43. Chapter 43
43
Nelle
T he sky was a churning mess of dark, angry clouds. That’s exactly how I felt too.
Dark.
Angry.
Hurt.
I stood on top of the railing framing my private patio, my toes curled around the edge of the cold stone. Closing my eyes, I raised my arms, palms upward, losing myself in the chilly gusts that skimmed my skin and prickled it with goosebumps. The flared skirt of my swing dress buffeted in the snapping wind that teased my loose hair, making it twirl and slide across my face.
I’d slept in much later than I usually did, but wasn’t that expected after everything that had happened the day before? Exhaustion had slammed into me hard, dragging me into sleep. I’d fallen into the dream world and been hauled unwillingly into the eerie darkness that still haunted my dreams, even though I’d escaped the tithe prison years ago.
The creature inside me filled every space within my body, threatening to burst my skin like an overly ripe fruit. It yowled for release with each thud of my heart. But for once, I didn’t care, because I was sinking beneath an ocean of despair. I hurt. Every part of me hurt. It wasn’t only the heaviness in my limbs. It was everything inside my chest—an empty aching sensation.
Elbows, now, little bird—
Every touch, every whisper, every smile and laugh we’d shared now stung with bitter humiliation. The way he’d made my body sing—he’d heard every gasp and moan, and witnessed the bliss washing over my face as I climaxed.
I hate you. You’re a Wychthorn. A spoiled princess. Someone I’ve had to endure.
He’d enjoyed my downfall —
I own you. Like a toy. A pretty little toy.
Three short sentences that summed me up.
I was nothing but entertainment and amusement. Like Evvie was a Wychthorn trophy to Corné, I was simply a plaything to be used and discarded by Graysen.
I had nothing left but the pain in my chest—
Don’t think about it—
Don’t think about what it actually means.
Because it wouldn’t hurt this much if I’d just been played. This kind of pain meant something else entirely. Graysen Crowther had wormed his way into some deep part of me.
I drew in a fortifying breath and opened my eyes, keeping them focused dead ahead. A storm had swept in during the early hours of the morning. Heavy rain had turned the lawn into a sodden mess and the winds had brought down half the marquee. The mortal contractors were returning to reset the gigantic tent and strengthen the ties against the wild gusts. Their trucks carved deep ruts into the wet grass. My family and the Pellans were gathered in small pockets, anxiously discussing what needed to be done before the Houses arrived for this evening’s celebration.
Beyond, the woodland beckoned. The creature hissed at me, demanding to be released.
But a figure whose dress matched the shimmering gold in her tawny hair captivated me. Evvie. Though her voice was torn away by the wind, I heard my sister crying out for me.
I needed to run through the woods. I needed to burn the creature out. But my sister needed me more.
I jumped from my perch and ran toward my sister, knowing the choice I’d made was the wrong one.
But.
I.
Did.
Not.
Care.
Ensnared within her misery and panic, Evvie didn’t see that my smile didn’t reach my eyes. I struggled to catch her words, to hear what she was saying, but my mind scattered like the wind. I caught things like the wedding planner’s ill; the string quartet backed out; a missing truckload of flowers, and something about one of the mobile kitchens .
I should have told her I needed to purge myself first to find release from the powerful might thrumming beneath my skin.
I should have.
Except I didn’t.
And so I ran like the wind, blustering along the lawn, running from errand to errand. Keeping away from the mortals, I used the storm as camouflage and released the creature’s dark power in bursts of wind, letting it whip free and tear through the woodland, or soar into the roiling sky. It kept the edge off, but I was still teetering on the precipice of it consuming me.
As the day wore on, I didn’t see either Danne or Graysen. I helped Evvie track down the lost florist and his truckload of flowers, source a replacement for the mobile kitchen, and find another string quartet to perform for the evening’s festivities. I reset the chairs with ribbons and taffeta, filled crystal vases with flowers, and finished the table arrangements. If anyone saw a table suddenly shift or a chair flip over, or several vases shatter, they were too busy themselves to pay it any mind.
The disaster of the day slowly righted itself, and I was thankful for the distraction. My mind kept busy enough that I didn’t have time to think about Graysen Crowther. I didn’t want to remember how alive he’d made me feel—his mouth on mine; us sharing breath as his calloused hands mapped every inch of my body. How he’d teased that orgasm from me, smiled, and laughed with me.
Lies. All lies. And I’d fallen for him so easily. I’d given him a part of me that should have belonged to someone I loved. Or, at the very least, someone who actually liked me. Not hated me as much as Graysen Crowther did.
A rumble of thunder chased violent light, skipping across seething clouds.
I stood outside the marquee’s entrance, Evvie by my side, both of us looking skyward. The storm had intensified, bringing gloom to the late afternoon. Winds buffered the tent but, now strengthened and reinforced with further lines, it would hold.
“I hope it doesn’t rain,” Evvie murmured.
“I’m sure it won’t,” I replied, jittering on the spot to hide the fact my entire body was trembling. We both swung our heads each other’s way and I saw how worry dulled Evvie’s luminous eyes. I hitched a shoulder. It probably was going to rain, but what could we do? “It’ll be fine,” I promised her. But I was really saying it to myself. While her mind was on the engagement party, mine focused on holding back the creature and trying to appear normal.
I’d never experienced this kind of power building up inside me before. It filled every single inch, every cell, every breath. I felt like it was going to claw its way from my body.
I have to get it out, get it out, get it out—
Outside the entrance of the marquee was a potted garden of roses and graceful miniature palms with tiny lights and crystal ornaments twining around their stems and trunks. If Evvie looked closely enough, she’d realize the palm fronds were swaying in the opposite direction to the wind and the rose branches shivered in time with my heartbeat.
Evvie made a thoughtful humming noise as she tilted her gaze back toward the gloomy sky, the ends of her ponytail flicking around her shoulders with the wild breeze.
“It’s not too late to call off the engagement,” I whispered, gripping my adamere beads tightly. Evvie wasn’t bound to Corné with blood scratched on parchment like I was to Crowther. Surely she could just end it.
Gods, I have to get through this evening, with him by my side, pretending last night never happened.
But after this weekend, I wouldn’t need to see Graysen again until I turned twenty. Only then could he claim me. But there was time between now and then. I’d figure something out and find some way to win my freedom from that insidious marriage contract binding me to him.
Evvie’s expression was crestfallen. “You know I can’t do that,” she whispered, glancing toward the early arrivals heading to the marquee. Gulfstreams and Bombardiers had flown members of Houses from distant cities to the airstrip on our estate. Others were arriving by car.
“Can’t or won’t?” I asked, while running the backs of my fingers across my forehead, wiping away the sheen of clammy sweat.
Evvie’s gaze slowly returned, resignation lined her exquisite features, and my stomach sank.
“Can’t,” I answered for her, my voice flat.
She sighed deeply, took my hand, and squeezed it. “I don’t know how I would have survived this mess without you today. Thank you.” I squeezed her hand back, then quickly unwound my fingers free from hers, hoping she didn’t feel me trembling and realize what it meant.
I scrunched my nose at her. It was a nice feeling to have been a help, but this was my older sister—she would have been fine without me.
Evvie drew in a deep breath and snapped her spine straight, her expression smoothing into that composed Wychthorn princess she’d perfected. “We’d better freshen up and get dressed. It’s already late,” she said brightly.
“I’ll see you in your quarters,” I replied. If she saw my smile was too tight, too forced, she either didn’t notice or chose not to ask.
Evvie headed back to the mansion while I remained where I stood, panicking while I considered what to do.
Wet grass squelched as I shifted from foot to foot, rolling my shoulders and neck, trying to ease the incessant thrumming beneath my flesh. Fat beads of sweat prickled at my hairline and I took to my itchy skin, furiously scratching my arm with my fingernails.
The power lurking inside of me was restless and angry, and I felt as if I was about to explode.
The creature coiled around my bones and roared— LET ME OUT!
I needed to unleash. But where?
The woods were too far away. I’d never make it in time. But perhaps my quarters? Maybe there I could expel a bit of power.
I was about to run toward my rooms when Carola Pellan’s tinny voice stopped me.
“Nelle,” Carola greeted me, and I turned to face her, cursing her silently.
“Carola,” I replied with a pinched smile.
Her friend, colleague—whoever the hells she was to the Pellans—stood by Carola’s side. Both of them wore fine gowns with their makeup artfully applied. But with my truesight I could see past the magic Carola had weaved across her features. Her dull, sleepy eyes sparked in barely concealed mirth. “Nelle, my, you look…” She obviously didn’t quite know how to express what she saw standing before her.
I knew what she’d see: a wild tangled mess of hair, a waxen sheen to my face, and—
Godsdammit!
My left eye kept twitching.
Unhinged, probably, would be the best way to describe how I looked and felt.
Don’t look, don’t look at her, don’t look—
I kept my gaze riveted on Carola, ignoring the woman Graysen had taunted me with.
I think I’ll seek release elsewhere. I’ll ask if that pretty little friend of the Pellans wants a fuck.
Carola zeroed in on that godsdamn twitching of my eye. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Never better,” I airily replied. But I was balancing on the tips of my toes on that deranged crest. One slip up and I’d fall, fall, fall, and show myself as other . The creature practically breathed fire down my neck. Liar, liar, liar! —it snarled at me.
And then a scent swept my way and chilled my blood.
I couldn’t stop my hardened gaze from slicing to her deep brown eyes.
The pretty friend of the Pellans with her sultry features looked loose-limbed, flushed, and her dark mane a touch mussed up as if someone had run their fingers through the locks. There was guilt in her eyes as they met mine. She swallowed thickly, and her gaze slid away as she nervously ran her palm over her hair, trying to smooth the flyaways down.
She glanced away—
Because she can’t hold my gaze—
Her scent… Sandalwood and musky sex—
And whether she couldn’t stop the small smile curling her lips, or wanted to taunt me with it when her gaze landed on someone over my shoulder, didn’t matter one bit.
I twisted around, my toes sliding through the sludge, as I followed her line of sight. It wasn’t Corné, strolling toward us, accompanied by two younger brothers, but the group behind him that snagged my attention.
My heart…my godsdamn heart slammed into my throat, squeezing the breath from me.
That’s when I saw him for the first time after last night’s humiliation—
Graysen Crowther.
His brothers flanked him, the four of them heading toward me. As he walked, Graysen tucked in his shirt, quickly fixing his belt before his hands moved to the dark gray tuxedo jacket, buttoning it up.
I didn’t hear or care what Carola murmured to her friend, or that they left me alone and entered the marquee. My attention was solely on Graysen.
He really had fucked that woman!
My gaze raked over the arrogant Crowther brothers and saw their smugness when three sets of violet eyes found mine. That fucking bet they had with him had to be at the forefront of their minds as they cast smirks at Graysen. They were like crows gathering to feast over a kill, to peck and pick apart the dead flesh, and I was the carrion.
A feeling… A real feeling other than that horrible aching hollowness I’d awoken to this morning scorched through me.
My whole body vibrated in anger. The sweat prickling my skin quickly cooled in the snapping wind. I flexed the fingers of my right hand and curled them into a fist. Rage, such pure unadulterated rage, burned my blood into a blistering heat.
And I welcomed it.
I’d forgotten in my misery, wallowing in self-pity, what I was.
I was fire and brimstone.
And I needed to be fire. Fire devoured. It ate and chewed and spat everything to ash.
And that’s what Graysen Crowther needed to be to me—nothing but motes of cinder dashed by the wind.
I surged forward, sprinting across the sodden lawn. Mud flicked up and stained the backs of my legs and ruined my dress. I didn’t care what I looked like to our guests. If I should look like a street urchin, the younger Crowther brothers had cruelly mocked me as five years ago—
I.
Did.
Not.
Care!
Graysen’s attention snapped my way as I dashed toward the eastern wing of the mansion. Nothing. Absolutely nothing was reflected in those blank eyes as he stared. Then life and laughter sparked within his gaze, as one of his brothers said something that amused him. Me. Probably me.
He’d made good on his promise, fucking the Pellan’s pretty friend.
He’s made a bet of me.
They’re all talking about it.
Laughing at how easily he got me into bed.
The creature rumbled in my chest, chuckling darkly.
I wanted to incinerate him. Blast him to Nine Hells. Instead—
I threw out a line of dark power. It blustered across the lawn, exactly where I wanted it, and wound itself around Graysen’s legs.
And I tugged on the snare—
He tripped and fell flat on his face in a puddle of mud. His brothers crowed in laughter.
Graysen pushed back onto his knees, flicking away the mud from his face with a hand. His furious gaze cut to mine and his nostrils flared and muddied jaw ticked.
I didn’t even have it in me to laugh out loud. But it did soothe my wounded soul to see him covered in sludge. Graysen Crowther could burn in hells! He was dead to me! Dead!
I reached my quarters, yanked open the outside door, and burst into my rooms.
Sage? Where’s Sage?
He wasn’t on my bed where I’d left him that morning. However, the bandages I’d wrapped around his chest were now half draped over the end of the bed. Maybe he’d scratched or tugged them off before heading off to eat? I didn’t know. I had no time to think.
I needed to purge myself, but I also had to keep it contained, so no one outside knew what I was doing, and I didn’t destroy the entire mansion in the process.
Shield this room— I ordered the creature before quickly instructing it of the things I wanted to be kept in one piece. The things that meant something to me, like my box of letters from my secret pen pal, my computer, and all my trinkets and journals and books. But everything else…everything else could go.
The creature roared —Let me out… Let me out… LET ME OUT!
I loosened my hold on the thing inside me—
And screamed.