Chapter 22
Josephine
“There… there were six videos, all from different phones and angles.” I keep my face downcast and my focus locked on the tabletop. The shame is insidious—always festering below the surface, despite the work I’ve done to heal and come to terms.
“I don’t know for sure, but because there were six videos, I think there were six of them.”
Hunter cries softly beside me. I’d give anything to take away her tears. To assure her that I’m okay. But I’m not. And right now, I don’t have the energy or the courage to pretend otherwise.
“Their voices are audible on the video. You can see a few of them with their dicks out, standing around me, jerking off. One of them tells the others that I’m so tight.”
Shame transforms into anger that burns hot in my stomach at the memory of the videos. At the way they were distributed not only to my classmates, but on the internet.
I let the anger lick up my chest like flames climbing the walls of a burning building, soaking in the blistering pain. It’s better than the ache of shame that threatens to weigh me down. It’s the more productive emotion.
Because it wasn’t just my assailants and what they did that night that threatened to destroy me. It was the events afterward that were the hardest to come back from.
“But like I said, there’s no physical or video evidence of penetration.”
Greedy huffs with what I assume is indignation. He’s been still as stone throughout most of my trauma dump. Reserved, respectful. They all have. But I would welcome their ire and outrage, too. It might make me feel less alone.
“But you went to the hospital,” Greedy presses. That would be his first line of thinking, considering who his father is. “Surely they checked you out when the ambulance brought you in? Did a rape kit?”
I laugh a cold, emotionless laugh.
“No. At the time, I didn’t remember anything from the night before—I still don’t remember much, aside from what’s on the videos—and the hospital had no reason to suspect I had more than a sprained ankle and a concussion, plus a hangover from mixing alcohol and recreational drugs.
” I glance at Decker and offer a sad smile.
“Now you know why I’m so well-versed in concussion protocol. ”
Dropping my forearms to the table, I sit up straighter, determined to get through this part. It’s not even the worst of it, and I need to power through so I can focus on the more critical fallout and how it’s affecting me now.
“By the time I saw any of the videos, too much time had passed. It had been days. I had laid outside in the swale on the side of the road all night, soaked to the bone from the rain. Even if they had attempted a rape kit, it’s unlikely any evidence would have survived.”
Mutters of outrage and pained protests echo around the table, but I push on, determined to get through this.
“I was conscious when I arrived at the hospital, so they didn’t do a catheter. I was dehydrated and needed fluids. It wasn’t until I got up and went to the bathroom for the first time that I suspected…”
Hunter slides her hand across the table and grips mine, garnering my attention. With one tight squeeze, she meets my gaze, a sense of solidarity rolling off her in acknowledgment of what it’s like to be a woman in this world.
I blink, inhaling deeply and holding the breath in my lungs, willing myself not to lose it. At least not yet.
“They were charged?”
Decker’s question is self-assured. Of course it is. In his world, things work in his favor. Why wouldn’t they? He holds tight to the control he has over the people around him and the rule of law on his side.
“There was a trial,” I confirm with a single dip of my chin.
Picking up on my lack of detailed response, he presses. “What were their sentences, Josephine?”
I look him dead in the eyes, laser focused, desperate to convey the ire that’s burned in my soul for five years now.
When I answer, it’s hard not to laugh. Not because it’s funny. Nothing about this is fucking funny. But because the absurdity is almost comical.
Pursing my lips, I fight back any inflection.
“Twenty hours of community service each for the three guys they were able to identify.”