Chapter Three
Kason
I really like Anthony. This date is going great so far, if I do say so myself.
We both ordered teriyaki chicken and rice, then got a platter of different rolls to share.
There are hardly any lulls in the conversation, Anthony laughing at the stories I share and asking lots of questions.
Sometimes it feels like people just ask things because they know they should but without really caring.
It’s not like that with Anthony. It’s clear that the words coming out of his mouth are authentic, that he doesn’t just ask or say things because he should, but because he’s really interested.
What I also notice is he doesn’t talk about himself or his past much—just playful comments here and there but nothing deep outside of what he mentioned about his grandfather.
I will never understand how someone can walk away from their family.
Granted, I don’t have all the details, but it’s mind-boggling to me.
Rylan had a similar situation with his father, who only wanted back into Rylan’s life when he went pro.
By then, Rylan didn’t need him. He had his mom and his stepfather, who always loved Rylan like his own.
“You and your family are close?” Anthony asks.
“Yeah. It’s me, my parents, and my sister and her wife. I miss them. They’re in Wisconsin.”
“That’s where you grew up?”
“Yeah. The Milwaukee area. Have you been?”
“Nope.”
“I’ll have to take you sometime. It’s a beautiful state.”
He frowns, but before I can wonder why, it slips from his face.
“What’s your favorite thing about it?” he asks, and damn, I’ve never had someone ask me that before. What a cool question. I don’t even have an answer for him right away, but I’m still glad he asked.
“Let’s see…”
“Cheese?” he teases.
“I mean, that’s obviously high on the list,” I joke back.
“Oh, I’ve got it. Beer.”
“Do you want to answer this question or should I?”
Anthony laughs. “I’m sorry. Go ahead. I just didn’t know it would take so long.”
“That’s because you keep talking,” I say, using my most flirtatious voice so he knows I’m being playful.
He pretends to lock his full lips and throw away the key. “My lips are sealed.”
I cock my head.
“Starting now, asshole.”
I chuckle, enjoying myself even more than I thought I would.
I mull over his question, probably taking it more seriously than the situation calls for.
“I can’t say just one thing… Cherry blossoms in Door County.
They bloom for about two weeks in May, and it’s beautiful.
The museums in Milwaukee, and Lake Winnebago.
Other lakes too, but I have lots of Lake Winnebago memories growing up—snow in winter, hockey, and my family.
” There’s no professional team in Wisconsin, but it’s where I learned to play, so I’ll always associate home with hockey.
I watch Anthony for a moment. He twists the hoop in his nose, something I’ve noticed he does when he’s unsure. I rack my brain, trying to figure out what I might have done wrong, but then he says, “That was a really beautiful answer.”
Oh.
I grin.
He makes me do that a lot.
“Did I just add to my infinity points? Because I’m fairly certain I did.”
“I think you’re a lot cockier than you appear, Kason Maddox.”
I shrug because while I’m not Rylan Pierce levels, he’s not wrong. “What about you? What’s your favorite thing about…”
“Missouri.”
No idea why, but I didn’t expect that.
“Can there be a favorite thing about Missouri?” he asks.
“You’re a brat. Tell me something you loved about growing up. Anything.”
“Dance,” falls from his lips without hesitation.
God, he really is beautiful—tanned skin, brown hair that’s longer than mine, hanging down over one side of his forehead, and these unique green eyes.
I don’t even know how to describe the color.
“Always dance in every situation. I wouldn’t have made it through most of my life without it. ”
What has Anthony been through? He’s made enough comments for me to know he hasn’t had it easy. I don’t ever want to push, but I hope one day he’ll be comfortable opening up to me, sharing those secrets that I think make him feel alone.
“Did you always love it?”
“Yes. I remember being a toddler, and every time there was music playing, I was moving. Sometimes when there wasn’t. I would just create it in my head. It was always safe there.”
“Dancing, or in your head?”
He crosses his arms. “Stop trying to make me talk, name twin.”
“I like hearing you speak.” I shrug.
He opens his mouth to respond, and I’m maybe more excited than I should be to hear what he’s going to say, but then Sota interrupts us, asking, “Would you like dessert?” and breaking the moment. Thanks for that, man.
“I’m good. How about you?” Anthony asks.
“I’m fine.” I already ate my weight tonight. All I need is to feel like shit before practice tomorrow.
“One check or two?” Sota asks.
“One,” I say in unison with Anthony’s, “Two.”
“No, no. My treat,” I insist. I’m the one who asked him out. I’d like to be the one to pay.
“Fine, but my treat next time.”
Does that mean he wants to go on a second date too? Tingles I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced about something as small as a date shoot up my spine. “Deal.”
I give Sota my card, and he returns a few minutes later with the receipt. Once I’ve signed, Anthony and I are heading out the door.
“That was fun,” he says. “Thanks for hanging out with me tonight.”
“Thanks for going out with me.”
The conversation continues to flow until I’m pulling into the lot by Anthony’s building.
The horny guy inside me wishes he would invite me up.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had an orgasm with anyone other than myself—not that him asking me up means we would automatically be hooking up.
I’m not down with assumptions like that.
But another part of me knows that even if Anthony did ask me up for sex, as much as I want it with him, I would say no.
I don’t want to rush into that. The times I’ve randomly hooked up, it wasn’t with someone I was interested in possibly pursuing a relationship with. I want to take things slow with him.
“Thanks again for tonight,” Anthony says.
“Of course. Sorry I have to head home early, otherwise I’d make you watch Sunset Boulevard with me.
But, hockey.” Now that I’ve put it out there, I would like to go up with him and watch the show, but it’s not a good night for me, and this way, if he’s considering asking, he knows I want to but can’t.
“No problem. The last thing I would want is to be a distraction for the best goalie in the league.”
“I think I love you,” I joke, and Anthony snickers. “Hey, you should come to our home game on Thursday. I can get you a ticket.”
“I thought I was supposed to treat you next? You’re showing me up.”
“I guess you’ll have to take me out twice.”
“You’re really pushing it…” Anthony jokes, then, “Are you sure it’s not a big deal? I don’t ever want to feel like I’m taking advantage of our friendship. I can buy my own ticket.”
There’s not a single part of me that would think Anthony is taking advantage. He doesn’t have a deceptive bone in his body. “Nah, it’s fine. I can get it no problem, and I like it when you watch me play.”
“Cocky boys.” He shakes his head. “But I like to watch you play, so I’ll take you up on the offer.”
Anthony unclicks his seat belt, pauses, then leans over and kisses my cheek. “Good night, Kason.”
“Good night, Anthony,” I reply, then watch until he gets inside his building…and maybe I stay put a few minutes afterward too.
*
I’m just finishing my morning meditation when my cell rings. I automatically smile when I see Courtney’s name on the screen. “Hey, big sis.”
Sometimes I wonder how one person can be so lucky, and that person is me.
Not only did I get blessed with parents who worked themselves to the bone to make my dreams come true, but an older sister who would do anything for me as well.
When she hit sixteen, it was Court helping me get back and forth to hockey while our parents worked, Court babysitting me and shooting pucks at me over and over and over again.
She was the first person I told I’m bisexual, and not just because I knew she was lesbian, but because there was no one else I wanted to know before her.
I wouldn’t be half the man or hockey player I am without her.
That’s partly why it’s so important to me to give back, not just to my family, but in general.
A lot of people out there haven’t been nearly as lucky as me.
“You heading to practice soon?” Court asks.
“Yeah.” I push to my feet and head toward the kitchen to make breakfast.
We chat about hockey, the upcoming schedule, and about when she, my parents, and her wife, Aline, might be able to come out and visit, before she asks, “Do anything fun besides hockey lately?”
I grin, my evening with Anthony playing like a movie in my brain. “Date.”
“Wow. Who are they?”
I love that she says they, leaving it open for me to tell her about a woman, man, or nonbinary person. She’s a therapist for mostly queer youth, and I learned to be intentional with my words because of her. “Anthony. I might have mentioned him before. He’s friends with Rylan’s boyfriend, Hayes.”
“I remember him. He’s one of the men treated like shit by that Malcolm person. Poor guy.”
I flinch at her description, not because I’m ashamed or think Anthony has any reason to be, but because I hate to think about what happened to him.
He’s also a whole lot more than what happened to him, so I don’t want that to be the first thing people think of about him.
“He’s a dancer. At this bar in West Hollywood.
He’s also kind, funny, and I find him incredibly intriguing. ”
“Oh, wow. You really like this guy.”
I continue beating my eggs in a bowl. “It was just a first date, but I enjoy what I know so far and want to get to know him more.” Anthony is the first person to make me want to ask someone on a date in too long.
“Hot?” Court asks.
I picture him, his lean but muscular dancer’s body, his face that’s pretty in such a soft way, the dimple he gets when he grins. “So fucking hot,” I reply, making her laugh.
We talk until my breakfast is done. “I should go. I need to eat and get ready to head out.”
“Okay. Good luck with Anthony. If he knows what’s good for him, he’ll snatch you up.”
My stomach gets slightly twisty. “I’m not saying I’m ready to be snatched up. Just…interested.”
“Yeah, sure. Okay, little bro. Talk soon. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
I end the call and go straight to my texts, pulling up my exchange with Anthony.
Me: Want to come to a hockey practice?
Anthony: Sure. I’m always up for a challenge.
Me: I believe that about you.
Anthony: Looks like I have you fooled. *wink emoji*
I walk past the floor-to-ceiling living-room windows, to my room.
Me: I doubt that. I think there’s more to you than most people take the time to see.
I toss my phone on the bed, turn on the shower, and strip before I pick it up again.
No reply.
He could be busy, of course. It’s early, and I’m sure Anthony has better things to do than sit around and wait for my messages so he can answer right away, so I jump in the shower, then brush my teeth before I check again.
Anthony: I’m stuck between being humble and telling you you’re just very kind and looking for the good in people, and telling you that yes, I’m really fucking good and thank you for noticing.
I bark out an unexpected laugh.
Me: You’re so fucking cute.
Anthony: Agreed and thank you. Having a friend tell you all the ways you’re amazing isn’t a bad way to start the morning.
Me: Guess I’ll have to do it more often.
Anthony: I should probably tell you you’re pretty fucking amazing too.
Me: Agreed.
This time, I’m the one adding the wink emoji.
Anthony: Cocky Kason is back.
Me: Cocky Kason never left. I’m just…more than one thing. I’m also going to be late for practice if I don’t get my ass in gear, so I better go. Talk soon.
Anthony: Talk soon.
I’m maybe a little more excited about that than I should be.