Chapter 5 Secrets Between Us
The Secret of the Crown
Morning arrived wrapped in a blanket of pale mist that drifted lazily through the valley surrounding the sanctuary.
The mountains looked untouched by the chaos consuming the capital. Sunlight slowly crept across the distant peaks, turning snow-covered ridges into shimmering gold while birds greeted the new day from the towering pine trees.
Rowan wished he could appreciate the beauty.
Instead, his attention remained fixed on the single suppressant capsule hidden inside his coat.
One.
It was all he had left.
The leather pouch disappearing into the river the previous morning had stolen more than medicine. It had taken away the fragile certainty that he could continue pretending everything was under control.
He had spent years convincing himself he would always have time to find another solution.
Now time had become his greatest enemy.
The smell of fresh coffee drifted from the kitchen.
Caelan was already awake.
Of course he was.
Rowan drew a slow breath before leaving his room.
The captain stood near the old stove preparing breakfast with surprising competence.
A pot of oatmeal simmered over the fire while slices of bread toasted beside it.
The sleeves of his shirt had been rolled to his forearms, revealing old scars that crossed powerful muscles earned through years of military training.
He looked up as Rowan entered.
"Good morning."
"You're making breakfast."
"You sounded disappointed."
"I was simply surprised."
"I learned to cook during border assignments."
Rowan smiled faintly.
"I assumed Royal Guards survived entirely on discipline."
"And terrible camp stew."
"That sounds less impressive."
"It usually was."
The quiet conversation eased some of the tension that had settled between them during the previous day.
At least...
It did until Caelan carefully placed a steaming cup of tea in front of him.
"You should sit."
Rowan looked at him curiously.
"That's unusually specific."
"You've been pushing yourself."
"I'm managing."
"I know."
Caelan remained standing for a moment before taking the chair opposite him.
"Managing isn't the same as being well."
Rowan's fingers tightened around the warm cup.
There was concern in the captain's voice.
Not suspicion.
Not accusation.
Concern.
That somehow made the truth even harder to hide.
Breakfast passed in thoughtful silence.
Neither man seemed eager to disturb the fragile peace that had settled over the sanctuary.
Afterward, Caelan began repairing one of the broken window shutters while Rowan attempted to organize old books inside the sanctuary library.
He read the same paragraph three times without understanding a single word.
His thoughts kept returning to the same question.
How long could he continue lying?
Another wave of dizziness forced him to steady himself against one of the shelves.
He closed his eyes.
The suppressants were fading more quickly now.
His pulse felt heavier.
His senses sharper.
He could even smell the pine forest through the closed windows.
That had never happened before.
A knock sounded gently against the open library door.
"Rowan."
He looked up.
Caelan stood quietly in the doorway.
"I made lunch."
"I'll be there in a moment."
The captain didn't move.
"You don't have to keep pretending."
The words froze Rowan where he stood.
Pretending.
His heartbeat became painfully loud.
"I don't know what you mean."
Caelan held his gaze.
"I think you do."
Silence stretched between them.
The sanctuary suddenly felt much smaller.
"I noticed your medicine."
Rowan said nothing.
"I noticed the scent that keeps appearing."
Still nothing.
"And last night..."
Caelan exhaled slowly.
"I finally understood."
Rowan lowered his eyes.
For years he had imagined this moment.
Sometimes it ended with exile.
Sometimes imprisonment.
Sometimes fear.
Never had he imagined standing inside a quiet mountain library while a single man waited patiently for him to speak.
"You know."
It wasn't a question.
"I do."
"You should hate me."
Caelan frowned.
"For what?"
"I lied."
"You protected yourself."
"I deceived the kingdom."
"You obeyed your king."
Rowan looked back at him.
There was no anger.
Only quiet understanding.
That almost broke him.
He walked slowly toward the nearest window overlooking the river.
The mountains stood silent beyond the glass.
"I wasn't supposed to survive."
Caelan remained still.
"When I was born," Rowan continued quietly, "the royal physicians discovered my designation before anyone else. My father summoned only three people."
He smiled sadly.
"My mother."
"Physician Mira."
"And Lord Chancellor Varric."
Caelan listened without interrupting.
"My father had recently become king. Several neighboring kingdoms were already questioning whether he was strong enough to rule. Then his only child was born an Omega."
He laughed softly, though there was no humor in the sound.
"The Council called it a disaster."
Caelan's jaw tightened.
"They believed an Omega couldn't inherit the throne."
"They believed an Omega king would invite invasion."
Rowan rested one hand against the window frame.
"History didn't help."
"What do you mean?"
"There was once an Omega queen."
Caelan looked surprised.
"I've never heard of her."
"Most people haven't."
"Why?"
"Because history was rewritten."
The captain remained silent.
"Queen Lyra ruled almost two hundred years ago. She was respected by her people, but after her death ambitious nobles blamed every hardship the kingdom suffered on the fact that she had been an Omega."
"They erased her."
"They erased almost everything."
Rowan looked toward the mountains again.
"The laws changed."
"Only Alphas and Betas could inherit."
"Royal Omegas were quietly married into allied kingdoms."
"And eventually everyone forgot the truth."
Caelan spoke the conclusion himself.
Rowan nodded.
"My father refused to surrender me."
"So he hid you."
"He declared I was a Beta."
The words felt strangely lighter now that someone else knew.
"I spent my childhood learning how to walk differently."
"Speak differently."
"Control every scent."
"Hide every instinct."
He looked down at his hands.
"I learned which herbs disguised my natural scent."
"Which medicines delayed heat."
"How to keep perfect composure even when my body wanted something entirely different."
Caelan stepped closer, though he still kept a respectful distance.
"That isn't living."
"No."
"It isn't."
Rowan smiled bitterly.
"It's surviving."
For several moments neither man spoke.
The only sound came from the river flowing outside.
Finally Caelan asked quietly, "Does the Queen know everything?"
"She helped raise me."
"The King?"
"He never once treated me as less worthy."
"Mira?"
"She's kept me alive."
"And Lord Varric."
The room seemed colder at the mention of the Chancellor.
"Yes."
Rowan's voice lost some of its warmth.
"He knows."
"Has always known."
Caelan frowned thoughtfully.
"He supported your engagement."
"He supports whatever keeps the kingdom stable."
"Or whatever benefits him."
Rowan glanced at him.
"You don't trust him."
"I don't know if I should."
The answer lingered between them.
Neither man was ready to voice the darker suspicion growing in both their minds.
Caelan finally spoke again.
"What happens now?"
Rowan reached inside his coat and removed the final suppressant capsule.
He held it carefully between his fingers.
"This."
The tiny capsule looked almost insignificant.
Yet it represented years of carefully maintained secrecy.
"I lost the rest yesterday."
Caelan looked at it before meeting Rowan's eyes again.
"Can Mira make more?"
"Eventually."
"But she's hundreds of miles away."
"And we can't risk returning."
Rowan closed his fingers around the capsule.
"There won't be enough time."
Understanding slowly crossed Caelan's face.
"You've never..."
"No."
Rowan shook his head.
"I've never experienced a natural heat."
The admission felt terrifying.
"I've always taken suppressants before it could begin."
He looked away, ashamed of the fear rising inside him.
"I don't know what will happen."
His voice had become barely more than a whisper.
"I don't know how strong it will be."
"I don't know whether I'll still think clearly."
"I don't even know if I'll recognize myself."
He swallowed hard before forcing himself to continue.
"My greatest fear isn't that someone will discover what I am."
He finally looked back at Caelan.
"It's that I'll lose control of myself before I ever have the chance to choose who I want to be."
The confession hung quietly between them.
For the first time in his life, Rowan had spoken the truth without hiding behind duty, titles, or carefully rehearsed answers.
Whether that truth would bring freedom or destroy everything he had left remained impossible to know.
More Than My Duty
The silence that followed Rowan's confession lingered long after the words themselves had faded.
Caelan remained where he stood, not because he lacked a response, but because he understood that some truths deserved a moment of stillness. Rowan had spent his entire life protecting a secret that could destroy everything he knew. Offering quick reassurance would have been easy.
Understanding what that burden truly meant was far more important.
Outside, the steady rush of the mountain river filled the sanctuary with a calm that neither man felt.
Rowan turned back toward the window, his shoulders carrying the weight of years spent pretending to be someone he wasn't. For the first time since they had met, Caelan realized how exhausting that life must have been.
The prince had never been allowed to relax.
Never been allowed to make mistakes.
Never been allowed to simply exist.
Every smile had been measured.
Every movement practiced.
Every breath carefully controlled.
Caelan had spent years believing discipline was the greatest sacrifice a person could make.
He suddenly understood he had been wrong.
"I've been thinking," he said quietly.
Rowan looked over his shoulder.
"About what?"
"About why you expected me to hate you."
A faint, weary smile crossed Rowan's face.