the things he said, for the way he reacted. I know I forgive him. And I do. But then what? What good is my forgiveness when I’m too broken to be anything for him?”
Dr. Mendoza leaned forward slightly, her voice calm but firm. “You’re holding onto a lot, Kaylan. You’re carrying his pain and your own, and that’s a heavy load for anyone to bear. But can I point something out?”
I nodded hesitantly, not trusting myself to speak.
“You have unresolved feelings for Logan. And we’ll keep talking about the bond, or maybe trauma bond, that you share with him,” she said gently. “But that doesn’t mean you’re not making progress. Physically, you’re stronger. Mentally, you’re processing. And emotionally, you’re confronting things you’ve avoided for a long time. You’ve come a long way, Kaylan.”
Her words settled over me.
Dr. Mendoza leaned back, writing something in her notes before meeting my gaze again. “With everything you’ve shared today, and based on the progress you’ve made, I’m clearing you for active duty.”
The room seemed to go still for a moment, her words sinking in. “What?”
“You’re ready,” she said simply. “It’s time for you to move forward.”
Shock rippled through me, followed by a wave of tentative relief. I nodded slowly, the corners of my lips tugging upward into the faintest smile.
“Thank you,” I said softly.
“You’ve earned it,” Dr. Mendoza replied, her voice steady and reassuring.
And for the first time in a long while, I felt like I was finally stepping back into who I was meant to be.
???
I had been steering clear of Logan for the past few weeks. After getting cleared to drink alcohol again, dinners had become slightly more tolerable. As usual, everyone was gathered around the table, discussing the peculiar silence from Garret’s operations—as if they had just evaporated.
“Derek Cramer,” Zane mentioned casually, his glass in hand. “Someone named Noel helped him escape a few months back from a high-security cell.”
Logan frowned, “How do you know all of this?”
Zane looked to Sebastian for support, who promptly jumped in, “After Ravenrock Hall was emptied, we found residual information still left around the mansion.”
Logan nodded solemnly.
Zarek chimed in, “So what does that mean now? Can we find this Derek? Could he know anything about where Garret could be?”
“I was told that the cell on basement level one, the high security cell, was kept for conversion. They must be attempting to turn Derek. Making him a mole for whatever organization he worked for.” I added.
Logan gave me a look that mixed surprise with a hint of pride. It was the first time I had openly contributed to the strategic discussion here.
Sebastian said firmly, “Then it’s settled. We should make contact with him. He must know something .”
The team nodded in agreement and resumed eating.
Clearing my throat, I announced, “I’ve been cleared for active duty,” managing a smile as I did so.
Delara’s grin widened, “Bloody hell! That’s fantastic, Kay.”
A few supportive taps on the shoulder followed. Emboldened, I looked directly at Zarek, “Can I join the mission to meet Derek?”
After a brief pause, Zarek nodded, smiling. My gaze inadvertently flicked to Logan, who seemed to be glaring at Zarek. His expression was hard to decipher. Was he upset because I had been cleared for duty and he hadn’t?
Logan
“What if she gets hurt?” I blurted out as we lingered in the lounge, the others having trickled out until it was just Zarek, Leora, and me.
“We all get hurt on active duty, Logan. Kaylan knows the risks,” Leora responded with a sigh, her patience wearing thin.
I shook my head, frustration mounting. “It’s not the same. She’s just… not ready.”
Zarek looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Dr. Mendoza cleared her, and I trust her judgment.”
I dropped my head into my hands, feeling overwhelmed. The thought of Kaylan out there, vulnerable and possibly getting hurt, tightened the knot in my chest painfully.
What is this?
“Do you want to tell him, or shall I?” Zarek quipped, turning to Leora.
“What?” I snapped, looking up, irritable and anxious.
“You like her, jackass,” Zarek stated plainly, as if he was revealing the secret of the universe that I hadn’t already figured out. Yes, I liked her. In every damn way.
I rolled my eyes, partly out of frustration with myself, which Zarek and Leora probably read as denial.
Leora shook her head, chuckling softly. “Men are so dense sometimes. Logan, it’s obvious you more than care about–”
I raised a hand, stopping her mid-sentence. “Hold on, don’t lump me with Zar. I’m not clueless. Of course, I fucking like her. That’s not the point.”
Their expressions shifted from amusement to surprise, and Leora bit back a smile.
“So, wait,” Zarek leaned forward, his expression serious but his eyes teasing. “You’re worried about her because you have feelings for her? I love Leora, but I’d never stop her from doing her job just because I’m scared.”
Leora cleared her throat and I know she was reminding him of the time he actually was scared shitless.
He turned to her and smiled. “Not anymore, Mi corazón.”
I had barely blinked and both their gazes were on each others lips.
Gag me.
Looking away I mulled over Zarek’s words, acknowledging the truth in them. Kaylan was a seasoned combat medic, having served with Alpha Squad Two for years. She knew what she was doing. I just had to trust her, even though the mere thought of her in danger twisted my gut with worry.
It was my issue to deal with, my fear to conquer. The following day, when they secured the location of Derek, Kaylan was part of the small team designated to meet him, alongside Leora and Zarek. I was reassured knowing Zarek would look out for them both, which somewhat eased my concerns.
“She’ll be fine,” Zarek clapped me on the back as they prepared in the mobilization bay. They were dressed in casual attire to avoid drawing undue attention. I caught Kaylan’s gaze as she passed; her smile tight, she climbed into the SUV.
As I chatted with Zarek, I felt Kaylan watching me. When Leora came over to open the passenger door, I gave her a peck on the cheek and wished her luck. Turning back, I caught Kaylan’s scowl—a look that, despite the circumstances, gratified some petty part of me, and I bit back a smile.
She was flustered when she saw that I had caught her moment of jealousy. Seeing her struggle with her seatbelt, I stepped over and smoothly clicked it into place. “There,” I said softly, “Be safe, Chaos.’
Leaning closer, I hesitated for just a moment before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. Then, pulling back, I stood as they drove off, the mixed feelings of concern and affection lingering as the vehicle disappeared from sight.