Chapter 23
Candlelight Confessions
Arabella was still looking at the sight before her with utter disbelief. This was planned with deliberate effort; this was not an impulse. Gerald had people prepare this.
“Did you do this?” Arabella had to make sure.
“Unless you believe that spontaneous picnics sprout in the middle of mazes, I asked the staff to bring this here.”
Arabella would very much love to ask a very simple question. Why. But something inside her told her that she was not prepared for the answer. And yet the Duke was never one to allow her to be prepared for anything.
“Arabella, I would like to try to explain myself one more time.”
“There is no need,” Arabella hastened to say.
This was definitely not going according to plan.
The plan was for her to have a silent dinner in her room as a blunt demonstration of her displeasure, and though she hated eating alone, she would have been accompanied by the satisfaction that the Duke would be rather annoyed by this change in their plans.
Instead, what really happened was the Duke taking that perfectly laid plan along with their daily routine and throwing them both into a glorious fire that probably illuminated the lanterns that made this place so infuriatingly beautiful.
“I do believe that there is a need for me to apologize,” he insisted.
Arabella sighed in resignation. Gerald seemed quite intent on rectifying his appalling behavior, and he was doing a very good job so far.
Gerald took her by the hand and guided her to the blanket. He helped her down onto the pillows, and she just noticed that there were more blankets there in case the night grew more chilly. He sat down across from her, but still very close, and she noticed that he didn’t let go of her hands.
“I know that there is truly no justification for the way I behaved to you, not only last night but this morning as well.”
Darn it! Arabella kept a straight face while listening to him.
“It was all because I was afraid,” he exasperated.
She could tell that it truly pained him to confess as much out loud, especially to her. As far as apologies went, the Duke could write a book. Yet still Arabella was not ready to yield this easily, because some candles were lit and some confessions were made.
“I was so afraid for you that I handled the whole thing poorly,” he explained.
“I understand that something very upsetting happened at the engagement party. Imagine how I felt seeing you this distraught without knowing what was going on. And on top of that, you shut me out, and I started questioning if your state was partly my fault.”
At this last statement, Gerald squeezed her hands and pulled closer. He shook his head, both annoyed by his reaction that made her feel like this and the absurdity of the whole situation as well.
“No, Arabella, I must assure you,” he said convincingly. “None of it was your fault. The only one responsible for this whole situation is me.”
Perhaps it was a flickering of the candlelight, but in those green eyes, Arabella saw something akin to guilt.
“I should have explained what happened and told you the whole truth,” Gerald continued. “I should have trusted you more. It’s just that I have never felt fear like that before.”
“Gerald,” she said, her tone softening, “we have decided to share this burden. You’re not protecting me by keeping me in the dark; you are exposing me to more danger.”
He looked away but never let go of her hands.
“I used you as a buffer to my family’s schemes,” he bit down. “I never once stopped to think,” Gerald continued, “how you would be turned into a target.”
“Is that what happened last night?”
Gerald looked down, the grip on her hands almost painful, as if letting her go meant that she was still in danger.
“It seems that my family had hired a man to drag you into a compromising position. He was…”
Gerald hesitated over whether he should share the next part of his confession, but he decided that he could trust her.
“He was right behind you when you got out of the powder room. And I believe we didn’t meet Lady Coventon by chance. She is, after all, my sister’s best friend.”
Arabella’s jaw dropped. When he said that she was close to danger, she didn’t expect that he was quite literal. A shiver went down her spine imagining what could have happened if Gerald hadn’t appeared in the corridor at that exact time. She would have been irreparably ruined.
Gerald, of course, would never believe that she was doing anything devious, but that mattered little. The rest of the ton would accuse her and brand her behavior unfit for a Duchess. They would both be ostracized, ridiculed, and mocked.
“They would never,” Gerald explained, “expose the whole situation. Their main goal would be to extract money out of me. But they would be dangling that accusation to control and manipulate us.”
“This is what you had to endure all these years?” Arabella asked.
Gerald seemed to be taken aback by her question. He looked at her as if seeing her for the first time.
“I just told you that my family had hired someone to harass you, and your first reaction is to be sympathetic to me?”
They both looked at each other when they realized that this was exactly what had happened. Somehow, in the most difficult of moments, one was afraid for the other, and neither of them was ready to explore exactly what that meant.
“I find it…” she tried to explain, “very difficult dealing with this constantly, and it would explain part of your inexcusable behavior.”
Gerald’s face cracked into a smile. Not that vexing smirk that he had from time to time, not even that short twitch of his lips that reminded her that the Duke indeed knew how to smile but chose not to. This was a true smile, his face fully transformed into something warmer.
“Gerald,” she said, determined. “You must promise never to assume again what I can and cannot endure.”
“I promise,” he said and added with a smile, “Does that mean that you are no longer angry at me?”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, shall we?” Arabella teased.
Gerald nodded and went for the picnic basket.
“Perhaps if I procure your favorite sandwiches, carefully made by our cook, I would get more chances in seeing you smile at me tonight.”
Gerald carefully arranged an assortment of sandwiches on the blanket, brought out plates and two glasses, and poured some wine. It was something so utterly unordinary for them, so simple and domesticated, that Arabella couldn’t help but soften her strict, tense expression.
For a while, all they did was eat some of the sandwiches and drink the wine, and miraculously enjoy each other’s company. She would not so easily admit so, but Arabella had almost forgotten the bitterness born out of last night’s situation.
“You must have really threatened the cook,” she suddenly commented. “She has really outdone herself.”
“Would it inflate your already extraordinary standing among my staff if I told you that all I had to do was inform the cook that you wanted those specific sandwiches?”
Arabella chuckled softly. It was quite true that most of his staff were partial to her. She did not take it as a personal victory, since the Duke was always fair to them but never friendly.
“I must reward the cook more,” Gerald added. “She just earned me a snort. Not exactly the smile I was hoping for, but close enough.”
“A lady never snorts, Your Grace,” Arabella protested. “It was a very elegant chuckle, I would have you know.”
“You must pardon me, Your Grace,” Gerald smiled. “I was never good at discerning indications of human joy.”
“That is something I believe.”
Arabella raised her glass to him, and he returned the gesture. For a few seconds, they held each other’s gaze, both perhaps realizing that spending real time together was not utterly despicable.
It was Gerald who seemed to stir out of this first. He hid behind his glass before turning to her with a look that was a bit less casual.
“I just needed to warn you, Arabella,” he said, changing his tone again. “After all, we still have to attend my half-sister’s wedding.”
Arabella went somber quickly. If they had tried something so despicable during the engagement party, perhaps they would escalate their efforts at the wedding.
“They must know,” Gerald continued, “that they won’t get many chances to create situations where they could blackmail. After all, I do not intend to have any contact with them after this wedding.”
“You think they might target me again?”
“It would be imprudent to think otherwise. My siblings are not known for their restraint or their wisdom. Their last plan failing would not be perceived as a warning, but as a challenge to try harder next time.”
Upon hearing those words, Arabella was visibly shaken. He was talking about people who had no qualms using hired men to ruin a lady’s reputation. A shiver went down her spine, cold fear gripping her soul. Distress must have been evident since Gerald pulled a little closer.
“Arabella?”
“I must tell you that I am afraid,” she decided to be honest with him. “We simply cannot fathom what these people have in store for either of us.”
“I completely understand how you feel,” Gerald said, “but you mustn’t think that you are in this on your own. I promise you I will not allow anyone to hurt you.”
His hands found hers again and squeezed in reassurance. Arabella found solace in his touch, the connection pouring some warmth into her body. She looked up to him to search his eyes and find reassurance.
What she found was so much more. He was looking at her through a mixture she had never seen on him before, as if she were some wonder he had to observe.
He raised his hand and cupped her face, his fingers caressing her jaw. Arabella’s body went aflame. They had been intimate before, but there was something different. That simple caress made her feel that things had shifted.
“Has anyone ever told you, Arabella, that you are extraordinary?”