Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty - Nine
Zara
T he following week was longer than a washed-out country mile .
With Audrey away on her honeymoon, there was no backup at the bakery. I worked the longest hours I’d worked in years, while my family pulled extra shifts with the baby. I couldn’t even get extra hours from Kieran Shipley, because that man had three jobs already .
The hardest hours of the day were the early mornings. I discovered that the difference between getting up before dawn three days a week versus six days a week was worse than I’d predicted. I felt like crying every morning at quarter to five when my alarm clock went off. Alec felt the same. He grumbled loudly when I went upstairs to drag him down to sleep on my couch .
Usually, Audrey closed the bakery on the days when I went in early, and vice versa. But now I both opened and closed, sneaking away in the middle of the day only briefly before Kieran left at two .
“You need a full-time employee,” my mother said as I dragged myself through the door again after the third day .
“Too expensive.” I sighed. Audrey and I often did the math on hiring someone else. But a full-timer would be entitled to benefits. And we were afraid to take on liabilities this early in our business development .
“If Audrey’s pregnant, you’re going to need someone, whether it’s expensive or not .”
“Who told you she was pregnant?” I asked, lifting my shirt for Nicole to nurse .
My mother waved away the question with one of her carefully manicured hands. “The bridge club was all over that last night. I know I missed the ceremony, but apparently Audrey was a lovely shade of green during her vows .”
“That’s not nice,” I said, even though I’d noticed it, too. Although Audrey wouldn’t give a rip what the bridge club said, the gossip still bothered me. Small towns were brutal. “What does the bridge club have to say about Dave turning up at the wedding with Nicole ?”
My mother gave me a cat-like smile. “Do you really want to know ?”
“No,” I grumbled. “I guess not .”
“They thought you looked lovely together,” she reported anyway. “And the fact that he’s buying two houses on the hill hasn’t escaped notice, either. There’s a rumor that he’s going to knock one of them down to make a double yard with an ice rink .”
“That is not true,” I pointed out. “Where do people get these ideas ?”
My mother just shrugged. “You picked the Tudor, right? Jana Godfrey said it was prettier .”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “It was.” I’d been trying not to think about the house, or about Dave in general. But it sure wasn’t easy to put him out of mind. I’d gotten texts from him asking when he could drop off some paint chips and see me .
And by “see me” I was sure he meant “see me naked .”
Sleeping with him had been a mistake I shouldn’t repeat. And yet every time I lay down in bed for my precious few hours of rest, I imagined him there beside me. My traitorous body craved his touch, and not just at night. When I was standing in the bakery alone at five thirty in the morning, I thought about his green eyes staring down at me while we —
Unngh .
I didn’t know how to stop wanting him. I’d always promised myself I wouldn’t do what my mother had done—wait around for the father of her children to turn up again and love her. But now—even if I was determined to avoid the same mistake—I finally understood how she’d spent two decades of her life bamboozled by a man who really didn’t care .
I got it now, because I had it bad for David Beringer. I couldn’t imagine ever wanting another man as much as I wanted him. And even if he ended up treating me poorly, I didn’t think the yearning would ever go away .
Now, if I really felt like torturing myself, all I needed to do was take another look at the photo Bess had texted me yesterday. It was a shot of Dave and Nicole asleep in a hammock, their ginger heads relaxed beside one another, their eyes closed peacefully. Hello, hormone rush .
Like I said, it was a long week .
By the sixth night, I was questioning all my life choices. Lucky for me, Benito brought takeout wrap sandwiches from the little place in Colebury. After putting Nicole to bed, he and I collapsed together on the couch .
I was too tired to even pretend to watch the cooking show that was on the television. I just ate my sandwich and counted the minutes until I could reasonably fall into bed. From her crib in the next room, Nicole was still talking to herself .
Please go to sleep, baby girl. Mama can’t take anymore .
“How’s it going with you, anyway?” I asked my twin, trying to summon the energy for conversation. Between the coffee shop and Benito’s brand new undercover work, we hadn’t seen each other in over a week .
“Interesting times,” he said. “This is confidential …”
“Duh.” We’d always kept each other’s secrets .
“Okay. You remember Jimmy Gage ?”
“How could I forget him?” He had been our next-door neighbor in the trailer park when we were teenagers. Back then he was a cop—the dirty kind. And a mean drunk. I’d been legitimately afraid of him, even before that weird showdown at The Mountain Goat. “I don’t think I ever told you about the night he sat at my bar and tried to humiliate Jill Sullivan .”
Benito tensed. “Was this recently ?”
“No! Two years ago. I gave him some lip and he threw his beer bottle and stormed out. That was the end of it .”
“Well…” My brother rubbed the back of his neck. “He hasn’t gotten any better behaved. Gage is responsible for the worst of the drugs in this county. I’m going to take him down. Really shouldn’t talk about it, but if you see his face anywhere you are, I want you to leave the premises and call me .”
Shit . Now I was sorry I’d asked about his job. “Well, I guess I’d better change my sign to read: Open, Except for Jimmy Gage .”
Ben snorted. “Does he come into The Busy Bean ?”
“No. I haven’t seen him for months.” But still, I was uneasy. I hated the idea of Benito tangling with him. Jimmy Gage had just replaced my near death experience at the top of my late-night worry list. Not only was that dude scary, but he made me remember an uncomfortable time in my life—my rebellious years, when I’d punished everyone. Including Benito. I’d been so angry at everyone all the time .
Now I was just tired .
“It’s gonna be okay, Z.” He squeezed my wrist. “I’m going to nail his ass to the wall and send him away for twenty to life .”
“You could have become a tailor. Or a candlestick maker. Just sayin ’.”
He laughed. “If I were a tailor, you’d still find something to worry about. Needles or shears .”
That might even be true. “But still. Jimmy Gage ?”
“He’ll get taken down,” Benito assured me. “He's running a lot of product, and he isn’t careful. People talk. And customers are dying from his shit. I only have to catch him once .”
And he only needs one bullet to kill you , my worry-brain added .
“How's it going with your man?” Benito asked, changing the subject .
“He showed up today in the coffee shop,” I said casually. Hopefully Benito didn’t have truly creepy telepathic twin powers. In the first place, that would be unfair. And secondly, I didn’t want him hearing everything in my brain. Not the dirty parts .
“To see you?” Benito asked .
“For coffee. And to drop off paint chips—apparently I have to choose colors for the Tudor before the weekend .”
“Ah. That’s nice, right ?”
“Definitely.” Dave was always nice. That didn’t make it any easier to keep my head on straight when he was around. Today he’d bought a cup of coffee from my surly part-time employee. Then he’d come back into the kitchen uninvited to give me a kiss so hot that I blamed it for the batch of cookies I’d burned. “He wants to hang out,” I told Ben .
“Hang out, huh?” He smirked .
“Don’t judge me.” Even if I totally have it coming .
“Fine. I liked him okay when he pulled you from the path of a speeding truck. But I liked him a little less when Alec said he spent the night after the wedding .”
I groaned. “ One , Alec has a big mouth. Two , weddings make people crazy .”
“That’s why I avoid them,” Benito agreed .
“Let’s plan yours,” I said, just to rib him. “Black tie or no ?”
He snorted. “Have you met me ?”
“No tuxes? Jacket and tie , then .”
“No wedding . You’re a pain.” He took my soda can out of my hand and drained it .
“We are both going to be single forever.” At this rate, I was never getting married. And since I’d ruined the great romance of Benito’s life when we’d been eighteen, things didn’t look so good for him, either. “Between the two of us we have almost sixty years of bachelorhood,” I pointed out .
“But not virginity .”
“ Well , duh .”
He nudged my ankle with his. “At least someone broke her recent dry spell .”
“About time, too. My dry spell was two years. But you can’t possibly be doing that badly. Any hotties in your training course ?”
“We’re not supposed to sleep with other agents. And since the training facility is in the middle of the Adirondack mountains, the talent pool was thin .”
I snickered. “Thinner than here ?”
“ No joke .”
“Ah, well. I need to climb back aboard the celibacy train myself. Sleeping with the father of your child is pretty much the epitome of a bad idea .”
“Probably true,” he said .
I immediately wanted to pinch him for agreeing with me. So I did .
“ Ouch . What I meant was—I have no opinion about you sleeping with McHockey .”
“That’s better .”
My brother yawned. “I’m going home .”
“You are home,” I grumbled .
“Yeah, well. I heard somebody was getting a three-bedroom house on the hill after it gets a coat of paint. So I expect to be slumming it here over the bar in a few short weeks .”
“I don’t even know what to think about the house,” I admitted .
“It’s complicated,” my brother agreed. “Especially if you’re sleeping with him. Or maybe that makes it less complicated ?”
“Nothing was ever made less complicated by sex .”
“Except for conception .”
I pinched him again and he laughed .
* * *
U nfortunately, the week had more punishment in store for me. The real low point didn’t hit until the day before Audrey’s return. In fact, she was probably in the air over the Great Plains when the power at The Busy Bean went out .
Again .
I wanted to wail. Instead, I called my mom, asking her to leave Nicole with me and to please go buy some fuel for the generator. Audrey and I had meant to do that after our last incident, but I’d put it off, damn it. And I was not about to lose all the dairy products and food in our walk-in refrigerator .
Then—even though I’d promised myself I would make it ten days without asking anyone at the Shipley farm for help—I’d called the farm and asked for Zachariah. He was the one who had diagnosed our electrical problem the last time this happened .
“I’ll be right over,” he said .
“Thank you!” I said, since thank you was still my mantra. Now I owed Zach on top of everyone else. But Audrey would’ve wanted me to call him, because it cost us a hundred and fifty bucks to get a repair man just to walk through the door. And I didn’t know if I needed the heating and cooling guy or the electrician. Meanwhile, Zach would hook up the generator for me, making sure it kept our refrigerators on .
With Griffin out of town, the Shipley farm was probably experiencing a series of chaotic, short-staffed days, too. But Zach turned up a half an hour later, gave me a hug, then disappeared into the back to try to diagnose the problem .
Kieran stayed an extra half hour, sweeping up the kitchen and the dining room for me. But then his dark-eyed gaze found mine, and he gave me a wry smile. “I have to go to my other job. But if you need somewhere to stash the cold stuff overnight, text me and I’ll see what I can fit in my fridge .”
“You’re the best.” I pointed at the door. “Now go. I’ve made you late enough already .”
He gave me a quick grin and disappeared .
That left me minding the store alone with Nicole strapped into the baby carrier on my chest. She was cranky about the confinement. Meanwhile, I poured iced coffee and served baked goods to customers perplexed by the unlit bakery .
Also, it was hard to keep Nicole around baked goods without sharing. She kept pointing at cookies. “Look,” I said, removing a biscotti from a jar. “If I give you this one, that’s it, okay? Just one .”
“Appa- da - bah .”
“Right.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw two men walk into the store. “Hey guys,” I called. “Our power is out, so there aren’t any espresso drinks today. But I have iced coffee and whole lot of cookies .”
“Oh, man,” a familiar voice said. “ Rough day ?”
I looked up into the sea-green eyes of David Beringer, and my heart flipped over, as it always did. “Hi! Yeah.” Once again, I’d forgotten how attractive he was in person, and it made me babble like Nicole .
“Sorry, baby.” Then he gave Nicole a smile. “Hi! Remember me ?”
“Dada!” She shrieked .
“That’s a girl! You said it again .”
If jaws could literally hit the floor, mine would have done so. “She did not just say that! That was a lucky babble .”
Dave’s teammate stepped up to the counter, too. “I don’t think so. That sounded real to me. Hi Nicole!” he said to my baby girl. “Who’s that?” He pointed at Dave. “Is that daddy ?”
“ Dada !”
“Yeah, baby!” The younger teammate took Nicole’s hand in his and high-fived her. “ Job done !”
You could have knocked me over with a feather. “Seriously? You decide to say your first word today of all days, and it’s …?”
“Dada,” my little girl said. Then she held out her hand for the cookie .
I gave it to her, because I knew when I’d been beaten. “You know you have to say mama next, right?” She gave me a drooly smile around the cookie .
“Could I have a cookie, too?” Dave asked. “I’ll be a good boy .”
“Likely story.” I gestured toward the case. “Pick your poison .”
“Chocolate chip. And Castro wants—” He glanced at his teammate .
“Oatmeal raisin. And a double-shot cappuccino .”
“Without electrical power, I can’t make …”
Castro winked. “Just kidding. I’m a pain like that. If you still have iced coffee, I’d love some .”
I poured coffee and handed over baked goods. Then I waved off their payment. “Your money is no good here .”
“Aw.” Dave’s eyes were worried. “Seriously, are you okay? You need anything ?”
“I called a friend to come look at the generator and to tell me which repair guy to try next.” Just as I said that, the lights came back on .
“Zara? You got power?” Zach called from the back .
“I do! And you’re the best thing ever !”
“Then don’t sell all the cookies!” he yelled back .
“Is that Zach?” Dave asked, taking a bite of his cookie .
“Yeah. Good memory.” He’d only met him at the wedding .
“I pay attention. But really—is there anything I can do to help ?”
I glanced around the bakery. “Not really. Now I wait for the electrician .”
“You want me to hold the baby?” Dave asked. “She looks kinda squirmy in that thing .”
“Sure? Actually, if you want to save the day, take her outside for a few minutes. She’d love to run around in the grass. Unless you two were on your way somewhere .”
“We were going for a cheater’s hike up Skaggs Hill,” Castro said. He was an attractive guy in his mid-twenties. “We can walk around here instead .”
I lifted Nicole out of the baby carrier. “Hey, Dave? Watch that she doesn’t run straight for the river .”
He grinned at me. “Really? Babies in the river are a bad idea ?”
“Well, I just …”
His smile grew. “I know—I’m the rookie. But I won’t take my eyes off her .”
“Me neither, ma’am,” Castro said. “I won’t take my eyes off either one of ’ em .”
“I’m sold.” I set Nicole on the floor. “Want to go outside with your daddy?” It was the first time I’d referred to Dave like that out loud in front of him. It felt weird rolling off my tongue .
Nicole didn’t have a problem with it, though. She bolted around the counter and kept on toddling toward the open door .
“There’s a shot on goal!” Castro said, just as Dave leaned down to head off her break for freedom. “But the keeper makes the save .”
“You two should take that routine out on the road.” I lifted the Bjorn off my tired body and tossed it onto a hook on the wall. “Thanks for doing this .”
“It’s my pleasure.” Dave came closer to the counter and then beckoned. I leaned forward and he kissed my cheek sweetly. I felt my neck heat with pleasure. “We’ll run her around for a while. How long until you’re done here ?”
“Depends when the repairman shows up.” I was exhausted, and also starving because I hadn’t had a lunch break. I’d probably end up eating cookies for dinner, which always made me feel rundown afterward .
“Okay. Then I won’t rush back .”
“If she starts wailing, you might rush back,” I said, trying not to get lost in those green eyes. “My mother said she didn’t have a great nap .”
He turned to go, Nicole held in his bulky arms. “I’ll take my chances.” He winked, and turned to walk out .
My heart seized up at the sight of her disappearing with him. “Wait!” I called, feeling like a loon. What my heart meant was, Wait for me .
He turned patiently, and both he and Nicole waited calmly. I was the only one having heart palpitations. “She needs her hat,” I said, unsticking myself from the spot behind the counter and running to grab it out of my bag. “She sunburns easily .”
“Ah,” Dave said. “I’m familiar with the problem.” He pointed at his own hat—a Brooklyn Bruisers cap .
“Your team color is purple?” I asked, crossing to the two of them .
“Yeah. Don’t judge.” His eyes were smiley. I trusted him. I really did. But it still weirded me out to see him holding my baby girl .
I fit Nicole’s little white fisherman’s hat onto her head, and tucked the elastic below her chin .
She grunted unhappily about it .
Dave kissed me on the cheek one more time. Then I watched them walk out the door, feeling sad that they were leaving me and giddy that he offered and exhausted and every other human emotion, all at once .