Chapter 34 Ledger
LEDGER
The steady beeps of the monitor fill the rest of the otherwise silent hospital room, each one pulsing a shot down my spine, slowly dissolving the panic I’ve been trapped in since I got here.
I almost lost her.
Exhaling a slow, measured breath, I sink deeper into one of the two upholstered chairs. My gaze drifts from her resting body to the blank ceiling overhead, the sharp antiseptic air biting my nostrils.
It’s sometime in the evening now, a little past seven. The fluorescent lights above sting my eyes, tension coiling behind my temples from hours I’ve spent planted here. I shift upright, my back already stiff and sore from barely moving.
My fingers claw at my kneecaps, jaw tight as the moment replays, her body limp as paramedics carried her out of the house, crimson streaks smeared through her hair and across the gurney.
The fear that gripped me in that moment was absolute, the worst I’ve felt in a long time.
I was sure she was already gone, almost on the verge of collapsing on my knees, until I caught a whiff of the police report as they loaded her into an ambulance, her mother sobbing incoherent details while being ushered into the back of a squad car.
It wasn’t her blood.
They found a pulse on her. She’ll be okay.
Bruised and roughed up, but alive. That single truth knocked the breath from my lungs. A silent prayer formed in my chest, something I never imagined doing before, grateful for whatever force out there that spared her life, letting me keep her.
The door creaks open, revealing Frankie’s shoulder as she nudges through, balancing two Styrofoam cups. Her eyes drift toward the bed beside me, scanning Aria’s still form. “Still not up?”
The door shuts behind her a little heavier than intended, the creak jarring in the quiet of the room. “She stirred a bit when they placed the IV, but she’s still out,” I say, clearing my throat.
The painkillers pulled her under fast. Her body needed the rest, deep and uninterrupted, before it could even begin to recover. The nurse warned she might sleep through the night.
Then there was that pregnancy test they ran after drawing her blood. Negative. Of course it would be, but the word still fired adrenaline through my system, blood rushing fast into my head, drowning out my thoughts for a full minute.
It’s too early for anything like that to show up positive. I know that. But hearing it said aloud still shook me. The potential consequences of that moment keep looping through my brain. If she isn’t on anything, I’ll need to get her a Plan B as soon as she wakes up. Fuck. We were so reckless.
Frankie nods silently, easing into the seat beside me and handing over one of the steaming cups. “She’ll be okay,” she says, her lips flattening into a quiet smile.
I wrap my fingers around it, but take little comfort in its warmth. My eyes flick back to Aria. Even in sleep, her brows are drawn tight, and gut-wrenching splotches of plum mar her neck in a way that fills my vision with fresh shades of red.
I grit my teeth and look away, shifting my focus back to the coffee.
I’m lucky her mom cracked his skull instead of me.
Otherwise, I’d be in handcuffs right now, dragged for questioning instead of sitting here beside Aria.
She didn’t hesitate. Just grabbed the nearest lamp and swung.
Hit him hard enough to drop him where he stood.
At least, that’s what I’ve gathered in passing.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t think she had it in her. But I’m relieved someone was there. Someone who acted before it was too late.
With a soft flex of my jaw, I raise my cup and take a sip, only to pull back with a scrunch of my nose as the sweetness hits the back of my throat. “How much sugar is in this?”
The corner of her mouth quirks into a smirk. “A decent amount. Figured you could use something to sweeten up your day a bit.”
She takes a quick sip from her own cup as I sink back into my chair, resting the coffee between my legs, knees spread slightly. “Thanks,” I mutter, releasing a quiet sigh. “Go home, Frankie. You’ve got an early flight. No point staying up too long.”
A restless bounce works its way into my leg, the light mix of coffee sloshing inside the cup with each thump.
We should’ve gone back to Chicago weeks ago.
Her new plan now is to start college there next semester, live in a dorm, maybe build connections with other girls for once.
Something she never had the chance to do with the way the past few years went, especially with me.
We both know why we’re still here. Why I’m still here.
She turns to face me, slowly, pausing for a beat as she searches for the right words.
“Ledger…” She waits until I meet her gaze, her gray eyes steady, voice low.
“Don’t waste any more time torturing yourself.
Anyone who pays attention can see the way you look at her.
How hard you try to fight it. But you don’t have to do that anymore.
You don’t need to keep denying yourself of happiness anymore.
We’ve spent so much of our lives doing that.
Pushing feelings aside, making excuses, trying to survive through hard choices.
But that’s over now. We get to choose how to live.
Really live. And that goes for you, too. ”
I swallow the grit in my throat, unable to respond.
Unable to reach deeper than the part of me that still believes I’m not worthy of love.
That Aria will be better off without me.
That I’ll disappear from her life just as fast as I entered it, reclaiming her choice for her, to spare her the pain of regretting it later.
I’ve spent so long expecting the worst out of people, preparing for rejection once my demons came into the light. Bracing the moment she, too, remembers what a monster I am and walks away. But Frankie’s right.
It all comes from fear.
Fear of handing over my heart to someone who could drop it. Fear of being seen. Fear of hoping there’s truly a change for someone like me, realizing that maybe I’m not a lost cause after all.
“Don’t push her away. Not after you’ve finally gotten her back again—for both of your sakes.”
With a small nod, Frankie rises, her gaze drifting back toward Aria. A faint smile plays at her lips. “Promise me you’ll be okay? That you’ll lean on each other while I’m gone?”
I set my cup down and rise to pull her into a final embrace, knowing it’ll be a while until I see her again. “You never have to worry about me,” I murmur, ruffling her hair. “Just promise me you’ll still call so I won’t have to worry about two girls instead of one.”
She laughs, ducking out of my grip. “Yeah, yeah. We’ve been over this already.”
We trade a few more words and half-joking promises before she finally heads out. A ghost of a smile still lingers on my face until a sharp noise behind me yanks my focus back. My chest sinks as I spin toward the hospital bed.
Aria twists her head to the side for a moment, eyes squeezed shut, a frown pinched between her brows. One cheek is flushed, etched with faint lines from the pillow. She draws in a deep, shuddering breath, then goes quiet again. Still asleep.
I step closer and crouch beside her, bringing myself level with her face.
My hand lifts, hesitating midair before I let my fingers brush her cheek, her skin warm beneath the pads of my fingers.
Her eyes stay closed, lashes fanned over flushed cheeks as I drink her in.
That delicate upturned nose, tinged pink and spreading to her cheeks.
The lines between her brows. Those lips, plump and familiar, pull at something deep in me.
A damp strand of hair clings to her cheek. I smooth it between my thumb and index finger, focusing on its silkiness before tucking it gently behind her ear. She exhales a soft moan.
My pulse spikes as she shifts again, her brow twitching, face tightening.
Her lashes flicker, stuttering for a beat, then part, her eyes snapping open to find me instantly.
“L-Ledger…” she gasps, immediately attempting to sit up, but flinches from the IV still attached to her wrist before sinking back to her pillow.
My hand slips down to gather hers, wrapping her cold fingers in my warm palms. Her voice is heaven with my name on her tongue.
“It’s okay, baby. I’m here,” I murmur, smoothing a thumb over the back of her hand. “I’m right here.”
I’ll never leave your side ever again. Not as long as I’m still breathing.
“Where’s Mom? S-Steven, he—”
“He’s gone, Aria,” I tell her gently, my grip tightening around her hand as I tilt my head, scanning every inch of her face, still filled with eternal gratitude.
Her forehead creases as she winces, struggling through the fog of thoughts, trying to make sense of my words. Her pupils suddenly blow wide, darting to the door as if she expects someone to barge in and rip us apart.
“It was your mom,” I tell her, helping her piece it together. “She…” I pause, choosing my words carefully, not wanting to distress her so soon after waking. “She got rid of him. He’s gone.”
Whatever’s going on with her mom will be fine, considering it was self-defense and the real criminal between them was her shitty ex.
But she doesn’t need to worry herself with the details of whatever brief investigation is going down just yet.
They’ll eventually come in to question her, and it’ll all unravel then.
Her brows pinch together, adorably. “But, so…is she okay? Is my mom okay?”
My hand lifts to cradle the side of her face, a featherlike caress. “Yes. Everyone’s okay; don’t you worry your pretty little head.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, her voice a tight rasp, her eyes glistening. “I should’ve told you I was there sooner.”
“No.” I shake my head, my voice cracking. “This wasn’t your fault. Nothing that happened to you was your fault. I should’ve never left your side after that night.”
Somewhere between our conversation, our faces inch closer, her breath warming my skin as she speaks. I swallow against the blockage in my throat, but it’s not enough to clear the painful swell lodged there.
How would I live with myself with anything bad that ever happened to her? How did I ever think she’d be better off on her own, that I’d somehow survive being torn away from her?
“I almost didn’t get the chance to tell you,” she murmurs, her voice breathy and light, shooting straight to the part of me that’s already shamelessly stiff.
My eyes drop to her lips for a beat, almost getting lost in them before I remind myself to ask, “To tell me what?”
My voice dips lower, hoarse, as desire begins to weave itself between us the way it always has. She nibbles on her lip for a second, and I feel the tension in my core tighten as my gaze is drawn back to it again. I watch carefully as she enunciates her next words.
“I was worried I wouldn’t get to say goodbye. That I wouldn’t get to see you again, hear your voice, or feel the warmth of your touch. To tell you that I love you.”
My heart goes still. My chest clenches tight as the word reverberates through my head, over and over again, thinking I must’ve misheard.
“Love?”
A small smile curves on her lips as she nods, her teeth skimming across them before her eyes drift down to mine, locking there, her breath heavy. “I’m certain you already know. I’ve said this already before, but I’ll say it again…nothing’s changed for me since what I told you back at that hotel.”
I don’t give her time to say anything else. I don’t even think. I just close the distance and press my mouth to hers, rushed, heated, and with the kind of hunger I’ve never felt for anyone else.
She moans into my open mouth, melting into me. For a long moment, we lose ourselves to the kiss, so deep, so consuming, it could thaw the last remnants of ice that once encased my heart.
When I finally pull back an inch, her lashes flutter, lips parted into a heavy, needy gasp she tries to stifle by biting them again.
“You drive me so wild,” I murmur, brushing a thumb along her chin.
I trace every curve and dimple, watching the flick of her tongue as it slips out to wet her lips, and I fight the urge to push her back and claim her on this very hospital bed. But I hold myself back, just barely.
A rush of something unspoken kindles beneath my ribs, burning away the shadows that once settled there for far too long. Suddenly, the future feels limitless.
The barricades that once held me back seem to vanish, slipping into the distance like a partially formed memory, as the space between us disappears.
Our breaths tangle in the air between us, hot and heavy. “Please, tell me you’ll stay with me. Tell me you won’t leave when this is all over.”
“I’ll never leave your side again,” I say, the words catching low in my throat. Then, softer, almost afraid of the weight they carry, I whisper, “Because I love you, too, Aria.”
Her eyes widen as she draws in a sharp breath, her chest rising fast, and then she leans in and kisses me, pulling whatever air I have left straight from my lungs. It’s exactly in this moment that I feel a monumental shift in myself. In us.
It’s a quiet revelation, like something clicking into place so naturally, so certain, it feels like we were always meant to find each other this way.
Like a key meeting its lock. And for the first time, life doesn’t feel like something I’m just being dragged through anymore.
It feels luminous and irrevocable, alive in a way nothing else ever has, because we are at each other’s side.