6. Peter
Chapter 6
Peter
“I don’t know what you were fucking thinking! How could you do this, Tracey?” I shout, fury surging through me as I see her sitting there, the drugs laid out in front of her and the pipe clutched tightly in her hand.
She shrugs nonchalantly, “I was thinking that ten grand is a lot of money, and we simply don’t have it. What was I supposed to do?” Her tone is so indifferent, as if she doesn’t care that she has just obliterated my entire world and ruined Scarlett’s, too.
I take a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart, reminding myself that Scarlett’s just down the hallway, sleeping. “You were supposed to wait for me. I was going to figure it out. Scarlett has paid the price for our shit for too long.”
“It’s not even that bad. The dud doesn’t even speak. She’s fine,” she sighs as she lights the pipe, taking a drag.
“She’s not a fucking dud. She was...” The words lodge in my throat, unable to bring myself to say them.
“Scarlett got our debt cleared. Think about how great it felt not to feel like he was going to come through our door any moment and take one of our lives in retaliation.”
“No. You just traded hers for ten grand,” I sneer.
Tracey looks away, her eyes avoiding mine. “Don’t be mad. I did what I had to. It was the only way, okay? I cleared the debt, and we’re safe.”
“Safe?” I exclaim, “You think she’ll be safe when she’s marrying that monster?”
Tracey scoffs. “She’s broken, Peter. Who on earth would love a girl who doesn’t talk? He wants her, so he can have her, and we don’t have to pay back the money…” She blows out smoke, “They even threw in an extra twenty.”
I stare at the woman I once loved, who I would have died for, and all I can see is a stranger.
“You sold out our daughter for thirty thousand?” I choke out. I stare at her as she drags another lungful of smoke, holding her breath as the drugs hit her system, and lazily drags her eyes to mine, praying that I’ll see a hint of remorse.
I search her face as she smiles at me. “It’s better her than us,” she murmurs. “You’ll hate me for a few days, but you’ll come around just like you did last time. Now, come take a hit before I smoke it all.”
She holds out the stained pipe to me, but I shake my head and step back, not wanting to touch the drug that’s robbed my daughter of so much. “I’m good for now.”
Tracey rolls her eyes, “You’re so dramatic, Peter. You didn’t care all that much the last time...” she trails off as I rapidly shake my head at her.
“I did care!” I shout, stepping closer. “I watched our daughter walk through that door,” I point my finger shakily to the front door, “a wreck. She could barely hold herself up from the pain...” My throat closes, the words refusing to form.
“Honestly, Peter. It happens to every girl.”
“No. That’s not what that was. That was revenge — a price to pay that she ended up paying for us!” I can feel my anger bubbling, my voice rising with every word. I know that Scarlett will wake up if we continue, but I can’t allow her to get away with this without taking accountability.
Scarlett won’t survive this. We’ve already taken so much from her. Things we should have protected her from and been her parents for once, instead of losing ourselves to drugs.
“We’re meant to protect her,” I plead, desperate to get through to the woman I call my wife.
I once would have laid down my life for her, worshipped the ground she walked on, but now…
“We need to protect ourselves first,” she retorts defensively, her voice daring me to challenge her. “We were running out of options, and they were going to kill one of us… Most likely me. Do you want that?”
“I’m not going to let you do this, Tracey. Not again.”
“It’s done, Peter. Let it go,” she says.
I let out a heavy sigh, feeling defeated that this is the person my wife has become, and I turn away, heading towards our bedroom. Her voice calls out to me, pleading for me to return, but I ignore her, unable to look at her right now.
She’s sacrificed Scarlett for her own gain, and I can’t stand here and let it happen. I won’t let that monster get his hands on her again.
I lean down, grab the stuffed duffle from under the bed, and roll my eyes at how predictable Tracey has become. Sure enough, twenty grand in cash is stuffed inside—blood money.
Knowing what I have to do, I grab half of the stacks of bills. Ten thousand will get her far enough from here that she’ll be safe, far from the chaos that has engulfed our lives.
I know it’s not a perfect solution, but it’s the best I can do without someone finding her. She deserves a new beginning, away from the shadows of our mistakes hanging over her.
I linger outside Scarlett’s bedroom door. A wave of sadness washes over me, knowing that this will be the last moment I ever share with her. Countless thoughts race through my mind — words I want to say to her, long overdue apologies — but deep down, I know I don’t have the right to voice them. Not to her.
I can hear her bed creak as she shifts, followed by the sound of a sniffle, letting me know she’s awake.
I push her door open, and Scar’s eyes slam shut just like they always did when she was a child, pretending to be asleep.
“Scar.” I shake her shoulder gently. “Baby, wake up.”
She opens her eyes slowly and pushes herself to sit up. Her hand forms a Y and pushes it under her chin. “What’s wrong?”
I pull her school bag off the floor and stuff the money into it. “Scar, I… I need you to pack some stuff in this bag.”
“Why?” she motions, her brow furrows, and I can see the terror in her eyes.
I take a deep breath, trying to find the right words, but I fail. “Do you trust me?” She hesitates, and it stings, but it’s deserved. “I know I’ve not been a great dad and that this is all too late for apologies, but I refuse to let you get hurt because of us. I promise this is for the best, but you need to be strong, just like you always have been, and do this.”
She nods and pushes out of bed, gathering some things, and I watch, my heart heavy with all the words I can’t say. She gathers her seashells, picking them up one by one and placing them inside a T-shirt before tucking them into her bag on top of the money.
As she moves around the room, I take a moment to memorize her face, her expressions, and every little detail that I’ve taken for granted. I wish I could have been better, but I was lost to my demons long ago, breaking promise after promise to be sober.
I zip up her bag for her once she’s done, making sure her documents and money are safely hidden. I pull her to me, “There’s ten thousand dollars in the bag. Get somewhere far away from here and hide.”
“Why?” she signs.
“You heard Tracey and me talking, right?” I ask her, knowing the answer. Scarlett’s eyes drift to the closed bedroom door before slowly nodding. “Then you know she’s cleared the debt, and I can’t let you be the one who pays it. He’s going to marry you, Scar, and I won’t be able to save you.”
She recoils, her eyes widening with sheer terror. Her hands flail about, and the words she can’t speak blend into a chaotic blur I can’t make out. I catch fragments of the words ‘can’t’ and ‘die,’ but she’s too frantic to make any sense.
“Scar. Baby, you need to calm down. He won’t get you. It’s why you’re going to run. Change your name and forget we ever existed, okay? Promise me, Scar. Promise me you’ll find your voice again and live,” I look into her dark brown eyes, filled with more darkness than any eighteen-year-old should have, and memorize the flakes of gold in them and how they would shine in the sun and turn the color of honey. “You are the greatest thing I’ve ever done, and I’m sorry I failed you.”
Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears, but she doesn’t let them fall. She rarely allows herself to show weakness. Any hint of vulnerability leaves her open to attack.
“I should have protected you better, and I didn’t. For that, I will always be sorry, but you need to go now. Get the first bus out of here and keep going until you can’t anymore.”
She points at me, her eyes sad, but I shake my head. “I can’t go with you, and you need a fresh start away from all of the bullshit we’ve made you go through. I should’ve been a better dad, and I wasn’t. I was selfish. I was too lost in my self-pity, blind to what you were going through because of our choices. I’m trying to make that right now, even when I know it will never be enough.”
Scar throws herself into my arms, and I wrap my arms tightly around her as if I can shield her from everything in life with sheer will alone. I savor the moment, knowing it’s the last, and force tears back so she doesn’t have to see them. Pulling back, I gently run my fingers through her hair and smile softly at her —a desperate attempt to put her at ease. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” She gestures in response.
I would do anything to hear those words come from her lips, but they were stolen from her long ago, and I won’t let her lose more of herself because of us.
“Go.”
I watch her slip out of the window, just as she’s done so many times before to escape our arguments or when Tracey is on the warpath. She could always be found by the water and sand, blissfully watching the waves lap against the shoreline with a line of seashells by her feet, but I know there’s no finding her at the beach this time.
She needs to flee this bargain Tracey has made, and this is the only way to save her from everyone who wants to hurt her.
I stand by the window until I can’t see her anymore. My heart aches, but I know there’s no other option.