Chapter 12 Ledger
LEDGER
Fucking Maxwell Macomb.
His license is the last thing I toss into the firepit before I stomp out the controlled flames. It’s nearly after dark by the time I’ve finished dismembering his body into small, manageable chunks to burn.
I would’ve also doused his car in gasoline, but the thick torrent of smoke it would emit would either draw attention or cause a larger forest fire.
So for now, I leave it alone. Nobody’s in a hurry to come out here this time of year, anyway.
Disposing of the body is the most crucial step.
Everything else is a secondary concern that can wait until Tanner comes out here for backup.
We’ve tackled plenty of hurdles together, him and I.
There’s nothing we haven’t been through this far into our lives.
This rift between us has caused some heightened tension, sure, but it’ll soon all be behind us.
I’ve got it all figured out. It’s hard to imagine a life away from The Ringer when it’s all you’ve ever known, and he’s been part of it longer than I have.
But things are changing, and despite his doubts, he’ll feel equally relieved once he sees that it’s possible to outsmart them.
We don’t have to stay stuck underneath Antonio’s thumb forever.
His priorities extend far beyond funneling a worldwide search for two of his men.
Even with all the resources in the world, it’d be tricky to find us once we make the move.
Swinging the gas tank in my hand, I stomp on the remaining embers until nothing but a faint glow remains that will soon fizzle out with the breeze before heading up the hill.
Once I’m back in the cabin, thoughts of tomorrow continue to churn in my head as I attempt another go at scrubbing the last of the blood on the wooden floors with whatever clothes I could scrounge up from the black duffle bag while Aria watches from the bed.
She’s spaced out, floating somewhere else in her own head.
My knuckles blanch as I unscrew one of the water bottles beside me and take a quick swig before pouring the rest inside of the expired bottle of bleach I found earlier underneath the kitchen cabinet, and shake it up.
I’m back on the floor, scrubbing rigorously until the sweater in my hand is soaked through with more blood, then toss it aside, still unsatisfied with the state of the wood.
I don’t care much about the stains personally, but I also don’t want a visual reminder of what happened to stare her in the face all night.
Never mind that we won’t be staying here for much longer.
The food packets are piled onto the tabletop, and I shove the bloodied clothes inside of the empty plastic bag they came in before taking it out to my trunk. The blood’s caked thick under my nails and needs a thorough scrubbing of its own. We both need a good shower once we’re out of here.
She avoids glancing my way when I step back inside, still fidgeting with the unopened wrapper of graham crackers I left her with before I hauled the lifeless body out of sight.
I knew she’d be too shaken up after that to set foot out of the cabin.
It was the one small mercy that came out of this whole thing.
Although the thought of her seeing me as an even bigger monster after what happened sparks a flicker of rage in me, it doesn’t matter.
That image of me will be burned inside her mind now.
No one can witness that kind of brute savagery and remain the same.
It’s a far cry from the staged assault on Evalyn, which was neater, carefully made to look self-inflicted.
Everything, from the drugs in her system to the precise noose marks and clean cuts on her wrist, had been calculated. Professional. Untraceable.
But I don’t regret the way I dealt with that vermin masquerading as a man.
If anything, if I could get a do-over, I’d take my sweet fucking time, skin him alive, make him beg me to just kill him already, because that would have been a bigger mercy.
Real men don’t prey on the innocent when nobody’s watching.
She has no idea just how far I would go to keep her as mine. She wouldn’t want to know.
Reducing her to a shell would make her easier to control.
It’s what I want, but at the same time, I can’t help my fists from balling at my sides as I watch her distant expression while she fiddles with the packet in her hands.
The urge to rip it open myself and force-feed her every tiny crumb picks at me.
I’ve been trying to fucking save her, but instead, I’ve broken her even more.
Her forehead wrinkles as she lifts her gaze to meet mine for the first time since I’ve been back, her voice a painful rasp. “Aren’t you scared of his body being found?”
Her question sears into my chest.
“No.”
If she was hoping that was going to lead anybody to her, she was sorely misguided. Silence stretches between. Finally, when I’ve had enough, I turn on my heels to tend to the fire before she calls out to me.
“Wait.”
I halt in my tracks, slowly twisting my neck to look over my shoulder at her. My eyes are drawn to the flick of her tongue as she licks the small cut on her lip. She winces, just barely.
“Thank you for…you know.” She holds my gaze for a beat before turning to look at her lap.
That’s not something I expected from her.
I’m not someone she should be thanking. It won’t be long before the teeth I’ve buried in her bleeds a poison strong enough to dissolve her completely. It’s the signature effect that always seems to follow me.
Soft whimpers wake me shortly after I drift off on the couch. Another one of her nightmares.
I should leave it alone. I’ve already done enough.
But the sound of her restless breaths and the constant thrashing tug at something in my chest, pulling on emotional strings I thought were long gone, or maybe never even there to begin with.
Breathing out a long sigh, I push myself off the couch to check on the fireplace.
That’s what I tell myself, anyway. I’m definitely not planning on climbing back into bed with her, not after last time.
I barely had the restraint to hold myself together then, and I’m not sure if my reserve is strong enough to be tested again.
But her breaths quicken, her whimpers growing louder, and I make the mistake of glancing back at her. Nose scrunched, eyebrows knit closely together. Fuck, she’s adorable. Even while she’s being tormented in her sleep.
She won’t want me in her bed again, but maybe I can calm her cries before going back to my own spot. She’ll never know I was even there.
We all need proper rest for what’s ahead.
Fuck it.
Walking over, I ease myself next to her, my muscles just as tense as they were the previous time. I gently wrap an arm around her as I try to lull her out of her nightmare with a soft hum, gently threading my other hand through her hair, avoiding the knots as I massage her scalp.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “Nothing can hurt you while I'm here.”
Her whimpers die down gradually the longer I keep reassuring her, but the tension in her forehead remains.
I patiently continue the same rhythmic pattern until she’s back asleep, convincing myself that this is enough retribution for all my sins, the one and only thing I can offer her.
She feels so warm in my arms, comforted by my touch when she’s not even aware that I’m here.
It’s hard to pull myself away. My head grows heavy again.
Maybe I’ll stay for just a few more minutes. But short minutes turn into longer ones, until I somehow drift off right along with her.
Muffled moans come from somewhere beside me, faint but persistent, not enough to fully stir me awake. Instinctively, I press into the solid warmth at my side, chasing the pleasure it offers and letting a husky, pent-up groan slip out in the process.
Soft, feminine sighs suddenly turn into a sharp gasp, instantly jerking me wide awake. My movements still. Muscles tense. Peering into her rounded eyes, she’s breathless and frozen.
Fuck.
How did I let myself drift off like that again?
She looks terror-stricken.
I mutter a curse under my breath, pushing back to get up, but her hand shoots out, her fingers curling around my sleeve. The touch stops me cold in my tracks.
“Stay,” she murmurs.
“Don’t,” I warn, my voice low.
Fogginess clouds my head, and for a moment, I think I’m still not completely awake. She lets go of my sleeve.
She looks so small next to me, quietly drawing my attention again.
My eyes drift down her neck, at the marks left by that vermin who is now ash again with the Earth. She’s in a vulnerable state right now, and I’m not the right kind of man to be pushing buttons with. This is a dangerous game for her to be playing.
A mistake.
Whatever she thinks she’s doing, it’s only going to make things worse.
Hurt flashes in her eyes, and damn if it doesn't stir something protective inside me.
Her lips part, but no words come out, just her warm breaths grazing against my skin.
She licks her pink, plush lips, wincing when her tongue runs over the tiny cut.
My eyes track the movement, the little action feeding the hunger growing inside me. I want to reach out and touch her.
Consequences and morals be damned.
It’s not like they’ve ever stopped me before.
“Please,” she begs, her voice breaking.
My throat tightens. “Why?”
“Because all I can taste and feel is him.”
Her answer hits like a blow to my gut. She’s trying to erase yesterday’s memory with one she can pick and control herself.
I stare back at her, jaw clenched, every muscle in my body just as tense.
God, I’m so fucked in the head for even thinking about letting her have it her way. For convincing myself that this might actually help her.
I know it’s sick. I’m sick.
The right thing to do here is get up and walk away, but who am I kidding? I’ve never done the right thing in my life.
This is just another fuckup, but who’s keeping track?
So when she leans into me again, I let her, thinking she’ll come to her senses on her own and back out at the last second.
But she doesn’t.
Her lips are soft and hesitant as they press into mine.
Just like that, she’s kissing me. Trying to remedy her pain, not realizing that I’m the venom, not the cure.
Throwing my inhibitions to the side, I let my urges take over, my lips parting to let her in. My hand slips into her hair, holding her close to me, hoping she won’t change her mind and pull away now that we are getting somewhere.
I take control, deepening the kiss.
She tastes sweet. Sweet and forbidden.
My pulse races, my chest thundering, each beat pounding against my ribcage.
Her little breaths hitch against my lips, sending a violent wave of desire through me.
I groan at the soft, uncertain touch of her fingers as they brush my sleeve, trailing tentatively, afraid but determined to discover more.
What I’d give to hear her pant my name into my mouth, just once, while I ruin her, destroying her innocence the way I’ve destroyed everything else in my life. But she doesn’t know my name. Never cared to ask.
My jaw flexes. That’s fine. If she wants to use me as a nameless tool to explore and escape her inner turmoil, then so be it. Who am I to deprive her of choice?
Pulling back slightly, I bite her tender lip harder than I should, craving her reaction. I want her to feel the pain that I feel knowing I can’t have her. Not in the way I want.
She gasps, then moans softly into my mouth when I claim her lips again in another punishing kiss. The sounds she makes send heat straight to my groin, my erection straining painfully against my jeans, begging for release.
Then a sudden, loud knock comes from the door, startling us both. We tear apart, like opposite ends of a magnet, and I observe as her face pales, her body trembling with the reminder of yesterday.
Grunting under my breath, I briefly adjust myself before standing to open the door, already knowing exactly who it is.
My message said to hurry things along, but that didn’t mean come banging on the door at the crack of dawn.
Unlocking it, I expect to only see Tanner, but Frankie’s also at his side.
“What the hell?” I snap.
She rolls her eyes dramatically and brushes past me. “Well, nice to see you, too, brother,” she says, her long, dark ponytail swinging slightly behind her.
Tanner shrugs, looking grim, as he follows her inside. “What? You said all of us in your text.”
“That doesn’t mean bring her here,” I bite out, my eyes narrowed at him.
He glances over at Aria, still sprawled on the bed. “Someone has to keep an eye on her, anyway.” Then he looks back at me. “Big man wants a word with us. Urgent.”
Fuck my life.
I look over to Aria, her cheeks flushed, biting her perfectly swollen lips that I got to tease seconds ago. She’s so fucking beautiful. Her eyes hold mine, frightened and confused.
If Antonio needs to see us now, that means there isn’t another option besides leaving her here until the meeting’s over. I hold off on pressing questions until we’re out of earshot.
“So, we’re just supposed to leave Frankie with her?” I ask, looking back at Tanner.
“I’m not a child,” Frankie retorts with another eye roll. “We’ll be fine. Tanner clued me in already; just go.”
Tanner rubs his temples before sliding his hands down his face. “It’s not the best course of action, but what else do you suggest right now? We don’t have much time left. If you’d just done what I told you earlier—”
“What are you talking about?” Frankie juts in.
Gritting my teeth, I snap back at her, “Nothing concerning you.”
She glares at me while Tanner sighs. “Look, I’m not happy about this either, but now isn’t the time to argue. They’re going to start asking questions if we’re not on time."
“Fine.” I grit my teeth as I go to retrieve my leather jacket from the couch, then head back toward the door, wondering what kind of trouble we’re getting into.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” he asks before I reach for the doorknob.
“What?” I bite out.
He cocks his head toward Aria, her hands clenched anxiously in her lap, eyes searching mine for answers, but I’m just as lost. More guilt rises in my chest.
“Aren’t you going to tie her up before we leave?”
Right.
I stalk toward her and pick up the forgotten ropes under the side of the bed. Back to square one, I guess.
Her eyes gloss over as she holds my stare, but I avoid looking back. I hate the silent accusation in them. It has to be done.
Tanner tosses his keys to Frankie, and she catches them midair.
“Text us if anything happens,” he tells her.
“I will. We’ll be fine. I got this, remember?” She holds up the keychain, the metal pieces clinking together.
He nods as I march back to his side.
“We’ll be fast,” I promise.
With a nudge from Tanner, we exit without looking back.