Chapter 35
Thirty-Five
Riot
Ifucked up. Not like an oh man, I messed up kind of fuck up but like holy fucking shit I fucked up so bad I'm so fucked kind of fuck up.
Never in my sad existence did I think I would ever care enough to kneel on the ground with someone and cry with them. Each sob that wracked her tiny frame made my eyes burn hotter.
The soft cushion of her hand as I rammed it into the bars will forever be etched into my mind as one of the worst moments of my life. I was so consumed by my feelings and desperation to get out of here that I wasn't thinking straight. How could I not feel her touch until it was too late?
I still don't know if I broke her hand. Shit, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I did. This, this, is why I need to distance myself from her. When she perfumed for me, I almost threw my life in a dumpster fire and claimed her as mine.
She's not. She's a person I failed and feel responsibility for. Vivian is the omega who I still know nothing about and need to rescue. There's no chance in hell of getting her out of here in one piece if she won't stop putting herself in the line of fire.
And that fucking apology?! Ohhhh how I want to pick her up off the ground, cradle her cheeks in my hands, and demand she never fucking apologize to me ever again.
"Shit, Firefly," I whisper brokenly, "I'm so sorry." Swallowing repeatedly, I try to get the tightness to clear.
To my surprise and delight, she peeks up at me. Of course she's frowning and probably wants to shoo my apology away because of whatever fucked up schema she has in her brain, but she's paying attention to me. Half the time she ignores me on purpose I swear.
"None of this was supposed to happen you know?
" Now I'm ranting. Stress ranting is never good, but I need to cover her whimpers and sniffles with something.
"I've been doing this since I graduated.
I've done my best to keep innocents out of danger and away from traffickers.
So many of them don't even know I saved their lives. "
It's true. A simple arm around an omega's shoulder outside of a club scares the predators away. I know how to wield my body and my dominance to make them back off until I can take care of the fuckers later.
"I don't have a family or anyone out there waiting for me. But I can't help wondering how many other people I'm failing by being locked up. How many could I have saved? Two, ten? Fuck I don't know."
I'd prefer Vivian tell me to shut up, but now she's staring at me with a frown. That damn frown has been there since I met her I fucking swear.
"And that's not even the worst part. The worst fucking part is I only just thought about that.
All I can fucking think about is you," I snap and drop my head into my sweaty palms. It's damn cold in here, yet I'm sweating like a teenager going through puberty in front of their crush.
Except I don't have crushes. I crush things.
"I got you into this mess and I have no fucking idea how I'm going to get you out of it.
Half the time I'm not even worried about saving my own ass.
I'm focused on you, the omega who won't even talk to me.
Not to sound like I'm pouting or some shit, but damn, I know you can talk at this point, so why won't you?
Obviously I'm not the most amazing conversationalist and I have some anger issues, but I do believe I would be a lot more fucking chill if you would communicate.
Does your pack know you zone out a lot? It's scary as hell.
Is it a trauma response? Do you have those absent seizures I read about a few years ago? Oh fuck...you do, don't you?"
A gentle hand on the top of my head stops me from digging myself into a deeper, more pitiful hole. I almost don't want to glance up and see the humor in her gaze, but when she drags her sharp little nails across my scalp soothingly, I can't stop myself from looking at her.
It's not humor or judgment I see in her gaze, actually. I'm surprised, but considering I can’t tell how she actually feels about me, I appreciate her soft smile and warm gaze all that much more.
On my knees in front of this strong, scarily resilient omega, I feel puny. Like there is nothing to be said about an alpha when at the feet of an omega that has you in a soul-mending grip.
"N-not seizures," she whispers, stuttering on her words.
My throat feels tight and tears burn my eyes as I watch her struggle to talk to me. With one hand running through my hair and her bruised one over her heart, she says the one thing that could absolutely break my heart, because I think I might be falling for her.
"My pack," Vivian murmurs with a soft smile. The same one she wears when she's zoned out with her head tilted back.
I take it all back. If her pack can give her peace in this hellhole I've subjected her to, then they're good enough. And I am nothing but the alpha who put her in harm’s way.
"Why, Firefly?" I croak, my throat bobbing as I stare up at her. "Why were you there that day?"
A slap to my face would have hurt less than the frown returning over her pretty blue eyes. Do her mates upset her as frequently as I do? Doubtful. Just another reason I'm not meant for such a wholesome life.
Her small hand slips away from me, back to her side of our cells, and takes my breath with it. Then, confusing me, she wraps it around her left bicep. "You—" She swallows. "You don't feel it?"
"Feel what?"
To my utter horror, her bottom lip wobbles and she steps back.
"Wait, Vivian. Don't do that," I plead, wanting her back in my space. Touching me. Talking to me. Jumping to my feet, I try to grab her and realize I was just going for the bicep she held so reverently. "Come back here."
Muttering something under her breath about being alone, Vivian shuffles away from me clutching her arm and throat. What the fuck is going on now? Why, just when I feel like we're getting closer, do I fucking ruin it? I didn't even yell this time.
"Vivian, tell me what you're talking about. Please?" I couldn't have sounded more panicked if I tried. Shit, this woman twists me up inside.
Effectively ignoring me once again, she stops near the edge of the door of her cell and peeks out. Her hand ticks on her thigh, and I swear she whispers something to herself.
"What are you doing?" I whisper, wondering if she can see anything around the corner where the guards come from. Maybe she can see more from her angle than I can.
See? This is why we need to fucking work together. I've seen her do this a few times and never thought much of it, but now I'm really watching.
"Vivian? Vivian? What's going on? Firefly!"
I'm stunned absolutely shitless when she whirls around and snarls, "Shut the fuck up!"
"I—" What the hell?! Where did that come from?! Holy shit, if this were anyone else I would snap back with something really fucking rude, but I can't bring myself to say anything. No matter anyway, because she turns around, leans her shoulder on the bars, and continues to watch the dark hallway.
Two steps forward, five steps back.