Chapter 25 Roman
Following along with the breakfast cart, I hum one of my favorite songs to myself.
Spending time with—almost—everyone I love last night raised my spirits in a way I didn’t know I needed.
And now getting to have breakfast with Ignacio is a great start to what I imagine is going to be the first long day of many.
Especially since the Council has to decide what to do with Cristian and Allesandro.
Doc, Soren, and James deserve to be here with us and the rest of their family, and Luca needs to go home soon. He’s done enough for us—more than.
The kitchen staff wheels the cart into Ignacio’s room and I follow, only to stop short when I see Jayden. “Good morning, bit early for you to be on right now, isn’t it?”
“It is,” Jayden responds, his voice as cool as usual.
“But I had to make sure your boyfriend here wouldn’t do anything dumb, like take himself to the bathroom without supervision.
” Jayden inspects the breakfast the kitchen prepared for Ignacio, which is still mostly soft food, like plain yogurt and another of the protein shakes he hates.
But at least he also got a piece of lightly toasted bread today. Progress.
The kitchen helper leaves without a word once Jayden nods his approval, and I look between the physical therapist and Ignacio.
“Why would he need help? I mean, I know he does, but I don’t understand why one of the nurses, or even Nico, couldn’t assist.”
It’s not that I don’t trust Jayden, I do. He’s one of the best, but he is…not exactly a people person as it is. This early in the morning? Poor Ignacio.
“Because the princess here is a very stubborn human, and I may enjoy seeing people squirm, but I am not cruel enough to allow Dominic, or one of Doc’s pet nurses, to deal with that if they don’t have to.
Besides, I think your boyfriend likes it when I take him in to piss.
” There’s a twisted, sadistic smile on Jayden’s face that makes my insides wiggle.
I may like getting used as a toy, but Jayden’s brand of sexual torment isn’t my idea of a good time—though I can admit the idea of it is compelling.
The smooth confidence paired with the dominance he couldn’t turn off if he tried, mixed with his bright red hair and intense brown eyes…
it’s hard to say no to him, even when he’s tormenting you during PT.
From the way Ignacio glares at the other man, you’d think he wasn’t interested, but I’ve come to know my lover well. I can see how stiffly he holds himself, how he can’t keep his eyes off Jayden. There's something more than the animosity he's showing—everyone looks at Jayden like that.
“He's your problem now. I'll be back in two hours for his session. Remind him that walking on his own without aids will not only set back his progress, but get his phone taken away again. Enjoy your breakfast, Princess.” With that parting shot, Jayden leaves.
I look at my lover with a raised brow and about a million questions.
“Please, don't ask,” he pleads.
I shake my head. “Yeah, that's not going to happen. What's going on? Jayden seemed…chipper almost, and he really only gets that way around Tennant because it pisses Ten off. What'd you do?”
Ignacio scowls. “I didn't do anything. He's the one who breezed in here with his clipped words and stupid nicknames and started demanding things of me. I don't care how good he is, his bedside manner sucks.”
I snort and hand him his small bowl of smooth, plain yogurt before sitting next to him with my now-cold pancakes.
“I hope those aren't for everyone…” Ignacio’s words are careful as he looks at my plate.
I shake my head. “No, I stressed the importance of no pancakes because of Lio. I made these myself; it's why they're so ugly. Flipping pancakes with your non-dominant hand sucks.”
I cut a piece of pancake with my fork and meet his eyes. “You're not going to get out of this. Tell me what's going on? Why have you been trying to push yourself?”
He sighs and stirs his spoon in the yogurt.
“I'm fucking useless. I can't be there for you because I'm stuck in this fucking room.
I get visitors, but it's not the same. I am missing so much. I heard about Marcus and Antonio’s excursion, and everything in me wished I could have been there for them.
Yes, they should have brought it to the Bosses and Seconds, but fuck, I don't blame them for wanting to take action.
I can't support you with Carter because, again, stuck in this fucking room.”
He sighs, and for a moment, I worry he's going to throw the bowl across the room, but he just slumps.
I set my food aside and then his, grabbing his hands—hating that I can only use my fingers minimally because of the stupid fucking cast—and forcing him to look at me.
“I love you, so fucking much. I haven't been that scared in a long time.
Knowing that, because of me, you might have died?
The guilt still crushes me sometimes. I don't know how you can sit here with me and not hate me, but I don't deserve your love.
Please, for me, don't do anything that will prevent you from getting better.
I don't know how I'd live without you. You've become my everything in such a short period of time.
So please, don't take yourself away from me.”
He releases one of my hands to smooth his palm over my cheek. “Never. I’m yours, Roman. Always. I’m sorry. I just hate feeling so fucking useless.”
I give him a watery smile. “How can you be useless when you hold my heart safe for me? That’s an important job, you know. I don’t trust just anyone with it, no matter how it may seem.”
“No…” He shakes his head. “I know you don’t. You're sweet, and have such a big heart, but I know you don’t entrust it to just anyone. That you’ve given it to me…I don’t know if I’m worthy of such a gift, but I’m going to try my hardest to be what you need me to be.”
A few tears slip from my eyes and I cover his hand with mine. “I love you, and you’re more than I ever dreamed. I love Hollis, Tennant, and Jude. Lio, too. But with you… Fuck, Ignacio, you’ve given me more than I ever thought I wanted. You don’t get to take that away, okay?”
His eyes are dark and soft, and I’m struck once more by the sheer beauty of him.
Il Padrone’s Chaos…so formidable and strong, and he’s so very sweetly mine.
It’s a gift I don’t deserve, not with how fucked up my life is.
Not when my father is the one who almost killed him, and I can’t ever promise him monogamy.
When he touches me, though, and looks at me like I hung the fucking moon and stars, I want to somehow deserve that devotion.
“I’ll do better. I'll listen to Jayden, and try not to push myself too much. I can’t promise to be perfect, but I will try. Okay, Little One?”
“Okay. Thank you. Ti voglio qui con me per molto tempo, Amore Mio.”
He tries to lean forward to kiss me, but grimaces as the move tugs at his wound wrong. Rolling my eyes, I grab his face and hold him still, kissing him softly, sighing into his mouth when he deepens it. The touch and feel of him, the taste that’s so uniquely Ignacio.
This is what love feels like.
I don’t know how, but I managed to find not one, but four people who love me unconditionally, who allow me to be me, and who don’t have a problem with me finding what I need—want—with other people.
I don’t deserve this.
The thought barely has time to take root before the kiss breaks and Ignacio smiles at me, soft and sweet, and so fucking loving it makes me want to cry.
“You gonna tell me what’s going on with Jayden now?” I ask softly.
He groans, and I swear a blush creeps over his cheeks. “It’s…stupid.”
“Hey, come on, it’s me. You can be honest. I think, of all people, I know what it’s like being into multiple people.”
Ignacio shakes his head. “Jayden…he’s so fucking in control, and his sheer presence is palpable. But, it doesn’t matter. I have you, and whatever he may or may not make me feel is irrelevant.”
“Don’t do that,” I chide gently. “If you need something, Ignacio, you can tell me. You know that, right? I’ll be more upset if you’ve kept something from me; that you’ve denied yourself, than whatever you have to say.”
He takes a slow breath and looks at me with conflicted eyes. “You know I can’t treat you like a toy. I…Il Padrone treated us all like Toys at one point or another before we became Boys, and…I simply can’t.”
“And that’s okay. I know it’s a hard limit for you. I would never ask you to give more than you’re able. I have other lovers, other ways to get what I need. I don’t ever want to open up old wounds. Though it does make me want to stab the asshole.”
He gives me a small smile. “I’m okay. It was a long time ago, but…
the whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth, is all.
That being said…it wasn’t all bad. Yes, being punished and thrown in the black room wasn’t fun, but…
I did enjoy the sexual pain and pleasure.
I liked when he took control, how he could give the sweetest pain mixed with pleasure—his and ours. ”
“And that’s something I can’t give you,” I say softly.
“Which is okay. It’s as you said, you get something from your other lovers that you can’t get from me, and you also give me things I never had with anyone else.”
“Jayden can give you what you need,” I tell him.
He sighs. “I don’t know. But…when he calls me Princess, reminds me he’s the one in control, and doesn’t seem affected by anything I say or do…it stirs certain things in me, things I never had to think about because we were always submissive to Il Padrone.”
“But now you want the chance to choose to bend for Jayden.”
“Something like that. But I am yours, Roman. It doesn’t matter what Jayden might stir up in me.
Or that he said I could earn his cock. Nothing will ever take me away from you.
I don’t care if you have four or four hundred lovers outside of me.
You’re my priority, you have been since the very beginning. ”
I give him a gentle smile and thread our fingers together, feeling the strength in his grip, even if he’s not at his best. This man, so perfectly lost and tormented, and mine.
“I want you to have whatever you want, Ignacio. Amore Mio. If you want to get on your knees and suck Jayden’s cock, if you want to be his plaything,”—his breath hitches and I smile—“then I want that for you, too. I don’t know much about what he wants or expects.
I guess you’ll have to speak with him. I know he’s a sadist, not just on the job, but in all of his relationships, but I’m not sure what that entails.
You might want to talk to Donovan? He seems to be happy as Jayden’s pet. ”
Ignacio huffs. “I don’t want that. I mean…
occasionally, if he wants me to be, but I just want what he can give me.
The sweet pleasure-pain that comes with denial, with being hurt in all the best ways.
It’s not something I had to think about with Il Padrone, and it's something I can live without. It’s not a need like it is with Lio. ”
“But it’s a want.” He nods and I smile. “Then offer yourself up, My Love. I want to see it.” He sucks in a sharp breath. “I want to see Jayden bring my Chaos to his knees. I want to see you get what you crave. Don’t you want me to be happy?”
He groans. “Watching Jayden use me like his plaything will make you happy?”
I laugh a little and nod. “Yeah, it would.”
Setting a hand on his thigh, I slide it up until my fingers are brushing against his soft cock.
“Don’t you want that, too? Knowing I’m watching you get what you need?
That I’ll be there to help pick up the pieces when he’s done with you?
Just think of all the fun we can have when he’s had his wicked way. ”
Ignacio groans when I set my hand on his dick, and as it hardens for me, I grin. “You’re a minx. Temptation wrapped up in an innocent package.”
“Nothing about me is innocent…unless I’m in trouble.”
He snorts and I brush our lips together. “You’re really okay with something happening between Jayden and me?”
“Yeah.” I kiss him hard and then pull back.
“He called you my boyfriend, he knows what you are to me. He has his own pet, as I said. He’ll be your…
Dom, your Master, your…whatever you want to call it.
He’ll have pieces of your heart I never will, but that’s okay.
I don’t want them. Not when I have the rest.”
“All of it, Little One.” Ignacio removes my hand from his hardening cock, but doesn’t let it go. “You’ll have all of me, forever.”
“Then nothing else matters. You’re mine and I’m yours, and when Jayden wants, you're his.”
Ignacio blows out a breath. “What if he doesn’t? What if this is all some elaborate game because he gets off on it?”
I snort and shake my head. “If he said he’ll let you earn his cock, he meant it. Jayden doesn’t say or do anything he doesn’t mean. He’s an asshole, but he’s not cruel.” I grin wickedly. “Unless you’re into that, of course. Which I supposed you are.”
Ignacio groans. “You’re trouble.”
“Yes, but you knew that before you slept with me.”
His face softens and he gives me another sweet smile. “Yes, I did, and I love every bit of it.”
“Good.” I press a firm kiss to his lips. “I can’t wait to see what Jayden does to you.”
Ignacio groans and rolls his eyes, but there’s a lightness there that wasn’t present when I first walked into the room.
Maybe I should have figured that something was up with him, but there’s been so much going on, I haven’t had time to give my love the attention he deserves.
That has to end. This whole fucked up mess we’re in…
it needs to be over soon, because I want Ignacio and I to continue to grow our relationship.
I want to see him blossom under Jayden’s touch.
There’s so much I want with all of my lovers, and with the rest of our family. If nothing else, I’m determined to end this for that reason alone. Because we all deserve a chance to live, and not just survive.