Chapter 20 #3
I paid little mind to it, seeing as Ford’s thigh was pushing between my legs, sending a blaze of sensation up my center. I could feel myself shaking, overwhelmed with…relief?
At least I thought it was relief. My entire body was turning to mush, prepared to melt right into Ford, maybe even combine us into one being if he’d be okay with that.
His hand, still framing my jaw, pulled a little, fusing our mouths together even firmer. A broken sound left my throat, so close to one of pain that I felt Ford begin to draw away.
That simply wouldn’t do. I lunged after him, which had the unintended effect of seating me more firmly on his thigh, the sensation so intense I felt myself lose balance and fall forward into him.
Ford’s hand finally left my face to curve down under my ass, and I prepared myself to surrender to his hold, even hoping that he’d lift me into his arms. Less than a day since I’d last felt his arms around me and I missed it with a force I didn’t care to acknowledge.
Right as my feet were about to leave the ground, a loud cough shattered the moment.
It took longer than I was proud of to pull myself together. Eight years learning how to snap to attention as fast as possible, prepared to handle any new threat in a second.
Apparently all it took to supersede that training was to kiss…well, a little more than that…just…
Ford.
Ford, who was blinking at me while his expression rapidly changed from rage to confusion to a carefully blank slate.
He turned to the side and straightened, placing himself slightly in front of me.
It was only then that I pulled my gaze away from the pulse hammering against the taut skin of his neck and towards the interruption.
Oh, right.
The reason why I’d even kissed Ford in the first place.
Liar, the Bond scoffed.
“Sorry to, um, interrupt,” the intruder said, adjusting their spectacles high on their nose. The hand he pushed his glasses up with bore the edges of a Mark, something like vines curling around his wrist and ending on the back of his hand.
Suspicion rose in my gut, doing its level best to chase away the pounding desire still pooling there.
I should have known that it was a bad idea to crack open this can of worms. It wasn’t even the years without affection of any kind, though that certainly had its other side effects, but it was just… Ford.
“This had better be for good reason,” Ford barked, his hold tightening on me.
“We…uh, we heard something. A banging sound.”
Ford hit his hand against the wall, causing an echo to reverberate around us. “Something like that?”
A blush sprouted high on their cheeks. “It’s just…if I may, is this not a rather odd place for…”
“We were on a ride with our horses. Then…” Ford broke off, choosing his next words carefully. “Affection rose, as it often does with one’s partner. Is your own of romantic nature?” he finished, nodding at the Mark on his hand.
I didn’t know who’s blush was worse. Mine certainly felt strong enough to cause a wildfire, but his was quite potent.
He swallowed, wringing his hands together. “Yes, it is.” I wondered if that was a lie or not. If he was faking romance with his pretend Match or if their arrangement had blossomed into something real.
Ford hid any of his own suspicion expertly. “Then you’ll understand that when that happens, you aren’t concerned about odd locations.”
“Oh, yes, certainly. You’ll forgive me. It’s just that…
” his words trailed off as his eyes centered in on me, then my Mark.
When recognition hit, it chased away any sense of suspicion lingering in his expression.
He straightened with relief, nodding to himself.
“You’ll understand my concern with the noise, but again, excuse the interruption.
I’ll leave you both to your private moment.
I’m sure you haven’t had much of that since your arrival. ”
“Thank you,” I said, sweeping my free hand down Ford’s arm to curl over the back of his hand and lace our fingers together, the Mark on full display. “Apologies for any fright we caused.” I looked up at Ford, using no effort at all to pull a besotted expression to my face.
“No worries at all,” he said again, this time slightly more panicked. I guessed it was to our advantage that anyone on Muli thought I would explode into a murderous rage if anyone slighted Ford.
I would enjoy it if you did, the Bond, very unhelpfully, added.
“Good day now.” With that, he was running back around the side of the building like his tail was on fire.
Ford was already looking at me by the time I braved the courage to turn to him.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, then promptly regretted it when Ford’s face fell. “Wait, wait, that’s not what I meant.”
Ford nodded, and patiently waited as I scoured for what few brain cells I still had left after that kiss. It was especially hard, seeing as the Bond was kicking them right out of reach, clearly wanting me to abandon all reason and just go back to satiating physical desires.
It felt like my heart had moved down to my stomach, the beat centered there.
Eventually, I managed to say, “I’m sorry for just doing that. It wasn’t really how I wanted—”
Ford let out a heavy breath, but his face lightened, even tilting towards a smile. “I’ll be the first to say it. I’ll say it even if that’s not what you were going to say. I wasn’t planning the first time I kissed you to be because we were going to get caught otherwise.”
“I think technically I kissed you.”
“You may have started it, but I was an active participant.”
“Well, do you define kissing me as initiating it or just being involved.”
“I’m happy to do both just to avoid any confusion.”
Ford leaned down and I tilted my chin up and our lips were a hair’s breadth away from one another before I could get my head around straight.
I felt his exhale on my lips, which only made me want to launch myself at him. “You’re right. We do need to talk about this. I’m not starting anything physical with you unless you are damn sure that’s what you want.”
“I—” Ford’s hand reached up to cover my mouth and I licked the palm of his hand. Clearly the Bond had decided to infect my system on such a deep level I was no longer conscious of it because where was this coming from?
I’m not doing shit. You’re just finally—
And now it was my turn to slap my hand over a mouth, figuratively speaking. The Bond happily sauntered off into the back of my mind.
“Sweetheart,” Ford said, the word barely more than a whispery laugh.
Then, only a little louder, “I’m prepared to wait.
I’ve been waiting a long time. You tell me when you’re sure.
And really think about it, because once you start this, I think you’ll find me to be much more exasperating than you already know me to be. ”
I didn’t know how he could be much more of anything. The issue had always been that he had invaded every corner of my world, then paused—albeit unknowingly—right before I could reach out and invite him in.
“Okay,” I said, because the truth was that I didn’t think I could give him the answer I wanted. “I’m still a little scared, I think.”
Ford’s thumb stroked over my cheek. “Of me?”
I shook my head, and the soft scrape of his skin against my sending a pleasant buzzing through my entire body. “No, not of you. Of…well, I guess a little of you. Of this.”
The version of myself from a year ago—hell, even a month ago—would freak out if I told her I was having this conversation, revealing this much.
Keeping everything a secret and repressed didn’t work.
I was a logical person, it only made sense to try a different path.
If honesty burned me as badly as omission had, then that would be another story.
But I had to try to know. “I need a little more time to convince myself that this is real. I don’t blame you, I really don’t, but I was really hurt for a lot of years.
I still am. I think I still believe that you don’t want me.
Or rather, that what made you not want me in the beginning is still there, and the Bond is just overriding your true feelings. ”
Ford pulled away and I caught a sound of protest at the last second. His hands still cradled my face, and the contact was enough to appease the restless feeling in my chest.
His eyes were lazily shifting over my face in a way that made him look almost serene.
After a moment, he reached up and smoothed a hand down my hair.
“I hate that we weren’t speaking for so long.
I hate that I didn’t fight harder to try and understand why the Bond never woke up, then maybe I would have figured out that it had for you.
” With him holding me, the embarrassment I’d grown so used to feeling when I thought about his initial rejection didn’t rise.
“What I do know is that you scared the shit out of me when we first met.”
A shaky, nearly watery laugh fell from my throat. With lingering desire still pumping through my blood, the swell of emotion that was following it was making me feel…something. Something new, something that felt a little panicky and a little precious.