45. Chapter 45
45
Nelle
“ E w,” I grouched, but I was smiling and the laugh that erupted from my throat was genuine. It relieved the burning anger I held for Graysen, but once that fire subsided, all I was left with was a hollow kind of pain.
Aldan Reska, a mountain of a man in a black tuxedo and bow tie, chuckled as I rubbed the spot beside the corner of my mouth, where he’d placed a chaste kiss then blew a godsdamn raspberry on it like I was five years old.
Fine lines creased from his wide-set? thin eyes, the deep brown irises sparkling with mirth and white teeth flashing as he grinned broadly. He slung a massive arm around my shoulder and gently bopped me on the nose with a fist. “Nelle.”
“Aldan,” I grinned back, swatting him good-naturedly on the arm.
House Reska governed the illegal gambling halls. They used the magic of others, the kind whose power was entwined with emotions, to infuse the atmosphere in those places to heighten the thrill, urge a higher bet, to dig deeper into pockets slowly being emptied into the Horned Gods’ coffers.
We didn’t see each other as often as I’d have liked, but I adored Aldan’s company when we did. He was mostly quiet and restrained, but with Lise, with us, he allowed his softer side to show. And with me, his playfulness. I was the little sister he’d always wanted—one full of mischief.
“Still raising hells with Crowther?” His eyes gleamed with curiosity to learn how I’d messed with Graysen this time.
“Of course,” I replied with a wicked grin. “I spiked his whiskey with chili juice a few nights back.”
And then he kissed me—
Stop right there. Don’t think about it.
A rich chuckle burst from Aldan. “Brilliant. ”
“I’d like to think so.” However, I glanced away because right at this moment, it didn’t feel so good anymore. I didn’t feel so good anymore.
“And what about tonight?” Aldan asked.
I lifted a shoulder as if I hadn’t thought about it. Setting Graysen on fire, it would seem my pranks were getting a little more vicious. A little more lethal.
Aldan wiggled his thick eyebrows. “Say the word and I’ll make him disappear. Dump him into the ocean, feet encased in concrete.”
I stifled a sigh.
Knowing Graysen, he could probably breathe underwater.
And then my eldest sister appeared, her arm linked with my mother’s.
The dress swathed Annalise’s body in apricot, and she’d swept up her tawny hair in a sleek chignon. She didn’t need anything but a touch of mascara on her lashes and a dabbing of lip gloss on her pouty lips to enhance her beauty. She was radiant during pregnancy.
“Lise! LISE!” I squealed, almost throwing myself at her until I remembered her baby bump.
Lise’s blue eyes crinkled and sparkled with joy. “Nelle!” She let go of my mother, wrapping her arms around me, and I pressed into her as much as possible with that swollen belly. I looked up at her with excitement. “Can I?”
Her smile widened as she nodded.
The strapless dress flowed over the swelling of her stomach. I gently placed my hand across her belly, surprised at how hard it felt beneath my spread fingers, and patiently waited. It wasn’t long before I felt a slight stirring. I beamed widely, and Lise and I shared a thrilled look.
Aldan moved to Lise’s side. “You need to sit down.”
She smiled up at him while winding an arm around his waist. “Stop fussing. I’m fine.”
If it were possible, Aldan Reska had fallen even more in love with my sister since marriage. The hesitancy I’d had for Aldan had evaporated the moment they had officially announced their engagement, and he’d become fiercely devoted and enthralled with my sister. His essence had strengthened. He still felt like crisp autumnal twilight, with the world we lived in, the things that were expected of us serving the Horned Gods. But when he was with Lise, he positively scalded my skin with pure love.
“Let’s have a look at you, little sister.” Lise rested her hands on my capped-sleeved shoulders as she studied me, before clicking her tongue in approval. “You look stunning, Nelle. ”
Layers of translucent silk, in the same silvery-gray shade as my eyes, made up the dress’s lower half, and the pewter bottom skirt had a pattern of stylized stars. The neckline of the dress plunged to the high waistline, and my hair had been brushed until it gleamed and the front braided into a crown with the long length knotted around a low-slung ponytail that cascaded over one shoulder.
My mother’s smile shone with agreement. She leaned in to smooth my hair and fuss with the skirt’s layers. “I know it’s not what you usually wear, but when I saw it, I knew this was the dress for you.”
My face scrunched in disagreement. “It’s too tight.” I tugged at the wide silky belt, cinched and tied into a bow at my waist. The constricting feel of the dress was too unyielding. I felt smothered, confined, almost like I was harnessed.
My mother pulled my hands away. “Leave it. Just this once, for your sister.”
For Evvie, I’d endure this. But, gods, I wanted to tear it from my skin.
My mother turned to Lise. “I have to do the rounds and greet the other Houses, but you need to listen to Aldan and sit down.” She patted Lise’s arm and kissed her temple before departing.
As soon as our mother was out of hearing range, Lise scrunched up her nose in horror and shook her head at my dress. “Oh, my…what the hells was she thinking?”
She didn’t need to say anymore, and she couldn’t because Aldan was present, but we both understood one another.
“And the shoes?” she hissed, pulling up the layered skirt to reveal my silver high heels.
I hated wearing shoes, let alone high heels, and the ones my mother had given me to wear with this dress were practically skyscrapers.
“I mean, there’s no way out of shoes tonight,” she murmured, “but did she have to find the highest pair?”
I snort-laughed and Lise hugged me in commiseration. “It’ll be alright. Only a few hours of torture, then we can cut you free of this.”
“What’s wrong with what she’s wearing?” Aldan asked, not understanding because Lise had never divulged my secret. “She’s beautiful… In fact,” he said with a sly look. “You’re too beautiful. I think I need to scruff you up a bit.”
Aldan reached out to rub my head, something he always did, which would make me yowl and twist away and give him a good kick in the shins—when Lise barked at him, “Don’t touch her hair!” She fixed me with a glare, just as I was drawing a foot back to kick him. “And you have mud on your shoes. You’ll only ruin his tux.”
Aldan’s chastised expression mirrored my own .
“Inside, the pair of you,” Lise ordered, waving a pointed finger toward the marquee’s entrance. She walked off, then stilled, her face scrunched, as if puzzled. “What is that smell?”
Something large bumped into my leg, making me sway.
“Sage!” I cried, crouching down beside him. I wound my arms around his massive shoulders and rubbed my face into his misty fur. His body was corporeal, the fur shimmering but not fading. He nuzzled into me and gave a playful growl. Ugh —he really stank. A rotten smell wafted from him. He’d obviously disappeared from my rooms to dig up the mangy carcasses he’d buried in the woodland.
Lise leaned down to pat Sage’s head with affection. “Evvie, right? She’s always sneaking you little treats.”
Sage gave a huff, which sounded heavenly to my soul, as he lowered himself to the grassy lawn—gingerly, I noted. I massaged a spot behind his ears and he pressed back into the touch, his tail wagging sluggishly. Sage, alive and well, lightened a piece of my dull, aching heart. I stole a covert look at his barreled chest. Despite the wounds being healed, ?he still hadn’t regained full health.
Blowing out a puff of cool air, he settled his head on his paws and his eyelids grew heavier. My overgrown puppy obviously needed more sleep.
A shiver inched down my spine.
Master Sirro would attend the Blessing tonight. Suddenly, I became terrified of what might happen to Sage if he was forced to protect me. Graysen had saved my wraith-wolf’s life, not once, but twice now. There was no way I was going to risk Sage’s life a third time.
“I’ll see you in a bit,” I said to my sister, rising.
“Where are you going?”
“The kennels,” I replied, then clicked my tongue. Sage pricked his ears and slowly rose to his paws. I’d shut him up in the kennels for the night. He hated it, but there he’d be forced to sleep and recuperate, and I wouldn’t have to worry about him when the Horned Gods arrived for the blessing.
Lise frowned, as I rarely locked Sage away. Then understanding flooded her face. “Master Sirro.” The way she said it, I knew she’d already discovered from Momma what had happened the night Master Sirro showed up for the impromptu meeting with my father and the other Heads of Houses.
“Won’t be long,” I called out while striding off, but when I heard footsteps following, I turned around.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Aldan asked Lise, his hand hooked about her elbow .
She waved dismissively at him. “With my sister.”
“Annalise,” he growled.
“Aldan,” she growled back. “I haven’t seen Nelle in ages.”
“You should be taking it easy and sitting down.”
“I’m six months pregnant, not an invalid.” She shook herself free and walked toward me.
Aldan threw up his hands. “Gods, what is it with you Wychthorn sisters?”
“What the hells is that supposed to mean, Reska?” she tossed at him while marching past me.
“Pigheaded, stubborn, bossy,” Aldan grumbled, but he winked at me as he hurried to catch up with her.
“I heard that!” Lise snapped back.
Both of them carried on ahead, playfully snipping at one other. Casting my arms wide to help keep my balance, I teetered across the lawn toward the flagstone path surrounding our home. Aldan and Lise were too engaged in their fake fighting to realize I’d fallen behind.
I felt him then—
My entire body sparked, and it felt as if a warm breath whispered down my spine. I found my gaze swinging wide before I could stop myself.
Graysen Crowther.
Every single nerve ending jolted.
He was striding out from the marquee, his burnt jacket bunched in his hands. His pace faltered and his head snapped my way as if that awareness we had of one another tugged at him too. He drew to a halt, and the thick throng of our guests arriving from House Battagli and House Zaman moved behind him toward the tent’s entrance like a violent riptide.
There was a fleeting look of surprise as he stared at Aldan, who walked ahead with Lise on his arm. Then his attention darted back and my heart stumbled as he met my gaze, the brisk wind ruffling his black hair.
But there was nothing in his eyes I could read.
But mine—that hurt carving a hole inside my chest—I was sure was far too open.
Lovely wicked Wychthorn— he’d whispered to me last night in bed. He’d held me after the catacombs, soothed away the terror and despair. Shared my smiles and gave me his own. And I had come alive beneath his body, his touch, his lips.
Overwhelming measures of pain and shame splintered through my heart and sluiced through my veins. I couldn’t breathe. I hurt too much .
Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop—
I was someone he had to endure. He didn’t hurt as I did. He’d probably think it the greatest joke ever to discover the immense heartache I suffered.
The words of the Uzrek haunted my thoughts— A thief. A death-dealer. A spinner of deceit.
I scrambled to grab hold hard of those feelings that burned the anguish away.
Fire.
Anger.
Hate.
A weekend is a long time to spend in your company, Wychthorn.
I had to entertain myself some way.
He hated me. He told me himself.
But the pain was still there; I couldn’t rid myself of the emptiness!
Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop—
The creature, its need matching mine, writhed, hissing and chuckling, squeezing my bones, itching to be let loose.
And I welcomed it.
Rage boiled my blood and pounded in my ears. Vengeance drove out every rational thought. I didn’t even know what I was doing, only half aware my hand was rising, drawing that dark power into my fist.
“Nelle?” someone said, my name sounding distant.
I heard nothing, saw nothing but him. I didn’t care that a sea of unwelcome guests surrounded me. This pain inside my chest was too much. TOO MUCH!
Graysen took a hasty step back, braced his stance, and mouthed— Not here.
“Nelle?”
It’s been fun, Wychthorn.
But your wet kisses are dull and we both know you’re not going to put out tonight.
Graysen Crowther had made a fool out of me. He’d easily manipulated me into bed with his honey-coated lies.
I’ll shatter every bone in his body!
I saw realization barrel into him, the flash of fear in widened eyes, and still, it didn’t stop me.
I pulled my arm back, readying to strike. To let the dark power snap his spine in two.
Graysen’s swift glance took in my fist, his gaze slicing to mine, and he looked at me as if I had completely lost my mind, mouthing— Are you fucking crazy?
All I had churning around in my head were his words from last night .
I hate you. You’re a Wychthorn. A spoiled princess. Someone I’ve had to endure.
I own you. Like a toy. A pretty little toy.
Pain and hurt engulfed me, cruelly twisting my heart and wholly consuming my mind.
Makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop—
A blood-curdling scream roared inside my head—
I punched my fist forward—
Something big knocked into me, rocking me off balance—
I stumbled, flinging my hands outward to steady myself, and it was enough to sever the connection to that dark power. To send me spinning back into awareness.
Sage shunted his massive head into my thigh once more. And he growled.
I blinked.
He growled at me .
My fury snuffed out.
Shock and overwhelming fear swamped me, turning the blood in my veins to hoarfrost. A shudder rippled through my body. And this time, terror squeezed my heart with a barbed wire embrace. The seriousness of what I’d done earlier, what I’d been about to do right now, suddenly struck home. My gaze swept wide. I stood amongst a sea of guests—all those people, all the immediate families and closest relatives of the Houses—anyone of them could have seen.
All it would take would be just one of them to wonder, to suspect.
What am I doing?
What the hells is wrong with me?
My sister was repeating my name. “Nelle?”
I slowly blinked once more, coming to, twisting around to where I’d heard my name spoken.
I’d come to a standstill facing Graysen, and my sister and Aldan, who had reached the flagstone path, were looking back at me. Lise tilted her head to the side, her eyebrows drawn closer with worry. “Are you okay?”
I nodded because there was a thick knot in my throat. But my mind was screaming— No, I’m not!
When I looked to where Graysen had been standing, he was gone.
Horror at what I’d almost done fisted inside my gut.
“Nelle?”
“I’m coming,” I rasped out and hurried to catch up with Lise and Aldan.
We made our way along the flagstone path, wending through the garden toward the western side of the mansion. The garden was lit up with wildfyre torches and my heels crunched through the pebbled path between tall conifers, swaying with the wind razing through their frilled leaves. Anxious, I fidgeted with my layered skirt and the bow tied around my waist.
Lise did most of the talking, but even her excited chatter over the impending birth of her firstborn, and the playful banter between herself and Aldan, couldn’t stop my distress, nor banish the ache in my chest.
What have I done?
Earlier in my rooms, I hadn’t loosened the creature fully. I hadn’t let its fire out, but I’d thought I’d released enough to satisfy it and to take the edge off me. But as soon as I’d seen Graysen talking with his brothers at the back of the marquee, such hurt overwhelmed me I’d needed to extinguish it with flame.
My hand trembled as I rubbed my forehead.
Earlier, setting Graysen alight—
Gods, what I’d done had been reckless, stupid, and irresponsible. I’d sent a bolt of dark power upward to dart through the strings of light and glittering orbs hanging from the ceiling of the tent, before slamming that spark of fire right where I wanted it.
But anyone could have seen or felt what I’d unleashed on Graysen.
What would have become of me, of my family, of our House if I’d been discovered?
I rubbed at my chest where it ached, not realizing until I noticed the change of surroundings, the clatter of my heels on the cobbled courtyard, that we’d reached the kennels. The space, which served as training grounds for our guards and soldiers, had barracks and a custom-engineered kennel for Sage at its edge.
I’m stupid and foolish and reckless to give myself over to such blind fury—
I balled my fist, welcoming the sting of my nails digging into my palms.
What kind of person am I?
A monster—
I hadn’t realized Lise had stopped talking until I felt her hand squeeze my shoulder. She gave me a concerned look. “Nelle, are you all right?”
No. I’m losing my godsdamned mind.
But I gave her a pretty, mindless smile, one I’d seen Evvie make countless times, and answered, “Yes.”
Liar —the creature hissed with vexation.
And Lise looked as if she didn’t believe me either. Her eyes narrowed on mine and her mouth parted as if she were about to say something when I hurried forward to shut Sage up in his kennel, specifically designed to contain a wraith-wolf .
The cage crackled with energy like bottled lightning. Sage glared at me. “Don’t look at me like that,” I told him. “You need more rest and you won’t get it if you’re trailing me all night.”
He huffed, still glaring.
I sighed, tickling under his chin, and whispering low, so Lise didn’t hear, “Thanks, Sage. For saving Crowther from me.” But it wasn’t only Crowther, Sage had saved my entire House.
A second later, the sound of my phone ringing cut through the dark air. Fishing it out from where I’d tucked it inside the wide belt of my dress, I swiped the screen. It was my mother.
“Nelle, where are you?”
“I’m with Lise and Aldan, out by the kennels.”
“Is Evvie with you?”
“No.”
“I can’t find your sister anywhere, and she’s not answering her phone.”
Relief flooded my veins because I knew Lise was going to press me to tell her the truth, and this was the perfect excuse to evade her. I wasn’t particularly worried about Evvie. Maybe she wanted to steal a moment alone or was busy attending to some minor party detail. But I reassured my mother by saying, “I’ll look through the house and see if I can find her.”