16. Diablos
Chapter sixteen
Diablos
When Dagon drew me into his arms, I was shocked. I was convinced this was how some of the main characters in my books felt. Dagon from three days ago and the man holding me right now were like two different people. I admit, I'd choose this version of him every day if I could.
I relaxed in his embrace, and for the first time, I felt like I could lean on someone.
I never let my defenses fall. Never. But even I wasn’t delusional enough to deny the pull between us.
I felt like I’d gone batshit crazy, but there was something like an invisible force pulling me toward Dagon.
The moment I gave in and followed it into his arms, the pressure lifted, and I felt like I was finally where I was supposed to be.
Maybe all the books I read were getting to my head.
When he asked me about my studies, I contemplated telling the usual lie. I almost did because it came to me like a reflex. But fuck, there was something about Dagon that made me want to spill everything.
I shifted until I was more comfortable on the bean bag, which brought me even closer to Dagon. He froze for a second, and I froze too. Holding my breath, I prayed I wouldn’t end up on the floor. Shockingly, he tightened his hold around me. What were we doing? What was I doing?
“You know, computer science was hard, too.”
“I was surprised when you said you’d study computer science.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure. I never imagined you majoring in it.”
“What did you imagine?”
“Do you like your work?” I asked instead.
I didn’t want to say I'd imagined him continuing his history studies and finding a job related to it. He loved history more than anything, and I loved how he lit up when he spoke about it. After the accident, after the most important competition in his life that he missed because of me… he gave up.
To this day, I felt the guilt eating at me. Regardless of what anyone else said, I knew Dagon giving up had something to do with me.
The memories brought back unpleasant shivers of pain and guilt, so I closed my eyes and listened to his soothing voice.
“Not really.” He laughed bitterly, and my heart went out to him. “Working for one of King’s companies has its perks, but it’s not something I enjoy. I just do it. That’s it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“There is no reason for you to be sorry, Di. Never apologize for something you’re not guilty of.”
My heart clenched at his words. Never be sorry for something you’re not guilty of. It sounded so simple, so easy, yet sometimes your brain couldn’t understand it, no matter how hard you tried. I lived that reality every single day.
“It’s not all bad, you know. I have plenty of skills to show off and annoy coworkers who are a pain in the ass.”
“I bet that’s one of your natural talents.”
“Annoying people? You can bet it is.”
Both of us started laughing, and I relaxed.
The current version of Dagon was the real him, the one I met when I became part of the Hughes.
I didn’t want to go back to being enemies.
I didn’t want to return to our animosity and ignoring each other.
My heart ached at the thought of Dagon distancing himself again, so I tightened my hold on him, as if that could somehow keep him next to me.
I was also painfully aware that this was risky.
If I saw more of this side of Dagon, and he put up his walls again, pulling away from me, I’d fall apart like a tower of cards.
I was playing a dangerous game and gambling with my heart on the line.
The chances of him seeing me as more than a brother were slim to none.
The worst part? I'd gladly pay whatever price to have him in my life.
Then again, truth be told, my heart hadn’t belonged to me for a long time. Dagon meant so much more to me than I could ever put into words.
It may be time to hope against all the odds. If I break my own heart, so be it.
As my brain caught up with my heart, and the overflowing determination continued to grow, I relaxed in his embrace.
At some point, we started sharing embarrassing and funny stories from our studies and his work. I was fascinated by how his chest rose and fell under me when he laughed. Hearing Dagon Hughes laugh was a rarity these past several years.
His breathing, his scent, his embrace soothed parts of me I never realized were always tense. My eyelids grew heavy, and I started drifting to sleep. My last thought before I succumbed to sleep was the hope of waking up in Dagon’s embrace.
***
There was something hard under my chest. Was I getting a panic attack before I was even fully awake? I opened my eyes, trying to focus on my surroundings. Nope, it wasn’t a panic attack, but it was something equally scary.
I was lying entirely on top of Dagon’s body. It was paradise, don’t get me wrong. His arms were holding me prisoner, and my head was spinning from how perfectly we fit together. Our legs were intertwined, and with my head on his chest, I was convinced there was no better place to be on this Earth.
However, there was a slight problem.
My heart started pounding. I tried to calm my breathing, too afraid I’d wake Dagon up.
What was hell within my heaven was my hard-on pressing against his thigh. Fuck.
Danger! My mind was blazing with reprimands and commands to pull away. Too bad my body had a mind of its own.
I raised my head very slowly. His eyes were closed, his mouth was slightly open, and his hair was a mess.
I had never seen a more beautiful man. I wanted to touch his hair, his beard, his face, his lips.
They were so tempting – like water after days of drought.
His upper lip was thinner than his bottom one, and I wondered how his lips would feel on me – between my lips, over my aching cock, across my body. Fuck.
He stirred and pulled me tighter, shifting his thigh higher between mine. Even if my life depended on it, I couldn't stop the moan from slipping out.
Did I think my heart was beating fast before?
Uh-uh, that was nothing. Now it was going to explode.
Though an exploding heart sounded like the better option compared to an erupting cock.
No, no. Exploding heart makes me think of death.
I could feel my brain starting to spiral.
But then, unexpectedly, I felt Dagon’s lips on my forehead, brushing more against my hair than my skin. All thoughts halted.
“Good morning.” His voice was raw and sleepy.
The kiss sent jolts straight to my cock. A distant part of my brain, still functioning, reminded me not to move because he would feel my hardness. I was sure he could feel it either way, because I felt his.
Damn it all. My brain was misfiring, and my body was barely holding back from vibrating with the need to feel more. It took all the restraint I didn’t know I had not to do everything flashing in my mind or to grind against him.
Finding my voice, I said, “Good morning to you too.”
“Did you sleep well?”
I expected him to disappear faster than lightning when he woke up. Instead, his grip on me only tightened… and was he sniffling me?
“What?”
Dagon’s body shook with barely restrained laughter while he repeated the question. “Did you sleep well?”
“Mhm.” Yep, that was all I had.
“I bet it was my arm-pillow and a little bit of the cushions.”
“It’s a bean bag,” I corrected automatically. “Also, I bet it was all you.”
My eyes widened in horror. These words did not leave my mouth. No, this didn't happen. Fuck me and my mouth! A voice whispered, Wouldn’t you want him to do exactly that?
I groaned at the same time Dagon laughed with full force. I expected him to start messing with me and laughing at me. Wait, was he laughing at me now?
“Well, in that case, we should do it more often.”
Wait, what? What did he just say? I met his eyes, trying to process his words. He didn’t just suggest sleeping together again, did he?
I was thrown into another universe. There was no other explanation—none, nada.
Trying to calm my rampant thoughts turned out to be fruitless. What snapped me out of it was another kiss on my forehead. A kiss that lingered, but was also not enough. Then, he moved to get up and went to the bathroom.
What in the ever-loving crap of all craps happened?
After spending the morning in a trance - who could blame me after everything that happened with Dagon?
- we were back on the road. We expected to be at the village King had told us about in roughly six hours.
I'd tried not to think about it for the past few days, but now it was difficult to stop the questions.
Not even waking up on top of Dagon and the gentle kiss could fight the anxiety that roared in every part of my body.
For fuck's sake, what if we met a demon in person for the first time? What if our father was wrong and this friend wasn't on our side? What if he tried to attack us? What if something terrible happened while we were there?
I started playing with my ring and went through so many scenarios that my head began to throb with sharp pain. I was shaking my leg nervously, too. The desire to get out of the car and run in the opposite direction was intense.
“Hey, is everything okay?” Dagon’s voice pulled me out of the horrors in my mind. I didn’t want to lie to him.
“No.” Sighing, I continued, “What if our father is wrong and this person isn't a good guy? I’m going through all kinds of scenarios in my head.”
Dagon’s grip on the wheel tightened, but he didn’t look at me when he answered. “I don’t know whether King is right or wrong, but I promise you, this person won’t do anything to us.”
My chest tightened when I heard him say the word us. I shouldn’t focus on that part of the sentence, but it was all I could do.
“I won’t let anything happen to you, Di.”
This time he looked at me, and my breath caught. Dagon smiled before turning his focus back to the road. I'd always believed that the eyes spoke the most. Lips could tell lies, but the eyes couldn’t lie. And the only thing I saw in Dagon was pure determination and reassurance.
“Okay.” I swallowed and realized my throat was like sandpaper, so I reached for my water bottle.
After drinking a little bit, I said, “I believe you, but how can you be so sure? We're literally chasing some fantasy object in the hands of demons. What if we come face to face with demons and don’t even realize it?”
“It’s normal to be worried, but you’re not alone.
We will do this together. Let’s focus on the upcoming meeting first. We'll think about everything else after that. And if that’s hard, talk to me about what bothers you.
I may not be able to help much, but I’ll listen.
” He quickly added as if he was afraid of something, “Of course, only if you want to.”
I tried to process his words, but the tightening in my gut made it hard. I'd have to spend hours finding the right words to describe my feelings.
“Thank you.”
That was the only thing I could manage for now.
However, I was genuinely grateful to Dagon.
Maybe he didn’t realize it, but his words meant a lot to me.
These intrusive thoughts weren’t something I could stop or rationalize away.
It wasn’t like I could turn them off and on.
Hearing his words made me feel cherished in a way I'd never felt before.
The mere fact that he would listen if I needed to share was enough.
“King said this person is a friend of another angel. Okay, that I can understand, but why the fuck didn’t he tell us anything more about the demons?” I wondered aloud.
Dagon tensed before answering, “King… I don’t know what his game is, but trust me, a demon won’t be able to do anything to us.”
“How can you be so sure? Both of us have never met demons, and even if we did, we wouldn’t have realized it.”
“Are you afraid? Who knows, maybe they would be friendly,” Dagon joked.
“Afraid of what, more specifically?”
There were many things I could be afraid of. Starting with something happening to Dagon because of these motherfucking-demons-who-may-be-friendly, all the way to end-of-the-world kind of fear. Yeah, I call the demons being friendly utter bullshit.
“Are you afraid of demons?” he asked.
I thought about his question for a second.
I didn’t want to rush my answer. Was I afraid of them doing something to me?
I had never met demons before, so there was no reason for me to be frightened of someone I didn’t know.
However, rationality wasn’t my strong suit.
My mind, like always, was running wild, but I knew my brain couldn’t be trusted, so there was that. Besides, I didn’t take words for proof.
Regarding my beliefs and views, I preferred to decide alone, even if my mind often was at war with my heart.
So, no, I wasn’t afraid of them hurting me, but I was terrified of demons hurting my family, hurting Tadeo, and innocent people.
Most of all, I was scared of demons hurting Dagon… because he was with me now.
How could I answer his question then?
“A little bit.” It wasn’t the full truth, but it wasn’t a complete lie either. Dagon tightened his grip on the wheel again and nodded.
“Are you?” I asked.
“No.” His answer was quick.
I laughed as I said, “I’m not surprised.”
“There are things I’m afraid of. Demons just aren't one of them.”
I nodded, not knowing what else to say, so I chose silence. With every passing minute, Dagon noticed my anxiety more and more. Probably that’s why he reached over and took my hand. His fingers wrapped around mine, and I held my breath as my heart hammered.
I looked down at our joined hands and smiled. For some reason, all I needed was for Dagon to hold me.
My mind may have been raging with what-ifs and horrifying scenarios flashing before my eyes, but I knew I wouldn’t be swept into their hurricane. Not when I had Dagon anchoring me.
Whatever came our way, we would face it together.
I just needed to stay vigilant and pray my gut feelings about the upcoming danger, and my brain’s chants of constant, impending doom, wouldn’t intertwine with our reality.
It sounded simple, right? Stay in the present, anchor yourself, and don’t let the thoughts get to you. Simple… yet it wasn’t.
I couldn’t wait for this day to be over. The only positive side to all of this was Dagon standing by my side, on this crazy journey together.