Chapter Nine
chapter nine
ISLA
“Hey, turn it up, I love this song!” Marina yells at the young guy messing with the jukebox in the corner of the room.
It’s our first shift at the bar and so far, everything is going smoothly, but it’s early, so we haven’t had any rush yet.
Marina’s is unique, with plush, maroon cushioned booths lining the far wall and vintage posters decorating the walls. Dim lighting from mismatched pendants reflects off of the bottles shelved behind the bar, the shelves so high there’s a rolling ladder so we can reach the top shelf. The space has a sultry feel about it. It’s warm and cozy, but sexy too. Although from what I’ve heard, the place can get pretty rowdy on a Friday night.
We’ve gotten into the swing of things easily enough. I’m drying glasses behind the bar while May is out on the floor serving the few customers that are in.
Nora and Vanessa are cackling away at a table in the corner. They’re on their third round of strawberry margaritas and counting. Apparently, it’s a regular occurrence for them—weekly catch-ups that they’ve been doing for years, filling each other in on town gossip and dramas. This town must be like a soap opera for them if they have so much to catch up on every week. They’ve looked over at me a few too many times for me to think I’m not a topic of conversation in tonight’s chinwag.
My phone buzzes on the bar top and Brandon’s name pops up on the screen. The second call from him in two days.
Would he give it a break? The guy is number smart, one of the best accountants in New York, but when it comes to people? He’s thick in the head, and he never could read a room. I don’t think I could’ve been clearer when I told him I never wanted to hear from him again, but he clearly didn’t get the memo. He never liked things happening that were out of his control, so me leaving like I did would’ve sent him into a spiral.
I watch the screen as the call rings through.
“You need to get that?” Marina comes up beside me.
“No, sorry.” I switch my phone off and pocket it as I zone back into where I am.
“No, it’s alright, but are you? Who was that?”
“Yeah, no, I’m fine.”
She searches my eyes for how I’m actually feeling, something she seems to have in common with Caio.
“It was Brandon.” I can’t help but say his name with resentment.
“The ex?” she asks.
I nod. “I don’t even want to know why he’s calling.”
I pick up a new glass, getting back to the task at hand. Answering his calls would only make me feel worse. Over the course of our relationship, Brandon mastered the art of gaslighting and guilt tripping. He flirted with my dad more than me, trying to get a job at his firm. This summer is for moving on, cleansing my soul of his stain, and picking up the phone would only give me insults and accusations to turn over in my head. I’m done with all of that.
“So, how come you’re here on the other side of the world, in paradise, but you don’t look like that?” Marina points to May floating around the floor. I know what she means—May looks like she doesn’t have a care in the world. I wish I could feel like that now, but uncertainty is gnawing away at me. We’ve been here for a few days now and I can’t help but feel like I’ve made zero progress with the what-am-I-doing-with-my-life subject. I know I have the whole summer, and I don’t expect to have it all figured out in a couple of days, but I just don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like I have no direction.
“I just...I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not on track.”
She sets her tray down, giving me her full attention. “On track for what?”
“I don’t even know anymore.” I can’t figure out how to voice the thoughts that are running through my head at a million miles per hour.
“Can I tell you one thing I learned the hard way?” she asks. I nod. “I don’t think there is a track. Or if there is, it’s one that splits off into five different directions. Sometimes it’s beyond your control which direction you go down, and that can be…terrifying. But sometimes, that’s better than sitting at the junction, trying to figure it all out.”
“I don’t know if I’m capable of flying blind like that, but that’s exactly what I’m doing here.” I huff a laugh.
She smiles. ”Well, if you’re wondering whether you’re capable, there’s your answer. You’re already doing it.”
“Yeah, but it’s like I’m trying so hard to grab onto the steering wheel, but it keeps slipping from my grasp,” I say. “I feel like I just ran away from my life, hoping that somehow being away will solve everything. I guess I’m just trying to figure out what that actually looks like.”
“Well, maybe you don’t have to know. Maybe you should give in to the ride. Isn’t that the fun of it? Look at where you are.” She gestures around us, and I smile.
“Maybe not having it all set out for you is exactly what you need. Maybe this rocky ground is the perfect place for you to find your feet. You came here to have fun, right? To reset? To let go? Then let go!” She grabs my hand and twirls me around. “Let your mind take a back seat and lean into the unknown. Relax for a while and allow yourself the time and grace to do all of that figuring out. In the meantime, this job is yours for as long as you want it. Whether that’s five weeks or five years, but for now,” she grabs the cloth from the bar beside her and chucks it at me, “you have some tables to clean.”
She laughs as she pulls me along with her onto the floor to join May. We jig around as we wipe down tables and deliver drinks to our handful of customers, and I already feel a little bit lighter.
It’s nice having someone other than May to talk to. Someone else that accepts me and my all over the show brain, and maybe she’s right. Maybe I just need to let this trip be whatever it wants to be without forcing myself on the path I think I should be walking, and instead, walk the path that finds me. Isn’t that what they say?
It’s about 9:00 p.m. now and the bar has taken on a much livelier vibe as the night has gone on. Vanessa and Nora are still here, but they were cut off from their drinks after their karaoke rendition of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin,” much to Marina’s embarrassment. So now they’re in a booth at the back of the room with a jug of water each, drunkenly giggling away at whatever it is that’s got them so amused.
I’m clearing a table beside them when I hear a “psst.” I look over to see them waving me to their table. I think they’re trying to be subtle, but it’s not really working out for them.
“Soooo…how’s it going?” Vanessa asks.
“Good?” I reply cautiously, knowing full well that’s not why they called me over.
“Wonderful!” Nora claps her hands together with delight at my very basic response. “We just are so happy to see our Caio with someone new,” she adds.
They both look up at me with adoring looks on their faces.
Literal heart eyes.
“Oh, no, I think you’ve got the wrong idea. Caio and I are just friends.” Better set the record straight before these two alert the whole town of a non-existent relationship status.
Vanessa looks at me over the top of her glass as she takes a sip of her water, her eyebrows raised to her hairline in an accusatory manner.
“Just friends, I swear.” I cross my hands over my heart for emphasis.
“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, ragazza mia. He’s basically my son. I know these things.” They giggle like schoolgirls and I’m quickly reminded how drunk they both are.
I knock my knuckles on the table. “Drink up, you two.”
I laugh to myself as I come around the bar to mix up a few orders.
“What?” May inquires.
“Just those two,” I nod in their direction. “Convinced that Caio and I are an item.”
“I mean it’s not that crazy of an assumption.” I turn to look at her. “What? It’s not! You know the way he looks at you.”
“What? In the two days he’s known me?”
“Yes,” she answers seriously, and the look on her face suggests she thinks I’m the crazy one for even asking such a question.
I roll my eyes. “Please enlighten me.”
She gives me a knowing look, but we are interrupted as Rafael takes a seat at the bar in front of us.
“Oh great. When did you start working here?” He directs the question at May, his tone frosty.
“Today, your lucky day. What can I get you?” Her tone, although seeminglysweet, is laced with contempt, and I brace myself for a repeat of their previous fight. I silently thank Marina for not having meatballs on the menu.
He narrows his eyes. “Whiskey.”
“Sure!” She floats away to fulfill his order.
“Hey Rafael?” He looks at me, which I take as an invitation to proceed. “Does Caio look at me like…I don’t know, like?—“
“Like he wants to fuck you? Definitely.”
“Well that’s one thing we can agree on.” May sets his drink down in front of him.
“What? No, seriously we are just friends.” Not that my ovaries weren’t screaming when I saw him with that little girl yesterday. My heart squeezed in my chest at the sight of them together. But that’s just the effect that happens to any woman when you see a grown man being cute with a kid. It’s not exclusive to Caio.
“Friends that want to fuck each other,” May states.
“No—“
“Sure about that?” Rafael counters. Why is this the one time they choose to get along?
Rafael takes a sip of his drink before putting it back on the bar with more force than necessary. The dark liquid almost splashes out the top of the glass.
“This is a Coke.” He glares up at May.
I spoke too soon.
“Oh, I am so sorry, sweet pea! Let me go fix that for you.” I can barely contain my grin, she’s such a shit stirrer.
She comes back a minute later with a glass of clear liquid and places it in front of him.
“Seriously?”
“What? Whiskey, right?” She lays it on thick, clearly unable to exercise any self-control when it comes to riling Rafael up. She just smiles brightly as he scowls at her.
He abruptly stands up, scraping his stool across the floor, before coming around the back of the bar and grabbing a bottle of whiskey himself.
“Hey! You can’t be back here,” May protests.
“I’ve been in this bar for more years than you’ve been legal, blondie. I think I can do whatever I want.”
Marina joins me in my spectator’s spot against the edge of the bar. “These two again?”
“Bye Marina!” He salutes with his bottle before leaving the building. She reciprocates the gesture to his back as he walks out the door.
“Welp, that was fun.” May grabs a tray and heads back out on the floor.
“She finds way too much enjoyment in getting under his skin.”
“She’s dedicated to the cause I’ll give her that,” Marina laughs.
We get back to the hotel at around 1:00 a.m. and it takes all of my effort not to just fall into bed with a full face of makeup on.
My eyelids were heavy as we closed up tonight. My body calling for sleep as I flipped chairs onto the tabletops around the bar.
I finally snuggle into my gigantic soft bed, my form like a sardine tucked into the plush covers. I swear this is like a royal king bed—there’s endless space for probably another three people to sleep next to me. I try to quiet my mind and focus on the soft pillow beneath my head, but my mind won’t shut up, and it’s so fucking hot.
I throw the puffy comforter off my body leaving just the sheet, which rustles every ten seconds as I toss and turn, replaying my conversation with Marina from earlier. I just don’t know if it’s that easy, to just let go. I already feel out of control, how will I feel if I fully let go of the reins? But maybe that’s what I need, to just give in to the experience, and not worry too much about the outcome.
Who am I kidding? Worry is my middle name.