Chapter 25 #2
I took a long pull of my Sprite. I might’ve fucked up with Summer—been too honest too early until she was so wrapped up in me she’d never leave. Damn. That made me sound like a selfish dick.
I was selfish. And I was a dick. I dug out my wallet.
“I haven’t ordered yet. Want to come over?” she asked.
She’d read my actions wrong. I polished off my Sprite. “Nope.” When I set the glass down, I grabbed my cane and thumped it on the floor.
Did she wince? “So the rumors are true? You’re seeing Summer Kerrigan?”
“No, not anymore. She deserves better than me, but at least she showed me what it’s like to be with someone who isn’t embarrassed by me.” I thunked the cane again.
The corner of Jackie’s mouth curled up. “What happened with you and the golden girl? Did she want more and realize that she’s nothing more than a fuck?”
“She was more than that,” I growled.
“Then why’d you break up?” She must’ve gotten her answer from my features.
“Exactly. You can blame me all you want, but all I did was give you a taste of what it was like to be with you. I don’t give a shit about your cane or your scar or your limp.
I just didn’t want anyone saying, ‘There goes poor Jackie. Didn’t she learn the first time?
’ ” She shrugged and turned back to the bar.
“At least the way we did it, everyone knew we were only fucking, and that I controlled when and where.”
Her words settled into my brain like fresh concrete, smothering assumptions I’d made. “We were kids.”
“We were old enough to drink. We’d been seeing each other since high school.
Yet all you wanted to do was hunt and fish and hang out with Teller.
You know, I wondered if you guys had a thing.
A bromance that was actually the real thing.
But when I met a guy who actually gave me attention, I saw that it didn’t matter.
I wanted to be important to you and all you gave me were scraps. ”
I . . . had been exactly how she’d described.
I still was. I’d let her down. Not only then, but now.
She hadn’t been more than a fuck. The arrangement I had wanted.
If she’d asked for more at any point since she’d moved back to Bourbon Canyon, would I have cut her off as cleanly as she’d left town when we’d been together the first time?
I would’ve. Distance would’ve been crucial, and I wouldn’t have returned her texts.
Goddammit, I was an asshole. “I’m sorry.”
She whipped her head around to glare at me. Her expression faltered when she saw my face. “You’re serious?”
“I am, Jackie. You’re . . . you deserved better than me too. Always have and still do.”
She drew in a long breath, considering me for a few long moments. I endured her scrutiny, but my nervous energy escaped when I tapped the base of the cane on the top of my boot. She didn’t pay it any mind. I’d painted her as a villain when I was the bad guy.
“I get that you and I weren’t meant to be, but if Summer’s behind this?
” She flicked her hand up and down my body.
“And you’re not out to find someone else to hook up with?
And her history with Eli didn’t stop you?
” She huffed like she couldn’t believe it.
“Then maybe you were more committed than you thought.”
Maybe I was. And that terrified me.
Sleep had been an elusive bitch. Tomorrow marked two weeks since Summer had left. I was tired and cranky and I had rammed the drill into the side of my hand two days ago. The damn wound still seeped through my bandages, but then I hadn’t let up enough for the injury to heal.
I’d had worse and they’d mended. Eventually. In their own way.
I would get better, but I wasn’t going to quit working. I’d go nuts if I did. Waiting for the rest of my supplies to arrive made me restless enough.
The barrels were supposed to come today. A delivery driver from Copper Summit would be here soon. Thankfully, I’d just had to email the guy in charge of repurposing the barrels and hadn’t had to go through a Bailey. I hadn’t seen any of them since Summer had stormed out.
I also hadn’t been to town since I’d run into Jackie.
I heard the engine before the doorbell outside my shop rang.
I didn’t bother looking at the camera footage to see which high school kid they’d sent this time.
The boys were usually prompt and wanted to get the hell done with the job so they could clock out.
They usually didn’t pay enough attention to my leg or try to tell me to quit trying to help them.
Hitting the button on the big overhead door, I waited, my hands propped on my hips. Cool air snaked in along with plenty of sunshine. Spring was here and I could feel it in the warm hints on the breeze.
The back end of a short, white delivery truck came into view. A shadow was visible around the delivery truck. Teller faced me, his face carved from stone.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Fucking Baileys. I didn’t need any more people from my present or future telling me how badly I’d fucked up.
“Last week, you snarled at Dougie.”
“He almost backed into the garage door.”
“He didn’t and you know it.” He crossed his arms, in no hurry to open the back of the truck and start offloading barrels. “He can back between two semis going eighty side by side on the interstate and not touch either one.”
“That doesn’t make any fucking sense.”
“What a coincidence. Neither do you.”
I went to flip the latch on the back of the truck. Teller’s big hand slammed over it.
“I can still take you,” I said through gritted teeth.
“You couldn’t then, and you sure as fuck can’t now, but you won’t try, because both of us will have to take an ice bath and pop too many ibuprofen. It’s not worth feeling our age, man.”
I couldn’t argue. I didn’t want to fight Teller. I had enough on my conscience about him. “Why are you here?”
“I don’t know. You’re fucking my sister. Can’t I stop by and say hi?”
“We’re not—”
Teller snapped his fingers. “Right. You broke up.” He gave me a fake perplexed look. “Or were you even together?”
“We were together.” I’d never said anything with more certainty.
“You sure? You seemed to hide the fact. Only eating with Mama, not seeing the rest of us, going out of town.” He let go of the latch and propped his hands on his hips.
“I had a lot of shit to deal with.”
“Are you saying Summer was some of that shit?”
“No.” He was goading me and I knew it, but I continued defending myself. “She was the reason I did any of that. She’s the only reason I wanted to.”
“Then why the hell aren’t you two together? Why are Tenor and I getting emails from people Summer manages, wondering if she’s okay?”
Alarm spiked hot in my blood. “Is she okay?”
“Melancholy as hell. I’d almost rather see her with Boyd—”
A low rumble left my chest.
“I said almost. Summer’s not a sad or beaten-down person. The only other time I worried about her was a couple months after Eli died.”
Only twice and both times had been my fault. “Has she ever talked to you about that day?”
“Only recently. She told me that she’d broken up with him.”
“She tried to tell me that in the hospital, years ago, but I yelled at her and drove her away before she could explain.”
He nodded like he’d expected as much. “You had the hots for my sister.”
Shock would’ve floored me if I hadn’t had the truck to lean against. “You knew?”
“Anyone who saw you two pass within spitting distance of each other knew. I felt bad for her.” At my questioning gaze, he shrugged. “She was with Eli. He had hearts in his eyes when it came to her, and I thought, well, she fucked that up. Not that I thought you’d go for her.”
“I was an immature dick back then.” And now.
“You were protective of him. I think you two would’ve gotten together eventually. Years after Eli had moved on.”
But he hadn’t. He never would. He was gone. “I should’ve been there.”
“To do what? Let him see what was gonna go through your mind when you heard Summer was single?” Teller shook his head.
“Eli was the opposite of you. You keep shit deep.” He thumped his chest. “In here. Eli turned it outward. It made him one of the most likable guys around, but remember when he’d get in one of his moods? ”
Eli had had a hot temper, and he had lashed out when he was hurt or upset. He’d been both that night. “But he’d still be here.”
“He would, yet we can’t go back and change a thing. No matter how much either of us wants to.”
I studied him. Eli had been sort of a younger brother to him too, between being my friend and having Eli at his house, thanks to Summer. Teller had lost Eli too. “I wasn’t there for you either. After the accident.”
“We were all a little more worried about you surviving.”
“I did.”
“You had a fuck ton of close calls. Besides, I had my parents. They wouldn’t let me weather a thing alone. My siblings were annoying as fuck. I gave you space to heal, and then . . . All you wanted was space.”
“I couldn’t do what I used to.”
“We could’ve done other stuff. Hell”—he spread his arms out to encompass my shop—“what you’re doing here is fascinating.”
“I wouldn’t have been fun to be around.”
“You know damn well I’m not like that. You locked everyone out. When I heard about you and Summer, I thought you were finally coming around. Instead, you hurt her and here you are alone. Again.”
“I’m not a family man.”
Teller crossed his arms. “Why not?”
I opened my mouth. Slammed it shut. “I’m just not. I never was.”
“Bullshit. You’d have grown up and matured.”
“Is that what you did?” I’d give anything to get the focus off me. The spotlight was hot and I was getting sweaty and itchy under the collar.
“I haven’t found the right person. Who knows if I ever will, but we’re not talking about me. Why the hell do you think you’re better off up here by yourself?”
“I’ve always been—”
“Bullshit.”
My anger burned hot, compressing my lungs. “No wonder I quit talking to you, asshole.”
“I should’ve kept pushing, but don’t worry. I learned my lesson. And you were never alone. You were always with someone. Your dad. Eli. Me. My brothers—”