Chapter 49
Josephine
“Decker! Did you do this?”
We hit the landing in unison, feet tapping against the warm planks as we stroll down the dock toward the pontoon. He’s got one arm wrapped around my shoulders, and he smells divine—like amber and sea salt—freshly showered after winning tonight’s game.
I peek over to assess his expression, but he’s focused on our destination.
Slowing at the end of the dock, he holds my hand and guides me onto the boat.
He still hasn’t answered me, so I look back and raise my brows in question.
“Now you know why we took one of the ferries across the lake to and from the game,” he mumbles. He’s got his chin tucked, and I swear he’s wearing the hint of a sheepish smile as he climbs aboard and makes his way to the captain’s seat.
I do a slow spin, taking it all in. The boat is decorated with dozens and dozens of candles—battery operated, I see, now that we’re closer—with twinkle lights wrapped around the poles of the bimini top that covers the helm.
In addition to the candles and the little lights, there’s a massive pile of blankets laid out in the middle of the boat, along with a picnic basket and several pillows.
“Cap,” I singsong, making my way over to him.
He lifts one arm when I press into his side, allowing me to wedge myself in between his body and the steering wheel. Leaning back into his chest, I tilt my face up and grip his nape so he’s forced to focus on me.
“Did you make us a love nest and bring me out here to have sex?” I tease.
His brows shoot into his hairline, but he schools his expression quickly. Putting the boat in reverse, he ignores me while he adjusts the throttle and pulls back from the dock.
Finally, once we’re in open water, he grumbles a reply. “I did not bring you out here to have sex, Josephine.” He sighs, exasperated as always. “I brought you out here to rewrite the past and make up for the last time we were on a boat together.”
Oh.
Softer, he brushes my hair over my shoulder, his lips trailing my neck with kisses. “I just want to be with you tonight. Enjoy your company. Lay beside you and forget the world for a few hours. Can you give me that, Siren?”
Shit on a crumbly cracker.
I thought I was cruising the lake with Decker Crusade, control freak, QB1, asshole extraordinaire. I had no idea I was getting on this boat with a top-tier groveler and hopeless romantic.
Shivering, I spin in his arms and look up into the onyx eyes of a man who never ceases to surprise me.
“Yes,” I murmur, pushing up on tiptoes.
Our mouths connect in the softest, slowest kiss. We’re both tentative, testing the way we move together. He matches my pace, weaving his hands into my hair. He kisses me like I’m the most precious thing in the world—like his happiness begins and ends in this moment.
Pulling back slightly, he scans the water around us. I ease back down until I’m sure-footed, giving him space, because ensuring our safety is critical to his mental health.
Satisfied, he focuses on me again, a smirk coming out to play as he thumbs my lower lip.
“Any other questions or sassy remarks?”
I grin.
Broody Decker is fun to poke. Swoony Decker takes my breath away. But playful, joking Decker might be my favorite. It’s a rarity to see him like this: at ease, comfortable enough to let his guard down and crack a joke or two. It’s a sacred side of him he so rarely shares with anyone.
Heart so damn happy I swear it’s floating like a buoy in my chest, I slam my mouth closed, pretend to zip my lips shut, and throw the invisible key over the side of the boat.
I want to play. I want to revel in this night with him. Soak up every moment of what he’s planned for us. I want to lie beside him and forget the world for a few hours, just like he said.
True to his word, Decker lets me drive. Though I suppose drive is a bit of a stretch.
He does allow me to control the wheel and throttle, but he sits behind me in the captain’s seat the entire time and watches my every move.
After a while, when he’s obviously satisfied with my skills, thanks to Kendrick’s teachings, he grows bold enough to tickle my sides, kiss my neck, and graze his hands over my collarbone and between my breasts.
Not out here for sex, my ass.
Eventually, we drop anchor in the middle of the lake and enjoy the picnic he packed for us.
Now we’re lying beside each other in the blanket pile he swears isn’t a sex nest, despite my continued teasing and my not-so-subtle touches. But it’s been over an hour, and sadly, he hasn’t taken the bait.
His body is ridiculous—impenetrably hard, all sharp lines and stark definition.
He’s a mass of muscle. More machine than man in some ways.
With me, though, he’s willing to crack open his tough exterior every now and then.
In those moments, he lets me see what’s really in his heart.
They’re sometimes hard-won, but that’s what makes these quiet moments together all the more precious to me.
Draped over his chest, I’ve got one hand under his shirt, my palm flat against his abs, and a leg draped over his thighs. The rock of the boat on the water is lulling us both to sleep, casting a dreamy sort of haze as the water laps at the sides of the vessel.
Right now, in this moment, I feel closer to him than I ever have. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Thoughts that are shocking yet also not surprising keep springing up in my mind.
I want him.
I might be in love with him.
I desperately want more, and I need him to get on board with the relationship that’s flourished between Kylian, Locke, Kendrick, and me.
The idea of broaching that topic, though, is terrifying. So I lie on top of him in silence, running my nails along his scalp as I match my inhalations to his.
Humming, he squeezes my ass and dips his nose along my jaw. “What are you thinking about?” he whispers.
Steeling myself and calling on my inner courage, I shoot my shot. “How much I want this.”
His hand falters, coming to rest on my low back. “This?” he asks.
“You, Decker. Us. All of us, together.”
He exhales, teasing up the hem of my shirt until his fingertips find the base of my spine. “I know” is all he says as he trails a path up and down my back.
“I don’t think you do.” Pushing up, I hover above him, scanning his face and willing him to read the sincerity in my eyes.
“What we’re all doing—Kylian, Kendrick, Locke, and me—it feels like family to me, Decker.
I want you to be part of it. The mansion feels like home.
You all feel like safety… and although I sometimes still question whether I deserve to be this happy—”
“You do,” he growls.
Smiling softly, I press one finger to his lips.
“Let me finish. You make me believe I’m worthy.
You give me hope that there’s a bright future ahead if I can just stay present and stave off my demons long enough to get there.
I feel capable—hopeful—with the four of you by my side.
I want you, Decker. I want you for myself, and I want you to be part of what I share with the guys. ”
He raises his brows, silently asking for permission to respond.
I could go on forever, honestly, pleading my case, but when it comes down to it, he’ll have to make the decision for himself. Either he wants to be with us—all of us—or I need to cut him loose once and for all.
Kylian’s words from the day I came home from the hospital float through my mind. Cut me out right now while I’m still low, while the distance I have to fall isn’t so great.
I don’t want to lose Decker. I can’t bear the thought of him not being all-in. But any further, any deeper, and we’ll be too far into this for any of us to survive the carnage if it falls apart.
With a sigh, he rolls over so we’re chest to chest and props his head on his hand. He watches me with his signature surly scowl while I keep my expression impassive, letting him look. Praying he finds what he’s searching for in my eyes.
“What does it look like in the future, though, Siren?”
I don’t have to think twice about my answer. It’s a fantasy I play out in my mind every night as I’m drifting off to sleep.
“Like this,” I whisper, leaning forward until my lips brush his. “Me in your bed, considering you won’t fuck me on this boat…”
“Josephine,” he scolds. “I’m serious.”
I press a finger to his lips again. “I am too,” I tease. “Close your eyes, Cap. Let me paint the picture for you. I want you to imagine the future the way I see it.”
He reluctantly does as I ask, and I keep my palm on his cheek so he knows I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.
“It’s me in your bed when you’re home. It’s Nicky and me cheering for you in the stands while Kylian is working on the sidelines for the team you sign with.
“It’s us making plans for your bye week, flying out with Emilia and Jade to see Kendrick play. It’s traveling with you sometimes, and it’s staying back and holding down the fort others.”
He peeks his eyes open, glancing in the direction of the mansion. “You’d want us to live here?”
My heart beats double time. He sounds… hopeful. Like he’s actually considering the possibility of the life I’m so desperate to create with him.
“Maybe. We’d have to see where you and Kendrick end up after the draft. I don’t care where we call home, as long as we’re together.”
His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, but I press on.
“It’s family dinners. Movie nights. Days at the beach, and yeah, a lot of sex, too.”
He cracks a smile, and I can’t help but match it.
“It’s a promise to ourselves that we’ll put each other first. Always. It’s unconventional, but it’s beautiful and real. It’s what I want. More than anything in the world. Can you see it, Cap? You and me… plus all of us together?”
His lashes flutter, his gaze cast down. When he lifts his eyes to meet mine, his raw, vulnerable truth is dancing right on the surface.
“I can see it,” he admits. “It’s a pretty fantastic picture, Siren. It might be a pipe dream… but I can see it.”
Holding my breath, I push harder.
“So then, I guess the real question is, do you want it?”
A beat passes. Then another. I refuse to look anywhere but directly into his eyes, noting the way the brightest stars reflect in his dark irises as he considers me, unblinking.
Finally, he whispers, “I do. I don’t know how to do this or what all the rules are, but—”
I silence him with a kiss. Because none of that matters now.
He said yes. He wants me. Us. He’s in, and that’s all I needed to hear.
He kisses me back with an intensity that’s akin to a claiming, his mouth forcing mine to yield and react to his as he dominates the moment.
What he doesn’t realize is that he doesn’t have to try so hard. For as much as I like to tease and taunt him, I know he craves control. In due time, I’ll show Decker Crusade just how cooperative, docile, and submissive I can be.
“Fuck,” he mutters, pulling back and adjusting himself in his pants.
I don’t tease him or try to take things further. He’s at his limit.
And as corny as it might sound, his original vision for this night is enough for me right now. Being out here in his arms? It’s more than enough.
I’m okay going slow, because what we’re building to is a forever kind of love.
The kind that a person doesn’t recover from.
There’s sanctuary in the way Decker shares himself with me.
He doesn’t just desire me. He cherishes me.
Like I’m the most precious thing in his life.
Like he would sacrifice anything and everything for me, even to his own demise.
I love the soft, tender care radiating off him right now.
But he still better be a bossy asshole in the bedroom.
I yawn to stifle a laugh at my own thoughts. If Decker’s plan is to edge me into submission, dammit, it honestly might be working.
He yawns, too. He’s had a long, exhausting day. By now, he’s usually shut in his room, already asleep, even on party nights.
“Should we head back?” I ask, snuggling closer and repositioning myself like he’s my favorite pillow.
Stroking my hair, he hums softly. “Not yet. I want to hold you just a little longer. This is happiness, Josephine. This is what it’s all for. I want to remember this moment with you in my arms for as long as I live.”
Tears threaten to spill over as I press my cheek into his chest and cuddle closer. I want to remember this moment forever, too.