Chapter 2
Two
Vivian
I've been through this before and I'll continue to deal with it until I die. Being an omega doesn't give me much of a choice. My body does everything I don't want it to do every other month. The fact that some omegas have a heat every four weeks makes me ill for them.
For real. Who on earth decided the sheer hormonal anguish combined with physical pain and a mind-bending experience was normal?
Sometimes I wonder about those corrupt academies that were dismantled a few years back.
They suppressed heats to occur only twice a year.
Guilt throbs in my temples when envy flutters in my chest. I shouldn't envy the torture and abuse those people were put through.
I don't, but forcing my heat to leave me alone most of the year sounds wonderful.
Every time I start feeling more like myself, my hormones go haywire.
My fight, flight, and freeze instincts kick in.
I shut that shit down so fast it exhausts me.
I don't even have to try to mute my pheromones actively anymore.
It's become an automatic response. I don't want to burden my pack so badly that I've rewritten my biology.
That's fucked up. I'm very aware of my issues, but that doesn't mean I'm strong enough to battle them every day.
Not only does masking the effects of my heat tire me out, but the chemical imbalance in my brain that keeps me depressed likes to make my eyes droop by mid-afternoon each day.
When I was a young teenager, my parents put me on every antidepressant imaginable to fix me. Nothing worked. I didn't have the ability to tell them that research suggests waiting longer than just a week to see any changes.
Now, I won't touch the tiny pills. I won't have someone try to change who I am. Then there's the fact that even thinking about medication sends me right into some form of stress response. I'll blame my fucked up parents for that one.
I've decided that this is me, no matter how hard it is to just live some days.
Detaching from the discomfort of having no control over my body is the easiest way to ride the heat wave. That is, until my pack brings me back to life in the form of seductive touches and warm love.
I want nothing more than to close my eyes and zone out the next week. My pack won't allow me to fade away though. With them at my side, I can't whither and cease to exist, no matter how easily I could do it.
Without them to pull me from the depths of my silence and depression, I'd never eat, see the sunshine, or feel enough to be annoyed with them.
They've taken care of me more than usual, and I know why. I'm a bit feistier than we're used to. Even I've caught myself off guard with the amount of times I've glared.
I'm afraid if I speak, I'll say something I regret. Something feels off. I can't explain it, but I don't need to. My alphas and my beta know what to do.
No matter how much I want to push Kade's large hand away from me, I don't. He's pack alpha and the best cook ever. No way can I actually put up a fight about his constant need to feed me. I don't love the hand feeding, but waking up to a turkey panini under my nose is nice.
What's not nice is Silas' task in getting me fresh air every day. An omega's heat usually makes them clingier, not me. I want to be alone. Except I don't at the same time. I'm complicated and don't know what I really want most days.
"Your rain boots won't help you if you keep stomping, princess," Silas teases, tugging my gloved hand toward his cheek. The simple scent marking makes my belly swoop and my omega side perk up with happiness.
Another glare pulls my eyebrows together as I sidestep a muddy puddle. I love our plot of land away from the city, unless it's springtime and all the snow turns the ground to muck.
I want one of my nests. Fresh air doesn't smell like the stormy scent of my pack. And the sloshing of the earth beneath my boots is horrific in comparison to my collection of silk sheets and fleece blankets.
"Vivie," Silas says my name with a sigh. "Fresh air is good for you."
Guilt for my behavior bubbles beneath the surface of my need for isolation. I shouldn't be pushing them away or fighting them so hard. This isn't like me. I love the way they take control of our lives and ensure my happiness, health, and safety.
After about ten minutes of following Silas around our property, I begin to relax. Only because each step takes me toward the comfort of our home. If it weren't for my mates, I would find a way to never leave it.
Jarek, my second alpha, likes to joke that we shouldn't have made our home so perfect. Because maybe then I would get out more. Sometimes I really believe I'm holding them back. At least Silas leaves for his job multiple times a week.
"Her nose is red!" Jarek shouts.
Jay towers over us on the porch a few steps up.
At six-foot-four, with his long dirty blonde hair pulled into a low ponytail and his arms crossed over his toned chest, he could be scary.
But he's not. He's literally the best. Comforting, playful, protective, and he dances for me. ..exotically. Jarek is amazing.
So why the hell does it bother me beyond belief when he swoops me into his arms and drags me back inside? Silas just chuckles and maneuvers around us without helping me get away from the overbearing alpha.
Of course, I don't say anything. If Jarek needs to make sure I'm warm and okay after going on a walk for twenty minutes, who am I to tell him no?
"So, I was thinking about this song that just came out the other day..." Jarek rambles, filling the silence like he does when he's nervous. I wonder if he's picking up on my attitude. Probably. I've never heard of a pack that is as in tune with their omega as mine is with me.
A dull ache forms in my left temple and eyebrow; a heat headache is forming. Absently, I can feel Kade's bond trying to soothe the pain and stress. No such luck, not as I'm once again being dragged through the house by my hand and up the stairs to our room.
My vision tunnels as I try to fade and sink into the feel of our mating bonds, but it doesn't work. I can't shut Jarek out. He wants to keep me here, to keep me present and happy, but it's not helping. Nothing is helping.
The stairway feels suffocating, and Jarek's grip on my hand makes me panic. I may have wanted to feel snuggled in, but this feels like the world is closing in on me. My neck and lower back itch with the prickling sensation of sweat and anxiety.
I can still hear him talking, but I have no clue what he's saying. The ringing in my ears gets louder and sharper until I'm flinging myself away from him, landing on my hands and knees at the top of the staircase.
"Vivian!" another male voice shouts. My inner omega whimpers and reaches for him. I try like hell to shove her down and give me a second to just think. Or maybe that's the opposite of what I need. What do I need?!
"Baby, what's wrong?" I can tell it's Kade rushing to us from the small kitchenette upstairs. "Jarek, what the hell?"
Too much. Not enough, my omega defies.
Someone grabs my trembling wrist, and it's then I realize I closed my eyes. They fly open on the heels of sheer adrenaline. Where my tongue once felt swollen and stuck to the roof of my mouth, it sharpens.
"NO! Stop fucking talking!”
Jarek pales and lets out a string of curses. Crouching near me, he tries to calm me down. "Breathe, Butterfly. Right now."
His tone isn't a bark, so it doesn't penetrate the rising panic. Hissing, I bare my teeth at my wonderful alpha to make him leave.
Why am I behaving this way?! I don't want to feel this much! Make it stop, make it stop, MAKE IT STOP!
"ENOUGH!" Kade roars as his tether wraps around my forehead and reaches lower to grip my throat gently, forcing me to pay attention and listen. The panic attack mixes my subconscious and real life, paralyzing me while demanding I submit.
His alpha roar will send a shocked gasp through me every time. My throat convulses. I slam my eyes closed, once again too weak to deal with the damage and heartache I'm causing.
I keep my eyes firmly shut, trying as hard as I can to focus on the protectiveness flaring and expanding in their souls rather than the frowns and downturned lips. It doesn't last long, because I'm soon swooped off my butt and cradled to Kade's chest.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out, fear debilitating me. Kade carries me bridal style through our mini living room, into our bedroom, and beelines for the nest.
As soon as we're through the doorway, I breathe a little easier. The cozy darkness of the black walls and comfort of the creamy curtains soothes me. Nothing abrasive belongs here.
"Here’s what's going to happen," he rumbles, dropping to his knees in our family nest. More specifically, my heat nest. My heart pounds painfully as he releases me and removes his touch from my clammy skin. "Silas, double check the mini fridge and snacks. Jarek, get your ass in here and help me."
What about me? "I—" I swallow.
"I got you," Kade coos, all traces of the raging alpha gone. "You're right at the edge of nosediving into your heat, little mate. This one came much faster."
Two days. It only took two freaking days when normally the heat spikes, or in my case heat detachment, last for about a week before we're all fucking like bunnies.
"I don't—" I croak, unable to finish my sentence as a wave of insecurities steal my breath. Another difference. I don't find my sexiness until there's at least one cock inside of me. Until my pack takes care of my body, my mind runs rampant. I require so much from them.
Burden. High maintenance.
A hand on my throat shuts my mind off, and my alpha's whiskey storm scent infiltrates my psyche. "Omega," Kade rumbles, pushing me onto my back and fitting his hips between my legs.
Blue and purple eyes pin me in place and hold my attention for the first time in what feels like days. How long have I been aimlessly floating? I feel the moment I give in, the moment everything shuts off and my pussy convulses sadly around nothing.
With his hand on my throat, and the other one plucking at my nipple, Kade gives me exactly what I need. Dominance.
"You will let us love you. You'll take our cocks and kisses like you were meant to do. We will shower you in love and cum until we're satisfied the negative thoughts are gone. Do you hear me, Omega?"
My eyes flood with tears of relief as my pussy slickens, begging for their knots. "Yes, Alpha." No matter what, those words are always the clearest, easiest ones I can say.
Shifting his hand up from my throat, Kade rubs my bottom lip with his thumb and smiles down at me. I can practically feel his alpha rising to the surface, ready to claim me and have his filthy way with my body. "Good girl. How do you safeword if you can't say red?"
"Slap."
Jarek growls off to my right, drawing my attention. He hates the idea of anyone doing anything to make me safeword which brings a smile to my loopy face. I'm slipping into horny territory really fast.
My long-haired mate nods and bends forward a bit when Silas plasters himself to his back. "You slap any inch of skin you can reach, you hear me?"
"Yes, Alpha."
Kade's chest vibrates against mine making me whimper and arch against him. Then, my scent explodes. My heat has begun.