Chapter Twenty-Nine
chapter twenty-nine
ISLA
“Make your wish.” May sits cross-legged in front of me on the floor. A lone cupcake sits on the coffee table between us with a candle stuck in the middle.
It’s our tradition, ever since the first year we met we do a cupcake for breakfast on my birthday and watch She’s The Man. It’s our guilty pleasure movie.
Whether we are in our pajamas and in bed at midday with a tub of ice cream, or if we were wine drunk on the floor of our dorm after a night out, we always watch it, no fail.
In my first year in college my parents decided to go for a trip to visit Miles in Canada while he was laying over there in between flights for a week, and the day they chose to leave was the day they conveniently forgot was my twenty-first birthday. So May decided we needed a cake and a chick flick, and thus began my birthday tradition.
I stare down at the flame wiggling on the wick of the pink candle poking out the top of one of Vanessa’s vanilla and caramel cupcakes. The wax dripping down the sides the longer I sit here. But I’m struggling to think of a wish.
In previous years I’ve wished for silly things, like for me to pass my finals, or for Brandon to treat me better, or for my parents to be proud of me. But this year, none of those things matter.
I still want my parents to be proud of me, but I’m no longer seeking their validation to feel content.
That’s how I feel, content. I don’t feel like there’s anything I’m missing right now. I’ve opened up to Caio, as scary as it was it was also kind of effortless. It’s easy for me to talk to him, to let him in on my concerns as much as I’ve tried to keep myself at a distance, and I feel so much lighter for it.
He didn’t run away. He didn’t say I was silly or berate me for my feelings. He just held on tighter and told me he wasn’t going anywhere. We didn’t solve anything. There was no answer, but there was comfort in knowing he feels a similar way, that he doesn’t want this to end either.
I smile at the thought, blowing the candle out, only wishing for this feeling to stay, hoping I can hold on to this blissful ignorance for as long as possible.
I’ve been avoiding the thought of going back home ever since, choosing to enjoy the right now. I know it’ll come back to bite me in the ass, but there’s no escaping the hold that this place has on me, the hold that Caio has on me.
The last few days I’ve been living in a dream, one that I don’t want to wake up from.
“I’m not gonna ask what you wished for,” May says. “But I hope it comes true.”
“Me too.”
May dragged me to the bathroom half an hour ago telling me to “get all prettied up” because we are going out.
I put on a new yellow dress I bought it at the little boutique on Main last week, it flows to just past my knees and hugs my body, pushing my tits up and accentuating them with little frilly details on the sweetheart neckline. It looks far showier on me than it did on the model in the window, but the shop owner convinced me into it after saying how lucky my boyfriend must be, that made me smile.
I sweep half of my hair up, out of my face. “So where are we going?” I ask.
“I just thought it might be nice to go for a walk by the water.”
That’s good. I haven’t told anyone it’s my birthday, but knowing May she’d plan a surprise party and invite the whole town. I’m still suspicious, but a walk along Main sounds too perfect to pass up even if it’s a distraction.
An hour later the sea breeze is tangling my hair as we stroll along the sidewalk. It’s one of those warm afternoons, where the sun shines brighter over the whole town. Mother Nature treating us to a magical morning, the sea is sparkling, the flowers are brighter, and Ruby Cove exudes a sense of beautiful peace.
“You want to visit Nora?” May asks as we reach the end of the street that the studio is on.
“Yeah, let’s see if she’s working on something new.” I come down here every couple of days, checking in on Nora and her work, her paintings hold such an emotional essence to them. I never know what I’ll feel walking into the studio, and it reminds me why I love it so much.
We cross the road and as soon as I open the door voices echo through the space, more noise than I’ve ever heard in the normally quiet and peaceful studio.
I walk around the corner to see Nora’s studio transformed. There are easels lined up facing one another in the middle of the space, and our friends filling the room.
They quieten down as I walk in, Marina is beaming a smile at me. I pin May with a look just as she raises her arms up in innocence.
“It wasn’t me this time,” she swears, nodding her head behind me.
I turn to see Caio walking towards me with a mixture of nerves and excitement written all over his features.
He places a soft kiss to my cheek. “Happy birthday, baby.”
He doesn’t seem mad that I didn’t tell him it was today, May must have told him I don’t like making a fuss, although that’s exactly what this is.
“I read online a while ago about paint-n-sips, and I thought it was something you might enjoy.” A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, he knows I’ve been thinking about painting again, but I haven’t had the courage to pick up a brush yet.
This is more than perfect.
I take a better look around the room, gigantic wine glasses sit on little tables beside each easel, bubbles floating to the surface of the rose colored liquid filling the glasses. Sunset colored tulips are dotted around the room.
I can feel the work Caio put in to making this perfect for me, and just like that he tugs at another piece of my heart, asking it to be his. I’m struggling to keep from handing over the whole thing.
“It’s wonderful.” I reach up on my toes to kiss him. Butterflies dancing in my stomach every time my lips touch his, the public affection feeling completely natural.
“I want you to be free to reconnect with this part of yourself with no pressure, but if this is too much or you don’t feel like it?—“
“No,” I interrupt, grabbing his hands in mine. “This is amazing, it’s too much, but it’s amazing. I love it Caio.”
“Good.” He brushes a knuckle over my cheek, some of the nervous tension lifting off his shoulders.
“Okay, well I’ll get going,” he turns to leave.
“You’re not staying?”
“I want you to be free of any expectations, do what you love without me hovering.”
“I want you to hover.” I always want him near lately.
He cracks a devastating smile. “I’ll be waiting at Marina’s when you’re done, don’t think I don’t have my own celebrations in mind.” He winks at me, those butterflies flying south. He grabs me by the shoulders and steers me towards an easel, before plonking me down on the stool in front of it.
“I’ll see you soon,” he leans down, placing a kiss on my head before walking out.
My attention draws to the group in front of me, the people I’ve come to consider my family are all here to celebrate me, and I don’t think I’ve ever loved a birthday more.
Leo lets the cork fly of our third bottle of champagne of the night.
“Leo! Your cork nearly smudged my painting!” Marina scolds, taking this very seriously. She hasn’t shown any of us her painting yet, she said it’s a surprise for later. She’s also slightly tipsy, the girl is even more of a lightweight than me, and that’s saying something.
“I’ll be sure to tell your cousin my cock nearly smudged your painting when I see him next,” Leo laughs. Rafael chuckles under his breath from where he sits across from me.
“Your cork!” She emphasizes the “ork,” dragging out the end of the word.
“Would you two shut the fuck up? I’m trying to focus here,” Heath says. He’s painting Betty, one of his best goats, and is insanely focused. Meanwhile May is beside me doing a self-portrait that looks like a five-year-old painted it, sending us into fits of laughter every time she asks for my opinion.
The smell of paint and champagne floats through the air, carrying the essence of delight with it.
Even Rafael can’t hide the smile that I see creeping up his face every time May doubles over in laughter, or when Marina continuously blames Leo for her failing masterpiece.
I look out the window, a warm and fuzzy feeling settling over me. I realize now why Caio didn’t stay, he wanted me to celebrate with my friends. If he was here, I’d be distracted by him, either I’d feel the pressure to make sure my painting was good just in case he glanced over at it, or I’d just be staring at him the whole time. I wouldn’t feel as relaxed, not that he stresses me out, he does the complete opposite.
Caio makes me feel grounded and safe, like I’m wrapped up in a fluffy blanket, content and comfortable. Like I’m exactly where I should be. But the people closest to me have always had some expectations of me. They looked at my painting like it was nothing but a silly fantasy, like it’s not enough, and I know without him saying it that he doesn’t want me to feel like that around him, but I don’t think I ever could.
It’s a different kind of feeling with him.
Caio pushes me to do what makes me happy, encouraging me in a gentle way, as if my goals are his own, all while letting me know that it doesn’t have to mean anything unless I want it to. Giving me the freedom to leave it as a birthday activity with my friends, or to use it as a stepping stone across the stream of my nervous uncertainty.
I always felt like I needed to be so independent because of my past, never wanting to rely on anyone just to be let down, but I’m quickly becoming addicted to the feeling that Caio gives me, I never realized how much I needed someone to be that for me.
My thoughts are interrupted by May tapping the end of her paintbrush against her glass. “I just want to make a little speech for our Isla here,”
Marina hoots from her seat beside May.
“Ah,” the boys wince as a unanimous look of discomfort fills the room at her volume.
May gives her a sideways glare. “Isla,” she fixes her gaze back on me. “My lovely best friend who agreed with my impulsive plan to come to the other side of the world,” I smile at her words, she’ll never know just how grateful I am for her dragging me here.
“I’m endlessly grateful for chance throwing us in the same room our first year. For bringing a ray of sunshine into my life at the exact moment that I needed it. I hope I never let you forget how much I appreciate you and everything that you’ve done for me, and I hope I can repay you in the next seventy years of our lives.” Everyone chuckles around the room. “May twenty-four treat you well. I love you, sunshine.”
Everyone cheers as she sits back down. I look around the room at the people surrounding me and a sense of peace settles over me, this feels like home, they feel like home. But most of all, the man that has come to feel like home the most is missing. He’s at the bar waiting for me, and I want to feel at home in his arms more than anything right now.