Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Dave
“G od, I love Vermont .”
I said this as my rental car took another curve along a beautiful winding road. I had the windows down, and, out the passenger’s side, I saw a grassy hillside where honest-to-God sheep were grazing. “Look! You see that ?”
“Baa-aaa,” my teammate Leo Trevi answered from the passenger seat. “Seriously, this place is like driving through a travel magazine. Who chose this trip, anyway ?”
“Me—this time. But two years ago we rented a cabin up here for eight weeks. I forget whose idea it was. Bayer’s, maybe? I saved the card from the rental company so I could find it again.” I slowed down to make the turn toward Marbury and flipped on the turn signal. A reflex—there were no other cars in sight. And the sheep didn’t really care if I signaled .
Yesterday I’d come back to Vermont for the first time in two years. I’d thought maybe the place wouldn’t look as good as it did in my memory. I shouldn’t have worried. This rugged little corner of New England was just as great as I’d remembered .
Vermont was just the same. Even if I wasn’t. “I needed this vacation, badly,” I admitted. “And last year the guys talked me into going golfing in the Carolinas. So this year I stepped up and made these plans so Castro wouldn’t force me do that again .”
The rookie snickered. “Not a big golfer ?”
“Nope. You?” I didn’t know Trevi all that well. He’d joined the team less than six months ago. He was a good guy, and I liked him. But we didn’t have a whole lot in common. He was a college boy from Long Island. I was a ruffian from the wrong side of Detroit. Also, I had seven or eight years on him .
“I’m from Long Island. Everybody golfs. I could take it or leave it .”
“I knew I liked you .”
“This is going to be great. You said there was fly fishing ?”
“Yeah, and I hired us a guide for tomorrow. Can you picture O’Doul in waders? It’s a sight .”
The rookie laughed. “I saw those pictures on somebody’s phone. Are we going to have fish for dinner ?”
“Depends on what you catch. If nothing’s biting, we’ll go to the bar instead .”
“Tell me about this bartender,” Leo prompted. “This woman—Z…Zoe, was it ?”
“Zara. But she doesn’t work there anymore .”
“ Bummer .”
It really was. The guys still liked to hassle me about how many nights I’d disappeared that summer to spend with Zara. If they knew I’d gone straight to The Mountain Goat last night looking for her, they’d laugh their asses off .
But Zara hadn’t been at the Goat last night. I’d walked in to find some younger kid tending bar. And when I’d asked if she still lived upstairs, he’d said it was his place now. “Ask her uncle, the owner,” was his suggestion .
Now there was an awkward conversation. Two years ago, your niece and I liked to get together for sex. Could I get her number ?
Leo fiddled with the radio, since we were losing the station. That always happened in Vermont because mountains blocked radio signals. The cell phone service was spotty, too. And I loved that about Vermont. You had to unplug up here. There was really no choice .
This year I’d taken control of the unofficial team getaway, and I’d be the only one staying up here the whole time. Quite a few of my teammates—Leo included—had gotten coupled up these past two years, and they wanted to vacation alone with their wives and families. Leo had just come back from his honeymoon, in fact .
I didn’t have a wife or family, and never would. So I’d set myself up as the organizer of this trip. I’d rented the cabin in my own name, and my plan was to hike and fish with whichever teammates showed up .
Yesterday afternoon I’d opened up the cabin myself. Then I’d gone shopping for some groceries and taken myself out for a beer at The Mountain Goat. This morning I’d gotten out early for a little hike to a waterfall where I ate a takeout lunch beside the rushing water. Then I’d driven to Burlington to see a new physical therapist who would work on my shoulder this summer. That was the deal I’d made with the team—that I’d keep up my therapy .
After that, I’d gone to the little Burlington airport to grab Leo. Two more of our teammates were driving up together tonight. And tomorrow’s fishing expedition was all planned out. We were going to have a great time .
“Hey, how is that place?” Leo asked suddenly, as the road curved to show us the Winooski River .
I looked up to see a couple of roadside businesses that hadn’t been there two years ago. “Actually, that’s new.” There was a big new bar called The Gin Mill. And—also useful—a coffee shop called The Busy Bean .
“Can we stop?” Leo asked. “I could use a little somethin’ something .”
“Sure.” I braked and turned into the gravel parking lot. Pulling up to an empty spot between the bar and the coffee place, I killed the engine. When I got out of the car, I groaned at the stiffness in my legs .
“Everything okay over there, old man?” Trevi teased me .
“I’m good,” I said quickly. I used to be like Leo, who had no idea what achy joints felt like. At thirty-two, after two decades of massive athletic endeavors, my body didn’t always behave like I wanted it to. I grabbed my phone and peeked at the reception. Four bars—almost unprecedented in Vermont. “You go ahead inside, I gotta call Bess .”
“Give her my love.” Leo shut the car door .
“I will.” Although Leo was agented by someone else, everyone knew my younger sister, Bess. As an agent, she was loved and feared by her clients as well as acquaintances. She had a big personality. And I owed her a call .
As Leo disappeared, I tapped her name on my phone and waited for the ring. Bess had left me three messages while I’d been hiking. I hadn’t called her back yet because I was worried about the news she’d give me, and I hadn’t wanted to spoil my hike .
Waiting, I whistled to myself, wondering who was going to get cut off when my call came in. I knew she’d ditch whomever she was on the phone with to talk to me, for two reasons. A) I was one of her biggest clients. B) She was my little sister .
“Davey!” she squealed. “How’s the vacay ?”
“It’s great,” I told her. “You should try it sometime .”
“When? There’s always a sport in season, and some asshole athlete doing his level best to make my job more difficult .”
“Who’s on your shit list today?” I asked, stalling .
“Michaels. That idiot got a DUI last night .”
“No!” I said. I didn’t follow her baseball clients at all, but the DUI would give my sis a headache. Right in the middle of their season , too .
“So there goes my week. But before I fly to Chicago and kick his ass, I have some numbers for you, big brother .”
Gulp . “Are they decent?” I was man enough to admit that I was nervous to hear what kind of contract extension the league had offered me. At thirty-two, I was getting up there in years. And during the post-season I’d had an injury that had kept me out of several crucial games .
My team had made it all the way to the Stanley Cup finals. And then lost it in game five. While I’d watched from the seats. So that was a giant bummer .
Before my injury, my stats had been excellent. They were, however, just a hair less excellent than the last time we’d negotiated. And even if thirty-two wasn’t old for a hockey player, it was headed in that direction .
“Yeah, the numbers are decent,” Bess said. “But you’re going to have to think this one over. They’re offering you two years at ten million even. Or three years at twelve mil .”
“Twelve?” I yelped, offended. “I’m worth sixty percent less two years from now ?”
“Good job with the math, big brother. But that is not what that means,” she said firmly. “It’s their job to be strategic, okay? Hugh is a smart man, and he has to be nimble with his salary cap. It makes him nimble to get you to sign a two-year. And if you take the three-year, then he just saved himself some coin. But it’s your choice, D. I want you to think it over .”
“You think there’s no chance we can get him to three years at fifteen ?”
My sister’s sudden silence said it all. Not to mention that my last contract had been for four years. Getting old sucked .
“I obviously pressed for fifteen,” she said eventually. “But this is the best they’re going to do right now .”
Ouch. When my sister said she’d “pressed” the general manager, it meant she’d already twisted the guy’s arm so hard it hurt. Nobody was a tougher negotiator than Bess .
“You don’t have to decide anything today,” she said, her voice soft. “Take some time, think about your goals. And Davey—you know better than to take this personally, right? The new owner is doing everything he can to return the franchise to profitability, and the team has — ”
“A crap-ton of talented forwards,” I finished. “I get it.” I really did, too. There had been many frustrating years when I’d wished for more depth on our bench. Now we finally had it, and I shouldn’t whine too loudly if my paycheck was suffering .
What a dick, right? With either contract, I would make more money than most people made in a lifetime .
“Things are good , honey. You’re mostly healthy, and you’re entering your eleventh year of major-league play. Your coach appreciates you and your teammates do , too .”
Mostly healthy . My recent shoulder injury was going to weigh on my general manager’s mind. He was probably worried about a recurrence. Fuck, I hated having a weakness .
“You’re a lucky man, Davey,” my sister said .
“I know,” I said, eyeing the door of the coffee shop, wondering if Leo was ready to go. Grumpy now, I wasn’t interested in spending a couple of my rich-guy bucks on a cup of coffee and a cookie. “I’ll think it over , Bess .”
“Don’t brood .”
“I won’t,” I said, laughing. “ Promise .”
“Did you make it to your PT appointment today ?”
“Of course I did. You don’t have to nag .”
She made a clicking noise with her tongue. “Fine. Go enjoy your vacation .”
“You could join us, you know,” I pointed out. “If you get a free weekend, grab a flight from Detroit to Burlington. There’s one every day. I checked. And we have room .”
“I would if I could. But there are fires to put out and deals to make .”
Summer was her busy season, which was half the reason we never saw each other. Summer was my only time off. “Take care of yourself .”
“Love you, too. Later!” Click .
I pictured my sister in her Michigan office, her headset on. She’d undoubtedly clicked off my call and directly onto another one. Always busy, that one. She was three years younger than I. And even if the prospect of someday retiring from hockey gave me the cold sweats, the one benefit would be spending more time with my only family member .
Leo came out of the coffee shop eating a cookie. “Hey!” he said with a smile. “You need one of these. I’m not sharing .”
“I’m not into sweets .”
“You say that, but you haven’t tasted this. It’s oatmeal raisin.” He took a sip from the cup in his other hand. “And the coffee is killer .”
“You ready?” I said, too grumpy about Bess’s news to care about coffee .
Leo stopped a few feet from the car. “You’re seriously not going in there ?”
I shook my head .
He frowned. “I think you should .”
“Why is that ?”
“Well…” He glanced at the door of the coffee shop and smiled mysteriously. “Can you maybe just trust me on this? Go inside and buy a coffee .”
“ Why ?”
Leo shrugged and gave me that weird smile again. “I’m willing to let you think I’m insane. Just go. The shop is really cool, anyway. You should see it .”
That was a lot of pressure from the rookie. I was irritated, but intrigued. Somehow my feet pointed toward the door of The Busy Bean, and I walked away from him .
A bell on the door jingled when I walked inside the lodge-like building. And Leo had been right about one thing—it was cool in here. The coffee shop had big old leaded-glass windows looking out on the river, and antique mismatched tables and chairs arranged on wide, pine floorboards .
The style was both comfortable and a little wacky. The walls were painted a warm brick color, but the beams were black like a chalkboard—and someone had spent a lot of time decorating them with cartoon figures of coffee drinkers and sayings. The one I spotted first read: “Unattended children will be given a double espresso and a special-needs puppy .”
Hilarious .
The coffee bar itself was topped with a thick, zinc counter that looked like something out of one of Brooklyn’s hipster cafes. And there were glass display cases filled with cookies and pastries .
But then I glanced across the room and forgot all about the decor. Because Zara was right there behind the counter. The moment I recognized the sweep of her hair against her long neck, my body flushed with unexpected heat. Then she turned, and I could see her face .
And, wow . She was just as beautiful as I remembered. No—more. The late afternoon sunlight streaming through the windows made her expression gentler than I remembered it. Her thick hair was tied back in a ponytail, and she was humming while she stacked paper cups beside the cash register. She looked…softer than the last time I’d seen her. The word lush came to mind .
“Zara—no way!” I sputtered, too surprised to be casual. I crossed quickly to the counter, and she lifted her eyes. “I’m back in town, and I looked for you at The Mountain Goat.” The second I arrived in Vermont, I might have added. “Didn’t know you worked here now. We should exchange numbers .”
That’s when I noticed her face going pale. Her eyes widened, and her mouth gaped open. It was clear that she recognized me. But a long beat went by before she said anything. And when she finally did, it wasn’t what I expected. “Do you…have a b- business card ?”
“Uh, sure?” I dug into my wallet and pulled one out. I handed it over automatically, still trying to figure out why she was looking at me as if she’d seen a ghost. I was still good at two things in life—scoring goals and reading people. And what I saw on Zara’s face didn’t make any sense to me .
Fear .
I didn’t get a chance to figure it out, because she took my card and turned from me. Then she walked quickly away, disappearing out a side door I hadn’t noticed before. It slammed shut behind her .
For a second I just stood there like an idiot, wondering what the hell had happened. And if she was going to come back .
“Can I help you?” asked another voice .
“Um…” It took me a beat to turn to face the other woman. She was a pretty blonde who wore a smile, but was also sneaking looks at the door where Zara had just disappeared. “Well, sure?” It took me another moment to shake off my stupor. “I’ll have a small French roast .”
A minute later she put a cup of coffee in my hand. She looked a little familiar, and I was sure I’d seen her somewhere before. I handed her a five-dollar bill and instructed her to keep the change. Then I left by the front door .
Leo was leaning against the rental car, sipping his coffee. “Back so soon? Wasn’t it her? I heard the blonde call the dark-haired beauty ‘Zara,’ and I thought I’d found your girl .”
I weighed the car key in my palm, still trying to process the odd interaction I’d just had. “It was her. But she didn’t look too happy to see me .”
Leo’s face fell. “Shit. I’m sorry , man .”
So was I. But I was also really freaking curious. “Can we take a walk for a minute ?”
“Of course.” He shoved the rest of his cookie into his mouth and followed me as I headed toward the river bank that was visible between the bar and the coffee shop. These buildings had obviously been part of an old mill. They were situated to take advantage of the river below .
The river bank was a well-kept piece of land, the neatly mown grass stretching to the distant waterline. There were clumps of flowers planted here and there. Once we reached the river, we turned to walk along the bank .
The water curved around groups of rocks in its center. And, in the distance, an angler wearing waders cast his line into the shallows .
When the river hooked around to the right, I got a new vista. And sure enough, the most beautiful sight in Vermont was about fifty yards away. Zara sat on a bench alone, her chin tipped downward as she studied the business card in her hand .
“There she is,” Leo whispered .
“Yeah. She asked me for my card and then bolted out the door .”
Leo stopped walking. “That’s kinda weird .”
“No kidding.” It didn’t make a lick of sense .
He put a hand on my shoulder. “I’m going to have a seat.” He pointed at a flat rock on the riverbank. “I’ll check in with Georgia. You can try to talk to Zara, maybe ?”
“Yeah. I’ll do that.” Usually I didn’t chase after women who didn’t want to see me. But the way she was studying my card—as if the secrets of the universe were written there—definitely piqued my curiosity .
I made my way across the lawn. She hadn’t spotted me yet. By design, there was very little on that card I’d given her—just a business email address that my sister checked on my behalf, and a phone number that went to Bess’s office. It was a card designed to blow off people who didn’t deserve my private attention. I would have given Zara my real number to add to the card, but she’d run away before I got the chance .
I slowed my steps as I approached, because she seemed so lost inside her own head. “Hey there .”
She startled, and when she turned that gorgeous face up in my direction, her eyes looked damp .
I stopped a few feet shy of the bench, not wanting to crowd someone who looked so shaken up. “Are you okay ?”
Zara swallowed hard. “No. Not really.” Trust Zara to answer that question honestly .
“I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want me to go away ?”
Slowly she shook her head. “I need you to sit down for a minute. Unless you’re dashing off somewhere .”
“I’ve got some time,” I said slowly .
She took a deep breath, which came out shaky. “This won’t take long. Sit down .”
I sat .
“Didn’t expect to see you walk into my coffee shop today. It was a shock.” Her slim hands pressed my business card between them, and I was taken back in time two years. I’d had those hands all over my body, their comforting sweep across my chest after we’d made love. I’d never enjoyed anyone so much as I’d enjoyed her. Not before, and not since .
But something was wrong now. I could feel it .
“Is that your coffee shop?” I asked, trying to bring myself back to the present. “You don’t manage the Goat for your uncle anymore ?”
She looked up quickly. “Good memory .”
“Who could forget?” I smiled at her, hoping to diffuse whatever tension was eating at her .
It didn’t work, though. If anything, her face only became more serious. “I don’t tend bar anymore because I need to be home at night. The coffee shop’s hours are a better schedule .”
“I’ll bet.” A sweet breeze drifted off the river, chasing tendrils of her hair across her face, and I itched to reach out and sweep them away. But something held me back .
“Look,” Zara said, reaching into her pocket for her phone. “I need to tell you something .”
Even then, I didn’t see it coming .
She tapped on the screen. Then she took a deep breath and looked me square in the eye. “This is Nicole. She’s fifteen months old .”
Even though my brain wasn’t doing the math yet, I took the phone. On the screen was a photo of a baby clutching a blanket. She had hair the color of a copper penny .
Just like mine had been when I was small .
That’s when I understood. My throat closed up suddenly. The world went a little haywire, and I heard the sound of my pulse in my ears. “You…” I stuttered. “You can’t mean…” My stomach bottomed out. I pushed the phone toward Zara as if I could make the truth disappear just by avoiding that photo .
“I’m so…” She made an audible gulping sound. “Sorry. Springing it on you…” She swallowed with difficulty. “I never thought I’d see you again. Didn’t even know who you were .”
“But it’s not possible.” My mind spun. A child. A child? This could not be happening. “We used condoms.” Even as the words left my mouth, I knew how stupid they sounded. Condoms failed all the time .
Zara’s expression darkened. “Sure we used them. Mostly .”
Goosebumps broke out across my back. “Okay,” I said slowly, still trying to catch up. This had never happened to me before. Or really to anyone I knew. I remembered that once a teammate had been in a situation like this, but it had turned out to be a false alarm. “So…” I swallowed hard. Think . What would Bess do right now? “I, uh, have a lawyer. He’ll know about paternity suits. DNA tests. I’m gonna call him.” Just saying those words made me feel cold everywhere. I could not be someone’s father . What an insane idea .
Beside me, Zara made a small noise of surprise. “I don’t need your lawyer,” she sputtered. “I’m not suing anyone. That’s not why I’m telling you this .”
“Why then?” I asked without thinking .
Her eyes got wide. “Because it’s the right thing to do . I spent nearly two years fending off my family’s questions. I wouldn’t tell them who her father was, because nobody had a right to know before you did.” She stood up quickly. “You’re welcome .”
While my mouth was still hanging open, she got up and ran off, disappearing into the trees .