27. Lev
Chapter 27
Lev
I felt my control slip for the first time since I was a teenager.
It’s been years, but I can still remember. It happened when I was sixteen. Two assholes jumped Stepan over some bullshit rumor they heard about Step fucking one of their cousins. He was walking home from school and I wasn’t there because I’d been staying after school for soccer practice.
But when I heard what happened, I went fucking ballistic.
Nobody expects it from me. Charming, happy Lev. The guy with a brilliant smile. Even those two piece-of-shit teenage scumbags thought I was there to hang out, and it was like they still couldn’t believe it when I beat both of them to a bloody pulp with a baseball bat.
I broke the one guy’s ribs in three places and shattered the other’s wrist when he tried to protect himself. I bloodied them both pretty bad, and I’m lucky neither of them was killed.
Dad made sure they didn’t press charges. But they should have. I should’ve been locked away for what I did.
After that, Step made sure I learned how to control myself. He made it clear that I couldn’t let loose like that ever again, and I listened to Step. He was always my moral compass. He was the only person in my life that really understood me.
Now he’s dead and I’m alone.
That’s what I felt when I had Carmie pinned to the floor. I planned on confronting her about the card but the second she came into the room, I just lost my mind. I wanted her—I needed her—I’d been fighting my feelings for her. But finding my father’s number tucked away with her things on the kitchen counter felt like someone ripped out my intestines and wrapped them around my throat.
I’d never hurt her. No matter what, I’d never stoop so fucking low. But I knew I’d cross a line if I didn’t get out of there. I’d say something to ruin our fragile peace, and I don’t think I could live with myself if that happened.
I should’ve stayed and listened to what she had to say.
But I just couldn’t.
Which is why I’m up early and working at Fed’s before my usual time.
Anything to avoid dealing with my wife.
“You’re in a shit mood today,” Alex notes as we pack up a wholesale order. “You’ve been in a shit mood for a while, but today it’s particularly ripe.”
“Thank you.”
“What’s going on? Problems at home?”
“I’m not discussing my marriage with you.”
He laughs like I’m kidding around. “Who else are you going to talk about it with?”
“Nobody. It’s better to swallow it all down and pretend like the problems don’t exist.”
“Healthy.”
“I’m a role model.”
He knows not to push and lets it drop. I stew all day, but I do my best to keep my mask in place, especially when Dasha and Katerina call me up to handle a few higher-end clients.
Everyone goes home before I do. Alex seems like he wants to hang around and make sure I’m okay, but he’s got a pregnant wife waiting for him and I’m not about to keep my sister’s husband chained to a fucking desk all night. There’s always something to do around the shop, and since we’re waiting for shit to go down with Frank, I can keep myself busy getting ready for the inevitable.
But I have to go home eventually. I’m thinking about her on the drive and on the walk and the second I unlock the door. I’m thinking about her rage and beauty when we fight and how good she feels under me.
The second the door opens, something white hurtles at my face.
I barely have time to react. I flinch sideways, barely dodging the fencing mask as it hits the wall behind me and bounces to the floor.
“Put it on,” Carmie says. She’s in full kit, jacket and all, her mask under one arm and her foil in her hand. Her hair’s up and she looks fucking glorious.
“I’m not in the mood.”
“I don’t give a shit. Put it on. We have to talk.”
Then she’s gone. I watch her go, caught between awe and frustration. That girl is a goddess, especially when she lets loose.
We’re similar. More similar than she realizes. I have a monster inside of me, and I constantly work to keep it hidden. She has a monster in her too, except she needs to work to let it out. But when she does?
My god, I’ve never seen a more perfect woman before.
I grab the mask, lock the door, and go after her. Fuck it, I’m not in the mood to have a confrontation, but she’s clearly been waiting for this all night. I shove the mask on as I head down the steps and find my jacket waiting for me. Carmie’s waiting at the other end of the room, sword pointed at the floor, standing loosely and ready.
I shrug on the gear. It’s like putting on shields. Just like I hide out in the real world behind my smile and my charm, I can hide here behind this mask. I’m protected when there’s distance between me and her. I don’t have to think about how it’s me doing these things. Instead, it’s the masked man, the fencer, the beast. Not Lev Federov.
“Rules this time,” she says once I’m nearly ready. “Three touches. Winner gets to speak. Loser has to stand there and shut the fuck up. Do you agree?”
“This won’t change anything.”
“Do you agree? Or are you a coward too?”
I grin viciously. I’m fucking half-hard right now. I love it when she’s aggressive and pushy. “I’m not interested in what you have to say.”
“Too bad. When I kick your ass, you’ll keep your stupid mouth shut and listen anyway. Do you agree or do I have to stab you until you do?”
I raise my sword and drop into my pathetic stance. Everything I know about fencing I learned by watching YouTube videos and sparring with her.
“I agree. And I’m going to batter you into submission.”
“Go ahead and try.”
She comes at me like a demon. I barely have time to react; when she lunges, I parry her blow and go for a quick touch on her arm. But it’s like she was anticipating that and drops her shoulder so my point misses high. Then she’s dancing backwards and I can practically feel her enormous smirk through that blank mask.
“You’re loving this,” I say, and I realize I’m loving it too.
This is the most fun I’ve had in a very long time.
“There’s nothing I enjoy more than wiping that smug smirk off your stupid face,” she says and attacks again.
I do my best to fend her off, but she’s too quick. I curse as her point hits me in the thigh and she screams with victory as she returns to her side of the basement piste.
“We both know you’re the better fencer,” I say, swishing my blade in the air, dancing between my feet. “It doesn’t change anything.”
“You’re right, it doesn’t, but you’ve been such a massive prick since I met you and it feels good to knock you down a peg.”
I decide my only chance is offense. Before she’s set, I go after her. There are no rules down here. We’re in a goddamn basement. She curses and tries to fend me off but I’m bigger and my reach is better, and I manage to score a lucky hit on her side.
“Did you ever stop to think that this is hard for me too?” I snarl at her. I’m sweating now as she bounces in place.
“That’s not a great excuse.”
“You were a surprise. I didn’t know it was going to be you when you showed up that day.”
“So that’s why you treated me like dirt?”
“I wanted you,” I choke out at her.
She hesitates. I take my chance and lunge. But she dances back out of reach, parrying me, then counter-attacking. I stumble out of her range.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she snaps. “You wanted me? This is some schoolboy shit, isn’t it? You treat the girl you have a crush on like dirt.”
“I was protecting myself. I never thought we’d end up like this. I wanted distance. I wanted safety.”
“You wanted to save your own ass at the expense of mine. Yeah, I get it.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“Isn’t it though?” She comes at me. Lunge, stab, stab, attack. I block, parry, move away, then counter. She’s too quick though and she was waiting for that. My sword slides off hers as she flicks it sideways, a neat little turn of her wrist, and she shoots forward.
I grunt in surprise as she barrels into me. Like I said, no fucking rules. Her foil ends up pinned between us as she reaches up and knocks my mask back, then rips her own off. I stagger toward the wall, grab her by the hips and turn her, my sword hitting the floor. She’s breathing hard and glaring death at me as I hold her against the wall. Her lips are parted and, fuck, I want to bury them with mine and punish her with my tongue.
“I win,” she whispers.
“Going to scream in my face?”
“I don’t need to. You’re going to listen.”
My jaw flexes. But I say nothing.
She takes a deep breath, and then she explains.
About her trip to the fencing gym, about signing up for classes even though she was nervous and scared, and about my father giving her a ride home. She explains his offer and why she has the card.
“I was never going to do it,” she says, eyes on mine. She’s softening now and my grip on her isn’t as firm. “I honestly forgot it happened until you threw that card at me. Lev, you’re my husband. You’re the father of my child. Even if this is all freaking weird, I’m yours.”
Those words. I’m yours . I don’t think she means it, but they break me.
Fuck, they shatter me.
I slump forward and pull her against me. The sword is still between us, but she lets it go and it falls to the floor. I pull her into a hug and she hugs me back, her soft, warm body like heaven.
“Why do you hate him so much?” she whispers, her cheek against my chest. “What happened between you?”
I let out a long breath and feel myself relax a fraction of an inch. “You’re not going to like it.”
“I didn’t think I would.”
“No, you don’t understand. It’ll upset you, and I’ve done enough of that already.”
“Lev—”
“Tomorrow night. I’ll tell you tomorrow night when I have the mask on again.”
“You don’t need it.”
“I know. But it helps.”
She looks up at me. Her big, dark eyes stare into mine. Her full lips are parted.
“Can I sleep in your bed tonight?”
I bury her mouth with mine. I can’t help myself. I kiss her and hold it there, letting it linger, letting it glow. Fuck, it tastes good, and it feels even better. Her tongue silky and sweet, and the little whimper she makes drives me wild.
But I break it off before I let myself go too far.
“Come on then,” I whisper, pulling away but taking her hand with me. “It’s late and you’re pregnant. You need rest.”
“Yeah, rest,” she says, sounding a bit dazed. “ That’s what I need right now.”