Chapter 22 #2
“I didn’t contain the book properly. It got free and bit me.” His eyes shine. “And then Jinx transformed to save us.” His hand lifts to rub his brow, but drops it back into the potion. “Oh fuck, I’m so sorry, Tor.”
“No!” Shame drips inside me and my breathing is out of control. Guilt grips my chest so tightly that a tear escapes my eyes. “Don’t you dare take the blame for my stupidity. It…” The words burn in my throat and my pride fights me tooth and nail until I finally gasp, “It’s because of me. All of it.”
Because the temptation to read another Dual Thread’s grimoire overwhelmed my common sense. I only thought of myself instead of the danger Lucas was in. I chose to secure my vault instead of helping Lucas with the spider.
Then I almost got us killed at the estate because I am corrupted, so far gone that I cannot see the symptoms clearly. I kept too many secrets, tried to bend too many rules of magic. Tried to save myself without giving a damn about anyone else in the process.
The shame of it all explodes inside my chest. Sobs wrench out of my body and my tea clatters to the ground. I hug myself. I can’t breathe, can’t see. My nails dig into my dirty shirt as I desperately hold on.
I can’t admit it all. Not to Lucas. He might see what kind of rot is inside me and leave. I choke out, “I’m so sorry, Lucas.”
Something warm wraps around me and I gasp, my head whipping up.
Nora snaps, “Get your hands back in the bowl!”
Lucas growls at Nora, “No!” He turns to me, his arms dragging me into his embrace.
“Stop talking and come here.” He hugs me tightly and I don’t fight.
I sag into his heat. I gulp great breaths of his scent, of the warm, soft cotton of his shirt and the special shimmering magic that radiates from his rings.
I grip him, my heart aching until I gasp.
Our kiss shoves to the forefront of my mind and all I want to do is crawl up him and cover his mouth with mine. Because I need him. Because I can’t lose him. Because I’m a greedy bitch and I want all his heat around me.
But I can’t. My sobs hiccup. I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve his warmth and his compassion. And he doesn’t deserve to die because of me.
I try to shove him away, but he yanks me back and tightens his hold. He snarls low in my ear, “Don’t you fucking dare. You hear me, Torment? Don’t. You. Fucking. Dare. We’ll get through this. Together.”
I gasp, gulping air, my voice cracking. “What if I implode and ash you, too?”
“Then we’ll ash together. Just like this.”
I shake my head. I need to tell him to run from me. I need to chase him away, but I’m too weak. I need him and am too selfish to do what is right. So instead, I twist my hands in his shirt and hold on for dear life.
“I’m sorry my place isn’t very big.”
I can barely hear Nora. I’m humming after guzzling the gallon of various potions Nora and Valen crafted for me. I’m weightless with my mind oddly hollow. Or maybe that’s the result of all the weeping I did.
Valen is carrying me this time, Lucas following close behind. There was a vicious argument over it downstairs, but Nora smacked Lucas soundly across the head and pointed to his heavily bandaged hands.
Lucas answers for us, the thick herbal ointment’s scent filling the stairway as he fiddles with the wrapping. “We’re grateful for whatever you have to offer.”
Nora opens the door to her apartment and leads us across the living room to the guest room.
She swings the door open and gestures within.
“I only have the one spare bed, but it’s a decently sized one.
There’s also the couch out here.” She yawns loudly, the back of her hand pressing against her lips to cover it.
“But I’ve been meaning to replace it. The springs are horrifically bare. ”
Lucas smiles warmly. “Thanks, Nora. We’ll figure it out. Why don’t you head to bed?”
She nods. “I apologize. It was a long day at the shop. I’ll get Aster something to wear.”
Lucas grips her elbow. “Thank you for everything.”
The rest is a bleary haze. At some point, Valen places me on the bed, then both men leave me alone with Nora, who carefully helps me undress and slips the borrowed nightgown over my head. It’s soft with a simple lace design along the collar.
I slide under the covers. After the day I’ve had, it’s the most comfortable and luxurious bed I’ve ever lain in.
I pull the covers up and Nora leaves me be.
I shift and curl, but nothing I do gives me any warmth.
My skin ripples in goosebumps and I’m shocked my breath doesn’t mist. I draw my knees up to my chest until I’m a tight ball and huddle against the cold of my own body.
Lucas strides in carrying a plate heavily laden with chicken and sliced bread. He forces me to eat, but I can only manage a few bites. He finishes off what I leave behind.
My gaze locks with Valen’s. He leans against the doorframe, hands in his pockets. His cold stare chills me even more and his jaw clenches.
Lucas tugs off his shirt and tosses it in a corner. Valen’s stare flicks to the magician. “What do you think you’re doing?”
Lucas briskly unfastens his trousers. “Going to bed.”
Icy eyes narrow. “Naked?”
The trousers join his shirt and Valen doesn’t look away. I catch the way his gaze dips down, his throat working. I smirk and nearly snicker when Valen notices me. He glares, warning me to keep silent. My smile grows, but I keep his secret. For now.
Lucas doesn’t notice and sighs, prattling on obliviously. “I’m exhausted and filthy and there’s no way I’m going to sleep on that shit sofa. So, you can either get the fuck over it or sleep on the ground.” He slides into the bed behind me. “Your choice.”
My breath hitches when Lucas’ searing heat molds against my back, the thin cotton doing barely anything as a barrier.
Strong arms wrap around me, his bicep acting as my pillow.
His breath brushes against my neck and my skin shivers, his nose burying in my hair.
It’s everything I need after the day of near-death and revelations.
I shift closer and we slide together like two puzzle pieces.
My heart aches, my mouth tightening. I refuse to cry again and tilt my head towards him.
But something is missing, like a ghost of what could be. My eyes lock with Valen’s. My fingers stretch towards him, palm up. I won’t beg, but I’ll cry if he turns away. His cold eyes slide over me and then Lucas.
His jacket slips off his shoulders and relief hits me like a train.
I sag, eyes fluttering closed. The bed shifts as Valen slides in on my other side.
Our eyes meet and his impassive expression flickers.
A glimpse of the stress and exhaustion from a day full of fear takes my breath away.
I reach for him, drawing him to my chest. Valen shifts, his ear pressing against my beating heart.
I slide my fingers into his messed hair and wrap my leg around his.
It feels so good and not because it’s the first time in hours I’ve felt warm again, though that is a plus.
My leg wraps around Valen’s hips and draws him in tight until there is no air between his body and mine.
I shiver, pressing my lips against his hair.
There are so many things to say to him, so many thanks, and so many questions, but I’m too tired. It can wait.
Lucas’ rumble reverberates against my back. “Is this what you imagined when you told us to flip a coin?”
I scoff and kick him as best I can. He huffs a laugh, tightening his hold on me, his leg shifting between mine until it tangles with Valen’s.
Valen’s sleepy growl tugs my lips into a smile. “This does not make us friends.”
Lucas hums. “Sure.”