Chapter 12 #2
And I was pretty sure they did have a long line of suiters in wait—they were princesses—even before I noticed Raja almost rolling her eyes, but they wanted more. They wanted a party. They wanted to celebrate.
“The king died,” I started, and it was Jasewine who stopped me this time.
“You killed the king, our father, Your Highness,” she said with a mischievous little grin that indeed reminded me of my own self more than I liked to admit.
So surreal to be sitting here, to even imagine that I had half-sisters.
Family, yet they did not feel like it to me.
Not like Raja. Definitely not like Nilah. They didn’t feel…mine.
“I killed the king, yes,” I repeated. “Thank you, Jasewine. The king is dead, and that is why there will be no celebration, no parties, no gatherings of any kind for the time being. If you want suitors, by all means plan dinners with the best of them.” Their eyes widened.
“All you have to do is convince Raja to allow it.”
They raged.
They all spoke at the same time, while Jasewine watched the lynx curiously, her lips sealed, turned into a smile.
They all told me about how Raja was impossible to speak to, and she would never allow anyone near the castle, that they wanted to be seen by the entire kingdom while they danced, how dinners were not nearly enough to drown their sorrow at having lost their father.
This all after Raja repeatedly told me that they’d basically cheered at the fact that Helem was dead. He’d kept them locked inside their rooms for days at a time, apparently. Had prohibited them from speaking to one another, too.
But I let them get it all out, and I looked at the lynx, too. Eyes all shades of teal, just like the Ice Queen’s. Just like Nilah’s. And didn’t she say he spoke with her voice, too?
Something about him.
“Enough,” I said when the noise got too much for me, and I stood up.
“There will be no feast, no ball, no celebration—this is the last time I say it. Do with your time what you will. Plan excursions around the kingdom if you want to be seen. Raja will make sure you’re safe while you do so.
” I descended the stairs of the dais, and while I did, all three of them stepped back instinctively, except Jasewine.
She’d squatted down and was trying to get the lynx to go near her, but he wouldn’t budge. Only watched her curiously.
“Your Highness, I do not have the time for trips into the kingdom right now,” Raja told me, and she looked positively terrified.
“Then find someone who does.”
I went all the way to the other side of the room, toward the dining table where Raja made me eat every day, and the glassless windows that showed the side of the mountain on which the palace was built, together with the waterfall that started at the very top, and fell below into the Eternal Water.
My half-sisters had more to say, but Raja—and Jasewine—stopped them, told them that they were not going to get a better deal than this.
“We weren’t allowed outside at all—this could be fun,” Jasewine said, and they seemed to be able to think about it—while Raja gently pushed them toward the doors.
I didn’t look back at all for fear they’d say more—and I really did not have the time. I sympathized with them—they’d had to live with Helem their whole lives, but I still hadn’t found Nilah. It was getting harder and harder to fake calm every single day.
The lynx had come with me, and I only realized it when I felt him stopping a few feet by the table. He wouldn’t look up at me at all though.
When the princesses were gone and the doors closed, Raja came to me furiously.
“This is not the safest time for them to be outside—there might be groups forming, hoping to kidnap them and force your hand!”
“That is why they will have protection. Soldiers to watch their every move. As many as is necessary.”
Raja thought about it for a moment. “Well, we do have enough to spare. One thing that pig did right was the Midnight army. He paid them well, trained them better,” she said under her breath.
“I’ll see what I can do to arrange it.” She came to stand with me near the window, looked out at the Eternal Water for a moment.
Then she sighed as if she were letting go of all the burdens she normally carried and asked, “Any luck?”
“None. I can’t find her,” I said. “Send for the seer, please. I need to see her.”
“You saw her yesterday.”
“I need to see her again.” Because I’d tried just hours ago to walk out, and the Midnight Palace hadn’t let me. I needed to know how much longer this place was going to hold me back.
“She’s not going to tell you anything different. She doesn’t know exactly when the Midnight Palace will trust you enough to release you. It depends on the bond you create with it,” Raja insisted.
“I don’t have the time nor the patience for bonds with sentient buildings. Nilah could be in trouble,” I said through gritted teeth.
“She’s not. And even if she is, there’s no kind of trouble in Nerith to match her magic. She’s safer there than she would be here.” Which she’d said since the beginning, and I did believe her. But what she didn’t get was that I would find no peace under my skin until she was next to me.
“Raja, if something happens to her and I’m not there…” The metal of the window frame bent underneath my hands. I was gripping it without really realizing it.
She put her hand over my shoulder. “Nothing will happen to Nilah. She can take care of herself. Your kingdom—”
I moved, turned to her, barely containing the shadows under my skin.
“I don’t care about this kingdom,” I said with so much venom, Raja flinched.
Closing my eyes, I breathed in deeply once more. “Raja, I don’t care about this kingdom,” I tried again. “I do not and I will not care about this kingdom until she’s right here beside me. Understand me—this will not change. If this palace let me out, I would not be here right now.”
“Very well,” she said in a whisper, and stepped back. “I guess I’ll go fetch the seer.”
And she did.