Chapter 11 #3
That did make a little bit of sense. “Then maybe you should try with me again.” We had tried together that first day, but her magic wasn’t strong. In fact, I hadn’t wanted to be rude, so I’d kept this to myself, but I’d barely felt it there.
“I mean fae magic. That’s true power. Mine is not even good enough to grow a rose these past few years. Nerith sucked all my juices out of me.”
I flinched. “But you’re still alive.” Over two decades, and she was still here.
“We don’t really have a lot of magic to begin with, but I doubt I’ll live to see two hundred here.
” With a sigh, she put her lollipop on the wrapper near her laptop and stood up to come to me.
“I bet I’m way older than all other golems who are my age in Verenthia.
I’m not even fifty, but I look like this.
” She waved a hand at her body as she sat down on the floor.
“Even if Earth doesn’t kill my kind, it really is no place for magical creatures.
” She then threw me a look. “For you, though—I have no clue.”
“What do you mean? I’m human,” I said, but my mind was suddenly filled with questions all the same—what if I’m going to lose my magic while I’m here, too?
My God, what if I’d gone through all of that for nothing? What if Queen Veyra, whatever her reasons had been, tore her soul in half for nothing?
A whole new level of terror gripped me by the throat…
“I beg to differ. Humans can’t connect to ley lines. They can’t even see ley lines. Betty’s living proof of it, if you had any doubts.” Arez was calm as she looked at the hole in the wall covered by the pink piece of fabric. “Thought she’d be here by now.”
“It’s her mom’s birthday. They like to celebrate late,” I said absentmindedly. “But hold on, back up a little bit. Are you saying that even though I was born human and I lived my whole life here, that Earth is now going to affect me, too?”
“Maybe not you, but definitely your magic,” Arez said. “Look—I know shit, but I don’t know everything, especially when you refuse to even tell me what you really are.”
My eyes closed. The thoughts in my head spiraled.
“I’m not going to tell anyone, if that’s what you’re thinking. Who would I even tell? You and Betty are the only people I’ve spoken to live in the past seven years,” she said. And I did see the honesty in her eyes. In the movement of her hands.
How strange she was. How beautiful. And the hot pink of her hair really matched the grey shade of her skin.
“What did you do, Arez?” I found myself asking, both because I was curious about her and because I wanted a break from my own thoughts.
She looked down at her lap for a second, smiled like she was remembering the most bittersweet memory.
“Iyandra,” she said in half a voice. “I made it for my grandmother.” She met my eyes. “I killed her…technically.”
“Fuck.” That was not what I’d expected. “But why?”
“Because she was miserable. Because when my grandfather died, he took her soul with, she said. She just wanted it to end. Begged the stars every morning, evening and night to take her, and they wouldn’t.
So…” She shrugged, and I noticed tears in her eyes.
Actual tears. “I said I’d help, and I did. She died with a smile on her face.”
Fucking hell, it was hard to even imagine how hard it must have been for her. “I’m sorry, Arez.”
“Don’t be. I don’t regret it,” she said, and I admired her a little more.
“That’s some difficult stuff,” I muttered, resting my chin on the palm of my hand. Trying to imagine doing something similar but failing. “I mean, you got balls.”
A sharp laughter came out of her, and she was just as surprised by it as I was. “Who would have thought you could be funny, too, Miss Icy?”
Miss Icy. I smiled. “I didn’t used to be like this before, you know,” I muttered. “But really, though. What you did takes courage.”
Smiling still, Arez nodded her head slowly. “I just wish I’d been more careful as to not get caught.”
“You miss Bloomsridge.” It was easy to see.
“I miss my family,” she said with a nod, and I could have sworn I was looking at a reflection of my own self. All that time I’d spent in Verenthia away from my family. How desperately I’d wanted to get back to them, and I hadn’t even been gone half a year.
For a moment there, we stayed silent, Arez casually wiping tears from the corners of her eyes, and me trying not to picture what it would be like to go twenty years without ever coming back home. All alone in a foreign world full of strangers.
Fuck, it was too much to even imagine it.
“The Ice Queen cut her soul in half somehow, and that half found me when Lyall did the life-bond on me. It’s in me. I’m…a vessel,” I found myself saying, almost absentmindedly.
A pause.
Arez, who’d had her head down and her shoulders hunched over sat straight again, perfectly alert. “What, you mean like a Horcrux?”
“Oh, my God—yes! You get it!” Finally, someone did.
“Of course, I get it. But wait, why the hell would a fae queen do that to herself? They’re not that generous with anything, let alone their souls. They’re fae.” At least her eyes were dry again, and she looked like the questions were popping in her head as she spoke.
“No idea. That’s why I have to go back. To find out why and how I can reverse it and what this actually makes me because I honestly don’t know.
I have no clue what I am.” And wasn’t that just fucking sad?
Most people my age were worried about what they were going to become, what career paths they were going to choose—and then there was me.
A hand on my knee, four fingers covered in grey skin that I no longer even found strange in the least. “We’ll find a way through, Nilah,” Arez said in the sweetest voice I’d ever heard out of her.
“Will we, though?” Because it was obvious to me that we weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
“We will,” Arez said with a nod. “We just have to hold onto hope until we get there. It’s the most important thing.”
Hope. That’s how she’d carried on all these years all by herself—because of fucking hope.
It was a liar. It could be deadly, and it could crush you under worse than anything else.
But even knowing that with certainty, and even when I thought I had none left in me, my heart remained full of it every single time I tried to access the ley line and failed.