23. Diablos
Chapter twenty-three
Diablos
He loves me.
The thought arrived again, gentle this time. Like a tide coming back to shore not to wreck, but to nourish.
My brain had spent twenty-five years telling me everything was always about to fall apart.
Whenever something good happened, my brain would fire gunshots of intrusive thoughts.
And this time it wasn't any different. He's going to leave.
He's going to pull away. He never wanted you.
You imagined the whole thing. My brain had a hundred different ways of saying the same lies.
I had spent my whole life battling these thoughts, learning not to trust them, but also struggling not to let the fear overwhelm me.
Tonight, my brain had been wrong about all of the intrusive thoughts connected with Dagon.
Deep down I know he's not going to leave or pull away again. He does wants me. He did for a long time. And no, I didn't imagine everything that happened between us. After all how could I imagine something that felt so true, so passionate, so magnificent.
Dagon's chest was warm under my cheek. His heartbeat was slow now, steady, and one of his hands was tracing absent shapes between my shoulder blades. The other was cupped lightly at the back of my head, his fingers tangled in my hair like he was afraid I'd float away if he didn't anchor me.
He'd kissed me on every part of my body that he could reach.
Dagon's mouth was soft against my lips, unhurried at times in a way that surprised me.
At the same time I felt his beard, the coarseness, the slight drag, leaving a faint burn behind.
I feel the burn even now and I love it. He'd told me, with his hands, with his mouth, with the way he came apart against me, that I was his.
He'd said it twice with words and a hundred times without them.
And I had said it back.
I love you. From the beginning, it was you.
The line kept replaying in my head. Not because I regretted it. Because I'd waited so long to say it that I couldn't quite believe I had.
My body still felt the ghost of him everywhere.
The press of his hand at the back of my neck.
The slick of him against me. The bite marks on my collarbone that I would absolutely not hide under a shirt collar tomorrow.
Why? Because I crave his marks. The soreness in my jaw from kissing too long, too hard.
The good kind of sore. The kind I never thought I'd get to feel.
I drifted my hand across his stomach, just because I could. Because no one was stopping me. Because the man I'd been watching from the shadows for eight years was the man under my hand right now, and he wasn't going to flinch away.
I should've been counting something. Twisting my ring. Bracing for the moment my brain decided to ruin this.
Instead, for the first time in I couldn't remember how long, my brain was quiet.
I was sprawled over Dagon, basking in the feeling of being in his arms. His hands tracing my back made me sleepy, but I fought to stay awake.
“Let’s go and wash the cum off our stomachs before falling asleep.” Dagon laughed while saying this. Seeing him carefree, smiling, and laughing warmed my heart. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
His smile was breathtaking, like a night sky sparkling with stars.
“I love hearing you laugh and seeing you smile.” His smile faltered, so I pecked his lips to distract him. “Do it more often.”
I could feel him tense, so I got up and grabbed his hand, leading him to the bathroom.
We washed quickly and returned to bed. We didn’t bother with clothes.
Snuggling under the blankets, with our arms around each other, I stared into his eyes.
He had always been so cold before, but now I couldn’t remember that time.
I saw behind Dagon’s winter walls. I saw the blazing core of who he was. I could almost swear I could feel fire between us, too.
I thought about the scars on his back. My breathing quickened just thinking about them.
There were two long slashes from the upper part of his back to his middle.
I didn’t want to think about who hurt him like this.
When he was ready, he would tell me, but if I found this person, I was going to kill them. Slowly. Painfully.
I wasn’t a violent person, and I was often afraid of violence, but if I got my hands on the person who did this to Dagon, I knew I would lose my shit and try to inflict the same pain on them.
Dagon sensed the change in my breathing and kissed me softly and slowly.
“Stay with me. Here. Now.”
His words warmed my heart. We spent the next hour kissing lazily and touching everywhere, getting acquainted with each other’s bodies again. It was like we couldn’t get enough of each other, and I had never been happier.
***
I must've fallen asleep at one point, because the sun was already up and shining over our bed. This time, Dagon rested his head on my chest, with his legs wrapped around mine. I played with his hair, kissing his forehead. He stirred and opened his eyes, throwing daggers at the sun.
“Good morning, grumpy one,” I said.
"I don't know how you can not be grumpy when the sun's shining in your eyes, and it's barely…" He looked around. "What time is it?"
I laughed and kissed his lips.
“It’s seven. But look on the bright side, we get to see the sunrise together.” He groaned and buried his face in the crook of my neck. I shifted slightly to protect him from the bad, shining sun while I chuckled. “Get some more sleep.”
He did. He slept until nine. He must have been exhausted.
I watched the sun emerge over the town and enjoyed the feel of Dagon in my arms. I knew we'd have to leave soon, but I wanted to stay here, in our bubble of happiness and warmth.
Dagon’s phone rang, and he groaned again. So much for staying here. I reached for his phone on the nightstand. It was Andras. I answered it because Dagon didn’t seem in an excellent mood.
“Hey, Andras.”
“Di?”
“Yeah, it’s me. What’s up?”
“Is Dagon there?”
I looked down at him. He was already wide awake.
“Yes.”
“Can you put him on the phone?”
He sounded irritated with me, and I thought it would be better for Dagon to talk to him.
“Hold on a sec.” I put Andras on mute and said to Dagon, “Our brother who loves you and can’t stand me wants to talk to you.”
“Andras does like you.”
“Look how you knew right away who I meant,” I said with a pointed look.
He shoved me and kissed me lazily like Andras wasn’t waiting for him. After a long kiss, which made my cock hard, he answered the phone.
“Andras. What’s up?”
I couldn’t hear what our brother told him, but Dagon suddenly sat up.
“What happened exactly? Is everyone okay?” There was a short pause as he listened to Andras. “Yes, okay. Thanks for calling. Talk to you later.”
“What happened?” I was already asking him before he could hang up the phone.
“Nothing serious, don’t worry. It seems a demon tried to attack the house.”
“What?” I screamed. Nothing serious?
Dagon rubbed his face. “King Hughes is one of the four angels. Only an idiot demon would try to break into his house. Not to mention, it was a Soulborn.” When Dagon saw my worried expression, he pulled me into his lap.
“No one is hurt. The demon didn’t even get close to them.
It seems it was searching for the objects.
King will do something about the home alarm system and asked us to hurry. ”
Dagon's voice was nothing like it was yesterday. Now it was cold and clipped. We didn't have a choice. We got ready in the fastest way possible, grabbing breakfast and coffee to go.
I wish we had more time in that room, but we didn’t. If we didn’t stop and drove all day, we'd reach that dead town around five. I offered to drive, but Dagon refused. There was tension in the car, and I couldn’t take it any longer.
“Talk to me.”
“Aren’t you worried?” he asked.
“Oh, I am. I worry almost all the time about real and imaginative things, but now things are different.”
I constantly thought about what could happen. What-ifs were my third name. Frequently, I was afraid something would happen to a member of my family, and my brain played various scenarios while my body was locked in fear.
But now it was different because I had Dagon by my side.
I didn’t mean that everything was magically gone.
The darkness inside me was fused with my being.
There was no getting out of it. There was no salvation from the ghosts of the past and the ghosts of the terrifying future my thoughts loved to show me.
There was more, of course, but my point was that now we were together in the darkness.
Seeing how Dagon changed drastically this morning broke my heart. I wanted him to know he wasn't alone.
“If we’re going to worry about what is coming, let’s do it together,” I said.
“I’m not scared of what may wait for us there.”
He was telling the truth, but there was something he was holding back. He pecked my lips, and I wanted more, but we had to continue toward the doomed city.
Throughout the road, we held hands and silently supported each other. I didn’t know what to expect when we got there, but I felt anxious beyond my usual anxiety. I was afraid we were headed straight into the wolf’s mouth. All I could do was hold on to Dagon and pray everything would be alright.
Please, let us survive this day.