Chapter One
Kason
January
Winnipeg’s center is skating right at me, while Rylan and Stevens are battling to get away from other players so they can come and protect me.
Stevens breaks away first, Volkov’s there too, trying to help me protect our goal and get the puck back.
It’s the third period, score tied at two, and my heart’s in my throat, my focus sharpening.
Nothing exists beyond the ice, beyond my responsibility to keep that small black disk from making its way into the net.
Suddenly Rylan breaks free and darts toward their center, who makes a quick pass to their left winger. He shoots quickly, but not fast enough. I dive to the side and block the shot.
Unfortunately, Winnipeg gets the rebound.
Stevens is on their winger, fighting him for the puck.
Rylan skates over to help, checking him hard, but Stevens reaches out and trips their winger.
I groan as the ref calls a penalty, sending Stevens to the box.
Fuck, now they have the power play, with one more man on the ice than we have.
It’s a long two minutes, Winnipeg managing three shots on goal while Stevens is out.
I manage to block them all, but I’m exhausted, or at least, I know I will be later.
Right now, I can’t feel it. All I know is no one’s getting another motherfucking goal on me tonight.
I won’t allow it. My guys will get the puck in the net.
All we need is one more goal. We’re going to take the W home tonight. I can feel it.
*
“I miss the times when you used to leave the room so I could jerk off with Hayes,” Rylan tells me from the bed beside mine.
I turn and look at my questionable choice of best friend, his dark hair wet and messy from the shower. “I don’t know what to say to that other than fuck you, asshole.”
When Rylan and Hayes first started seeing each other, it was just a mutually beneficial sex thing.
Hayes was—is?—Rylan’s good-luck charm, and at the time, Rylan played a lot better when he busted a nut with Hayes the night before.
It wasn’t foolproof. We still lost games from time to time, but our odds were a whole lot better, even if it just came from Rylan telling himself he would play better and putting that energy into the universe.
I believe in that kind of stuff—that you get back what you put into the world, and positive energy and thought will always bring more positive outcomes than negative shit.
It’s a lesson I learned from my mom. She’s always talking about auras and energy and all that, and she’s also the kindest person I’ve ever known.
Neither of my parents grew up with much.
Neither is a college graduate, and we struggled a lot when I was a kid, but they both worked hard to make ends meet, to make my dreams come true, and they did it while always thinking about others and being very intentional about their thoughts and actions.
“Aw, come on, Madsies. You know what I mean. I love you and want to spend all the time with you, but having a little us time with Hayes when I’m on the road was fun.”
“For you. I had to go sit in Volkov’s room every night.” Volkov is our center and team captain. He’s a great guy, but hauling my ass to his room all the time wasn’t the most fun thing I’ve ever done. “And what about me? I like jerking off too.”
Masturbating is the extent of what I’ve done in a long-ass time.
I’m not really the casual-hookup type. I can’t pretend I never do it or that there haven’t been times in my life when I met up with a man or woman for a random one-off, but…
the older I get, the less time I have for bullshit.
I want more, and I’m blaming Rylan for that.
“Shit. Want me to head out? I can give you some self-love time if you want.”
As frustrating and sarcastic as Rylan can be, he’s also sincere.
If I asked him to leave so I could jack off, he would, which is partly why I’d been so willing to do the same for him and Hayes—well, that, and I might have murdered my best friend if he kept playing shitty games.
If it took sex with Hayes to avoid that, I was willing to take one for the team.
“I’m fine,” I tell him, but really, I miss sex.
I wish it were easier for me to just go out and find a trick.
Not that I judge anyone who does. I’m all about sex-positivity, but random sex just isn’t how I roll.
But then, relationships haven’t worked out all that well for me either.
While I haven’t experienced anything like what Anthony, Hayes, or Donovan did, I know what it’s like to get your heart broken by someone letting you down.
“If you change your mind tomorrow night, let me know. I got your back.” Rylan grins, proud of himself, and it’s impossible not to love him. He really is the best kind of guy.
“You can message Hayes now,” I tell him, and he beams.
“You sure? Because if you want to bond, I’m your boy.”
I chuckle. “I have no doubt, but I’m all good.
” Plus, I’m eager to message Anthony. We’ve hung out a few times since the night we were all at Lush together.
Anthony likes yoga, and while I’ve gotten Rylan into it, he mostly does it to appease me, but Anthony enjoys it.
We had a couple of beach sessions and have met at his place to watch the shows I’ve gotten him addicted to.
I like him. He’s fun, confident, has a great sense of humor, but there’s also a sweet, almost sad side he tries to hide.
I saw it at Lush, and there have been whispers of it in things he says or does, and… it intrigues me. He intrigues me.
Rylan turns out the light, both of us in bed with our phones glowing.
Anthony: Dude…dude…you were in the fucking zone in the third. Incredible! I can’t believe those blocks you made!
I grin. I’m not really the type who needs to be praised, but I’m enjoying it right now.
Me: I won’t argue with you.
Anthony: I’m sure you won’t, cocky little shit.
Me: What? Me? No way. Plus, you must admit I deserve to be cocky after that…what did you call it? Phenomenal save?
Okay, so I’m definitely flirting, which I can’t say is new. Like I said, I’m interested in Anthony.
Anthony: I said incredible, but I take it back.
Me: Now my feelings are hurt.
Anthony: Whatever. You know you’re good.
I do. Hockey is the one thing I’ll never doubt, but I also don’t need to sit around trying to draw compliments out of him all night.
Me: Did you go dancing today?
Anthony was off at the bar, and from what I’ve gathered through chatting with him, he finds any and all extra time to dance that he can. And I get that. He loves dancing the way I love hockey, and he’s really fucking good at it.
Anthony: How did you know?
Me: I didn’t, but I figured. Seems like something you do often. You love it. I could see it at Lush.
It takes him longer than I would have thought to reply, and I start reading over what I wrote to see if I said something wrong.
Anthony: I do…you pay attention, Kason Maddox. That’s…nice.
An unexpected burst of pride erupts in my chest.
Me: It’s not hard to do.
Anthony: It is for some people.
Me: It’s not for me. And some people are assholes. Did you watch the new episode of Queer Crossings?
Anthony: OMG. Yes! I can’t believe Stewart and Chandler hooked up! He’s fucking his brother’s boyfriend!
Me: Right? Poor Teddy. He’ll be devastated when he finds out.
We chat about Queer Crossings, venting about the characters, while I try to remember the last time I enjoyed talking to someone so much, when I’ve felt this kind of…
giddy excitement about a new person. Honestly, I can’t think of another instance at all.
Maybe I’m jumping the gun here, but it makes me wonder if this could be the start of something, if Anthony might be into me too, or at least, seeing if we connect on a level outside of friendship.
Me: Do you have plans on Sunday?
Anthony: Nope. What’s up?
Me: I thought maybe I could take you out to dinner. There’s a new sushi place on La Cienega that I’ve been wanting to try.
God, I haven’t been on a date in how long?
Anthony: Sure. That’d be fun. What’s the name and what time? I can meet you there.
What the hell kind of dates has he been on before? If I’m doing this, I’m doing it right.
Me: I’ll pick you up. Seven sound good?
Anthony: That works for me! I haven’t been out for good sushi in a long time.
I grin, happy with my choice of restaurant.
Me: Great. I’m looking forward to it. I should go, though. I need to get some sleep. We have another game tomorrow night.
Anthony: You say that like I don’t know. Calgary doesn’t stand a chance!
Me: Bite your tongue! You’ll jinx us.
Anthony: Hockey players are so silly. You’ll be fine. Good night, Kason Maddox.
I have no idea why he does that sometimes, why he calls me by my first and last name. Still, it makes me smile.
Me: Good night, Anthony Damiani.
A real date. This should be fun.