Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
“Ican speak with Elias, if you like?” Albina suggested. “Perhaps he can say something to His Grace—”
“Don’t you dare,” Florentia said. “Can you imagine! The duke’s baby brother cornering him and asking why he has not taken his own wife to bed. He would die of mortification!”
“It is just a thought.”
“And I do not need His Grace thinking that I care so much as to go running to his brother for help. I do not want him thinking that I care at all.” She crossed her arms and stuck her nose in the air to finalize the point.
“But you do care.”
“And?” Florentia said. “That is beside the point, Albina. We have discussed it. He has told me where he stands. And until he realizes what a fool he is being—how pigheaded and selfish and stubborn and moronic and—” She caught her tongue, taking a deep breath because the last thing she needed was to work herself into a fury.
“He knows my feelings on the matter, and I know well enough that His Grace is not the type to have his mind changed unless he is the one who changes it.”
“What then? You are going to do nothing?”
“I do not see what else I can do.”
“Florentia...” Albina sighed, reached out, and rested a hand on her best friend’s lap. “This is not the way. You need to talk to him. You need to make him see how you feel.”
“I did that!”
“Do it again,” Albina said. “And again. Perhaps you simply caught him by surprise? It has been a week now. Surely, that is enough time for you to broach the subject again. It is not as if you are being unreasonable.”
“I will not,” Florentia said stubbornly. “If you think I am going to go to my husband and beg him...” She curled her lip with distaste. “I would rather die.”
“Or spend your life alone.”
“Better that than begging.” Arms still crossed, she looked away. “I would not give him the pleasure.” Then she scoffed. “Believe me when I tell you, pleasure is the last thing he will be getting from me!”
It had been a week since Florentia and the duke were married, a week since she had broached the topic of starting a family, a week since they had fought for the first time... and a week since they had spoken or even been in the same room as one another.
Nothing had changed in that week, either.
Although Florentia supposed that was not entirely correct.
Still, the duke had not come to her and apologized or indicated that he was having second thoughts, and she knew that would never happen.
The change to which she now recognized was a change in character. Her own.
She refused to allow herself to be upset. She did not pout. She did not mourn. She certainly did not weep for what was lost. She would not give him the satisfaction! Anger was her new state of being, an easy space to find herself in, if not a little tiring.
It was thus a relief that Albina had come to visit her on this day.
A friend to complain to. A friend to listen as she unloaded all the thoughts and feelings that had been building this past week.
And most importantly, a friend to spend time with.
This week had been a long and boring one and Florentia was beginning to wonder what on earth she was going to do with herself now that she and her husband had chosen to pretend the other did not exist.
“What then?” Albina asked desperately. They were sitting on the edge of Florentia’s bed, Florentia with her legs folded under her, Albina with her own dangling off the side.
“Tell me that. I spoke with the staff on my way to your room, you know...” She fixed a judgmental gaze on Florentia.
“And they were not exactly shy in telling me how you have spent this past week.”
“I have hardly seen them!”
“Exactly,” Albina said. “According to them, you have barely left your room, doing so only to eat and bathe. Is that the plan? To spend the rest of your days locked away until you are old and gray? Or until you keel over, and the staff come to find you because the smell your corpse is making has started to drift downstairs.”
“Do not be so dramatic.”
“You cannot spend the rest of your life pouting.”
“I am not pouting!”
“Or hiding,” Albina pushed. “If you are not going to seek out your husband and try and make him see reason, then tell me please, what comes next?”
“This is not my fault!”
“I never said it was,” Albina said gently. “And believe me, I am as shocked as you are. Truth be told, I feel terrible guilt. If not for me, this never would have happened.”
“Albina...” Florentia’s hackles dropped, and her expression softened. “Do not do that, please. I do not blame you for this.”
“Perhaps you should.”
“It is the duke who I blame, and him only. And I feel bad enough, without adding guilt for your own feelings into the mix. So, if you insist on making me feel sorry for myself, I will have to ask you to leave.”
Albina snorted. “No, you won’t. Then you’ll be alone again, and despite how much you insist on pretending you are not so bored you might start pulling your own hair out, I know you better.”
Her boredom was starting to become a problem.
So determined was Florentia not to see her husband—he should be coming to see me!
— that she refused to leave her room unless she had to.
A nice enough idea, if she’d had things to entertain herself with.
But this was a new home. A new life. A new world.
One that she was still getting her head around.
“I do not want to spend all day in my room,” Florentia sighed. “Obviously, that is not what I desire.”
“Then leave.”
“And do what?” she cried desperately. “Never mind that I am trying to avoid my husband and leaving my room will risk me running into him. Even if that was not the case...” She pushed her lips together, chin wobbling with sadness which she forced herself to keep at bay.
“My entire life, all I have ever wanted is to raise a family. When I used to picture married life, I pictured that and that only, Albina...” She sniffed and her best friend swung her legs onto the bed and shuffled in close, wrapping an arm around her in comfort.
“What am I to do, now that this has been taken from me? You say I need to leave my room, and I agree with you. I just wish I had a reason to.”
Albina held her close for a few moments, nothing said, because there was nothing she could say. The words Florentia had spoken cut to the truth of the matter, and all the anger and hatred and frustration in the world could not change that.
“I understand that you are upset,” Albina said slowly, still holding her. “And you have every right to be. But this does not have to be the travesty that you imagine.”
“It is worse.”
“Do you know what I have always liked about you, Florentia?” She pulled back so she could look Florentia in the eyes.
“How free of a spirit you are. You say as you please and do as you want—you always have. And where you see your life right now as a travesty, I am surprised you are not seeing it for what it is.”
“Which is?”
“An opportunity,” she said, eyes glimmering with a sense of mischief.
“So, your husband wants to ignore you? He wants to pretend that you do not exist? I say good. You are a duchess with the world at your fingertips, free to do pretty much whatever you darn please. Better that you know you can do anything you like, and your husband will not stop you.” She pumped her eyebrows.
“The world is your oyster, Florentia. All you need do is open it.”
Florentia frowned to herself in consideration; excitement tingled inside of her, dulled because it did not cure the issue, merely averted it. “But I do not want to do anything else. I do not even know what I would do!”
“Then figure it out,” Albina pushed her. “Experiment. Have fun! Do whatever you wish and find a reason to...” She snorted. “A reason to leave this room because it is starting to smell stale—”
“It is not!”
“-- and I cannot see myself returning until it is given a good cleaning. Which will require you to leave!” She widened her eyes a Florentia and then burst into a fit of giggled. And Florentia, despite herself, soon began to do the same.
This suggestion by her friend did not solve her problems. It did, however, give her a means to forget about them. She was right, Florentia knew, that staying in this room forever was no way to live. All that did was give the duke a victory, as if she was admitting defeat by giving up.
She would not give up. She would not lie down. This marriage might not be what she wished but it could still be something great. Her life was not over and with this renewed sense of enthusiasm, Florentia was determined to prove it.
Without thinking, she jumped from the bed.
“Where are you going?” Albina asked after her.
“Outside,” Florentia said simply. “The day is lovely, and I really should be taking advantage. Care to join me?”
Her friend beamed her delight and scrambled to her feet. “I would love to.”