Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Isneak in as quietly as I can when I get back to my house. The lights are all off, and I can only assume Mackenzie and Star went to sleep. Star was in pretty bad shape when I left, so I’m glad he’s resting.
I find him in my room, already under the blankets.
For a little while, I stand there, my back against the door, watching him. He has his arms wrapped around my pillow, cradled against his body, and I can’t help but wonder if, in his sleep, he thinks it’s me.
Grief sinks into my stomach like a rock. Mackenzie was right about what she said at the bar. I was nineteen when our parents died, and then I was a parent myself. I was focused on school and taking care of Mackenzie, and somewhere in there, I forgot about my own needs.
Moving out here to Black Forest was the first thing I ever really did for myself, and even then, I made sure that Mackenzie could set up a life here too before making the decision.
And, yeah, maybe I have been lonely. I’m not good at making friends, and I’ve always found relationships to be hard because I always prioritize Mackenzie and my work.
But with Star, it feels like things were easy for the first time. I don’t feel like I have to prove something to him, like I’m keeping track of all the things I do for him to make sure I’m doing enough to be worthy of him. He’s just happy being here, being alive.
After a while, I change into some sweats and a shirt and slip into bed beside Star. Even though I try to be gentle, he wakes anyway.
He lets out a sleepy little moan and scoots close to me, wrapping his arm around me and pressing his face into my throat. “I missed you,” he whispers. He smells like wet soil and wood smoke.
“How are you feeling?”
“Much better. There is almost no pain now, just the tiniest of twinges occasionally.”
Not good enough. I can’t stand knowing he feels even the smallest amount of pain. He deserves to have a perfectly healthy body, to be perfectly happy.
I run my fingertips down the taut muscle of his shoulder.
“The friend I went to see, he thinks he might have a solution. It’ll be…
sort of an experiment, but I think he’s right about what he said.
He thinks we need a large electromagnetic pulse to send you back.
I’ll put together two electromagnets tomorrow. ”
He doesn’t say anything, just breathes silently into my neck, and then I feel the wetness on my skin.
“Star…”
He pushes up onto one elbow, looking down at me. “I do not want to leave you, Mason. I want to stay.”
I press a hand to the sharp jut of his jaw. “I want you to stay, too. But I can’t risk your health anymore. I’m sorry.”
His eyebrows curve in. “You are not in control of me. You cannot make me go.”
It’s the first time I’ve seen him express anything close to anger, and I’m not even sure how real the anger actually is. I nod. “You’re right. I can’t. But you know you have to.”
The anger dissolves immediately, and he lets out a long sigh, pressing his forehead to mine. “Yes,” he finally says, “I know I have to. Something is not right. I do not belong here.”
I want to tell him he does belong here, right here in my arms, but I resist.
And then his mouth falls onto mine gently, like it was always going to end up there, two magnets, coming together after a long time apart.
For the first time, it feels like he’s kissing me, like he’s in control of the way it starts out gentle—soft lips, warm hands, eyes closed—and then shifts into something more urgent.
I feel the change in him, his hands grasping my face and his body moving to cover mine.
My fingers dig into his back, grasping, like I can imprint him onto my skin and never lose him.
I flip us, kissing my way down his neck and then his chest.
“No,” he says when my mouth is hovering somewhere near his belly button. My eyes flick up to meet his. He runs his fingers through my hair. “I know there is more, Mason. I have seen it. I want to do that with you.”
I swallow, nerves racing through me. “What have you seen?”
His thumb brushes back and forth over my cheekbone. “Mating. Animals, mostly, but also one passionate couple who found privacy in the woods.”
I can’t stop the smile that creeps up my face. “Seen a lot of deer sex, huh?”
He bits his lip and then hisses out, “Sex.”
The curious and sensual way he says it sends a shiver down my spine. I leave one last open-mouthed kiss on the strip of hair that runs from his belly button to the waistband of his pants.
“You’re not well enough, Starlight.”
That splash of anger from before comes back, his eyes going dark. “I will decide what I am well enough for, Mason. Is that your only objection?”
I huff out a breath and set my forehead on his stomach. His cock is hard against my chest. I want to shove his pants down and take it into my mouth. But I’m also very interested in what he’s asking for, even if I’m nervous it could hurt him.
“Please, Mason,” he whispers. “I want to be with you in every way possible.”
I groan. I can feel myself giving in. How can I say no to him? To my own body, throbbing with lust?
I leave wet kisses up his chest and take his mouth with mine again. There’s no more holding back now. I kiss him like I’m drowning and he’s made of oxygen, like I’m taking something from him so that it’ll always be with me.
We scramble out of our clothing, and Star shivers when our bare bodies are pressed together. I sit astride him, my cock like the Washington Monument between us. Star’s gentle, sincere eyes watch me as he runs his hands up my thighs and grasps it.
“Oh, fuck,” I whisper, trying to be patient and let him satisfy his curiosity, but his hand around me feels so good and he looks so beautiful with his eyes on me, taking everything in as pre-cum starts to bead up on my tip.
His eyes slide up to mine. “Show me how it is done.”
I fall on him, devouring his mouth as I take one of his hands and press it to my ass. I guide him gently to my opening as I kiss him, and like the truly magnificent man he is, he doesn’t need any more guidance, his fingers finding their way exactly where I need them.
“Star!” I gasp when he sinks one into me. Fuck, I want him inside me so bad. I haven’t been with anyone in a while, and even if I had, I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about Star, and being here with him like this is better than I could have imagined.
“Mason,” he sighs into my mouth, like he thought my call was some kind of question he has to answer.
I know I’m not quite ready, but I don’t want to wait a second longer. Pushing up on my knees, I pull his hand away from me so that I can grasp his cock. He makes a shocked noise and then his mouth pops open when I settle him against me and start to sink down on him.
His eyes glaze over as I work myself onto him, one slow inch at a time.
I knew it was going to be difficult—I have, after all, had him all the way down my throat—but I’m not quite prepared for the dual assault of his perfect dick and the way he’s looking at me like he’s peering into the depths of the universe.
I love you, I want to tell him. I don’t know how but I do. Please, don’t leave me.
What if I never feel this way about anyone again? What if I never meet anyone else who wants to slow dance in my kitchen or gets excited about snow or looks at everyone with their heart in their eyes? What if I never meet anyone this sweet and kind and beautiful ever again?
Like he can tell my mind has wandered into someplace I can’t seem to come back from, Star wraps a hand around the back of my throat and yanks my mouth down to his. His tongue finds mine as I start to lift off him and sink down again, setting a slow and steady rhythm.
He barks out a surprised sound against my lips that makes me smile as I press my forehead to his. He’s so big and thick inside me as I ride him slowly, and I watch his face as I do, take in every expression, the crease between his brows, the tremble of his bottom lip, the arch of his throat.
I love him so much that I have to slam my lips together not to let the words find their way out.
I start to move a little faster as my body gets used to the pressure of him in my ass, the slight pain that’s always thrilled me beginning to shift into something more pleasant.
“Yes,” Star says, the word coming out as a hiss. His hands slide up my legs and latch on my ass, his fingers digging into me, and then he flips us. I settle onto my back on the mattress, my knees in the air, as Star plants his hands on either side of my head.
He’s smiling. There’s so much joy written across his face as he slides in and out of me that it’s all I can do to pull his mouth down to mine so I can taste the smile on his lips.
“Harder,” I tell him between my teeth, and he obliges, slamming into me hard enough to make us both whimper pathetically.
“Oh!” he groans, and I know he’s about to come, and I can’t stop smiling now either.
“Come for me,” I say against his mouth. “Fill me up.”
He looks down at my dick bobbing between us, and even though I know it’ll throw off our game a little, I pull one of his hands from where it’s holding him up and wrap it around my shaft.
With my hand around his, I show him the speed I need, and he gives it to me as his hips begin to lose their rhythm.
His lips part on a silent cry, and I watch him go over the edge, his dark eyes glued to mine, seconds before I come, splashing onto my stomach just before Star slumps on top of me, effectively smearing my cum all over both of us.
“Are you okay?” I ask, the second my orgasm wears off. “Did that hurt? Are you—”
He pulls back and kisses me, gentle and sweet. “I am fine,” he says. “That was very good.”
I smile up at him. “Yeah, it was okay.”
He smiles back, as bright as the sun. “Very, very good.” He rolls off of me and settles onto his side, propping his face up on his bicep. “I did not know it would feel like that. It was magnificent before, with you, but…”
I run a hand across the stretch of his muscular chest that doesn’t have my discharge all over it.
“What is it like up there, in the sky?” I ask, my voice small. “Is it… is it lonely?”
He frowns, and I feel it too, the way the happiness seeps out of the room with my question. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked, but as soon as the sun is up, I’m starting on an electromagnet, and I’m sending him back home. There’s no pretending it isn’t going to happen.
“I do not know that lonely is quite the way to put it,” he says. “It does not necessarily feel like anything. I could observe, but I did not feel, really. For me, it is almost like a different kind of consciousness.”
“Really?”
He nods.
There’s something about that explanation that I don’t like. I don't like the thought of his consciousness changing, of him being different.
I don't like the thought of him being alone, of him watching the world that he loves so much from up there, never getting to be a part of it.
Sometime in the night, we manage to pull ourselves from bed and shower. And then we fall back into each other’s arms, and I watch Star sleep, not willing to let him go for even a second.