Chapter 35 Demi
Demi
One Week Ago
Ire-read the text dad sent me for the hundredth time. This can’t be right. This is an apartment complex and not a particularly nice one at that. What the hell is going on?
My finger depresses the button and the faint sound of a buzzer sounds somewhere in the distance. I shake out my hands and exhale sharply as I wait. Fuck, why am I nervous? He’s my dad for Christ sake.
“Come on up,” my dad’s deep voice booms through the speaker at the same time the door clicks.
Once inside, I ascend more than one flight of stairs until I’m met with the apartment number in question. I don’t have to knock. The door opens and my father’s disheveled form comes into view.
“Hi, Dad.”
“Hi, pumpkin.”
Jesus, he looks like shit, but my heart warms at the sight of him. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until right this second. I follow the wave of his hand inside where he gives me a quick tour. Emphasis on quick. I think this entire place is the size of my bedroom growing up.
“Want some coffee?” he asks while pouring himself a cup.
I grin and stifle a laugh when I see the words on his mug…
‘World’s Greatest Grandpa.’ I got it for him for Christmas when I was little.
I remember picking it out–by myself–at the school store that year and being so proud of myself…
until I got home and mom told me I messed up and got the wrong one.
Dad didn’t flinch, though. He opened it and without hesitation, proudly proclaimed to everyone how much he loved it.
I can’t believe he still has that old thing.
“Sure, I’ll have some. Does mom know you’re drinking that?”
“About that.” He grabs another mug and pours me a cup, then pulls the creamer from the fridge and sets everything on the tiny dining room table. “You should sit.”
We prepare our coffees in heavy silence. Something is wrong.
“What’s going on, Dad?”
“Demi, your mom and I are separating. Well… I guess we’re already separated. We’re getting divorced.”
My head rears back. I know they haven’t always seen eye to eye, but I never thought it would come to this. How did I not know things were so bad between them?
“Before you start spiraling, you should know we’ve had problems for years. I worked very hard to hide it from you and it worked… for a while.”
“What happened? Why now?” I ask cautiously.
“Well, if I’m being transparent, the last straw was the day you came out to us.” I doubt I’ll ever forget that day. “Your mother was–well, she was a raging bitch to you.”
“Dad!” I’ve gone my entire life without hearing him curse.
“Don’t be such a prude, pumpkin.” He gestures his hands dismissively at me as he takes a sip of his black coffee.
“This is who I am. There’s a lot you don’t know, because your mother made me into the husband she wanted me to be.
It didn’t matter what I wanted. My only job was to provide for the family and be her fucking arm candy. ”
Who is this man and what has he done with my dad?
“Unfortunately, I hurt you in the process. I should have stood up to her that day and I never should have let you walk out the door believing your parents didn’t love you unconditionally.
“The truth is… I don’t care who the fuck you love. Women. Men. I literally give zero fucks as long as you’re happy.”
My thoughts wander back to that day. He’d always had my back a little more than mom, but when I told them I was gay, he didn’t stand up for me like I hoped he would. I think I expected the reaction I got from her, but from him… he fucking broke my heart. Better late than never, I suppose.
“What about Mom?” I ask hesitantly. The fact that they’re getting divorced, tells me I likely already know, but on the off-chance I’m wrong–
I reach for my mug of coffee and take a sip as dad reaches out and takes my other hand. “Your mom’s not ready, Demi. I don’t know if she’ll ever be ready. She’s too set in her ways.”
I knew it.
Not that I’ve ever been close to my mother, so not having her now doesn’t change much, but she is still my mom. Every girl deserves a mom that loves her. I did a lot of work with Raegan to overcome this issue with my parents. You’d think this wouldn’t hurt as much as it does.
Shit. Now my mind is filled with images of a certain redhead, in her pencil skirt and low-cut blouse. And those heels. Fuck my life. I hope she and Hayes are figuring their shit out so my sacrifice was worth it.
But maybe that… combined with this… means I’m meant to be alone in this world.
I give dad a placating smile. “I, uh, understand. It can’t be easy finding out your daughter is going to hell for being sexually attracted to women.
” In fairness, she never said I was going to hell.
Her heavy tendency toward religion and living for Christ, tells the story for itself. Going to hell is heavily implied.
“I’m not going to defend her. She has a long way to go if she wants to make things better with you and that starts with getting her priorities straight. I just know how she was when I walked out the door and I just don’t see it happening any time soon. I’m sorry, pumpkin.”
A lone tear wells up in the corner of my eye and I swipe it away. I refuse to give her the satisfaction.
“It’s okay, dad.” I tell him. “I don’t want her in my life if she doesn’t want to be here. There’s not much to share with her anyway…”
Dad cocks his head to the side and quirks a brow, silently encouraging me to give him more information.
“What?” I ask, feigning innocence.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“I may not actually be gay,” I admit through pursed lips, my face scrunched up like I’m bracing for impact. And by impact, I mean the moment he realizes everything was for nothing. “I think I’m actually bisexual.”
He takes a large gulp of his coffee and his expression falls flat. “Really? That’s your big announcement?”
“What? Maybe if I knew that the first time around, things wouldn’t be so bad between you and mom. I’m sorry I’m the reason for all of… this.” I wave my hands around the tiny apartment.
The laugh that falls from his lips is loud and boisterous.
“It’s funny you think that would have changed anything.
It wouldn’t make your mother less of a bitch, Dem.
And… anything outside of a normal hetero relationship would never be acceptable to her.
This. Is. Not. Your. Fault. I won’t say it again, young lady. ”
Wow. I guess it’s a good thing she doesn’t know I fell for two people. Not that it matters now.
“Okay.” I respond, not having more words for him. It’s going to take some time, but I’ll eventually find my peace.
“Okay,” he repeats. “I hope you can forgive me.”
How could I not? “I forgive you, Dad. Don’t get me wrong, that day lives rent free in my mind as one of the worst days of my life. But… I’m just glad you’re here now. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”
Tears begin to fall freely at my admission and he stands, reaching out for my hands and pulling me from my seat to wrap me in the warmest hug. My dad gives the best hugs.
“I’ve missed you so fucking much,” Dad admits as he rubs my back in an attempt to soothe my sadness. I think it might be working. “I love you, pumpkin.”
“I love you, too, Dad. More than you’ll ever know.”
We stay like that for a little while, until my eyes are dry and we’re both finally ready to move on from this.
Once we part, I look him dead in the eye and smile. “Can I crash on your couch?”
He smiles back, nodding as he says, “Sure. As long as you tell me about this guy you’re seeing.”