Chapter 3
Esme
The second I stepped outside, needing the fresh air to get away from Ford’s rich and deep scent, I saw Bellamy’s form hovering in the shadows.
I appreciated her, so deeply. She was a sister to me, same as Soren was a brother. Or at least that was how I characterized the love I held for them. I could only imagine what familial love felt like.
Freya and I were twins in that regard, two orphans shoved into this war way too young. Freya as an anomaly, me as a weapon.
Bellamy was stalling and I knew she was torn between trying to comfort me and seeking out comfort herself after the day she’d had.
She’d been two minutes out of the hospital bed when everything went to shit—our camp burning down around us and a dark promise from Elijah that Muli was about to launch a full fledged assault on the Bridge.
If I wasn’t personally familiar with the eerie healing powers of the Bond—especially when one was injured in defense of their paranima, I’d wonder how she was standing on her leg, seeing as it had been pierced clean through with an arrow less than two days ago.
God, seeing the sheer panic on Soren’s face when he crashed into camp with her on Lucky’s back…maybe that was the first step towards my collapse into insanity. A stitch ripped open that allowed my bloodied feelings to seep out.
It was that thought that had me waving a hand at her through the night sky, letting her know I was okay, but sending her back to her love. She needed time with Soren to heal, to rest.
It wasn’t purely selfless, sending her away.
I knew that despite all the kindness and love in her body, she knew what it was like to live apart from your Soul Mate. When she’d taken on a betrothal to the infamous Muli prince, setting aside her paranima for the good of Vir, I’d seen the toll it took on her.
A mere few days, and yet it seemed to ravage her soul down to the bone.
She would be inclined to pity me, at least a little bit. I’d done plenty of feeling sorry for myself, stuck in a depressive haze that stole weeks at a time.
No, now I was mad. I would fight this.
I knew what was coming for me this time, and I could rely on Bellamy or Soren to keep me in check. They knew how it was, how easily it could make you crazy.
I could almost hear Soren’s voice now, scoffing with that haughty royal intonation he couldn’t truly lose no matter how hard he tried, while he said, “Oh, I’m not getting in the middle of that again.”
Or Bellamy’s, dipping into a soft, mellow tone as she said, “Of course. Anything to help.”
I would ask for help this time, before it was too late. I would not let this destroy me again, even as I felt the back of my mind start to tingle like an unused limb fighting back from sleep.
I pushed away the tightness in my throat, looking at the destruction that lay before me. Our cabin was the least of my concerns, reduced to a pile of ashes.
Adapting to new, terrifying, soul-shattering environments was as ingrained in my spirit as anything else. I could see a path forward, find a little comfort in knowing we could hunt and forage as needed, that I’d have a tent to sleep in tonight at the very least.
The others—some of which were freshly into adulthood—would be shaken to their core by this. Their stress would skyrocket, and that was where mistakes were made. Mistakes that could lead to—
To an outcome I couldn’t think about right now, not when guilt was trying its damnedest to crawl over my skin.
I hadn’t heard a peep about these plans through my network of connections. What was that extensive web if not a trap to prevent this very thing from happening?
I tried, though. I could at least say that. I’d had a bad feeling about Elijah from the second I met him, so I’d sent a few feelers out. I’d heard wild stories ranging from him being the young princess’s betrothed to an orphan who was trained by the Muli royal family to do their bidding.
But nothing about this. Nothing about his plans to destroy our camp, almost kill Bellamy, or burn the only thing that kept me sane.
I felt Ford the second he stepped out of the cabin behind me. Every muscle in my back locked up, making my breaths turn painful.
I heard a neigh break through the night a second later, and Sky came barreling out of the woods towards me.
Oh, sweet boy.
He knew exactly what I needed.
In a flash of light, pleasant gray, he ran up to me and swept me on to his back, understanding that I needed to get out of here. I’d thank him with treats and pets later, but right now I needed to get away from Ford, even if for a moment.
On Sky’s back, with the fresh air blowing in my face, I could see clearly for the first time in hours, see the destruction that had been leveled on our camp.
No one could look at that and not want to help. Even as awful as I felt, how much I wanted to ride and ride and ride into the night sky until the whips of wind burned my cheeks cold, I couldn’t do it.
Sky was trying to turn towards the stables to take me out into the fields, only understanding that I was feeling antsy. Through sheer force of will, I pulled on his reins, causing him to slow. He his head turned, giving me the glimpse of one skeptical eye.
I laughed low, rubbing a hand down his back. “I know, baby boy. But we need to help right now.”
Sky grumbled, not quite his disapproving one. Ah, that sounded like his warning that—
A moment later, Shadow popped out from behind a tree, her dark, gleaming coat blending in with the night sky. I would have shrieked if Sky hadn’t warned me of her arrival. She was a sneaky one, taking after her—
Nope, I wasn’t thinking about him right now. Even as his sweet horse was nuzzling her head over my arm in comforting strokes. Sky was trying his mighty best to stay still beneath me, even though I could tell he was buzzing with excitement to be close to his mate.
I remembered that. That little thrill of anticipation every time Ford walked in the room, the giddiness that warmed my cheeks and the nervousness that made it difficult to form words.
Shadow wasn’t one to be forthcoming with affection. Since she’d realized I was the one to save Ford’s life, watched what I did to do so, she’d forced herself to be as sweet as Sky was to me.
“I’m okay,” I said, as I smoothed my hand down her mane. Her little huff told me she didn’t believe me. “Really, I am,” I tried to assure her.
That was when Sky and Shadow decided to take matters into their own hands. Sky took a sideways step towards his mate, positioning me closer so that she could slobber kisses all over my face and shoulders with little jumps onto her hind legs.
I was forced to laugh and twist away from them unless I wanted to be covered in horse snot for the rest of the night. The look of pride they gave each other once they heard my laugh only widened my smile further.
As Shadow settled back onto the ground, letting Sky lick and nuzzle her neck, I took a moment to stare at the stars, to rake clean, fresh air into my lungs, even as the ashes, the sweat, the grime hanging over our camp tainted the edges with something stifling.
These little sips of fresh air were all I could really ask for, especially in lieu of what I really needed.
Ford’s cologne that, for nearly three years, was the only thing that could calm me down.
I leaned back over Sky’s strong body, letting the hump off his saddle press into my lower back.
I heard a little crackle from my spine as it extended and released some pressure, a moment of relief that was gone as quickly as it came.
As I stared up at the stars, breathing hard, I tried to fight internal clenches of agony at the memories of the ways I’d try to manage the Bond when Ford didn’t know. At those same methods I would likely have to bring back now.
At the mere thought of it, something started slithering around in the back of my mind.
And there was where my peace ended.
I snapped back up to attention, my face flushed and my heart beating faster.
Alright, well that was enough peace for now. Time for another method.
Even though I’d promised Sky a ride out in nature, I turned him and Shadow towards the slope of camp, right for the Bridge. I had to do something, and if exerting myself so that I could focus on something other than a sneaky bitch hunting me in the dark was what it took, then so be it.
Sky listened, heading for the Bridge. As we walked, Shadow branched off, presumably in hunt of Ford. She probably sensed his distress from a mile away. His anger at me had been…potent.
God, this was so much easier when he barely looked at me. Painful, but simpler.
Shaking off the thought, I focused on what was ahead of me. I stopped a few times on the way to the Bridge, checking in on people as they passed and avoiding all mention of my little breakdown.
One brave soul, one of the class I was drafted with, had the guts to ask me if I was alright. “Thank you, Mark. Just didn’t like the idea of all my jewelry melting,” I said with a wry, practiced smile.
He was convinced, of course, prancing off after his Match to help her clear the debris of another burned cabin and yelling at her to keep a cloth over her mouth for the smoke.
It was far too easy to spin the lie, to slip a little hint of mischief into my gaze, along with a self-deprecating tilt to my smile that I’d be so concerned over something so trivial.
By the time I got to the Bridge, I was fuming with a nasty combination of self pity, fear, and astonishment.
The once beautiful, haunting cave that held the path between worlds was collapsed in on itself in a pile of rubble, remnants of the land that had gone untouched for centuries blasted into pieces.
The fall of hanging leaves and flowers that obscured the entrance were nowhere to be found, save for a few burnt pieces. Jumping off Sky’s back, I knelt and picked up one of those burnt leaves, once a bright, vibrant green—rarely found outside of nature, except for a pair of observant eyes that—