Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Gideon
Yesterday, I’d gone to the tractor supply store and picked up thick work gloves and a cowboy hat. I was wearing everything I’d bought to the Baileys.
This morning, the light hadn’t yet crested the horizon when I’d coasted down the Baileys’ drive. Scarlett had said she’d pick up Autumn for work and give her a ride home. I’d been half tempted to buy a pickup yesterday so Autumn wouldn’t have to beg rides, but she’d shut me down. I’d been telling myself for nearly two weeks that I should buy a vehicle to make it easier on us.
What are you going to do with a pickup in Vegas?
I had no answer to that question. I could sell it. Hell, I could give it to Autumn as a parting gift. Here’re divorce papers and a new truck for your time.
The idea rested like lead in my gut. Maybe if I knew whether Dad would pull back at the last minute, I’d have a more optimistic response.
I parked by the house like Autumn had told me to do and walked down to the barn. The crisp, cold scent in the air propelled me back to an earlier time when I was saddling the horses to move our own cattle. When I was younger, I had been stitched to Dad’s side. By the time I’d been a teen, I had been running the show. Dad would pretend he was in charge, but I would have everything ready. Unlike the Baileys’ property, ours wasn’t big enough to require overnight cattle drives. Mom and Dad had made a long day of it, and I’d loved each moment.
Part of that joy rose up from a long-locked-up memory. I had loved long days working with cattle as much as I had loved harvesting from sunup to sundown. Sometimes, I’d been alone in my own head, but then afterward, I’d join in the chatter with my parents. What went well? What could we do better? What needed fixing? I’d feel like a grown-up, and when I’d talk with my grandfather afterward, he’d beam and nod.
Farming’s in your blood. The outdoors is in your blood. Trust your gut.
Later, before I graduated high school, he’d said similar things. This place is yours. You know your dad won’t do what needs to be done. He’s going to run Percival into the ground. My father scraped his pennies together and bought that land after everything had been taken from him and his family. Don’t let your dad take this from you. Start by scraping your pennies together.
My grandfather’s voice was echoing louder than it had in years. Those memories were why I was here today. If Dad heard about what I was doing today, he’d know I wasn’t some city asshole who wanted to claim a tax deduction and walk over the locals. I was a local, goddammit.
Tate and Teller were loading horses into the silver horse trailer attached to Tate’s pickup. Tenor was tossing coolers into the back seat. Pails and Rubbermaid bins were piled by the front of the horse trailer.
The wind buffeted my face. A few flurries fell from the sky.
Myles appeared next to me. “I guess it could be colder.”
I almost didn’t recognize him with the tan cowboy hat on, and I hadn’t even noticed him following me. I looked back. Wynter was dressed in jeans and boots, a beat-up tan jacket zipped to her chin. Her own black cowboy hat was pulled down low and her blond braid was tucked into the collar of her coat.
“Got the baby here too?” I asked.
Myles grinned, but his indulgent gaze was on his wife. “No, Elsa’s going to be with Mae all day. You should see how giddy Mae is about that.” His gaze lifted to two men pulling up in a pickup with another trailer. “You met my brothers, Lane and Cruz, right?”
They had been at the party Dad had thrown. “Briefly.”
“Since Wynter’s going to boss us around,” Cruz said to me, “you might want to ride with the other guys. Four and four.”
I nodded and jumped in to help load the gear.
Tenor worked beside me, directing where everything got stashed and stored.
“You sure it’s only a day trip?” I asked.
A horse from the trailer whinnied and one of the geldings getting loaded up in the Fosters’ trailer answered. A chorus of whinnies went up.
Tenor grinned and pushed his thick-framed glasses up. “When Tate took over, he got us signed up for a pasture management program.”
Teller walked by and grunted. “Talk about a fuckton of fencing.”
Tenor nodded. “We made smaller pastures and we move them more often. This way, we’re not as reliant on hay during the winter and the pastures have more time to rest.”
“Which means more vegetation.” I might’ve read up on a few ranching-related topics while I was in Vegas.
“Yup. Plus, Tate couldn’t be moving cattle for days at a time anymore with Chance, and now that he has three little ones, he certainly isn’t going to leave Scarlett days at a time.” His grin widened. “And we’re all getting older. Sleeping on the ground in the cold and heat is a little harder than it used to be.”
Made sense. Tenor must be in his late thirties. Except for Myles’s brothers, we were all either pushing forty or well past that birthday.
“Disappointed?” Tenor adjusted the brim of his cowboy hat. “Or are you dying to get back to your plush bed in the city?”
Autumn wasn’t in my plush bed in the city.
Teller walked by in the opposite direction. “Just so you know, James, we’re taking bets on how long you’ll last in the saddle.”
Tenor snickered and continued loading supplies. Thumps and bumps of metal from the horses moving in the trailer filled the air. Just because the last time I’d ridden a horse was probably before Lane or Cruz had been born didn’t mean I couldn’t handle the entire day in the saddle. And I’d prove it.
Autumn
When I got home after work and after prepping for the fourth-grade music performance, the house was dark. Gideon’s laptop sat closed on the kitchen table. The satisfaction I got from that was supreme. In Vegas, I bet no one in that casino would believe he could take a break from work that long.
My smugness took a dip when I realized he always had his mind in the game. He’d gone to help move cattle, but he probably had an ulterior motive.
I rubbed my suddenly tight gut. I hadn’t eaten. Tomorrow night, Scarlett planned to order pizza. I was rummaging in the kitchen when the garage door opened and closed. A minute later, Gideon stepped through the door with two plates in his hands.
“Hey,” he said in a low timbre that chased the chill away and warmed me from the inside out.
“Hey.”
A cold draft wafted in with him, and I caught the scents of horse sweat, crisp fall air, and dirt. His hair was smashed down from his cowboy hat, and he was dusty from head to toe, but it was his gaze that gave me pause. A slight twinkle shone from their depths and it was the most relaxed I’d seen him... ever .
Even after sex, he was never boneless like me. He had a constant tension radiating through him to match the way his mind was constantly working. These days I assumed the land sale was occupying his thoughts, but before me, before this, his regular job probably took up the majority of his brainpower. Today, maybe it was the cowboy boots that gave him an easy, rolling gait, but the constant tension across his shoulders was gone.
He shoved his laptop aside—also satisfying—and set the plates down. “Mae already had your plate prepared when we returned.”
But he’d come bearing two plates. “Haven’t you eaten?”
He shook his head. “I knew you and Scarlett wouldn’t be working too long, and I didn’t want you to wait.” He went to a drawer by the sink to dig out two forks.
He’d been riding all day. Whenever I’d helped move cattle or had been around when my family was done for the day, they piled around the table and barely remembered how to eat like civilized beings. “You didn’t have to.”
His direct gaze caught me. “I know. Sit.”
I did as he said. Mama had made a ground-beef-and-pasta dish that was cheesy and creamy. A perfect meal for people who’d been outside all day.
After the worst of our hunger was sated, I peeked at the way the muscles in his jaws bunched when he chewed. My fingers itched to ruffle through his flattened hair. The look was different on him. It softened the edges of his sharp, professional persona and the jaw carved from stone .
“How’d it go?” I asked.
He pushed some pasta together, not seeming to mind all his food mixed. Was it just when he was extra alert, like meeting Mama?
Mama had piled both of our plates high. I would have enough for lunch tomorrow, but Gideon was almost done. “Good.” He took another bite.
I kept eating.
His fork clinked on the table. “Actually, it was really fucking fun, and I’m a little pissed about it.”
“Oh?” I turned in my seat to face him.
He shoved a hand into his hair. Clumps stuck up between his fingers and stayed mostly in place when he removed his hand. “There were a couple of cows in the brush and I chased them out. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve done that? Since I’ve done any of this?” His jaw clenched. “I loved every part of it. Those days when Dad and I used to move cattle? I don’t remember those fondly. But today... I remembered when Mom used to be with us.”
“And the fun came back?” I asked quietly.
He stared at his mostly empty plate for a minute. “Yeah.”
When he returned to eating, I swiveled back to my food. “I am glad you found the joy again.”
He grunted, likely thinking about how it might be the first time since he’d left town but the last time for the rest of his life.
I put the wrap on top of my plate and put it in the fridge. “Don’t worry about tomorrow night. Summer’s bringing Chance, Brinley, and Darin to Mama’s, so we don’t have to rush. Scarlett wants to order pizza. ”
“Got it.” He rose, but didn’t move. “Is Mark going to be there?”
I blinked. My thoughts had been consumed with Gideon. People still congratulated me on my marriage. I’d almost forgotten that I’d been on a few dates with Mark. “No. He’s steering clear of me.”
“Good.” He took his dishes to the sink. “I’m going to shower.”
His jean-clad ass had my rapt attention as he sauntered down the hallway and disappeared into the bedroom. He’d had fun and he was pissed about it. That summed up his mood.
I sighed and went to the bedroom. I’d clean up in the bathroom after him.
A few minutes later, he was done, exiting the bathroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. The scruff on his cheeks was longer. He hadn’t shaved yesterday or today.
I grabbed my pajamas and scooted around him. This bedroom was tiny when he was in it.
He grasped my elbow and spun me toward him.
“What’s wro?—”
He smashed his mouth onto mine. The kiss was immediately all-consuming. His whiskers brushed my skin, sending rivulets of tingles down my body. I shivered, and he hugged me closer to him. My arms were crushed between us, but I still had a hold on my pajamas. I couldn’t drop them if I tried. They’d have gotten caught on the thick erection pressing between us anyway.
He pulled back enough to say, “I missed you today.”
“Mmm. It’s been a while since I’ve helped. Tate tries not to do it over weekends all the time. ”
His gaze bounced between my eyes. “I kept thinking how sexy you’d be out there with your boots and cowboy hat.” He pressed another kiss to my lips. “I kept wondering how much your tits would bounce when you rode.”
The tingle turned to a full-body shiver. “Mr. James, did you give yourself an erection on horseback?”
“Yes. That was fucking irritating too. Good thing I had to go flush out the cattle right then.”
“I like where this is going, but I’ve gotta use the bathroom.”
Another kiss before he let me go. “Okay, but I’m not done with you.”
I scurried into the bathroom. I clipped my hair up and ran through the shower. I was about to crawl out of my skin with anticipation when I exited the bathroom. The overhead light was off. Only the glow from the lamp on my nightstand lit the room. The door was closed to keep the cat out.
Gideon was stretched out on his side of the bed, making my queen look like a twin bed. The towel was piled on top of his privates. His long legs, dusted with dark hair, were crossed at the ankle and still so damn muscular even as he slumbered.
I huffed out a quiet laugh. He must be exhausted. He’d been up before dawn, which at this time of year wasn’t as early as he was used to, but he hadn’t been behind a desk all day.
I left the door shut so Sprinkles wouldn’t wake him. I shut the light off and crawled in.
Heat emanated from him. Should I cover him up, or would he get too hot?
I lay back .
“I said I wasn’t done with you yet.”
I jolted. “Geez, you scared me.”
His deep chuckle resonated between us. “I might’ve been dozing, but a full day in the saddle isn’t enough to keep me from you.”
His compliment warmed me. “If you’re tired, you can sleep. It’s okay.”
“Autumn, turn that damn light back on so I can watch your tits jiggle when you ride me.”
I choked on a squeak. “I’m not riding you with the light on.”
We’d done a lot. He’d seen it all. But he was usually the one doing the work. I was like an enthusiastic bystander who loved the orgasms.
“Autumn,” he growled.
My breath hitched. Was I really going to chicken out? He knew what I looked like from so many different angles.
I flipped the lamp on. We were bathed in weak light.
He tossed the towel off him, and his cock strained long and proud toward his belly. “Climb on.”
A condom sat on the end table by him. I reached over him, but he caught my arm. “Not yet. I need to feel you first.”
The need in his voice was enough to get me to straddle him. He really wanted to see me astride him. I’d been on top before, but it had been an in-the-moment thing. Not the beginning, middle, and end.
He was tired, but like he said—not tired enough to skip this.
Who was I to deny him?
I adjusted my legs on either side of his hips. My pussy was right on him. Since we were touching, I could feel how wet I was from the slickness between us. I rubbed back and forth.
A deep groan left him. “Fuck, you’re like soaked velvet. Just fucking hot and soft.”
He gripped my thighs, but he didn’t move me. My breasts swayed as I leaned over and stroked myself up and down his length.
“Fuck,” he said from between clenched teeth. His body was taut, but I was turning to liquid. “You’re so goddamn wet for me, and I’ve barely touched you.”
As if he needed to rectify that, he palmed my breasts. The strength in his hands, hard and unyielding, was always gentle enough to keep from hurting me.
“Christ.” He retrieved the condom. “I’m not going to fucking last.”
He ripped the package open with his teeth, but I took the rest from him.
“Let me do it.”
His gaze promised retribution for slowing down the moment. I wanted to savor his attention. My insecurities were gone. How could they bother me when simple dry-humping got him this worked up?
I sat back on his thighs and took my time rolling the condom down. His cock twitched under my fingers, and he massaged my thighs. I gave his erection a few lazy pumps. His gaze was on my hand, then on the junction between my thighs, then back to my hand.
“Get on, wife. Show me how you ride.”
My chest grew tight. Wife.
I shifted and placed him at my entrance. Then I sank down. Slowly. With each inch, he balled up with tension, his knees bending behind me. He rolled up slightly.
When I was fully seated and so damn full of him, I rocked to adjust to his size. “You’re so big.” I might sound like I was in a porn, but I was telling the truth. I’d thought penises like his were a fantasy. It was like I’d special ordered him. Give me an almost perfect husband to test for a month.
“Jesus.” He crunched up, gripped my ass to grind me down onto him, and tongued a nipple.
A long, needy moan left me. “Gideon.”
I didn’t have much room to move, but I did. He loosened his grip and lay back. “Fucking ride me, firecracker.”
I tipped my head back, my hair brushed against my lower spine, and I stuck my chest out. I increased the pace and my breasts swayed, then bounced, just like he wanted.
“Fuck, yes,” he said tightly.
I was ready to ride him for as long as he wanted, letting my climax build and stall. I could control the rise in this position. But then he ran his thumb across my lips. I licked it. Heat filled his gaze a second before he dropped that thumb and stroked it across my soaked clit.
Oh god. I gasped and had to tip forward. He was working my clit as I rode him. The sensations were too much and then he used his other hand to massage a nipple.
“Gideon,” I whined.
“Say it again.”
“Gideon.” I was getting out of breath. I was fighting off the climax, wanting this to last longer, but it was impossible with him.
“What else can you call me?”
My mind was too focused on my center to work. “ Gideon.”
“What else, rusty?”
Right. Nickname. “City boy?”
“What else?” He eased the pressure on my clit. I wanted to cry. I had to come. I needed to.
A tremble racked my body. I was on the precipice, and he was keeping me there.
“What else, wife?”
I never called him anything else, but I knew what he wanted. “H-husband.”
The calloused stroke of his thumb was back. The storm inside me reached a crescendo and explosions detonated behind my eyes. I flung my head back, crying out something unintelligible.
He rolled up, grinding into me, his hips bucking as he came. I wrapped my arms around him, and he buried his head into my chest.
“Fuck, Autumn.”
When I crashed down, he caught me. I was limp. He rolled us to the side. No one would guess I wasn’t the one who’d spent the day on a horse. I let him slip out of my body. The baggy end of the condom dragged against my thigh. He glanced between us and his expression shuttered.
What did that look mean?
I was about to snuggle into him when he reached over the edge of the bed and grabbed the towel.
We silently cleaned up. I waited until we were both back in bed before I turned out the light. When it was dark, I could cuddle against him since we often woke up that way. But tonight, there was a weird distance between us since we’d climaxed together.
Had I done something wrong ?
Was I overthinking it all? He had to get up early again tomorrow and miss more work. Maybe he was stressing.
The thought didn’t seem quite right.
“I’m sorry I won’t get you pregnant.” His words were quiet in the dark.
Surprised, I stared at the dark wall. He had drawn away because of me? “I understand.” Since he was vulnerable, I could expose myself a little more. I might’ve ranted about how I wasn’t naive, but at the same time, I was. “It was silly of me to think you’d plant the seed and move on as if you gave zero fucks.” He’d care deeply about a kid. Was that what scared him?
“A lot of guys do.”
“Not you.”
“No. I couldn’t. You’d be a good mom.”
Heat poked the backs of my eyes. I wanted a family, but I didn’t want to sacrifice who I was. I wanted what my parents had had. Mama Starr and Daddy Bjorn had been committed to each other. He could’ve left Mama Starr with four young kids. Same with Mama Starr. But they’d stuck together through the hard times until the end. Not only had they been each other’s support, but they’d kept the gravity of our situation to themselves.
Then there were my Bailey parents. So damn dedicated to each other. A solid foundation. Yes, I wanted kids. But I wanted a partner in life more. I wanted someone to share laughs with, someone to vent to, someone to commiserate with. I wanted that support. To be loved for me.
Could I be a single mom? Yes. And I’d probably be a good one. I was fortunate to have a huge support system. But that was only a part of my dream .
“Thank you,” I said. Was this one of those times I should tell him the same? “For what it’s worth, the fact that you care means you’d probably be a good?—”
“No. I wouldn’t. I’m too much like my dad.”
“Gideon.” I was reaching for him when he rolled over, giving me the broad, shadowed expanse of his back.
“Good night, Autumn.”