Chapter 20
TWENTY
Jack
The next morning, I found Levi in the barn with the horses.
One of the things I would count on if I was dumb enough to count on anything.
Levi never mentioned it, but I saw how worn down he seemed. He still worked like a man thirty years younger, but Asia hovered over him, always making sure he was eating, resting, and just generally being overbearing.
He pretended not to like it or need it, but I saw that he had to sit more and was eating less.
But without fail, he came here every day, even though we all knew—he knew—he didn’t have the strength.
“Were you a drinking man, Jack?” Levi asked him when he noticed me.
“Nah,” I said.
“That’s surprising,” he said.
“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not, Levi,” I said.
“Me, neither,” he responded.
Then he laughed and patted the horse softly.
“You know I was supposed to be a doctor?” he said.
“Really?” I asked.
“Yeah. My daddy was a doctor. A Black doctor when I was a kid was a big deal. He was king of every town we moved to. And we moved to many,” he said.
“Why?”
“Well, my daddy was a doctor, but he loved his spirits. Loved other men’s wives even more,” Levi said.
He chuckled, shaking his head.
“He never got over the fact that I didn’t follow in his footsteps,” Levi said.
He stopped patting the horse and looked at me.
“Whose footsteps were you supposed to follow in?”
“None worth mentioning,” I said.
Those footsteps, and the man they had belonged to, weren’t even worth the breath it would take to form his name. But I had Evan and—at least until all this—had given him the kind of life I wouldn’t have even dreamed of for myself when I was a kid.
That was what mattered.
“Asia tells me you got a brother,” Levi said.
“Yeah. Sixteen.”
“That’s a good age. Old enough to take care of himself, young enough to still need his brother.” Levi paused. “You worried about him?”
“Every day.”
“Yeah. I never had a brother. Sister, either. But I imagine that weighs on you.”
“So what is this about, Levi?” I said.
“You’re not a stupid man, Jack. And you’re a terrible actor.”
“Let’s pretend I am and that I’m actually confused about what’s going on,” I said.
“You should tell her how you feel. Not easy, but it’ll take a weight off your shoulders. And maybe you can think clearly,” he said.
I didn’t pretend to not know what he was talking about.
“Levi, I don’t know when talking ever made things better. You gotta do stuff. That’s what counts,” I said.
“It does,” Levi said.
I kicked at the dirt. “You also gotta make sure you’re fighting the right battle. Gotta make sure the shot you take doesn’t create collateral damage.”
Because it was unavoidable. I couldn’t help but think of Hayes. Of the single spark that could set off a raging inferno.
One that would burn her to ash.
I met his eyes.
“You gotta know when to walk away.”
“It’s more important to know when not to,” he said, patting my shoulder. “But what do I know? I’m just an old man. But I got to spend my life with the woman I loved. Want to make sure other people get that chance, too.”
“Levi, I don’t know if you’ve looked around, but the world being what it is…”
“World being what it is means this shit matters more. Don’t have time to waste.” He met my eyes. He was sick. Weak. But his wisdom shone through. “So don’t waste it, Jack.”
He patted the horse one more time, his hand shaking.
Then he walked away.