Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Autumn
The bustle of the restaurant around us had a corporate vibe. Women were in power suits or skirts, trendy footwear, and stylish blouses. The men looked much like Gideon had when I’d first met him. Not as good-looking, of course. Meanwhile, I was in jeans and rubber-soled boots that were really snow boots but could pass for odd loafers. My sweater was cable knit and made with almost black yarn flecked with color. It looked a lot like my cat, actually.
Gideon was back in his crisp jeans, a long-sleeved shirt that he’d wear when he was working but didn’t have to be on video. He didn’t have on a coat. Where he was going, the temperature would be thirty degrees warmer. He’d shoved everything in his suitcase.
The tinkling of glassware and forks on plates was all around us. The clientele was corporate, but the place had a rustic style with wooden beams and exposed brick walls. It was trendy, no matter the crowd.
I studied my menu. My hunger had been absent since he’d dropped the news he was leaving early. He had a possible new job. A new venture. He’d return to Las Vegas and create that legacy that was so important to him.
And I’d return to my job. To my little house. I would be content in life. I had prepared for this. I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t beg. This was the end and I was ready.
But I might get another cat. What were the odds there’d be another in the dumpster at school?
“Have you decided what you’re having?” Gideon asked politely.
“I’ll probably have the club sandwich.” What were the chances I’d walk out without wearing part of it on my sweater?
When the server appeared, Gideon put down his menu. “We’ll both have a club sandwich. Can she get an extra olive on top?”
The server grinned and gave me a look that said, Aren’t you the luckiest girl in the world?
If only she knew. I returned her smile. I’d had my time to be lucky. Today, I’d be strong. My future was the same as my past before Gideon, only I wouldn’t be waiting and wondering if my Prince Charming was on his way. I was okay being single. I was okay not settling. I had my jobs and my family.
When I glanced back at Gideon, he was studying me, a crease along his brow. “Everything okay?” he asked.
A tiny fissure in my determination formed. I sewed it up as securely as the quilt on my bed. No emotions were going to ruin my last hour with Gideon. “Just fine, you know, for a first last first date. Or is it a last first date? First and only first date?”
His expression went flat. “Does it have to be?”
“Excuse me?” I’d talked myself into a circle. What had I been trying to say?
“Does this have to be our only date?”
Confusion swirled my thoughts into a flurry, just like a snow globe. “What do you mean?”
“I mean we can still see each other.”
I stared at him. He wanted to keep seeing me? My hope shone through that mental crack I thought I had repaired. No. It wasn’t possible. We lived in separate states. “How would that work?”
“I have a lot of vacation.”
“Unless you take this new job.”
His hard jaw made a return. “I’ll be one of the bosses. I’ll get time off.”
“Oh.” No more words came to mind.
“We’re good together, Autumn.” The sincerity in his gaze devastated me.
“We are good together.” But that wasn’t the deal! Our bargain had a defined beginning and a definite end. Gideon was the fantasy I got to live and then remember forever after.
If I kept seeing him? That would be my dream come true. Except our castles were over eight hundred miles apart. I wasn’t a princess and he wasn’t royalty.
He put his big hand around his ice water and slowly turned the glass. “Is this like asking you to go to Spokane and meet my parents?”
“Mark didn’t have divorce papers drawn up on our third date.”
Gideon winced. “Yes. The divorce. ”
Exactly. “How would that work? We divorce and then start dating?”
“If that makes you more comfortable,” he said cautiously.
More comfortable? Did he realize the walls I’d had to build around my heart because of those damn documents? Did he know that every day was a pep talk so I wouldn’t fall faster and harder for him?
“Autumn. You’re upset.”
My chuckle came out reedy. “You’ve caught me off guard. The end has always been tomorrow, and now I have to suddenly shift my thinking.”
“You don’t need to decide immediately.” He continued spinning the glass. “I just thought...”
He thought I’d jump at his offer just like I’d leaped into bed with him. Just like I’d said an exuberant yes when he’d claimed we should get married.
So why wasn’t I?
He set his glass upright. “I thought you had enjoyed the last few weeks like I have.”
Despite the conflict raging inside me, a tangle I couldn’t sort, I warmed at his confession. “I absolutely did. I’ll never get rid of those Pinocchio suspenders.”
Heat infused his eyes. “You’ll have to pack them.” He cleared his throat and the spark of desire was gone. “If you come visit.”
I’d be flying to Vegas. For a booty call. “A long-distance relationship.”
“They’re done by couples everywhere.”
Junie had tried. Three of her last four boyfriends had cheated on her. Logically, I knew Gideon was right, but Junie was my only exposure to long-distance dating.
The server appeared with our sandwiches. I smiled at Gideon, unsure of what to say. Yes, absolutely? No, it’ll never work? Can I think about it? Nothing seemed to fit the moment.
Wasn’t that the issue? I wasn’t ready to give him a resounding yes.
We couldn’t talk and eat, and each of us seemed to need the reprieve. I had to work out my feelings, and with each delicious bite, my decision grew clearer. When it was time to go, he paid. His hand was on the center of my back as we exited the restaurant into the cold air.
Too soon, we were at the airport. The plan was to drop him off at the departure area. I wouldn’t walk in. There’d be no tearful goodbyes. Our deal would be done. Neither of us had gotten what we’d wanted, but we were adults.
I should be rejoicing. I should be readying myself to jump onto the sidewalk and kiss his handsome face off. If I said yes, it’d only be a matter of time before we were together again.
Celebrating was the last thing I wanted to do.
Gideon pulled to the curb behind a line of cars. He’d been driving all day. This car felt like it was his. But then, he’d never gotten a vehicle of his own. Bourbon Canyon had always been meant to be temporary.
He got out and unloaded his luggage from the back. It’d been so easy for him to pack. Until lunch, he’d been planning to leave.
He was leaving. His plans to return were nebulous at best. Little more than good intentions.
The sight of him standing by his shiny black suitcase, scrutinizing me with his vivid green gaze, kept the words I wanted to say firmly on my tongue. His breath puffed around him, but he stood like it was a warm summer day instead of a chilly winter one.
I closed the distance between us and curved my hand around his neck. He bent and I rose on my toes. Our lips met and that familiar sizzle of electricity passed between my skin and his. I didn’t deepen the kiss and neither did he. He hugged me to him but loosened his hold when I pulled back.
His brows knit together. “Why do I feel like that was a permanent goodbye?”
“Because it was.” There. I’d said it. Until this moment, I hadn’t known if I’d be strong enough.
Emotions filtered through his expression. Disappointment. Hurt. Confusion. He gave a single nod. His jaw worked and he looked across the cars streaming around us and parked in the lot behind me. “Why?”
His voice was hoarse. He was crestfallen, and I wanted to hang on to that. He wanted more. But there would only be less.
Gideon had encouraged me to stand my ground with Tate. It was because of that I’d have to speak up for myself again.
The chill crept into my bones, thanks to the weather and the conversation. “You’ll return to your job, maybe transition to a new one. I’d come out during Thanksgiving break, maybe Christmas. Would I fly out over Presidents’ Day?” I shrugged. “You might fly out, but I doubt it. Your dad hurt you a lot. Anyway, we’d talk about work and superficially about my family. Then we’d have sex.” Desire flared in his eyes. I almost wavered, but that spark was exactly why I had to continue. “I wouldn’t be more than Taya to you.”
He recoiled. “Taya? What does that mean? ”
“We might not work together, but we’d fuck and then go our separate ways. To our separate lives. Only coming together for a release.”
Understanding filled his gaze. He clenched his jaw and looked down. “I would like us to be more.”
“Would you really?” Tears threatened to well, but I sniffed and let the cold air freeze them in place. “You never unpacked, Gideon. I realize we had a deal that ended with you leaving, but you lived out of your suitcase. You borrowed my car as if even renting one was too much commitment. But worse, you never talked to me. I’m no closer to knowing the real reason why you don’t want kids than when I first asked. You didn’t talk to me. You only gave me a part of you, and that’s what I can’t stand for. But one thing I realized about me is that it isn’t just the kids. I want the partner.”
His gaze swept our surroundings once more. His cheeks were tinting pink from the cold, giving him the appearance of being upset. The sad thing was, he wasn’t really upset about my rejection. He didn’t understand where I was coming from.
“You never asked to see the land Daddy gifted me. That place means the world to me, just like your home meant to you. Yet you never saw it. You asked me about work, but only to distract yourself from your feelings.” I shook my head and sniffled. “I want a guy who’ll stay with me even if we lose our house and have four little girls to take care of. I want a guy who’ll be by my side through the decades. I want a guy who won’t leave me until he physically can’t stay anymore.” I lost the battle against the tears. I’d gotten two sets of parents who’d shown me exactly what I dreamed of. I fought the urge to dive into the car, soak up the warmth of the heater, and drive home so I could hide under my covers with my cat until the alarm went off for work tomorrow. “You don’t want to be that guy, Gideon.”
“Autumn.” My name came out strangled.
“Did you ever tell your work you got married?” When he glanced away and his Adam’s apple worked up and down, the stabbing pain in the walls of my chest made it hard to breathe. “Taya?”
The shake of his head was barely noticeable.
None of this was real and I’d been right to protect my heart. Didn’t mean the hurt was any less. I started backing up. The tears were going to come fast and hard.
He took a step, but I put my palm up. I should’ve had my gloves on, but my skin could be as exposed and raw as the rest of me. “Good luck with...” The investment group? Taya? Your life? “Everything. Just have your lawyer send me those divorce papers.”
With that, I dove into the car and left him on that cold sidewalk. I dared to peek in the rearview mirror. He hadn’t moved.
But he would. Montana wasn’t his home.
Gideon
The view was stunning. I stood in front of floor-to-ceiling windows that created a rustic yet elegant frame around the mountain scenery. The caps were tipped with white, the snow continuing all the way down to the sprawling countryside.
You don’t want to be that guy, Gideon.
The visceral reaction when she’d said those words had been staggering. I never yelled, but I’d been about to holler, Bullshit! You’re the only one giving up on us.
How could that be true when I was boarding a plane soon?
The absurdity. Autumn was nothing like Taya. I was friendly with Taya. Physically and intellectually, we were compatible, but the absence of a spark was noticeable. Hence why we’d never been more than casual and occasional bed partners.
I gripped the handle of my suitcase.
I want a guy who’ll stay with me even if we lose our house and have four little girls to take care of. I want a guy who’ll be by my side through the decades. I want a guy who won’t leave me until he physically can’t stay anymore.
Autumn didn’t talk a lot about her birth parents. She’d been young when they’d died, but she knew enough to admire her father’s connection with her mother. Darin and Mae’s relationship had been the envy of Bourbon Canyon. Apparently, it still was.
Bitterness raged through me until the taste of metal coated my tongue. The Baileys and their happy fucking family.
For a few fleeting moments, I’d been part of that family.
Autumn was wrong. There was too much between us. This could work.
I’d return to Vegas, hear what Harold Washington had to say, invest in a business that had a chance of being around long after me?—
I’m no closer to knowing the real reason why you don’t want kids than when I first asked .
Fuck. How could I discuss something I didn’t know myself?
Percival’s your legacy, Gideon. It’s for you and your children. My grandfather’s words were etched in my psyche. They’d formed me. I’d dedicated my life to working for that place. I could afford any price Dad asked. I’d kept my anger buried deep, knowing he wouldn’t just sign over what should rightfully be mine.
The farm and ranch were no longer mine. Today, I’d failed on both accounts.
And I felt no different. Just another day.
Those kids I didn’t want to think about happening? Didn’t matter now.
My shoulders tightened. I rotated my head from side to side, stretching my neck. I’d get back to my plush office chair.
My back started to ache too. Fuck.
Maybe I needed to play more golf.
I hated golf. People said the best networking took place on the golf course or the tennis courts. Whenever I heard that, frustration would well over. I’d grown up on the back of a horse. I’d sprinted across open fields. Heaven had been my backyard.
I hadn’t known a similar feeling until I’d sunk deep into Autumn. Until I’d woken up with her in the morning and known I’d go to bed with her at night.
“Look, Mom. Mom! Look.” A little boy skidded to a stop next to me.
“Yes, Caleb. I see it. Be careful.” His mom’s voice was harried. She had a stroller with a googly-eyed little baby. A guy trotted behind her, various bags hooked to limbs. A duffel was around one shoulder. A tote with giraffes on the side hung from his other shoulder. A camera bag wound his neck, and a backpack poked up from behind him.
“Excuse me,” the mom said breathlessly, gripping her boy by the shoulders. “He’s excited for Disney.”
The boy tipped his excited gaze up to me. “Are you going to Disney?”
I blinked at him. Was he asking me? I looked like I should be on that golf course. His dad dressed like he could step off the plane and into the line for the roller coaster in loose tan pants, white athletic shoes, and a shirt with some football team logo on it. Maybe from Vegas, but since I hadn’t been able to play in high school, I’d quit following football.
Since Mom had died, I’d quit a lot.
“No.” I spun on a heel and walked away. It was rude, but the seemingly happy, completely standard family had me suddenly and irrationally irritated.
Good thing Silver catered to a more adult crowd.
Only I might not be at Silver that much longer.
A few minutes and one frustrating TSA line later, I was at my gate. I continued to stare out the window at the white plane ready to take me away from my home state.
“We’re pleased to announce boarding for the following sections...”
I would be one of the first to board. But I didn’t move.
I was returning to everything I knew. Everything I’d worked for. I took my ring off and stuffed it in my pocket. I did not need to explain my marriage, or the dissolution of it, to anyone.
Only the reason why I had worked so hard was gone. And so was Autumn. All I had left was... my career.